A lot of people don't seem to understand why, when I am asked if I would like to go back in time and be the woman I am today, from the git-go, I tell them "no".
I guess an important thing for me, is that my two children and three grandchildren are genetically mine, and that would not have been the case had I been born woman. BUT.....I was there for the birth of my own two, and it was amazing, joyful, thrilling. I was and am their father, and my role was not carrying to term, etc.
Because circumstances were what they were, we loved, we nested, we built, we raised and love our children.
Now we cherish our past, as well as our present and future. I was loved as Mike, and had a great out-doors career, grabbing the gusto, as it were, and thoroughly enjoyed it. But that was then, and this is now. Given our present circumstances, I surely don't want to go back, even a few years, and Marcy says from her standpoint, it's out of the question anyway, because she loves me as Beverly now. She loves Mike, too.....he's part of our history, but a different part of our continuum.
What about the rest of us?
Bev
That's a good question... and one which depends on which particular part of the rollercoaster of emotion I'm riding on at any given time.
At the moment, I would say no. But not because I like my past life. I just don't think it would have turned out that differently if I'd been born with XX chromosomes. I would have been just as bullied at school, and with two brothers my life would have probably been even worse at home, lol.
I don't have children, or plans to have any in the near future, so that aspect doesn't really come into it... but I guess the main thing would be whether I would have still met my partner. Since she's gay, I suppose it's possible. But if I'd been born female... would I have been born gay? That's a question I ask myself over and over. I guess I would have, since I would still be me, only with the right physiology.
But... would I be me? Lol, so many questions. How much of a part does my current gender conflict play in my psychological make up? That's something I can't really answer since I only see things from one side.
Would I be happier? Probably. And I would at least feel at home in my own body. But again that raises the question of whether I would emotionally be a completely different person to who I am now. If so, then the question has to be changed to "If you could go back and be born female, retaining the thoughts, memories and experiences you have up to now, would you?"
To that I would answer yes, to all else I say nay. :)
Hi, Bev,
In many ways I feel the same as you. To not have my children in the world and my grandchildren would make this world a bleaker place. Of course, that's reading the possible world from where I stand right now. Had I been natally-female I cannot imagine that my life would have managed to give me those children and this partner. I would wish.
But, if I had been natally-female perhaps the "losses" I can imagine now would never have been people and events to lose for her. She would have had others just as precious and valuable and meaningful to her as they are to me.
My life is what it is and though there's been a lot of struggle and tears to get to where I am in it now I would just imagine that the struggle and tears would have been the same generally, if not specifically, for her as well. No one gets through totally unscathed, I think.
So all-in-all, I'm fine with me in this life now. So, I suppose I agree with you. Of course, in that you told me once that the lesbians were probably "drolling" over me, I MUST admit that I am more than willing to support you 100%! :laugh: :laugh: Nice words go a long way with me!! :)
Nichole
I don't know why people assume that if they could go back it would all be OK. Its just as easy to think it might well be worse. Fifty-fifty odds at best of either outcome.
I love my chidren, they are a treasure. But that aside.
If I had been born a woman, I would not know of them and I probably would have had children anyway, just as the mother (instead of the father). The life I have lived would not have been, so I could not miss it.
So, yes I would have preferred being born a woman.
Sarah L.
I think that yes, I wish I had been born a normal xx female. I've alway's wanted to be a Mother complete with the pregnancy, breast feeding, sore feet/back and all. While the notion of being a parent has always been a dream, I could never picture myself fathering a child. I'll never have a child that is geneticly related to me, it makes me sad but I'm certainly not alone as there are many xx women that can't have a child either and who says that's not how it would've ended up anyway. As for my spouse, I like to think we would've ended up togeather anyway. We grew up only 5 miles away from each other and I was not the first female she was with. I like to think that fate had a plan for us.
ttfn:Holly
If I had been born a genetic male my life would have been different and I wonder if I would have ended up doing the same things or not.
I've lived a fairly full life, not perfect but have no regrets, and I wouldn't change the past at all (divorce and all!) and if I had to do it over most likely I'd do the same things. I wish I had learned about transitioning much earlier. But I have 2 fabulous kids I wouldn't trade for anything, a career I love, and enough hobbies and interests to keep my mind occupied well into the future.
I figure I've had fun the first half of my life as a genetic female, as hard as that was for me personally, and now I will get to spend the rest of my life as the guy I was meant to be.
Jay
If I had been born a genetic male my life would have been different and I wonder if I would have ended up doing the same things or not.
You could have been that creepy guy with his hand down his pants scratching his nutsack going "HEY HEY HEY LITTLE GIRL?" I mean, someone had to be THAT guy, there is one at every gas station.
I know when I told my mom that I should have been a girl she told me "You couldn't keep you legs closed for half a second so you'd have ten kids and not know who was the father of any of them." Damn, she was right.
Quote from: Nichole on June 24, 2008, 10:57:22 AM
Hi, Bev,
.....So, I suppose I agree with you. Of course, in that you told me once that the lesbians were probably "drolling" over me, I MUST admit that I am more than willing to support you 100%! :laugh: :laugh: Nice words go a long way with me!! :)
Nichole
*Imagine* Nichole....(drool, drool!) heh heh :icon_yes:
hehe....I can be so so evil (BUT.....I never lie. Also, I never cheat, so don't get all jazzed up! LOLOLOL....I should be so ashamed. Should.)
Bev
BEV!!!
What a bad-girl you are!!! :laugh: :laugh:
Trust me, I have my very own lesbian lover who is quite enough!! :laugh:
But, thank you again. O my, will I ever be able to disagree with anything you ever post again!!? >:D
N~
Given the choice, IN A HEARTBEAT! The amount of crap that I put up with as a child and a teen far exceeds any "benefit" from going through all that.
Assuming everything else in my youth had been approximately the same, I know how my life would have turned out. I was ass-over-tea-kettle in love at 14. If my body had been normal, I would probably have been pregnant by 16, dropped out of school, and raised a bunch of kids. I may never have appreciated how important that life was to me but it would have fit and I would have enjoyed it.
Actually, even if it meant giving up the career and fascinating life that I HAVE lived, I'd still do it.
Go back? No thanks, it was bad enough the first time around and I love who I am today.
This has gotten me thinking-- What if I'd been born a regular XX girl with all the native talents and aptitudes I have? I would be coming of age just as feminism was making it possible for women to achieve whatever men do. I would have been able to unfold my abilities as a woman, without this constant war between my inner and outer selves which had crippled my potential all along. In that case my life would really rock.
Sigh. But that ain't what I got. As for feeling comfortable with my past--
No.
I'm sorry, but... no. Just no.
The past is a heavy weight on me and all I want is to get free of it. My children bring me no joy, they have turned against me since I transitioned, I have come to regret ever thinking I could be a father. My whole family has been putting heavy pressure on me to quit being trans (yeah like that's going to happen) because of my children. My children are the excuse everyone uses to beat me up for transitioning. I wish I could feel the way you do--I get the sense I'm supposed to feel that way-- but this has turned out so painful. Family is supposed to support and help you. But for me family has meant nothing but punishment for my ever existing. I have gotten no support from my family at all, only grief. The song "Silent Legacy" (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/melissaetheridge/silentlegacy.html) by Melissa Etheridge is the perfect description of what I've been through with my family. I don't know what to do about them. I'm going back into therapy because of this.
I do not want to be reminded of my old name or old self. I fired my first therapist because she invoked my old name and told me I had to accept being partly male, accept the male side of me. Hell no. Maleness is poison to me.
James Joyce said "History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake." That goes for my personal history. My life is starkly divided into two parts: before I came out and after I came out. Before holds only misery and regret. All those years gone and nothing to show for it. Now after a hard struggle I have finally reached my authentic life and begun healing. I wish the heavy weight of my past would just leave me the hell alone now. I'm through with it.
If I could go back and be born a female, would I do it? If it was just me and my children were not in the equation, YES IN A HEARTBEAT.
But I have four great kids and nine grandchildren, anyone of them could come up with the cure for cancer or be the first to develop a practical genitalia transplant surgery, or bring about world peace. I would not want to deprive the world of they talents.
Then again I would probably have ten children myself if I was born XX.
Janet
An interesting question, would you go back and be born as you were supposed to be? The answer depends on my mood and how my life is going lately. But I think the answer is yes.
I think that maybe if I had been a girl my head would have been more in this world. The last few years have felt more real to me then any part of my childhood. I can remember clearly the day I held my first dose of estrogen in my hands. Looking in the mirror and questioning myself one last time, "are you sure"? I haven't looked back, and life has only felt more livable since then along with more real. Everything before just feels like a strange dream.
If I could go back with my memories, or even not, I would. I would live as normal a life as my nature and personality would let me. I think the biggest difference in my life would be a closer relationship to my family and better grades. I would be a teacher now instead of going back to school. Or be a medic just the same. Whatever the case, my life would probably be just as adventurous as it is today.
Oh and kids? I'd be a mom by now, no doubt about it. ;)
I have always fanatsized and been obsessed with being a girl/woman .So much emotion and time deicated to it, If not for the social impications and the fear of the surgery, I would love to have a vagina. So I definitly would have preferred being born a female.
I only just noticed this thread. Interesting question.
If I had been female my life would have been very different. I would have married well (someone with a title probably) and had children. I would have probably become a stay at home mum living in a large country estate. I would almost certainly have remained within my birth social class (lets just say that I was "well bred" in other words towards the upper end). So I would be a very different person. I might even be rather moralistic and even trans-hostile "Oh no! - we don't like to hear about peculiar people like that, do we Rupert? :o"
Instead I kind of became my own person. I live according to my rules. I am much broader minded and less judgemental of others, more charitable. I have lived a more eventful life and probably left a lot more little marks on the world. So on the whole I am a better person for it!
Would have liked to be born female? YES! Would it have been good for my spiritual development? Almost certainly not.
Despite the fact that for a long time my every day prayer was to find that having a male body had all been a bad dream and I really had been a little girl all along, I have to admit that being trans had made me a far better person and for that reason I am proud of it and I thank God that I was.
This is a great thread to revive again.
I think I'm somewhere inbetween really.
Most of my life I've thought about every experience that has just occured and wondered how it would have been had I not had the ugly bits. Some incidences are obvious of course. I would never have gone to a boys school for a start. (Damm! >:-) ).
I'm pretty sure there are many things I could have done so much better had I looked female. I know I would have been a much better nurse for a start. I dearly wish I could have.
But I have spent my life, experiencing things as male. Then re-examining them from the female perspective. If I had been born, looking female, that almost certainly wouldn't have happened.
Non, je ne regrette rien
I've thought about this before and I guess I go back and forth on it a little. I do wish I'd been born male and had a mind and body in congruence with one another so I could have saved myself some trouble, but I don't think I'd go back and do that if I actually had the power to. I know where I am right now, and going back I wouldn't know where I'd end up. I might turn out to be someone that my current self wouldn't like. I also wouldn't be willing to give up my friends and memories in exchange for different ones.
Also, as Jenny says, I would have had different life experiences, likely excluding involvement in the GLBT scene, so I may have ended up as a homophobic, transphobic, closed minded bigot *cough, like my relatives cough* and I certainly wouldn't want that. Over all, I too think that being trans has made me a better person in some ways, as far as being accepting and less judgemental of others. So no, I wouldn't go back and take a lottery chance on who I'd grow up to be.
In an ideal world if I had been born male, I wouldn't know any different, and life would have been different, for sure! In some ways I may have had more confidence to do other things that I never did; OTOH I'm gay and that sure would have brought other experiences (good and bad).
But now that I'm here, finally me at age 49, I wouldn't change the past either. My two kids are awesome and I'm so glad they are here.
I'm just happy to be me for the next half of my life!
Jay
I'm not sure I understand your reasoning completely Miss Bev?
You state that if you had a fully female start, then your children which are genetically yours, this would not be the case had you been born a woman?
I would agree your current life and family wouldn't have been a reality...however, if you were a natal woman and healthy, you would have most likely married and still have had children of your own, and the joy of experiencing pregnancy...
If I'd been offered that... I would never have turned it down....
.
I'm with Hypatia on this one. There just isn't anything about my past that I would keep.
Oh sure, I'd keep the person who I am inside...but that good person comes with a lot of
scars, damage, and baggage. The person I am inside only really seems to grow and shine when separated from that horrible past completely. When the memories are absent. When the
central figures from those days are far far away.
.
If given the chance to start over from the 'git-go' and roll the dice again, I would.
I'd be me...a different me...both better and worse...but I'd be comfortable with my life,
my self, and my memories. Those things are really invaluable. The past would at least
hold some fondness for me, and the future would hold potential for things desired that
this life does not.
.
Yes, most definitely yes.
i love would you change time questions.
if time was turned back, you where unborn and given proper chromosones. and born again.
time would be different and we wouldent remember anything, unless we got a second wish. and that would be a horrible second wish.
i would do it in a heartbeat, even tho i guess i can understand the parents view. since you would effectivly unmake your children. but in the then proper timeline you could just recreate them for the first time again :)
people dont feel bad about all the babies that dont get created because you didnt jump on every opertunity available for making babies. and this isent really that different either. :)
Quote from: Cruelladeville on September 01, 2010, 08:05:59 AM
I'm not sure I understand your reasoning completely Miss Bev?
...however, if you were a natal woman and healthy, you would have most likely married and still have had children of your own, and the joy of experiencing pregnancy...
No.....not at all. I would not have married, but had a female partner. I'm the child-rearing type......not the child-bearing type, and I would have had to have had an intimate relationship with a turkey baster *ick*...
While it would have been nice to grow up a girl and be a woman from the get-go, there's no way for me to know how my life would have gone. I kind of like my life now. It seems to me to be a waste of time to say: "If only..."
Just my toppence.
- Kate
Sorry for only now discovering this thread, but it's a great one.
First, I'm so glad many of you have had such great and fulfilling lives overall. That is excellent, and I'm truly happy for you.
Second, my own story is closest to Hypatia's story, I'm sorry to say. Hypatia, may you finally find some peace, hon. I empathize with you deeply, because I've been there too ... bigtime.
Third, yes: I'd much rather have been born a genetic, XX female from the get-go. Would my life have been better? I'd like to think so. Sadly, it may not have been that much better.
Often times, I wonder if I have Asperger's syndrome or some such malady. If so, take my word for it that such a syndrome is much worse than having gender dysphoria. It leaves you with a sense of isolation and sadness that you simply cannot imagine. It's as difficult to explain to somebody who does NOT have Asperger's syndrome as it is trying to explain transsexuality to "normal" people. Can you just imagine being universally detested and loathed and not knowing why? Believe me: It's a bummer.