some of you already know about my ex relatonship with a boy who did not know about me(i am pre op) and who was a ts hater(or maybe just pure homophobic).Anyway, i had to end this story, because i was so in love and my judgement was pure, so my life was in jeopardize.However, things were easier because he during the last 1-2 week of our relationship he had become a little uncaring and cold to me.So i cried, but i was off this relationship.After 2 months of us being separate, he called me crying saying he is in love with me and asked me to go live with him (after his finishing the army). :(my love woke up again:(we started dating again(2 weeks now). The happiest in my life:(However, i kept giving him hints about my status(he seemed he could not understand but he said i am wird and that i frighten him.But his love is so big he can not afford to lose me).anyway, i am lost. i am so in love.he is so in love.i am pre op.he is the army.maybe he felt lonely and came back.maybe it is pure love.i do not know.What i know is that i wish a had a chance in love, although it could kill me
Deniz, I feel for your desire and your situation. I hope it all works out well for both of you.
Sometimes we simply weigh our choices and take the ones we feel, even if they are not the best, or even if they are.
Glad to have your update.
Hugs,
Nichole
thanks nichole. i feel so tired of this situation.but love is all i am looking for(through my life).at least the way my parents love me(unconditionally)
Quote from: deniz on June 05, 2008, 11:55:08 AM
thanks nichole. i feel so tired of this situation.but love is all i am looking for(through my life).at least the way my parents love me(unconditionally)
Yes, that feels wonderful, no? I think we all want that. It seems though as if the world simply isn't overstuffed with people who are able to grant our wishes.
I hope this man can grant that for you.
Nichole
For the love of god I beg you to NOT move in with this guy like he asked. This guy seems really unstable and I don't want another name to be on the list on the day of remembrance.
Girl, you are in so much danger!
What is going to happen if you move in with him? You say that he is homo/transphobic. Are you going to always get dressed in the dark? Or perhaps you think that he loves you so much that he can ignore that little something extra?
Too, too, many of us have been MURDERED because of issues like this! I fear for your safety, Deniz. Please be *very* carefull in your continued relationship with him.
You may love him, but he may not love you and feel that you decieved him WHEN you come out to him. And he could assault or murder you as a result.
And there would be a fair possibility that he would not be convicted of any crime because the defense council would state that it was all YOUR fault and YOU HAD IT COMING! It has happened before!
Don't become another sad name on our roles of the dead on the day of rememberance.
-Sandy
Quote from: deniz on June 05, 2008, 11:26:55 AM
some of you already know about my ex relatonship with a boy who did not know about me(i am pre op) and who was a ts hater(or maybe just pure homophobic).Anyway, i had to end this story, because i was so in love and my judgement was pure, so my life was in jeopardize.However, things were easier because he during the last 1-2 week of our relationship he had become a little uncaring and cold to me.So i cried, but i was off this relationship.After 2 months of us being separate, he called me crying saying he is in love with me and asked me to go live with him (after his finishing the army). :(my love woke up again:(we started dating again(2 weeks now). The happiest in my life:(However, i kept giving him hints about my status(he seemed he could not understand but he said i am wird and that i frighten him.But his love is so big he can not afford to lose me).anyway, i am lost. i am so in love.he is so in love.i am pre op.he is the army.maybe he felt lonely and came back.maybe it is pure love.i do not know.What i know is that i wish a had a chance in love, although it could kill me
How is he a ts hater? What has he done to show this?
Do you know how dangerous such a relationship is? At the very least, you MUST tell him about you before you move in with him, tell him in a public location with lots of witnesses, and don't get alone with him afterwards if he showed a negative reaction.
Additionally, how do you love someone that hates people like you, and therefore, you? I understand it's not a rational emotion and I'm not accusing you of anything, I'm genuinely baffled.
Quote from: deniz on June 05, 2008, 11:26:55 AM
some of you already know about my ex relatonship with a boy who did not know about me(i am pre op) and who was a ts hater(or maybe just pure homophobic).Anyway, i had to end this story, because i was so in love and my judgement was pure, so my life was in jeopardize.However, things were easier because he during the last 1-2 week of our relationship he had become a little uncaring and cold to me.So i cried, but i was off this relationship.After 2 months of us being separate, he called me crying saying he is in love with me and asked me to go live with him (after his finishing the army). :(my love woke up again:(we started dating again(2 weeks now). The happiest in my life:(However, i kept giving him hints about my status(he seemed he could not understand but he said i am wird and that i frighten him.But his love is so big he can not afford to lose me).anyway, i am lost. i am so in love.he is so in love.i am pre op.he is the army.maybe he felt lonely and came back.maybe it is pure love.i do not know.What i know is that i wish a had a chance in love, although it could kill me
How is he homophobic, yet loving you? That wouldn't make too much sense... Like... Unless you pass already. Then it does.
*hug
Thats never fun to go through. I hope it works out.
OK, folks,
Just so Deniz doesn't take too much heat. She's posted here about this situation way more than once. This link (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,27094.0.html) will show you one such thread. Where I am sure most of you will see that she's discussed this at length before.
You'll also find she lives in Greece, not west Texas or Jersey City. I understand the concern. I've had it for her as well. But, at some point she's gonna need to make her own choice. That I hope it's healthy and correct for her should go without saying.
All the very best, Deniz.
Nichole
Quote from: Nichole on June 05, 2008, 03:29:09 PM
OK, folks,
Just so Deniz doesn't take too much heat. She's posted here about this situation way more than once. This link (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,27094.0.html) will show you one such thread. Where I am sure most of you will see that she's discussed this at length before.
You'll also find she lives in Greece, not west Texas or Jersey City. I understand the concern. I've had it for her as well. But, at some point she's gonna need to make her own choice. That I hope it's healthy and correct for her should go without saying.
All the very best, Deniz.
Nichole
If you think Greece is an accepting place, it isn't. I know someone there and she says they're violently homophobic.
I would definitely approach the situation with care...
I've had my say. I'll say no more.
Love to you Deniz.
-Sandy
Quote from: Nichole on June 05, 2008, 03:29:09 PM
OK, folks,
Just so Deniz doesn't take too much heat. She's posted here about this situation way more than once. This link (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,27094.0.html) will show you one such thread. Where I am sure most of you will see that she's discussed this at length before.
You'll also find she lives in Greece, not west Texas or Jersey City. I understand the concern. I've had it for her as well. But, at some point she's gonna need to make her own choice. That I hope it's healthy and correct for her should go without saying.
All the very best, Deniz.
Nichole
Thanks for that, that's some very important backstory, I agree, she must make her own choice on the matter, but at the same time, she came here and asked for advice, and people gave it.
Whether to tell him and probably seperate, or to just seperate without telling him is purely her decision, but getting back together with him and continuing to not tell him about her past is very unwise IMHO, because it comes out sooner or later.
Quote from: deniz on June 05, 2008, 11:26:55 AM
some of you already know about my ex relatonship with a boy who did not know about me(i am pre op) and who was a ts hater(or maybe just pure homophobic).Anyway, i had to end this story, because i was so in love and my judgement was pure, so my life was in jeopardize.However, things were easier because he during the last 1-2 week of our relationship he had become a little uncaring and cold to me.So i cried, but i was off this relationship.After 2 months of us being separate, he called me crying saying he is in love with me and asked me to go live with him (after his finishing the army). :(my love woke up again:(we started dating again(2 weeks now). The happiest in my life:(However, i kept giving him hints about my status(he seemed he could not understand but he said i am wird and that i frighten him.But his love is so big he can not afford to lose me).anyway, i am lost. i am so in love.he is so in love.i am pre op.he is the army.maybe he felt lonely and came back.maybe it is pure love.i do not know.What i know is that i wish a had a chance in love, although it could kill me
First of all don't move in with him. I say this for two reasons. For one even if things go fine on the trans issues, then if things in the future sour between you two it will be harder to break off. Second would be the trans issues themselves, until those issues are cleared up between you two it is begging for trouble. All it will take is one accident or mistake for him to find out and if things get messy...well there has been enough case examples as we all are aware of.
Second...well i'm not sure how to put this. I posted this in response to your problem before, and i'll do it again. Yes he has done nice things for you, and yes he has been a sweetheart mostly to you. But these things are brownie points. He is operating of a flawed assumption. Yes you are a woman, but until you have the surgery you are a woman that has something a lot of guys will flip over once they find out. You love him, and i'm happy for you. But until he knows and has all the info, the danger will keep increasing until he finally does know. Then all bets are off on how he reacts.
He has potential, so I would do what alot of ladies suggested last time. Tell him. I would suggest in a public place. Not to public so that he feels set up, but enough that you are secure in your feeling of safety. He might reject you, and that is a real possibility that will hurt. But if you love him he deserves to know the full truth about you. Unless of course you plan to have the surgery in the extremely near future.
Good luck hun, and blessings to you.
QuoteUnless of course you plan to have the surgery in the extremely near future.
A judge in Florida just gave a divorce to a man because his wife lied about being a virgin when they got married. You can not lie about things like that to a potential spouse.
Do not tell him, especially if he is from the χωριο. It will get violent. He may end up killing himself. My family is typical of that area (very religious and close-minded, EVERYBODY knows EVERYBODY, lots of gossiping. we also had the large garden, chickens, goats, and cats. we have long since moved to America, but I still go back to the old house to visit the rest of the family.). When I told my father that I was ts, he said that he will do everything in his power to keep me from transitioning or he will kill himself because the family and everyone he knows will disown him just because he spawned someone like me. It will probably be the same for your boy. He will be utterly miserible and will fear that if someone founds out that he dated a ts, even if he did not know it at the time, that he will be harrassed/disowned/riddiculed because that is the attitude of everyone around him.
Quote from: lisagurl on June 05, 2008, 04:40:06 PM
QuoteUnless of course you plan to have the surgery in the extremely near future.
A judge in Florida just gave a divorce to a man because his wife lied about being a virgin when they got married. You can not lie about things like that to a potential spouse.
I was being sarcastic, I don't condone secrets from spouses in (almost) any form.
Quote from: noxdraconis on June 05, 2008, 09:43:52 PM
Do not tell him, especially if he is from the χωριο. It will get violent. He may end up killing himself. My family is typical of that area (very religious and close-minded, EVERYBODY knows EVERYBODY, lots of gossiping. we also had the large garden, chickens, goats, and cats. we have long since moved to America, but I still go back to the old house to visit the rest of the family.). When I told my father that I was ts, he said that he will do everything in his power to keep me from transitioning or he will kill himself because the family and everyone he knows will disown him just because he spawned someone like me. It will probably be the same for your boy. He will be utterly miserible and will fear that if someone founds out that he dated a ts, even if he did not know it at the time, that he will be harrassed/disowned/riddiculed because that is the attitude of everyone around him.
That is a bit extreme, and not everyone in the military, even the army, is like that. My Petty officer was quite understanding, and even if he couldn't do much, did try to make sure I talked to the right people.
Yes, the prevalence of machoism in the military is staggering. But I still think he needs to know if you plan to continue dating or even the thought of marriage. Especially marriage. He might take it hard, he might even break it off. But if he is worth anything, and loves you despite being 'weird' then he will come to understand who you really are and still come out of it loving you. I would say take the risk. Just be very careful in how you break it to him.
both my gf and I have been in situations like this -- it gets pretty hard. Hopefully he'll love you for who you are, no matter what.
"I would do anything for Luv"
Good luck to you, it will be an Experience!!!
Quote from: Angel on June 06, 2008, 11:26:03 AM
Quote from: noxdraconis on June 05, 2008, 09:43:52 PM
Do not tell him, especially if he is from the χωριο. It will get violent. He may end up killing himself. My family is typical of that area (very religious and close-minded, EVERYBODY knows EVERYBODY, lots of gossiping. we also had the large garden, chickens, goats, and cats. we have long since moved to America, but I still go back to the old house to visit the rest of the family.). When I told my father that I was ts, he said that he will do everything in his power to keep me from transitioning or he will kill himself because the family and everyone he knows will disown him just because he spawned someone like me. It will probably be the same for your boy. He will be utterly miserible and will fear that if someone founds out that he dated a ts, even if he did not know it at the time, that he will be harrassed/disowned/riddiculed because that is the attitude of everyone around him.
That is a bit extreme, and not everyone in the military, even the army, is like that. My Petty officer was quite understanding, and even if he couldn't do much, did try to make sure I talked to the right people.
Yes, the prevalence of machoism in the military is staggering. But I still think he needs to know if you plan to continue dating or even the thought of marriage. Especially marriage. He might take it hard, he might even break it off. But if he is worth anything, and loves you despite being 'weird' then he will come to understand who you really are and still come out of it loving you. I would say take the risk. Just be very careful in how you break it to him.
The χωριο is like a village/farm/empty country-side sort of area (I have a hard time translating/defining things). It is like going back to a different century there. Everything and everyone is backwards. No computers, stone floors, outdoor brick ovens, no indoor bathrooms (we use those little out house things instead). The people there hate it whenever something breaks tradition or is considered abnormal.
well ok.Here is an upadate. I am a wreck.totally lost.i keep behaving in a way so as he will hate me or just go away.But a man in love is blind.I feel suicidal althoigh i know i will not attempt it.i am grown girl.We had a huge fight yesterdaY.i TOLD him i can not live with him because i am not ready.He asked is it because of your sex problems???????I thought he had realised.I said what????He said you are a virgin.Is that your fear?Is that why you are afraid of me??And i said i feel i am not fuctional as a girl!!!!!!!it was a hinttt.He freaked out:(he said i just try to push him away by freaking him:(
My relationship with him was a real experience girls:(At first dates only during nights because i was not completely passing in the day light./THen the big step after 4 months during daylight.then extreme diet so as i can wear girls cloths and not be the ->-bleeped-<- body type so as he could not underrstand,Then meeting his family.I became woman next to him!!II thank him.He made my transition meaning something.So losing him, a part of me is lost.my transition stays naked.alone,abandoned:(thanks.i love you because i can talk to you.
and yes he is from a 100.000 town.so yes.not quite a village.but no capital
Quote from: deniz on June 07, 2008, 01:08:41 PM
I am a wreck.totally lost.i keep behaving in a way so as he will hate me or just go away.But a man in love is blind.
This is not only true, for the most part, but also in your interest. That guys fall in-love and don't always see what others might were they not in love can be a very positive thing.
QuoteI feel suicidal althoigh i know i will not attempt it.
I'm glad to hear, Deniz, that you aren't deciding to end it all that way. In a capital where you do live, I would think that there are therapists who can help you with your feelings and thoughts. I do not know your ability to purchase such help, nor how long or if there is government mental health provided in Greece. But, your location should be a help rather than a hinderance for that.
Take care of your open heart and your health. OK?
Quote... We had a huge fight yesterdaY.i TOLD him i can not live with him because i am not ready.He asked is it because of your sex problems???????I thought he had realised.I said what????He said you are a virgin.Is that your fear?Is that why you are afraid of me??And i said i feel i am not fuctional as a girl!!!!!!!it was a hinttt.He freaked out:(he said i just try to push him away by freaking him:(
My relationship with him was a real experience girls:(At first dates only during nights because i was not completely passing in the day light./THen the big step after 4 months during daylight.then extreme diet so as i can wear girls cloths and not be the ->-bleeped-<- body type so as he could not underrstand,
I understand the overwhelming importance of him to you. As a woman he's your first man, the first Deniz has had as Deniz. That can be so wonderful, that feeling. And the importance of the person can also be enlarged in our minds. This situation has got to be terribly stressful and frustrating and at the same time it makes you feel good about yourself, puts a song in your heart. Yet, you also feel afraid, no. As if somehow you are always walking a very narrow ledge and could plunge far below onto rocks.
The smartest and best thing you did to begin with was to see him at night. You were careful, not wishing your appearance to give you away. That gave him time to get used to you. To see with his heart and not as much with his eyes. After 4 months I imagine he now only sees you as you. That is to the good.
QuoteThen meeting his family.I became woman next to him!! I I thank him.He made my transition meaning something.So losing him, a part of me is lost. my transition stays naked.alone,abandoned:
Yes, I know that is absolutely the most wonderful thing, to be able to not only transition for oneself, but also with the knowledge that one is cared for, loved, supported and affirmed by another. How special and good that all feels. And I also understand your unwillingness to let that go for fear that it may never return to you again.
Yet, I also think you have a very good notion of how he would react to being in bed with you. He might feel very angry, no? As though he'd lost his honor? So, you also fear what could happen and you are not sure whether to hold or release. It feels good, your love. But it also feels like that it might all end in pain?
Quote(thanks.i love you because i can talk to you.
and yes he is from a 100.000 town.so yes.not quite a village.but no capital
So his exposure is better than that of someone who is from the Albanian border, but much less sophiticated and worldly than someone from Athens, no?
Of course that just makes your dilemma harder, doesn't it? He has a passion, an innocence and a vitality that is not exactly that of a bored, probably gay or bi cosmopolitan right. And those qualities, that life within him, makes you feel more alive too, right? It is very hard to give all of that up, even for your own safety, no? It must be terribly difficult for you, dear.
I believe that many of us like talking to you as well, Deniz. I think we hope that in some fashion you can find a way that will lead you to both happiness and contentment, but toward safety as well. You seem to have a good heart, although your heart must hurt you very much.
Keep talking to us and try to find someone in Athens to talk with as well.
:icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
Nichole
Deniz, if you think your life is in danger, it's not worth it.
If he has changed then Great!
That would be my take,
-Sara
Nichole you are so right.For me the fact that george was my first guy as a woman( not no mention first guy ever to fall in love) makes thigs really hard.Because we are not talking only about love here.But my life generally.Becoming a woman next to him changed my personality and my relations with people.Moreover, as a girl the only people i know were his parents friends sisters brothers (20-30 people).These were my environment. Now i feel so lonely.Cause losing george led to losing them(maybe i still has his sister but no one else).So i am back to my male begining( i cut all friends who knew me from old back because deep in their hearts i was only a travestite. They were supportive but everytime i was going out with them and had a flirt they were calling me with my male name so as anyone would undertand.sO i got rid of my old ''friends) with a female appearance.
what am i?? who am i?next to george i was a beautiful girl who someone loved her, my surgery was on the way, and i was happy and never lonely or alone.The operation has been paused now because i am in an emotional stress and i do not wish to procced before i think every aspect of my life.I keep wondering in my 40-50-60's if i end up alone will i handle it?Or will i blame my transition for me being alone.However right now i could never go back and live as a depressed gay boy.I prefer to be the sad girl with the big secret.Do i sound confused?Hell i am.And my therapists have experienced my life to be able to give answers.And the best one of them( top therapist in athens) had once said.If you plan not to going to work for sex industry then do not start transition.You are in greece.And you will never have a normal job.I proved him wrong i am the girl lawyer with the male name.I keep freaking judges but noone dares to stop me from going to court.(Maybe in the future i might find difficulties finding a new office or i might have no client but i fight.hARD))/But i lost my faith TO ALL THERAPISTSSSS....
Good evening, (for you there,) Deniz.
Yep, some therapists are better than others, but, like all professionals some of us are more willing to follow the tried path, the one with precedent and tired old saws about what something or someone MUST be, rather than understanding that each time we talk with another human being that we are seeing and experiencing someone entirely, in so many ways, different than anyone else we have ever spoken with before.
Perhaps, the "top therapist in Athens" has become too used to working at the top. Perhaps he's forgotten that your life and your dreams, your way-of-being is entirely different from others he has seen before. It happens in my profession; it happens a lot. Some of us look at the 'book,' the way it happened before and we lose the possibility that this one, all ones, are different.
I don't know what your practice of law includes: whether you defend and if so whom, etc. But, I imagine you know the importance of looking at the facts and the personalities in the case that you have now. Sometimes we can apply insights from the past, but I think its harmful to our clients should we somehow imagine that they are the people, and the events, we may have seen or read about in the past. Therapy, like law, requires creativity and awareness of change and nuance.
Like a lawyer who doesn't recognize an aspect of a case she hasn't seen before, a therapist must recognize aspects of a case that show her a different method, or application of an old method with some changes, is needed in this case. Your therapist hasn't done that.
You're not only being asked to leave a boyfriend are you? You're being asked to leave a new and wonderful, in so many ways, life. I don't blame you for feeling that you do not want to do that. None of us would.
So, you've changed your life to be with George and now you're wondering if you should change it again to be without George. But, being without George also leaves you without those 20-30 people you had made a large part of your life. They only know Deniz, they don't know a 'gay-lawyer in Athens with a male name.'
If I were you, I'd be against changing that as well. Like you, safety would take a back-seat for me to that wonderful feeling of having a life and having people know me as me instead of a transvesti.
But, the situation doesn't seem entirely without promise. You've postponed the surgery until you are out of emotional stress. Although a surgery date and preparing for it, working out your cases to make space in your schedule, and other things like that are also going to cause you emotional stress.
Being without anyone to share your fear and angst with in-person will also cause you a lot of emotional stress.
How do you work a case for a client? Do you just leave the file in a drawer for two months and show up in court without having studied the case at all? Do you simply use your creative ability and your train of thought in that moment to argue? Or do you read and look for ways to have your client win her suit? Ways that maybe you have to use some creative new fashion to win?
I think you can apply that strategy to your own life as well, my dear. I think you can find a way to make this work. It won't be easy, but I believe you can do so. And if it doesn't work out as you'd like, I think you can still be safe, still have friends, a lover, a husband, still have a life as a woman. I think that the struggle to make your way through this sane and healthy will show you even more strength and ability than you already believe you have.
Because you are a woman, no? What other kind of life can you possibly lead? You are not a transvesti -- certainly not in the way the Athenian top therapist believed. No sex work and alientation for you, dear. If that were your lot you'd have never won over George's family, or George. You are a woman, Deniz.
You will live the rest of your life the way a woman lives her life. You will find a way to work for what you want, to be who you are and find contentment and joy in it.
Put down the despair for a bit and allow yourself to breathe. Allow yourself to be Deniz and you will begin to see opportunities, ways to get through this depression and make this occur.
And if it shouldn't; you will have learned that you are much stronger, more creative and more secure within yourself than you have ever believed.
None of us ever lives alone. You have a great energy and power within you. A wonderful intellect and best, a goal: to be yourself and a wonderful personality (you have shown that truth by simply what you've accomplished to have George and his family love you, want you to be a part of them, their family.) That skill and that personality, that heart hasn't disappeared.
Your willingness to see it, to embrace it, to help it grow have gone to sleep due to despair and angst. You can re-awaken them, and will. You will not be alone, because people do and will love you, just for the wonderful qualities that live within you.
Like you say, you are strong, intelligent, creative, compassionate and brave and very much alive. Use those things because they are wonderful and powerful gifts you have been given.
:icon_flower: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
Nichole
i just logged to see your reply.Thank you nichole.Your words make me feel safe and warm.you are so kind. Thank you.
My parents just came to athens to make me feel better and we are going for dinner in a restaurant. i hope i will catch up with you later.
Thank you indeed.you calmed me down a bit.
Hi deniz. I don't really know what I could say that would be of any help to you, except that I agree with what Nicole has said. I'm a lover and an incurable romantic and always will be. All I can say is you can be anything you want to be, you just need to believe you can and just go ahead and do it. I don't know nothing about Athens and laws there but when I decided to be who I am, to live as a woman, I just went ahead and did it, that is includes surgery and name change and I am much happier then any other time in my past life. I will say no more except I felt that I had to say something to let you know you have someone else here in your corner. I pray that all goes well for you.
Cindy
thank you cindy.it seems there are many sensitive hearts in this forum:)
There certainly is hon, I believe that quite probably about 98% of the members here know about feelings, and emotions, it's just some are still a little nervous about expressing them. But there certainly are a lot of good kids and what few good elders that I have met here. Unfortunately some have been damaged, hurt and lost. Well I do my best with what tools I do have at my disposal.
Cindy
Hi, Deniz,
Thank you for feeling better. :) I felt I was just pointing things out to you that you already knew but seemed to be having trouble remembering about yourself. And no, I'm not trying to think 'romantically' here. I just think it's very important that you remember all of your positive abilities and qualities instead of sinking into despair and depression.
That's all too easy for transsexuals still transitioning to do, perhaps for all people with gender-identity or definition difficulties. We all kinda expect the worst a lot of times. We tend to ignore the positive sides of our lives and problems that we run into. Okay?
I still think that George, especially if he is going to stay with you and you with him HAS to know about your history and soon. You certainly don't want him to find out in a chance occurrence with someone else. Plus, if you and he are going to share a life he truly will need to know before he totally commits to that.
It's simply dishonest and deceitful, imo, to have him marry you w/o his knowing. It also would seem terribly risky for you as a wife. Enough wives are already mistreated and killed for reasons that have nothing to do with gender/sexual history.
But, does he need to know before you get surgery? I don't know. Like I said, before he totally commits his heart I would tell him. But, you have your life to live. Those are your decisions to make.
However, if you can get yourself together enough to plan and execute a plan and timetable I would think that within a fairly short while you could have surgery and at least face him as a complete woman.
You obviously had some plan before. Look at it again and adjust it to fit your present circumstances. If something's not working out in your mind about your own plan you could always come here and ask people to give you feedback.
Like I said, I'm not trying to be romantic at all. But, I understand that so many of us are scared to death that we will always be alone. That makes us tend to despair and think the worst is already underway, or the only possible option, and I just know that is not true. We can have lives that include others, lovers, contentment and joy. I simply don't find the WORST necessary at all, provided one doesn't make the WORST come to be.
So, if you want to be with George, then definitely consider telling him your history and definitely make a reasonable and possible plan for surgery and healing.
You can do this. If you can do what you already do to make a living, you can do this as well.
HUGS,
Nichole