I'm wanting to explain what is going on to a few friends I'm working my way up a fairly short list of people that I know will be supportive. How do I explain that it is not a normal identity crisis?
They know all I'm going through "confusing weird emotional crap"
I'm telling them 1 on 1
how have you described yourself to friends ie androgyne?
No takers yet, eh? I haven't told many people but I've told a few.
One of the most important things I've done is assure them that I'm still me. Since I'm not TS I won't become "someone else" as they might say. I'm just giving more freedom to those parts of me they already know exist. I skimmed over the gender theory and just said I've got some parts of me that's like a man and some that's like a woman.
Practice what you're going to say first. It'll help.
I had the fun of first coming out as m2f to various friends and family, and then later coming out again as something else entirely. There are still plenty of people who don't know, except that they do seem to get that "I'm not from around here".
I usually start with saying that I'm transgender, since they've heard of that, and then take it from there until their eyes start to glaze over... or they run screaming from the room. ;)
Zythyra
am I the only weirdo who thinks telling supportive friends & family b4 making changes is important
No, I always tried to tell the people in my life what was going on as it was going on, and at times before, advice after the fact is not very useful.
I would say it is better ahead of time before anything gets too serious.
It gives people a chance to accept and you before it becomes an issue. If you just put it out there they get a much larger shock, which could go the wrong way. Break it to them while you are still "you", not a stranger.
I'm not really sure what to advise with this. I came out first as a male to female transsexual before coming out as neutrois. So I just came out the second time by saying I had the same issues but had realised the correct solution to me wasn't what I first thought it might be.
When you tell somebody something that's out of their experiences they'll often try and read you to see how much of an issue it is. If you're nervous they'll pick up on that, if you're making it out to be an issue that could affect the relationship/friendship they'll pick up on that too, likewise for any guilt/self-hatred you have (though it doesn't seem to me like that last one is a problem for you). So you need to get across that it's something important to you without seeming like you think it will affect your interpersonal relationships.
Apart from the people who run at the sight or suggestion of anything weird, from what I've seen of other people coming out as non-binary, it'll probably be largely met with indifference. Most people simply won't 'get it' to begin with or will think you're just making too much out of some personal 'phase' or need to 'experiment'. You can avoid this by explaining gender and sex being spectrums and saying 'its like being a male to female transsexual but I'm going from male to [whatever it is you're going to] instead'.
Anyway I'm rambling, the point is, play it cool, be yourself and don't get too disheartened if they don't grasp it to begin with.
Quote from: Casey on June 02, 2008, 07:36:37 PM
Since I'm not TS I won't become "someone else" as they might say.
Most TSs when they come out make sure people realise they're not 'becoming someone else'. Of course there are some who 'switch personas' when they transition, but those who are just wanting to continue being themselves and be more comfortable with being themselves often want to make sure friends/family aren't expecting the major personality change that transsexuals are often stereotyped as performing.