I just need to get something off my chest.
Ever since transition, my mother has been very withdrawn from me. She has supported my efforts, but she refuses to engage in any aspect of it, and typically pretends it doesn't exist, even when we're having private conversations. She even refuses to use terminology, and refers to my therapy sessions strictly as "doctors appointments". When I make even the most idle comments about being feminine she sort of walks out of the room without saying anything, or responding.
One of the reasons why I'm always so nervous talking about my trans issues to her is because I know she is strongly against it, because she is very dedicated to the Christ. I was really waiting for her to finally explode and give her religious perspectives on dysphoria and transition. Up until yesterday she would not be open with her views about what I'm doing.
In short, she told me that all the therapy, the HB standards, and the medical diagnosis and prescriptions were not legitimate because they didn't seem to take a 'godly perspective'. She told me that the treatments were more than just a tummy tuck, that it would play with my brain chemistry [which it does - but she made it sound as if I was not aware of that]. She felt what I was doing was not natural and that I was making a huge mistake. God made me a boy for a reason and that the reason I wanted to transition was because I didn't have enough positive male role-models [yes, she was trying to tell me where my own motivations come from].
The last time she gave me a similar speech about my making a "big mistake", she ended up prohibiting it, ultimately causing waves of depression in my life. I don't want to finally get my prescription only to hear her say "I've decided to not let you do it - you will be a boy and not introduce sin in this house" [is probably exactly what she'd say]. Sorry, I'm just kind of scared and looking for support.
Quote from: Robin C. on June 11, 2008, 06:19:54 AM
One of the reasons why I'm always so nervous talking about my trans issues to her is because I know she is strongly against it, because she is very dedicated to the Christ.
Or, more properly, her view of Christ -- there are quite a few Christians whose faith doesn't conflict with either accepting or being transsexuals. Some time ago, Lisbeth posted a pointer to
By the Grace of God (http://207.152.67.6/gog/), a book that consists of several essays on transsexuality and Christian faith.
Quote
God made me a boy for a reason
Well, God made you
look like a boy for a reason, just like E
1 made you think like a girl for a reason. I just cannot believe that Eir reason was to make you miserable enough to eventually kill yourself, as too many do, and I also cannot believe that your mum or her pastor has authoritative information as to what Eir reasons were. Neither of these beliefs is any more difficult to back with scripture than the one that transitioning is a sin. Rather the opposite, in fact.
Nfr
1 E chose to create both man and woman as Eir image, so I'd rather use a gender neutral pronoun.
Reality is she is struggling with this and I really feel the stress and fear this must be causing you. It must be awful being in that dependant situation getting the green light but having the fear that it could be taken away at any moment.
What's worse do you think, her rejection or the fear that you will have to stop transition for the time being (because once your old enough to go it alone there is nothing really stopping you).
All this talk of nature and god and everything are red hearings. It would be good to get her to talk about what is behind it all, what her real fears are. e.g. "do you fear what other people will think, are you afraid that I will be unhappy, what do you believe will happen to me if I don't get treatment, what do you hope to happen, do you feel like this is a failing on your part, what would you have done different, do you believe this would have made a difference to how I am". You might not like what you hear and will be tempted to answer back but allowing her to talk about her feelings can go a long way in reducing their intensity.
Next time she is ill, tell her to go have a priest cast out the demon. Going to the doctor is ungodly for certainly, the doctor will invoke the science he has learned to diagnose and treat the illness rather than the true source .... sin.
;)
Or for a more uplifting approach, check out Luke 2:46:
And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions.
It seems as though even Christ, the son of God, could learn something from the doctors and educated men of his day. Don't you think that we understand a great deal more now in understanding medical issues and how basic science works these days than they did back then?
Ultimately, this is not about her belief in Christ. She is uncomfortable with it. How long have you lived with this problem before coming to terms with it? Does she not deserve the same consideration? The religious thing is her excuse for a reason, not the root cause of her discomfort.
Cindi
I did ask her whether or not she thinks that what I'm doing is a mistake in regards to my happiness of 'in general'. She answered back 'in general' - so what that says to me is that she can see me being happy with myself, but thats not what concerns her.
I have been working to gain independence for a while now. I'm just afraid that her insecurities are ultimately going to end up stunting my progress [again, for the umpteenth time]. I don't blame her though. I'll try to talk to her about these issues and try to find out some underlying answer that shes not sharing. I hope I can do this without somehow insulting her religious perspectives. *sigh* This is hard
Quote from: Robin C. on June 11, 2008, 08:40:50 PM
I did ask her whether or not she thinks that what I'm doing is a mistake in regards to my happiness of 'in general'. She answered back 'in general' - so what that says to me is that she can see me being happy with myself, but thats not what concerns her.
I think that when people say they think it will be a huge mistake what they really mean is "it will be a mistake because I don't know how to feel about it if you did do it, i'm so out of my depth I am freaking out and I can't begin to comprehend why anyone would do it so I'm going try stopping them to protect myself from feeling this way". ( I've been watching too much Dr Phil ::))
I wish I could help. My only other bit of advice is to really go out of your way to show how much you love her and how much her support means. Sometimes we get so caught up in out own pain we forget to show how much we care for eachother. It would not be hard if we did not care.