First of all, let me say a few things about myself. I'm 23 years old MTF CDer and I'm a university student that lives with my mom and sister in the L.A. area. I've been crossdressing since 12 years old (I do crossdressing but I drift more towards being bi-gendered). I used to be very good at hiding this from my mom, till the past few years where I hadn't had as good places to hide my clothes (plus I've been buying a lot of them.)
I'm in hot water now since I was going to transport some of my clothes from my house to my locker, and for some reason my mom went and opened my backpack to look through and she found my clothes. This isn't the first time that this has happened, but I refused to talk about it before. I decided to try to tell her, but she got so angry at me and started on this rant about how men should only wear mens clothes and that God condemns this.
Let me say a few things about my mom. My mom is hispanic, in her 50's. My mom has been divorced from my dad for about 12 years, and since then has suffered chronic depression, sometimes severe (to the point of suicidal tendencies). She has been up to her eyeballs in problems, and has a highly stressed life. She also used to be with the Jehovah's Witnesses, but has been away from them for the past few years. She though seeks to go back with them. She's also very conservative in sexual matters, and grew up in a Catholic family that was also very macho.
So now I'm in hot water having to try to defend what I do, and my mom aggressively condemns what I'm doing and says how God condemns crossdressing in the bible, how it is wrong for men to wear women's clothes. I tell her that this has nothing to do with sexuality, and that I like women. She goes and then tells me that this could lead to homosexuality, and then she says of how the Devil is doing this to her to prevent her from going back to her religion. If I speak an ounce of why I crossdress, she gets disgusted. She speaks as if crossdressing is wrong, period, and speaks as if its a grave sin. She also got sad and depressed, and I try to defend my stance and she speaks as if she is disappointed in her son. I went and took a bus from that point, but I've never told her before for one because of her depression. I'm really worried though, since she has spoken before of how even though she lost so many things, she could be proud that "me and my sister didn't do drugs or didn't do bad things" and grew up good. I'm afraid that this could tip her off the board and that she could disown me or do something bad to herself. I dunno what to do or how to handle this :(
Hi Socalgirl,
I'm soo sorry that your mom feels this way. I sorry that you have to deal with her belifs spilling over into your life. Just rember that it was her agreement to follow the rules of her specific religion, and that it was yours for following your heart and telling her (or at least trying) how you feel. You have done nothing wrong. Perhaps trying to fill her in little by little will help. If she dis owns you because her church will not accept you then that just shows what kind of people they really are.
Good luck,
Amber
Hi Amber, sounds like she paraphrased Deuteronomy 22:5 very closely. Look around this site (especially the spirituality section), because there has been discussion about this and some of the discussion addresses why this is such a weak verse in the bible.
Melissa
Quote from: Melissa on June 27, 2006, 09:26:37 PM
Hi Amber, sounds like she paraphrased Deuteronomy 22:5 very closely. Look around this site (especially the spirituality section), because there has been discussion about this and some of the discussion addresses why this is such a weak verse in the bible.
Melissa
Try doing a google search on Deut 22:5 and cross dressing. What I have found is that this verse referes to cross dressing so that you can have an affair with someone. Picture a woman dressing as a man to join a group of men. THen she and one of the men have an innappropriate sexual encounter. When it comes to the Old Testament, I will take the interpretation of a rabbi over any christian minister any day. After all, it their scripture! We Christians are only borrowing it! :)
Chaunte
Quote from: socalgirl on June 27, 2006, 07:56:49 PM
First of all, let me say a few things about myself. I'm 23 years old MTF CDer and I'm a university student that lives with my mom and sister in the L.A. area. I've been crossdressing since 12 years old (I do crossdressing but I drift more towards being bi-gendered). I used to be very good at hiding this from my mom, till the past few years where I hadn't had as good places to hide my clothes (plus I've been buying a lot of them.)
I'm in hot water now since I was going to transport some of my clothes from my house to my locker, and for some reason my mom went and opened my backpack to look through and she found my clothes. This isn't the first time that this has happened, but I refused to talk about it before. I decided to try to tell her, but she got so angry at me and started on this rant about how men should only wear mens clothes and that God condemns this.
Let me say a few things about my mom. My mom is hispanic, in her 50's. My mom has been divorced from my dad for about 12 years, and since then has suffered chronic depression, sometimes severe (to the point of suicidal tendencies). She has been up to her eyeballs in problems, and has a highly stressed life. She also used to be with the Jehovah's Witnesses, but has been away from them for the past few years. She though seeks to go back with them. She's also very conservative in sexual matters, and grew up in a Catholic family that was also very macho.
So now I'm in hot water having to try to defend what I do, and my mom aggressively condemns what I'm doing and says how God condemns crossdressing in the bible, how it is wrong for men to wear women's clothes. I tell her that this has nothing to do with sexuality, and that I like women. She goes and then tells me that this could lead to homosexuality, and then she says of how the Devil is doing this to her to prevent her from going back to her religion. If I speak an ounce of why I crossdress, she gets disgusted. She speaks as if crossdressing is wrong, period, and speaks as if its a grave sin. She also got sad and depressed, and I try to defend my stance and she speaks as if she is disappointed in her son. I went and took a bus from that point, but I've never told her before for one because of her depression. I'm really worried though, since she has spoken before of how even though she lost so many things, she could be proud that "me and my sister didn't do drugs or didn't do bad things" and grew up good. I'm afraid that this could tip her off the board and that she could disown me or do something bad to herself. I dunno what to do or how to handle this :(
You didn't mention if you yourself are religious, if you were you could use your interpretation of the bible, scriptures or what ever you subscribe to, to counter hers, but that may not be constructive. Are you living at home out of financial necessity, or to care for your mom, or just convenience? I ask this as if it gets too tense at home then is moving out an option, or will the threat of moving out have any weight? At any rate you should demand that she not go though your private things, bags, draws etc. She has no right to go there.
Moms can be difficult. One of the issues that parents have to deal with along with disappointment is how they feel others relatives will look at her, that in their eye's she has failed to be a good parent because of the outcome of her son.
It's very hard to get through. What you can do is simply keep calm about all this and try to explain that you are not going to become Gay (I don't believe that you mentioned one way or the other), and try to show her that you are ok you are not sick. I wouldn't try to explain that many men do this as it seems that this type of argument wouldn't work with her. Reassure her that you just do it for fun. How does your sister feel about all of this? do you have an ally with her, and can you join forces so to speak? If she is not then you may have to consider looking for another place to hang your hat.
Steph
I don't mean to offend anyone, but Jesus wore a dress and had long hair.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.atmajyoti.org%2Fimages%2F_Jesus_med4in.jpg&hash=2fc00f33fc958edc3aa6aab9cf9038e29b8eef2a)
Melissa
Your mom sounds a lot like my mom did\does especially the line with "im glad you and your brother turned out the way you did and you don't do drugs or sell drugs etc...yadda...yaddda..yadda... mom"
What to do What to do.....There really is nothing you can do .......except reminder her there are far worser things than being TS or CD.... My mom freaked out when i gave her my diary and she read it I was like 19-20yrs old the doctor had already told her I had a high estrogen count and thats why my chest was so developed for a boy....but she had this "IT's a phase mentality" she probably will disassociate herself for you for some time but if she truly is has proud and religious as you stated in your post she'll come back to her baby boy! (sorry for the boy reference sweetie pie) Just give her time and let her absorb and comprehend the shock you just gave her...also does your sister know???If so try to talk to her and get her to speak to your mother and help relize your still the same beutiful, responsible child of hers that you were before she found out...what she found out
i'm saying this to let you know mines finally did 8 yrs later thou!
Also Melissa,
Interesting pic did that come from the DMV I got to go out on a religous kick with you for a brief sec
How do we exactly know what Jesus wore????
Sorry I just get this really upset feeling when people say "Hey this is Jesus!" and show this sterotypical not so biblically accurate picture of Jesus but I realize you are trying to help...Just a touchie subject for me so again I apologize
Chynna
Nobody knows for sure what he looked like or what he wore. The clothing was probably what was worn at the time and location. Like I said, I didn't mean to offend anyone.
Melissa
I know you didn't Im sorry it's me
Don't let your mom try to put a guilt trip on you about affecting her health/happiness/whatever. This isn't about HER; it's about you.
I presume she wears only dresses - no slacks.
Robyn
Socalgirl,
I'm very sorry to hear your Mom is so upset. I would give her some space for the time being to let things settle down. Then I would give her information regarding crossdressing and explain it to her gradually and what it means to you. Hopefully she will have a better understanding. She may come around eventually. Don't let your Mom put a guilt trip on you. She has to understand that its about who you are deep inside and not about her.
I remember when my Mom found out about me, she was very upset. Eventually she did realize this is a part of who I am and that it was not a phase I was going through. Even though my mother still does not approve of me dressing like a girl, she still accepts me as her child. I think her biggest fear of all was that she was afraid I was homosexual, but I don't feel like I am. I am mainly attracted to GG's and I reassured her of this. I do hope you have a good outcome when all is said and done. Good luck! :angel:
Shannon
Thanks everyone for all your comments.
My mom has an ongoing issue with me since I try to prevent her from controlling me. I also do feel responsible in a sort of ways since I persuaded her to move to L.A., and her life's a lot more stressed here.
Other things she has insisted that its "wierd", "crazy", "worldly", even that men are supposed to be above women, all with an extremely angry appearance.
My god though, I just hinted her that I like to wear women's clothes (though she also mistakenly got a perception that I was seeking a fairy like feminine man, when I'm more bi-gendered) I can't imagine if I was a transsexual that was ready to transition, how worse the reaction would be.
Quote from: socalgirl on June 28, 2006, 05:44:07 PM
... even that men are supposed to be above women, all with an extremely angry appearance.
Then why is she ordering you around?
Melissa
SocalGirl:
I identify, my mother is hispanic also.
Let's say just for argument sakes' that Is true that God Wants men to dress like men.
ok, do you follow me?
the question is : Are you a Man? Yes, God gave us he geniyals but also geve us the feelings and propensities. I knew I was a girl before the age of reason.
Do genitals = gender? No one knows for sure. That is why we ->-bleeped-<-s were born to settle the dispute.
To natives peoples we are sacred beings with a special place in society. Bi-gendered or betteryet, Transgendered, we have transcended the issue of gender. We have reached where our spirits are free to chosesomething better. Just my opinion.
Sorry to say it but you are at the right place at the right time, we all went through it.
You will get over it. Time passes and so do we.
Best wishes and strength in your life endeavours, sheila