Ok this question may be too sensitive for some and to those I'm sorry my intentions of this question is not to hurt. Please try to keep it with respect as I belive all parents deserve. I'm curious of what kind of result this thread will get as talking to others like us I often found out that the dad was the typical alpha male type and I wonder if there's any correlation to this in higher percentages.
I'll start....
My dad was a hard tough rough hard working man. Being italian and being raised the old fashion way by his dad left his mark physically and mentally in so many ways. My dad was not like that but he was one tough man....cross him and you paid for it. He wanted me to be all he was....and of cause I could not, because of my GID (which was unknown to me at that time) When I was about 8 and he found out that I urinate sitting down he blew up. He caught me once playing dolls with a girl once, and I couldn't even have her for a friend anymore.
If I cried, that was a weakness in his eye's and I had to control and stop it as fast as possible. I never forget this he told me when I was small and having problems with another boy in my class "If you ever come home beat up and loose the fight from another kid..your also going to get it from me also...." The results of this was quite successful as I never did loose a fight of any I had..as nothing could be as bad as coming under the wrath of my dad. Anyway's sorry for the long rant but you could have an idea of what it must have been for me be a man when really it was not part of me but sort of programed that period of my life. He never knew of my problem, as well as my mom, they are both decessed.
gina
Does a deer hunting, wrestling watching, construction worker count as an alpha male? lol...
And yet, instead of forcing me to be masculine, he actually always treated me like I was "cute" and fragile and adorable as a child. I loved it, and yet it embarassed me at the same time, as I always worried he was giving my "secret" away to my friends. But it was nice to feel like a daughter to him - even if HE didn't realize what he was doing at the time.
As I got older though, we grew apart... as he really didn't know what to make of me. The coddling was ok when I was a child I guess, but not when I got to be a teenager and all. I tried to relate to him, tried to get into hunting and stuff like that to keep us close, but I just don't have it in me to kill things for fun. He never pressured me to do it, but I wanted to keep that closeness alive so I tried whatever I could to keep his interest and attention. But we drifted apart.
I guess the best word for me to him would be "dissappointing." Not that he isn't proud of me or anything, but just that I wasn't the Big Manly Hunter son I think he so badly wanted to share HIS loves and interests with.
~Kate~
I can see now that my dad had his own demons haunting him and it often came out aimed at me in explosive ways. I was not exactly the alpha male boy growing up, more the quiet sensitive bookworm type with a slight frame and i'm pretty sure that dad did not know how to relate. So he would pick on me in small ways verbally when I was doing something that in his estimation was not manly. I can still hear his words and still remember how they cut. Of course now I know more about myself and my GID and i'm sure that played a huge issue in our relationship growing up, we just didn't know it at the time.
Daddy was what he was: a fundamentalist Christian who felt he had to 'save' me from Hell. He was intent enough on that that he beat me pretty badly to 'beat the sissy out of me.' I never spoke about it again until I was out of the home and he was dead.
But, I miss him and am not filled with hatred. I think he did the best as he saw it. It was pretty painful for me.
He died when I still a teen and a few months before I was raped.
I miss him almost every day although he's been gone for over thirty years. *sigh*
I wish he could have met Nichole. Better go.
N~
My father was career Army. Growing up, I was supposed to either be Commander of my ROTC detachment in college or win an appointment to the United States Military Academy. That way I could one day be either a General or die gloriously in battle (I don't think he cared either way) and therefore vindicate him for never moving beyond being an alcoholic Staff Sergeant. Needless to say I was quite the disappointment to him, not that I cared since he was always a disappointment and embarrassment to me.
Beverly
My father was a character, part multicultural, part Archie Bunker. He was the mayor of the block, self educated, had no interest in the standard things men do like sports and hunting. He enjoyed working and building things. As for me he took advantage of me being naive and teased me a lot. He let us do whatever interested us and help create opportunities sometimes. He sent me to a shrink at the age of 8 but I was too embarrassed to talk. One thing he taught and that was to be independent, so I left home at 18 and only returned to visit. He was proud of me but we just never connected.
Posted on: May 14, 2008
My dad was a deer hunter, military officer, alpha male. He was very successful and it was his way or no way. And
I think the fact that I was not a rough and tumble all male boy really ate at him. He REALLY could not handle
my crying even when I was young. Men do not cry. Period.
Don't get me started about field dressing a deer at around age 8.... WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He really tried to toughen me up. I was about 6 or 7 and he tossed out all my stuffed animals... sounds
so simple but it was horrible... they were really my friends. Peeing standing up... oh yea I remember that
too. Dad tried to make me play all types of sports and later in high school I did get into a couple of individual sports.
But when I was younger he bought me boxing gloves and made me take lessons, that lasted about a month or two. Then
there Judo... lasted longer and I actually excelled... but Judo is so much more about the mental game than physical. He
would take me out in the yard and play football and tackle me. I hated any kind of contact like that and still do. I was never
in any fights, I would not provoke them and no one ever picked on me. I guess looking back I must have been pretty
girly... but I don't think I felt that at the time.
Disappointing was the word Dad would have used for me too... until I got married. There was a HUGH divide between us
in my teen years and early twenties. The first thing he told me when he found out I was getting married
was "I didn't think you had it in you". That hurt at the time but I would have agreed with it. I did not know what I was
then... but apparently his perception was maybe close. He really liked my wife though... she picked on him until
he bleed LOL. She could (and can) turn anyone into a friend. After that things started to thaw but dad and I did not speak
much, she would need to be around as a buffer. I would call my age 8-16 the worst years of my life. My relationship with
my mother was much the same and more distant in some ways, even though I felt closer. I did tell my mom that I thought
I was a girl the summer before the 7th grade. I'm not sure I really believed it at the time. It was a horrible scene in a store
that I won't repeat here. The bottom line was I never felt accepted or loved by either of them. But I have to remember
that the 70's were a different time. No internet, no information on GID, a very closed, repressed society I think in a lot of ways.
Gays had not come out for the most part. So I guess I don't hold a lot against mom and dad and I forgave them a long time ago.
Great topic Gina :) I would love to add to this and hear about relationships with mothers too if anyone wants to share that.
Amanda
All of my friends as a child and teen were other girls. I was so totally socialized as a female, that I never developed any male social skills which resulted in the total shredding of my adult life. All that my father wished for, was that I would be a son. The other girls named me "April" at the age of 6, (we were discussing birthdays,) and they would phone or visit me and ask for "April." My father was always correcting me, hand gestures, the way that I spoke, my vocabulary-every sentence seemed to include "really," just everything that I did was wrong. My speech was so bad that eventually I had a year of speech therapy in school to alter the way that I would speak with inflections.
My mother once said to me as a teen that when I was born, she thought that she had a boy. Then she looked down, and said, "I didn't." My relationship with my father improved over the years, but all that he ever wanted from me, was that I would be a son. He knew about my cross dressing from the age of 6, and he knew that it continued until I moved out and had my own apartment. He knew that nail polish made me feel pretty. My father was painfully aware that I was really his daughter, not just an effeminate son, and sadly, all that he ever wanted was the son that he thought that he had at birth.
Very interesting and sad at the same time... :'( as I could feel the emotions of all of you as you describe your dad. A group hug girls... :). Well it seems like half so far fall into the alpha male macho category, this will be interesting if the thread continues, I guess we will see. And Amanda its a great idea to add one for mothers also....I will gladly post my relationship with mom also, start the thread hun.... :icon_yes:
gina
Interesting life stories. My Dad was also a career military officer and had his own life as did my Mom as an officer's wife. Being the third child they simply ignored for my upbringing, either to my siblings or a nanny, and only acknowledged me at holidays, reunions or family events. When I was 12 I did something with my brother that accidently permanently injured him and he never forgave me. When I was 18 he told me to leave. A few years before he died he admitted they only wanted two children. I was unexpected and they didn't know what to do with me, leaving me to others and myself to grow up. As it turned out, my Dad did to me what his Dad did to him. He died with his own demons about his own father and life.
Dad is a Saint (still is :)). Despite his strict Catholic beliefs and his former military career, he has always been much, much, much more flexible than mom. When I told him about my plans to transition, he was like "Oh okay"...needless to say I was atonished but very happy and relieved at the same time!
tink :icon_chick:
My dad either left or was kicked out when I was 7 or 8. I would only see him once a month to give my mom the check. This was in the late 50's and 60's. He was nothing in my life. In fact, I didn't have any male role models. My grandfather, I would see him maybe 4 or 5 times a year. He taught me to shoot when I was 5 and bought my first gun at that age. I would go hunting with him and my grandma. I was closer to my grandma than anyone. I guess she was my role model. My uncle would call me sissy all the time as I just didn't do the things that boys were suppose to do. I did try though. He suggested to my mom to buy a set of weights. I got into weight lifting and was pretty good at it. My uncle did buy a go cart for me, thought I would learn auto mechanics. I only tore the tires off it by driving it too fast and sliding it. I blew the engine in it and was told to fix it. My brother fixed it and built a mini bike from it. I think he was 7 at the time. He is 7 years younger than me. He now owns a muffler shop in Downey Ca. I was like a house keeper and maintenance worker at home. I fixed the plumbing and mowed the lawns and just kept the house up while my mom worked. I never really saw her nor did we really talk about anything. I raised myself. I learned everything the hard way. I earned my own way since I was 9. My dad is dead now. His wife called me to tell me that he was on his death bed. I told her good riddance. I hope he rots in hell.
My dad was a very special guy. Never raised his hand to me, just his voice a few times. He was not the alpha male type, but loved to cook, and taught me every secret he had. He was also an EE, and he wished I had been, but supported me in my career choices of biology and chemistry, and was proud of me. He was good at repairing things, as I am, and in finding creative solutions of all kinds. He loved music, and played piano and organ, as I did, as well as several other instruments. During a certain span of his life, he liked to drink, as I did. He quit, as I did. I wondered sometimes why he drank. I know why I did, and I wonder sometimes if he had the same haunting thoughts as I did. In his old age, when I took care of him, I learned he didn't like underarm hair either, and shaved, as I did. Never said a word about it, but he tried to hide it.
I loved my gentle dad very, very much, and I never try to hide it. I'm sure if he were still here, he would be proud of me.
Son and Daughter,
Michael Beverly
My dad was useless It's not a good relationship. He wasn't a parent or guardian he was however happy with his drink and of verbal and emotional bullying I just don't think he can empathize with anyone who isn't himself he claims he was just joking.
But you can't behave like that for years and not realize what your doing. You can't not notice you referred to me as "animal" for 2 years and pretend it's affection.
And one day he left... he went to live in Holland away from the family he never contributed financially my mum did all that and the support.
Now it's incredibly awkward because now the hard bit of raising us is over he wants a relationship with us. And his attempts to do so are transparent and make me ill. I don't like him, I certainly don't love him the only reason I pretend to be interested is because everyone else has rejected him for his actions.
I mean he never beat or sexually abused us he could have been alot worse, And of course if I did cut myself off from him then that runs the highly likely risk that he would be completely alone in his old age as everyone else has pretty much disowned him.
I mean yes he was completely useless not a father figure, I have countless miserable memories and no happy ones of him, As a friend he's ignorant and unsympathetic to any situation beyond him... But I'm not vicious enough to condemn him to a solitary lonely old age and death.
His presence makes me miserable, He's now somwhat aware of the fact how you cannot ignore kids during childhood and then be there dad later on. He thinks he gets along alright with me I never say much in person anyway but it's only cordial on his end. I don't like him I certainly don't love him.
He has attempted to make amends to me with financial gestures and I've always rejected them... I may not be vicious enough to cut him away despite the fact I can't ever even accept him either, But I won't fuel his delusions that I'm like him... Or that he can buy my childhood back... The suggestion is sickening.
My father always expected me to be like my older brother. Always wanted me to be this hunting, fishing, "man's man". I always wanted to stick around my mother and learn things from her. The idea of being a manly person disgusted me as a child, as it does to this day. My father was a womanizer, so he expected me to be the same way. My brother later joined the Army, so when I was of age I was brainwashed by my parents to join. Biggest mistake ever. I hated every minute of it. I went from being around two stereotypical men to hundreds. So, my father's image was definitely not my own.
Based on that, it's gonna be really hard to explain to him being TG. May the gods help me endure that episode.
-Rei
My mom was the butch in the relationship. She had my dad on a leash. It really didn't or doesn't matter what my dad thinks, cause she'll only back up what he says if she believes it too. Thats another reason I haven't bothered telling my dad about any of this. He's a weak immature wimp. I'm SO MAD at him.
My dad, thankfully, did not ever want me to do anything too masculine. No sports (like boring baseball -_-) or anything like that!
However, he probably would not support me if he found out. :(
I really haven't the faintest idea of what "image" my father wanted me to have growing up. He never expressed the slightest encouragement nor criticism of my behavior as far as gender is concerned; nor did my mother for that matter. I don't think my sisters got much feedback about "image" either. My father seemed happy enough when I expressed interest in sports, to the small extent that I did, but he didn't try to get me to watch baseball with him or anything like that, even though I do enjoy a good game every now and then. I guess both my parents wanted me to be well-read and good at math ... but they wanted that for my sisters too, and it just reflected their own overeducated selves, not some kind of "image."
I really love my father, the sphynx that he is. I never doubted his love, which is what counts in the end. Feed your children, clothe them, keep them healthy, and provide for an education, and most importantly, love them unconditionally -- the rest doesn't matter much.
My dad died when I was just ten years old ... :( ...
Really wish I knew what he "wanted of me" and how he would have felt about my transition ....
I know he was happy with me being not a typical "rough & tumble" boy, that he liked that I had my "face in books" all the time, that at nine I could match him in a game of chess !
I know he wondered what my delicate, long and slender fingers would be doing to earn me a living .... know his hopes were that I might become a doctor, surgeon, artist, architect ....
He knew he was dying and that he would never see me as an adult .....
He never pushed me into a male role, and knew I was a "soft" and feminine child ....
In 1969 the concept of transsexualism was hardly known, (likewise heart transplants or even bypass surgery which might have given me an extra decade or two with my dad), but I know that he would have been as supportive and proud of me as my mum was when I "came out" ....
Laura x
my dad is all about talk and sales, his phrases...
never say you're sorry.
if you have nothing to say work twice on presentation.
It doesn't matter what you think of yourself, it matters what other people say about you.
I am your Dad, not your friend.
There was nothing of the alpha male about my father. Quiet, studius, and gentle, he never raised his hand to his children. That was probably because he was physically abused when he was growing up and vowed not to follow that path. Politically liberal, he believed in passive resistance ala Mehatma Ghandi, and taught the same to me. His philosophy was that he could not and would not choose the path his children would follow; he told me many times that I had to find my own path in life because if I followed his, it wouldn't be mine.
I was never criticised for playing with girl toys or doing girl things. He was happy when I passed my mother in cooking skills. And this is the man who helped me get a new motor for my sewing machine.
my father's very supportive of me & has never had a problem with the decisions i've made. we were very close when i was little. something fun or funny to do that we had done together or a funny story or joke he told, a message he preached, reading the story of jesus' birth at christmas (ya i grew up in a fundamentalist christian family :P), singing as a family around the piano at family holidays, playing baseball. sigh. i miss my childhood sometimes. i miss my father's youthfulness; he's getting old & there's nothing i can do to stop it.
My dad is actually a really nice guy, a real quirky personable man. But he is plagued by severe Manic Depression. I feared him growing up because of the violent spells and I learnt to be unseen and quiet. He was often a bit distant too - caught up in his own world. Creative, talented but deeply flawed. We actually had many good times sharing an interest in hunting and going bush. I still go on trips with him every year or so. In many ways we are kindred spirits - our own differences set us apart from the norm and we share a certain glee for elements of life and we are musical in our own ways. I love his odd stories about him growing up and his interesting perspective on the world. I inherited some of that.
Because of the violence, once I was old enough I became my mums protector - this one time I threatened him with a hockystick, when I was 12, and shielding my mum. He said it was 'over between us'. That really hurt, but I think it was the realisation that we never really had anything anyway. This has changed somewhat, we seem to relate as misfits. We get on pretty well really, he helps out with building projects a home and such things.
I actually think he is really accepting, I never felt inadequate except when he was in one of his 'moods' and nothing I could do was right. He has a lot of racist queer jokes but when it comes down to it he seem to take people on face value, I really respect that. Even while he is laughing at some hippy he did a design job for (he is an architect) he still accepts payment in vegetables...
My dad was a funny guy who descended hardcore into the Jesus juice. We split up because he didn't want me to go to college, didn't like any of the books I was reading, and thought I was an altogether rotten kid. He didn't raise me, so it was no big thing. I haven't talked to him sense. That's something like 8 years now. I considered trying to track him down recently, just to see what he'd say. I was his only son, so I get some grim sort of satisfaction in having denied him even that.
My dad was a bully and a coward who used to beat me when he was drunk. My mother was an actress (local plays) and was really the dominant parent and I identified with her.
With my parents, I don't fall far from the tree, I'm like a different fruit, and I prefer this.
My parents had a great marriage, and great relationships with their children. My other siblings are all happily married and for quite some time. This is one of those questions that gets asked often, and I understand that, but I wish it would go away. Being transsexual has nothing to do with parental relationships.
Hmmm, my dad is a athletic type of person. He always expected I would play football or basketball when I got to high school. About the only sport I ever played was little league baseball as a kid. Interestingly, that didn't last long or work out well. I'm not a assertive type personality, but instead I heavily lean towards being passive. Furthermore, I don't like sports at all. When you get a mixture like that, even at my young age, I was more astute to stare at ants that scurried about my feet than to actually attempt to play the game.
Although my dad may have expected I would play sports, he didn't really push me into that. More or less, my dad is open-minded -- a pretty nice guy for a dad. He is the type of person who will go to great lengths to help you out. He is the type of person that doesn't get angry easily at all.
So, essentially, my dad wanted me to be an athlete like him, but he didn't go to enormous lengths to push me into doing something I cared nothing for. He let me be myself for the most part; and so, I respect him for that.
My dad was a Southern Baptist Minister, but was not one of the crazies, he was probably the most genuine person I have ever known in my life, in that he preached on loving one's neighbor and all thru my life he actually did it.
My Father expected me to be an All-American boy, so I did my best to do that even though I felt so different from the other boys and men all my life.
When I finally was ready to become Virginia my Father invited me to come visit him in his nursing home. He was 86, and his mind was sharp but his body was giving out.He called me the night before I was to leave for the visit, and said that he was worried about me coming. I said "Why Dad?. He replied, "I am not sure whether to introduce you as my son or my daughter".
I told him I did not care how he introduced me, and that I was coming to see him and anyway he chose to introduce me would be fine.
So I arrived, and he proudly introduced me to everyone we met as, "This is my son, Virginia".
It was just perfect and altho' I know he could not quite understand why I crossed genders, he respected me and honored me enough to love me anyway. Rest in Peace, Dad.
So some of the dad's were jerks like these who wanted their sons to copy them. I dispise these adds.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.joeydevilla.com%2Fwordpress%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2007%2F12%2Fyour_dad_was_not_a_metrosexual.jpg&hash=cf39b5c942e00af3b29c4ff331e0a5f9087521b7)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.joeydevilla.com%2Fwordpress%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2007%2F10%2Fyour_mom_wasnt_your_dads_first.jpg&hash=b9d90258ce2757cfb2cba0914e326225f6de92b3)
Quote from: Lisbeth on May 31, 2008, 12:34:17 PM
So some of the dad's were jerks like these who wanted their sons to copy them. I dispise these adds.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.joeydevilla.com%2Fwordpress%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2007%2F12%2Fyour_dad_was_not_a_metrosexual.jpg&hash=cf39b5c942e00af3b29c4ff331e0a5f9087521b7)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.joeydevilla.com%2Fwordpress%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2007%2F10%2Fyour_mom_wasnt_your_dads_first.jpg&hash=b9d90258ce2757cfb2cba0914e326225f6de92b3)
Yes, you are so right, could this be a little brainwashing going on here ? >:(
Anybody remember this this saying ? : "That will grow some hair on your chest and -alls"..... ::) (when ever there was something you could not eat or drink) OMG why where they like that ?... ???
gina
Quote from: Pia on May 25, 2008, 05:46:03 AM
Being transsexual has nothing to do with parental relationships.
agreed.
Quote from: Natasha on May 31, 2008, 05:22:55 PM
Quote from: Pia on May 25, 2008, 05:46:03 AM
Being transsexual has nothing to do with parental relationships.
agreed.
I am not sure about this. The nature vs. Nurture agruments have validity on both sides. And it COULD be that some TSs are born that way, and others develop because of their upbringing.
I spent several years chasing my WHY, researching my childhood, etc. And I still have no clue.
I have just accepted myself as TS and know that I will probably never know the answers, and that is OK.
My dad was (still is) a realtor, and all he did was work, work, work. Every day it seemed we were sitting in the car while he was showing a property. If it weren't that, we were all sitting down in some restaurant where he would SURELY run into some former client of his. Other than the few times a week we ate at home (much of that was fast food), I honestly can not say that we had a lot of "family time". Although he NEVER went to any of my high school marching band practices or contests, he was at nearly all of the other children's practices and sporting events.
The only differences I can see in those two things is that band wasn't the "manly thing" to do, and that he didn't want to travel to contests on Saturdays. Growing up, I was physically abused a lot. When I cried, I was told to "stop whining like a baby" or "you're too sensitive". Whenever I tried to do anything it was "that's a good job, now get out of here". If I took too long to do something it was "you think too much", and if I messed up it was "you don't think".
ANY WONDER I never figured out how to "grow up" under his umbrella? Much of my family is like he is, they are that way on both sides. I think, getting back to the topic, what he wanted out of me was something along the lines of a manly man who shows no emotion, thinks everything through, pleases everyone, and accomplishes everything. He never taught me how to be a good parent. I didn't grow up hearing words like "I love you". Instead, when he blew up over the simplest things and beat us, it was "If we didn't love you, we wouldn't have adopted you".
I will NEVER forget him telling me that, and I will NEVER believe that man truly loved me as one of his own. My biological brother (who was also adopted by the same man) found a note that was given to my father's first born son. It was something along the lines of "I was never truly happy until you came along". So, in conclusion, the one image my dad wanted me to have growing up, I did not. I'm sure he would have liked me to think that he loved me. The image I had was that he was a real jerk. Another thing I clearly remember him telling me (I was about 12 or 13) was "I hope that one day you don't think I came down hard on you all the time".
The one thing that he didn't teach me, I took with me and have carried onto my own son: GENTLE, YET FIRM, LOVE. All the things my father didn't do for me as a child, I have made it my purpose to do for my son. My son is only two years old, and while some might say that I live dangerously with him, I just let him be (with a watchful eye). When I'm pushmowing, he is behind me with his own toy pushmower. Again, I am very cautious of getting too close to me. He has been taught to "watch his toes".
While most parents think children only learn things at a certain age, I believe children learn things when they are ready to learn things, and much of that depends on the involvement of the parents. I drive down a country lane close to our home (no traffic), it's a very slow drive. I let my little boy sit in my lap and "steer". My father, although he adopted me when I was six, never did ANY of these things with me. He never took the time out to teach me with a firm voice and a gentle hand. It was with a condescending voice, and verbal abuse if I didn't get it right the first time.
I guess I didn't grow up to be a successful jerk like he is. To this day, we can not have a typical father-son conversation. It is filled with tension and anger of the past. Sorry if I strayed too far off the topic, this was indeed an emotional subject for me, but I needed to vent :D
Aeron
My father wanted me to be a leader of some kind, any kind.
My mother wanted me to be a philosopher like Socrates, so that I could spread God to intellectual areas.
I guess their plan failed.
My dad's Italian too, but he was never the super-macho type. He was always just a regular-guy sort of guy. Which is to say a balance of some machismo with some sensitivity, but nothing too striking either way, just sort of average. He was into sports, beer, and backyard barbecuing in a regular-guy way. I hated sports and spent a lot of time in solitude. Both my parents are very Catholic and cared more about conforming to society's expectations than anything else. Of course I was always running afoul of this because the male role expected of me never made any sense to me, and I honestly had no clue about how to live up to it. Plus, they weren't prepared for an intellectual child who devoured books and came up with totally her own ideas on things.
My Dad understood I could never be like him, but he was baffled about what to do with me. I was a mutant far outside the range of his understanding. All he cared about was living a conventional life, but nothing about me was ever conventional. I know this exasperated him, and it drove us apart. His philosophy of life, in his words to me: "You can't buck the system. There are a lot of narrow-minded people out there." Unfortunately in his view I seemed to be always trying to "buck the system" and must have seemed like I was rejecting him. In fact I just never understood the system that he took for granted, and found it impossible to fit into. I was an alien visitor to his planet. I love him and he loves me but we could never connect on anything.
I never knew what it was like to be just an average person, and my whole life I got used to always being the weirdo no matter where I went. I think these issues in my background have a lot to do now with my desire to be as normal a woman as possible, if I could never fit in as a normal man, at least now I have a chance to live as a normal woman. Not that my Dad would approve, but what does he know about this anyway?
My mom was simple-minded and totally without empathy, understanding, or even caring. Both my sister and I were "bought & paid for" (adopted) like a dining room suite and were paraded out to be "shown off" on special occasions. Of course I was "defective" (GID from the beginning), and was frequently reminded of that; "You were defective, I should have taken you back!".
But Dad was a gem! He loved kids and tried hard to be very understanding. He was a man of extraordinary integrity and kindness but he would never overtly go against mom. At he height of the GID conflict with my mom, Dad said "You do what you have to do but I can'y go against your mom."
I was disowned when I went for SRS in 1974 and only saw my Dad a couple more times before he died. The first time I saw him after transition, he looked me up and down and he smiled. Mom was there so he dare not say anything but the smile told me he was proud of who I had become.
I miss my Daddy!