I'm really stupid. Reading anything by Blanchard and co when i was feeling fragile, was never gonna end well. But i did.
And most of what he says doesn't make any sense to me, and i don't agree with his theory at all. But I'm still left doubting myself. I can't help but be scared that he is right, and i'm just in denial and lying to myself about how i feel.
I mean i feel that i have a female gender identity, but theres a little whisper at the back of my head constantly saying that its all lies and everything i feel and think is just fake, that i'm really just a man with weird fantasies. And i'm really struggling with it because if i'm meant to be in denial then my feelings don't matter cos there lies.
And i know i'm being really stupid and irrational but i'm really struggling to know what to think now, and its really getting to me. I can't sleep properly and i'm feeling more depressed than for ages.
Please help me,
a very confused Jenny
x x
Jenny,
There is no reason to feel stupid. Transition is a huge undertaking, the biggest thing you'll ever do so it's only natural to question yourself. But I'd like to make a few comments that may help you. First, I don't know what your status is, for instance I don't know if you're full-time. I say full-time because that is usually the turning point for most. Once you're full-time a while you start feeling more and more confident. Second, Bailey and Blanchard are NOT experts. You and I ARE experts because we have lived it. Don't let those clowns distress you because they WILL ultimately end up in the dustbin of history.
Don't let others define you. Define yourself! And lastly, learn to love yourself, because once you embrace and love yourself you'll have the strength to overcome any obstacle in your way.
Hi Jenny.
<sigh>
Well, I'm right there with you. All that Bailey-Blanchard-Lawrence drivel really screwed with my head too at a time when I was trying to process what I was going through (as though I'm not doing that still). "Stupid and irrational," you say -- well that pretty much sums up what I think about B-B-L.
But that hardly describes your response. Like you said, you're feeling fragile and doubting yourself. That's pretty normal under the circumstances. That whisper in the back of your head is perhaps an echo of the voice of society screaming at us to be a certain way. As oppressive and hateful as that voice can be, the questions it raises need answers, if only so we can live with confidence, and those answers only come from lots of soul-searching. I'm still searching, myself.
B-B-L presents a one-dimensional characeture of transsexual women, with just enough resemblance to reality to be terribly hurtful. If you're just beginning to flesh out that female identity, and somebody tells you that it looks like that, of course it's painful. I had the same experience. Look around here and you'll see that nobody really fits these stereotypes, and neither do you.
I hope you have or can find a good gender therapist. Helping to figure out stuff like this is exactly what they're there for. But even without a therapist, take your time, look at some other sites (tsroadmap or lynnconway for instance), keep living your life, and I'm sure you'll figure it out in the end.
Many blessings,
~Alyssa
Thanks for replying. Yeah, I am full-time and have been for a year, and that was a massive turning point. I had doubts like this a couple of years ago, but i had moved forward.
But its so frustrating feeling like this again though, its like i'm going backwards. i'm hoping its just a temporary setback.
I don't know. Its so difficult, but what you say makes sense.
I do have a gender psychiatrist, but being in the UK, a good one is difficult to find. We have appointments every 4 months and he seems more interested in just making sure i tick all the right boxes rather than how i'm feeling and coping. I talk to my gp and a have seen a counsellor but they have zero experience and they just recommend talking to someone experienced.
I'm right there with you, I definitely know what you are talking about. I remember reading a little of the stuff of his (not directly, but through other things), and it was enough to jar everything out of alignment for me. It made me question everything, just like you. It was particularly his term " ->-bleeped-<-" that really shook me out of shape, as I am fighting libido all the time. We all just need to ignore Blanchard and company, they do us absolutely no good.
*hugs*, it'll get better! ;)
I guess it helps a little knowing that others also had trouble dealing with Blanchard's theory. I've heard transsexuals speak against him so much with so much confidence loads of times; that i felt weak for letting Bailey/Blanchard get to me.
Yeah, his autogynephillia really got to me as well, and especially how he views us as belonging to out birth sex.
Yeah, I'm glad to know that others have problems with his autogynephillia theories too. I felt like a real pervert when I found that out, since libido is unfortunately a part of T, can't do much about it except fight it. It took a lot of mind effort to imagine myself as who I want to be physically, a woman, without dealing with my body getting in the way. Anything that can possibly create a doubt factor for me, will do just that. I'm right there with you, I often feel weak too.
Quote from: jenny_ on May 17, 2008, 07:13:58 PM
And most of what he says doesn't make any sense to me, and i don't agree with his theory at all. But I'm still left doubting myself. I can't help but be scared that he is right, and i'm just in denial and lying to myself about how i feel.
That's one of the really bad things he's causing. What he describes happens for real, and that makes his theories sound plausible enough that they raise these doubts. But his interpretation of the facts is really quite completely topsy-turvy, he's confusing cause and effect in a big way. It's
normal for an MtF transsexual to get sexually aroused mostly when she thinks of herself as a woman -- after all, she is one. That, combined with male testosterone levels (and thus libido) is quite enough to account for the observations without resorting to something as far-fetched as ' ->-bleeped-<-'.
It took me a couple of years to figure this out. Then again, I got to point that fact out in my letter to the APA regarding the recent DSM-V gender work group appointments, so perhaps it wasn't all a complete waste of time. ;)
Nfr
QuoteI mean i feel that i have a female gender identity, but theres a little whisper at the back of my head constantly saying that its all lies and everything i feel and think is just fake, that i'm really just a man with weird fantasies. And i'm really struggling with it because if i'm meant to be in denial then my feelings don't matter cos there lies.
I spent most of my adult life with this kind of denial. It was very freeing to finally admit I am MALE (I'm ftm). I just have the wrong body.
You aren't alone.
I haven't read Blanchard, but it sounds like I don't really want to.
Jay
In my opinion Blanchard and his ilk and their theories are utter garbage.
Quote from: jenny_ on May 17, 2008, 09:19:21 PM
Yeah, his autogynephillia really got to me as well, and especially how he views us as belonging to out birth sex.
What if it's all true? What if those theories were proven fact?
Would you be able to resist transitioning then? Would you then be perfectly content to NOT transition, having "explained" it away? Would knowing the "source" of the compulsion make it go away, allowing you to live in peace?
What if you let those theories deter you from transitioning... and you find out decades from now that he and his groupies were totally wrong - but now your chance has passed, it's too late to transition, and you threw away your
One Chance because of some questionable theories by questionable "researchers?"
~Kate~
Quote from: Kate on May 18, 2008, 10:09:52 AM
What if it's all true? What if those theories were proven fact?
Would you be able to resist transitioning then? Would you then be perfectly content to NOT transition, having "explained" it away? Would knowing the "source" of the compulsion make it go away, allowing you to live in peace?
What if you let those theories deter you from transitioning... and you find out decades from now that he and his groupies were totally wrong - but now your chance has passed, it's too late to transition, and you threw away your One Chance because of some questionable theories by questionable "researchers?"
~Kate~
I am transitioning regardless of what his theory says about my motives. If I want to live then transition is the only way to go. And Blanchards view on the source of the compulsion isn't the thing that knocked me the most. I mean its upsetting, but like you said it doesn't make it go away.
No, what really bothers me about his theory is that because I feel I am truely a woman, I
must be a liar or dellusional or something. And it upsets me when people call me a liar about anything, cos I always try to be honest. And then he says i'm a liar about something as big as who I am.
And then since I'm a "liar", its so much harder to shift doubts because nothing I feel is meant to be true.
Before I read his work, I could deal with any doubts I felt, or what people said about me because i know how i feel. But then he just discards all that. I really dislike Blanchard for what he does to us!
What is really scary though is that there probably are people, who are transsexual, that he has deterred from transitioning, and he's just screwing up their lifes.
Quote from: jenny_ on May 18, 2008, 11:53:06 AM
No, what really bothers me about his theory is that because I feel I am truely a woman, I must be a liar or dellusional or something. And it upsets me when people call me a liar about anything, cos I always try to be honest. And then he says i'm a liar about something as big as who I am.
Many people do that when what they observe doesn't fit into a worldview they're heavily invested in. If they find stuff that doesn't fit, then you're delusional. If they don't find what they expect, then you're "secretive" and "hiding" things.
It's not just a problem with Blanchard/Bailey types, as even well-meaning therapists can fall prey to it when assessing clients. And then there's the wonderful "lifestyle" categorization some people use to dismiss anyone
Not Like Them as simply making sinful "choices."
Being human is so... *complicated* lol...
QuoteWhat is really scary though is that there probably are people, who are transsexual, that he has deterred from transitioning, and he's just screwing up their lifes.
I doubt they're deterred for long. GID always wins in the end, although I'm sure that lingering doubt doesn't exactly make their transition feel very fulfilling.
What worked for me - and I realize I've ruffled a few feathers by saying this - but what worked for me was to just remove myself from the entire justification game. I realized that as long as you decide you're transsexual *because* of something: being a woman inside, playing with barbies, being attracted to men... then you're self-knowledge is perpetually at risk. If you can "prove" you're TS, then you're also vulnerable to it being disproven. If you transition "because* you added up your "feminine traits" and concluded you're "a female inside," then there's always the risk someone will come along and point out that boys play with barbies and swish their hips sometimes too.
And IMHO, the drive, that need to find some assurance that "it's OK for me to transition because..." is driven by the shame and guilt we've internalized since childhood over all this. Why we end up doing that, I don't know, but I swear it's STILL twisting and warping our thoughts even after transitioning, manifesting as all these searches for biological causes, proclamations of "I've always been a woman!", and even activism in some cases (trying to prove to everyone - and ourselves - that really, TSism is ok).
I just keep thinking that when I changed my hair colour, no one said much except
"hey, that works for you." I didn't need letters to prove I'm sane. Researches aren't busy trying to find a biological cause for "hair colour identity disorder." I'm not posting here about how "I always was a blonde inside!" to make it OK to do. No, I changed my hair to a color other than my birth color, and... so what? I'm happier, it DOES work well for me, and life goes on.
It's not that I don't believe I"m female. I am. It's not that I don't believe there are biological causes for some of this. There probably are.
What concerns me instead is the *motivation* for looking for these things.
~Kate~
QuoteWhat is really scary though is that there probably are people, who are transsexual, that he has deterred from transitioning, and he's just screwing up their lifes.
ugh. I hope I won't be one of those. But, the truth is, he has a way of making you doubt your motivations. Especially if you are the type of person who over-thinks everything (like me). I'm 99% sure that my feelings that I'm female are coming from the right place and not from some perversion. But, I'd be lying if I said that I have never thought or fantasized of having sex in a female body or get turned on occasionally by dressing. I do sometimes, but it's such a *small* part of it (at least I think). If I said that to Blanchard, he would say, "Ah ha - see! You're an autogynephile!". The funny thing is, I felt 99% sure that my feelings of being female were coming from the right place even when I was 4 or 5 years old -- long before I knew anything about sex (though it was definitely still confusing). Blanchard/Bailey would say I am making that up or exaggerating the fact. It's the 1% uncertainty along with the writings and beliefs of these people that have really paralyzed me. I haven't taken any good steps toward dealing with my GID and have been pretty miserable as a result. I'm even finding myself trying to hide behind the wall of denial again.
QuoteWhat concerns me instead is the *motivation* for looking for these things.
I guess for me, it's about feeling comfortable with whatever decision I one day make about dealing with this. Sexual fantasies and misguided sexuality seem like very icky and gross reasons to put myself and my family through something as heavy as transitioning. I'm sure that shame and guilt are involved, but so too is the chance that Blanchard is right even though in my heart of hearts I think he isn't.
So, ugh - yeah. This guy isn't nice.
I've been obsessing over this for like days now. Going back over my life and seeing if theres any sign of autogynephillia, and its driving me insane. If I'm meant to be delusional in feeling female then i figured that everything I've thought up until now would be full of holes and be inconsistent. But I can't figure it out. Me being a woman, but born with a male body does make sense. It does explain how I've felt my entire life. It does explain why I suffered from depression during puberty and it explains why I became suicidal trying to live as a man.
Blanchard's theory might be able to explain parts of me, but it doesn't explain everything, no matter how hard I try to fit it to my life (and i have been obsessing over this!). I know I can't proof he is wrong, and I'm biased against him cos i don't like the consequences of his theory. But his theory doesn't explain my life particularly well, even if you give him the benefit of the doubt over a few things and assume i'm in denial etc etc etc.
So I'm gonna stop obssessing over this, and return the land of sanity! Ok, I don't know what the cause of TS is, but i'm pretty sure its not a sexual fantasy, and i have no reason to think i'm a liar or delusional!
And I'm gonna trust that I know myself better than some psychologist on the other side of the world. So I'm not gonna let any of those silly doubts get to me, and i would like to declare that i am actually sane!
Thankyou all for replying to me, and being a real support, you're all so lovely. :)
*huggles*
Jenny
I don't have doubts per se, but when I read stuff by Jamison Green, where he says most of his life he was perceived as male even though he hadn't transitioned, how he was one of the guys, etc, I feel lacking. When I watch documentaries about transgendered children, they're adamantly proclaiming their gender at age 2 and keep insisting. That wasn't me, either. Like I'm not male enough, or not trans enough or whatever.
Jay, having a bad day. Thank whoever that I have a therapy appt tomorrow!! :-\
Quote from: sneakersjay on May 21, 2008, 07:52:07 PM
I don't have doubts per se, but when I read stuff by Jamison Green, where he says most of his life he was perceived as male even though he hadn't transitioned, how he was one of the guys, etc, I feel lacking. When I watch documentaries about transgendered children, they're adamantly proclaiming their gender at age 2 and keep insisting. That wasn't me, either. Like I'm not male enough, or not trans enough or whatever.
Jay, having a bad day. Thank whoever that I have a therapy appt tomorrow!! :-\
Not all of us were "classic" transsexuals. As a matter of fact I believe the majority of us aren't. My first gender related memory was at about age 7 and the world didn't start going wonky on me until age 12. I then somehow made it to age 41 before being able to deal with it. I transitioned and eveything turned out fine, life is good.
The point is: We're all different and we all have our unique paths to walk. And none of those paths are any better or worse than any other.
Bailey and Blanchard have a POV. That is really all it is, a POV.
The POV is based on, foundationally, Freudian principles that declare there are women and there are men. There are certain 'essential' qualities to both. Some of those qualities, the ones B&B use, are that women are basically passive sexual receptacles who decline agency (action) when it comes to sex.
OTH, men are agentic sexually. Men have a drive to have sex with women, they wish to penetrate and dominate. The only way B&B 'see' that a male might be 'transsexual' is if that male is a very submissive homosexual who doesn't really want to be 'homosexual.' Instead, that 'man' wants heterosexual men to 'take' him. Thus, when he is unable to find that comfort he feminizes himself so as to attract heterosexual males. The agency of the so-called homosexual male is internally repressed and rejected. He is asexual without the agency of a heterosexual male.
Thus, those people, according to B&B and their evolution of Freudian Psychology, are 'true transsexuals.' They MUST be perceived as women to have a satisfying sex-life.
There are, however, other males who call themselves transsexuals according to B&B. Those males are not homosexual. They are so heterosexual that they eventually can only be satisfied sexually by making their bodies into fetishes (implements for sexual/spiritual/emotional gratification.) Those men are intent on getting surgeries because they are so consumed with their fetish that they must feminize their bodies for sexual reasons.
They are called 'autogynephiles' (basically people who 'get off' on the sexual appearance of their own bodies.) Those men generally marry and fertlize eggs and have off-spring, they are normally attracted to women exclusively (according to Blanchard.) (According to Bailey the HSTSes are particularly suited for prostitution, waitress jobs, secretarial work and other socially-constructed low-end 'female' jobs. Bailey says that if TSes have worked in computers, mathematics, law, criminal justice, etc that they are not 'true transsexuals, but ->-bleeped-<-TSes.)
Both Blanchard and Bailey deny that women have any attraction to the sexualization of their own bodies, because women are passive, merely waiting quietly while the males have to provide all the agentic force of a sex-drive. Thus, neither believes that FTMs are worthy of any notice at all.
Anne Lawrence says that she fits absolutely the category of ->-bleeped-<-TS. She lost her medical license due to some improprieties with patients and went back to school and was able to get a degree in Psychology. Its been claimed that she has tried and successfully taken advantage sexually of pre-ops for her own gratification. As far as I know those are merely rumors and no evidence has been presented in a law court to indicate Lawrence has ever done such things. But, she is totally committed to the idea that her form of 'fetish' is not very rare at all, rather that it is the dominant form of transsexuality. Most other vocal proponents 'in the community' of the BBL theory are so-called HSTSes who wish to limit transition to people like themselves.
The long and short of it is this: BBL have axes to grind due to a 'view' of human being that is simply that. Like most academics they work with theory and words rather than with a world and the people in it. They have an IDEA about you or me, Jenny. And their 'research' tends to automatically discount them 'believing' any evidence that is contrary to their theories. The evidence of your life and experience gets in the way of their theorizing.
Thus, certainly for Bailey, you are 'lying' about your life and feelings and experiences. Of course, according to Bailey, so are all bi-sexual men. He believes there are only two kinds of men, gay and straight. Anything outside of that has to be forced into his two transsexual categories. Blanchard has never written about bi-sexuality that I have read. He may have similar views or he may not.
But, whatever. They are simply viewpoints. They are not 'science,' they are mental-abstractions. The 'evidence' that Blanchard has proffered has not been replicated, insofar as I can discover, by anyone else. Bailey has never presented any 'evidence' and Lawrence's 'evidence' is her own personal belief and her own narrative. None of them says anything at all about you. They write and propound their own specific notions about their lives and their beliefs. Not much different than those of Rush Limbaugh, Al Franken or Bill O'Reilly, except they claim 'science' not politics as their venue.
Nichole
Well said Nichole!
I labeled them crackpots and dropped them off my list. Their viewpoints have confused and bewildered too many questioning transsexuals. They should be censored by the scientific community. If they want to expound their crackpot ideas as personal opinions, more power to them. Opinions are like belly buttons, every ones got one. And they are welcome to theirs. But they shouldn't say that their opinions represent well researched and peer reviewed scientific fact!
I may have missed a comment here and there about these two, but have *any* FTM's made any comments about them?
-Sandy
Quote from: Nichole on May 22, 2008, 08:33:05 AM
The only way B&B 'see' that a male might be 'transsexual' is if that male is a very submissive homosexual who doesn't really want to be 'homosexual.' Instead, that 'man' wants heterosexual men to 'take' him...
Thus, those people, according to B&B and their evolution of Freudian Psychology, are 'true transsexuals.' They MUST be perceived as women to have a satisfying sex-life.
Sorta, lol... the way I read the theories is that NEITHER type is a "true transsexual," since neither type is motivated by having a "female gender identity." Homosexuals change sexes simply because it lets them have better sex lives, and heterosexuals change sexes to satisfy an self-directed sex drive. Nothing to do with "identity" in either case, although Bailey suggests that the gay effeminacy of homosexuals supposedly makes them more "successful" after transition.
~Kate~
Quote from: Kate on May 22, 2008, 09:42:44 AM
Quote from: Nichole on May 22, 2008, 08:33:05 AM
The only way B&B 'see' that a male might be 'transsexual' is if that male is a very submissive homosexual who doesn't really want to be 'homosexual.' Instead, that 'man' wants heterosexual men to 'take' him...
Thus, those people, according to B&B and their evolution of Freudian Psychology, are 'true transsexuals.' They MUST be perceived as women to have a satisfying sex-life.
Sorta, lol... the way I read the theories is that NEITHER type is a "true transsexual," since neither type is motivated by having a "female gender identity." Homosexuals change sexes simply because it lets them have better sex lives, and heterosexuals change sexes to satisfy an self-directed sex drive. Nothing to do with "identity" in either case, although Bailey suggests that the gay effeminacy of homosexuals supposedly makes them more "successful" after transition.
~Kate~
You are spot-on w/ Bailey. He is as dismissive of one type as of the other, although many of the HSTS do not see that. Since, apparently his thinking they are attractive enough to go to bed with is all the validation needed for his statements. LOL
But, I believe if you read Blanchard & Bailey you will find something like 'true transsexual' there.
Neither believe there are any "gender identities" for anyone.
N~
QuoteI've been obsessing over this for like days now. Going back over my life and seeing if theres any sign of autogynephillia, and its driving me insane. If I'm meant to be delusional in feeling female then i figured that everything I've thought up until now would be full of holes and be inconsistent. But I can't figure it out. Me being a woman, but born with a male body does make sense. It does explain how I've felt my entire life. It does explain why I suffered from depression during puberty and it explains why I became suicidal trying to live as a man.
Blanchard's theory might be able to explain parts of me, but it doesn't explain everything, no matter how hard I try to fit it to my life (and i have been obsessing over this!). I know I can't proof he is wrong, and I'm biased against him cos i don't like the consequences of his theory. But his theory doesn't explain my life particularly well, even if you give him the benefit of the doubt over a few things and assume i'm in denial etc etc etc.
So I'm gonna stop obssessing over this, and return the land of sanity! Ok, I don't know what the cause of TS is, but i'm pretty sure its not a sexual fantasy, and i have no reason to think i'm a liar or delusional!
And I'm gonna trust that I know myself better than some psychologist on the other side of the world. So I'm not gonna let any of those silly doubts get to me, and i would like to declare that i am actually sane!
Thankyou all for replying to me, and being a real support, you're all so lovely. Smiley
*huggles*
Jenny
QuoteThey are called 'autogynephiles' (basically people who 'get off' on the sexual appearance of their own bodies.) Those men generally marry and fertlize eggs and have off-spring, they are normally attracted to women exclusively (according to Blanchard.) (According to Bailey the HSTSes are particularly suited for prostitution, waitress jobs, secretarial work and other socially-constructed low-end 'female' jobs. Bailey says that if TSes have worked in computers, mathematics, law, criminal justice, etc that they are not 'true transsexuals, but ->-bleeped-<-TSes.)
Hi Jenny,
I'm glad you shared your fears here. It re-assures me and makes me sad at the same time that someone
as far along as you are has doubts. I do as well and I hoped it was something I was going to let pass soon.
But we share a common thread... I know I've been female my entire life, I know it's not a sexual fantasy at all, I know
I'm not lying to myself, I know I'm not delusional. I also work in a technical field. So all I can say is there is at least one
more person out there similar to you. I'm not sure what that makes us but I hope that helps a little.
Amanda
Quote from: sneakersjay on May 21, 2008, 07:52:07 PM
I don't have doubts per se, but when I read stuff by Jamison Green, where he says most of his life he was perceived as male even though he hadn't transitioned, how he was one of the guys, etc, I feel lacking. When I watch documentaries about transgendered children, they're adamantly proclaiming their gender at age 2 and keep insisting. That wasn't me, either. Like I'm not male enough, or not trans enough or whatever.
Jay, having a bad day. Thank whoever that I have a therapy appt tomorrow!! :-\
Its natural to compare yourself to others, but that doesn't make you any less male or trans, cos everyones different like Beyond said.
It'd make a pretty boring documentary if the children weren't proclaiming their gender all the time! documentary producers choose extreme cases all the time to make their shows more interesting, even if they are trying to be factual.
I wasn't proclaiming my gender at 2, but that didn't mean I had no gender issues! I watch these programmes and i'm jealous of the kids for having such a huge understanding of their gender identity. But for me its difficult to even describe how i felt about my gender when i was really young, because I had NO understanding of it.
I do sometimes say that I've felt female since I was very young, but thats only in hindsight. What I mean is that I had gender issues from when i was young, but i didn't understand them, so I wasn't proclaiming them to the world at a young age. It took two decades to understand my feelings and accept that hey i'm a girl, and those feelings as a kid were because i am a girl. Ok, i don't know how you felt as a kid, but maybe like me you felt it, but didn't understand it enough to be able to claim it as a kid?
And same goes for other people. I look male and am trying to fit in with being male, so thats how i'm perceived until i transitioned. But then people say to me that, actually it fits, you did kinda like a girl before and this isn't a massive shock etc etc. But the point is that they only figure this in hindsight, after they understand that i am a girl.
What i'm saying (and not very well!) is that just because you, or other people didn't proclaim that you was male or trans or whatever all your life, doesn't mean that your feelings of such are any less! And it doesn't mean they weren't there, but maybe that you (and your friends/family) didn't understand them until much later.
*Hugs*
Jenny
p.s. good look with your therapy session!! Hope it helps
Thanks Jenny! I didn't have the words to describe what I felt as a child either, but I knew I wanted to be a boy, and felt like a boy. I knew I wasn't a girl, or rather a typical girl. I didn't truly understand gender issues either and didn't know why I didn't fit in. I look back and it's clear as day, and it totally makes sense.
It's just this limbo where I don't quite fit anywhere and I'm not yet on T.
Appointment went well. 8)
Jay
QuoteI do sometimes say that I've felt female since I was very young, but thats only in hindsight. What I mean is that I had gender issues from when i was young, but i didn't understand them, so I wasn't proclaiming them to the world at a young age. It took two decades to understand my feelings and accept that hey i'm a girl, and those feelings as a kid were because i am a girl. Ok, i don't know how you felt as a kid, but maybe like me you felt it, but didn't understand it enough to be able to claim it as a kid?
That's a great way of putting it. I knew I was different at the time... but how I was at the time was all I knew.
And like you say... only in hindsight do I realize what I was feeling.
Amanda
Quote from: jenny_ on May 22, 2008, 01:16:54 PM
I wasn't proclaiming my gender at 2, but that didn't mean I had no gender issues! I watch these programmes and i'm jealous of the kids for having such a huge understanding of their gender identity. But for me its difficult to even describe how i felt about my gender when i was really young, because I had NO understanding of it.
Quote from: sneakersjay on May 22, 2008, 01:35:22 PM
It's just this limbo where I don't quite fit anywhere and I'm not yet on T.
Wow, I soooo identify with both of these sentiments. It sometimes feel kind of guilty for envying people who are more adamant at an early age about their desire to live in the other gender -- after all, you'd think, at least naively, that their suffering is greater (which is why they have more clarity). Nonetheless, this limbo thing really sucks. I had a therapy session yesterday which ended up being all about doubts and concerns and all. Not really pleasant. Frustrating ... but useful, I think. :-\
Quote from: Kate on May 22, 2008, 09:42:44 AMSorta, lol... the way I read the theories is that NEITHER type is a "true transsexual," since neither type is motivated by having a "female gender identity." Homosexuals change sexes simply because it lets them have better sex lives, and heterosexuals change sexes to satisfy an self-directed sex drive. Nothing to do with "identity" in either case, although Bailey suggests that the gay effeminacy of homosexuals supposedly makes them more "successful" after transition.
That's a major flaw in his "theories". He doesn't believe in the concept of gender identity. To him sex and gender are the same thing. He just doesn't get it.
Quote from: Beyond on May 23, 2008, 08:29:14 AM
That's a major flaw in his "theories". He doesn't believe in the concept of gender identity. To him sex and gender are the same thing. He just doesn't get it.
I don't believe in Blanchard and Bailey or their theories.
Z
Quote from: Kate on May 18, 2008, 12:23:10 PM
What worked for me - and I realize I've ruffled a few feathers by saying this - but what worked for me was to just remove myself from the entire justification game....
And IMHO, the drive, that need to find some assurance that "it's OK for me to transition because..." is driven by the shame and guilt we've internalized since childhood over all this. Why we end up doing that, I don't know, but I swear it's STILL twisting and warping our thoughts even after transitioning, manifesting as all these searches for biological causes, proclamations of "I've always been a woman!", and even activism in some cases (trying to prove to everyone - and ourselves - that really, TSism is ok).
~Kate~
I was originally going to post much more about this and then realized that Kate had said the exact same thing I wanted to say. So I'm going to reiterate her position and then elaborate just a bit. Playing the justification game is a losing battle. There will always be some new idea that you have to work around. And it's completely unnecessary. You should transition if transition works for you. At least, I think that's the point Kate was trying to make with the hair color story. Do what works for you, justification or reason be damned.
Once you settle all of this for yourself and make peace with your decisions, Blanchard's ideas won't cause you any more worry or doubt than finding an old forgotten pair of boy's jeans at the bottom of your dresser. Something you missed during spring cleaning. You'll pull them out, take one look, and think "
uggh. I can't believe I used to wear such ugly clothes!" and into the trash they'll go. You won't even think twice.