I'm going to be starting school soon, and I read in some FtM community awhile ago about e-mailing professors to tell them about preferred name and pronouns. First I have to get my professors' e-mail addresses (which will be a hassle because the majority of them happen to not work fulltime at my college, and are listed on the course list only as 'staff' instead of their name), and then I'm going to send the e-mail asap. I know everyone's situation is different, but I'm looking for advice. With a name like Michael, do I even need to bring up the pronoun issue? I pass almost 100% on sight, probably 70% at best once I speak. However, my legal name is relatively feminine, and I'll have to mention it. It has a possible male spelling, but it's primarily a female name. So I'm thinking there's a couple possibilities. No mention of pronouns and hope for the best, mention pronouns but not anything trans, or just say I'm trans so they don't get confused. And, any advice what to do if I have to come out to them in person?
Try the Dean's Office, Student Services, in whichever college you'll be in. I wouldn't work directly with profs. Many will do whatever the heck they chose anyway. Failing the Dean's Office, you might want to use the Office of the Department Chairperson in whichever department you'll be studyung in, if you know. Admissions Office might well be very helpful in this regard.
Nichole
Nichole, thanks for the reply! I think the Dean of the Liberal Arts college would be a good bet, but what should I say in my e-mail? I mean...what would he be able to do? I like the idea of going straight to the top, but some more guidance would be awesome.
The Office of the Dean, my dear. :laugh: He'll pass it along to someone one else anyhoo. They always do. But just email him direct: tell him your circumstances and what you are planning to do about them. If you're living in a name & gender-change state that is pretty easy to go through, WA & CA, DC perhaps, then tell them you are in-process and don't want added embarrassment, or to have to make announcements to whole classes that you feel will put you in a bad position, blah, blah.
Then wait for the reply. They will not HAVE to do what you want, obviously. They can and maybe will adhere to your given name. But school (college) is one of the best and easiest places to transition as long as you're not at Baylor, Notre Dame, Oral Roberts, Liberty, Bob Jones, etc. :laugh: >:D
When the reply comes get it done if you can. He'll possibly reply, if he's decent, that he's handed it to an underling to forge ahead with. Then talk with the underling.
All the best.
Nichole
Eeep, I told you I needed guidance! Haha...but I'll definitely do that. Here's what I've come up with. "[Insert introduction and non-TMI explanation of my transsexuality here]. I have every intention of continuing down this path, and I plan to be at [collegename here] until the completion of my degree. Using the name and pronouns I identify with will allow me to have a more productive, less stressful time, and reap the educational and social benefits offered to me by [collegename here]. Being addressed by a female name and female pronouns not only causes me great stress, but could make me a target of harassment, both verbal and physical. I hope that you will be willing to help me avoid such incidents by informing those necessary about my situation. I see myself as a relatively normal guy, albeit with some eccentricities, and I hope you will do what you can to make sure that my professors and peers see me that way as well."
My goodness!! :laugh: :laugh: I think he's got it!! :)
Good luck with 'em, GR.
:icon_hug:
Nichole
Yeah, I'm a writer. ^_^; I'm wayyy better at writing than talking, though. And I hope it goes well too! Thanks so much for all your help.
No problem, sir. That's what we're here for right? :)
Nichole
I mentioned this on another thread--to Elwood, if I'm not mistaken--but some schools do allow you to have your preferred name on rosters and stuff like that. I'm not sure how it works, but it's worth looking into. (Yes, I'm sure it was Elwood, and I'm sure that he said that his school does not allow such things.)
I agree that you should keep this whole process as administrative as possible and avoid dealing with profs one-on-one. One snotty/disrespectful prof can ruin your whole term and beyond. But I would be pretty keen to have you in MY class, trans or not. You're articulate.
Good luck. I'll be interested to see how this situation turns out.
You still might have to talk to each teacher, if what you say the majority of them happen to not work fulltime at my college, and are listed on the course list only as 'staff' instead of their name is true (and I'm sure it is, 20 years ago 3/4 of professors were tenured, now its reversed, 1/4 are) then those part time teachers don't ever contact the Dean, nor do they keep up with the 'faculty mail' as a lot of them don't even have an office.
But most of them will call you whatever you want, its not a unique deal anymore. And most of those teachers are there to do the class and get to the next place they will be teaching.
One snotty/disrespectful prof can ruin your whole term and beyond.
True I guess, but some of those types were my best teachers too. And Dr. Groovy who was so cool, was when all was said and done at the end of the term, not much on content. Sometimes its a trade off. But I'll take the first over the second if its my education.
Quote from: tekla on August 11, 2008, 10:50:21 PM
One snotty/disrespectful prof can ruin your whole term and beyond.
True I guess, but some of those types were my best teachers too. And Dr. Groovy who was so cool, was when all was said and done at the end of the term, not much on content. Sometimes its a trade off. But I'll take the first over the second if its my education.
Actually, Tekla, I meant snotty/disrespectful with regard to the TG/name issue, specifically.
Sent out my e-mail about a week ago, and no response yet. I'm thinking to e-mail the VP of Student Affairs. I'll probably just amend my original e-mail slightly. As for coming out to professors individually, any advice on when to do it? I mean...right before class, or try to catch them a day or so before (if they're around) or what? Also, I sure hope I'm articulate, Arch! I'm going to be an English major with a concentration in Secondary Education. -grin-
Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 12, 2008, 02:08:27 AM
Sent out my e-mail about a week ago, and no response yet. I'm thinking to e-mail the VP of Student Affairs. I'll probably just amend my original e-mail slightly. As for coming out to professors individually, any advice on when to do it? I mean...right before class, or try to catch them a day or so before (if they're around) or what? Also, I sure hope I'm articulate, Arch! I'm going to be an English major with a concentration in Secondary Education. -grin-
You might want to call the office(s) you're trying to make contact with and talk to an administrative assistant to find out whether these people are on campus right now. A lot of folks are on vacation. If the person you sent the e-mail to is on campus, you might set up an appointment unless you're not in the area. I dunno--play it by ear. But a polite follow-up e-mail wouldn't be out of line after a week.
BTW, I've run into a few students who were English or creative writing majors, and I wasn't always impressed with their writing. Then one of my committee members shared a few choice papers with me from her upper-division English classes. I found myself whispering, "The horror! The horror!" and feeling very sorry for her.
Email isn't such a good communication means for something like this. I don't know about your college, but I know that I spent a lot of time with my deans to talk about my program. I had some very special needs and they were very willing to meet with me to work through all the issues. Face to face was my best choice to handle all those problems.
Good luck sir!
Cindi
I myself would have preferred to have some sort of 'heads' up' in particular because I never would use first names as I thought that too informal. So my students were always Mister or Ms. ________. But I did ask them to make name tags for the desks as I could not possibly be expected to memorize thousands of names every semester. Really, I had better things to do, and I had classes with up to 300 students in them, however I rarely had to address anyone in those types of situations.
What i did when i transitioned at uni, was to just come out to my personal tutor, and then he discussed it with the school manager and they just changed their own school records, and didn't care if it didn't match "official" college/university stuff.
So if you struggle getting official stuff changed, you can always ask department/school administrators to unofficially change it. And i'd imagine it would be embarassing for professors to address a male presenting student with a female name anyway.
Also if you didn't want to come out to professors individually, you could just tell them at the start of class that admin had got your name wrong. ;D
So I've been told by most of the administrative staff that the best thing is just to contact professors individually, and so I've come up with an e-mail I'm going to send to my professors. I had a stroke of genius about an hour ago. Hah..."[Professorname here]: I'm in your _____ class, section __. You should have me on your roll as [legal name here, first and last], but I wanted to let you know I go by Michael. It would be great if you would make a note of that before the first day of class. I know most professors call the role as-is, and then students can tell their preferred name, but I'd rather my classmates not know my legal name. It's obviously an embarrassing one for a guy to have. Thanks in advance!" Any suggested edits? I'm too proud of myself at the moment to notice the inevitable room for improvement.
Hi Michael,
That's clever and well-written, but might be a bit too clever. I mean that as just a thought to consider; I think it really depends on the social environment there.
"Thanks in advance!" might be a bit chirpy; "Best Regards" or something might do better.
Make sure you use "Dr." or "Prof." or whatever title is appropriate (and not any title that's not).
I'd suggest trying to get in touch with a transgender group on campus if you can. You might be able to get advice from other students who have gone through this at your school, whereas some random administrator or secretary might have no clue about policies or suggested practices or whatever. Most colleges are huge, inefficient, and poorly managed bureaucracies. Actually, they tend to be semi-independent collections of such bureaucracies. So the "right thing" to do is likely to depend a lot on the specific situation. That's the downside to transitioning in college ... and of just being in academia in general.
Good luck with all your classes!
~Alyssa
Thanks for the advice, Alyssa. I'll come up with a new closing. As for the titles, I've already been obsessively scouring the school's website to find as many mentions of each professor as possible, so I can confirm the proper titles. And I e-mailed the campus LGBT group near the end of last academic year, but never received a reply. I learned from the director of housing, though, that my college has had trans students before. Not sure how many, or how recently, but it seems to bode well for my experience. I think my professors knowing as little as possible about my body is a good thing, and if it comes down to it, the administration seems likely to support me. The housing director even said that if I just want to tell people who ask why I live on a girls' floor, "I may not look like I belong there, but biologically, I do," then that's fine.
I agree with Alyssa. When I want something done I write in a semi-legal format that sticks to facts, circumstance and rules. Lay out clearly what you are doing. It's not necessary to tell them this is your final decision. It's inherent in writing the letter. Universities frequently have diversity policies and anti-hate rules. Mention what those are, then something along the lines of "In accordance with university policy, please direct my instructors to ...." I would send it by US Mail and CC it to whatever kind of LGBT rights oorganization you have. My university has a Chancellor's Committee on LGBT Relations. My favorite conclusion is "Your prompt attention to this matter is greatly appreciated."
We have many part-time faculty, too. Usually professionals coming in to teach a class or lecture on their particular specialty. All of them are listed in our on-line directory including part-timers and off-campus email addresses.
E-mailed all my professors lastnight, and just completely came out to them. Long e-mail, no chance for confusion. I've gotten replies from four out of five, and they were amazingly nice. Some highlights: one of my Japanese professors said that everyone in Japanese is referred to as Lastname-san, regardless of gender, so no big deal. The second Japanese professor, though, said she might also call me Michael-kun. "Kun" is definitely masculine, used for young boys. This makes me really happy. And my History professor said if he accidentally messes up, to just ignore him and mention it after class. Which is very cool. So yeah, just waiting on my math professor, but the politeness I've received so far is keeping me from worrying. This is going to be amazing.
Nice. I am still waiting to receive my official schedule so that I finally know who I have, but when I do I will have a nice long email for all of them as well.
Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 05, 2008, 02:44:56 PMI'm going to be starting school soon, and I read in some FtM community awhile ago about e-mailing professors to tell them about preferred name and pronouns.
I did this exact thing and it worked like a charm. They've all been very helpful.
I came out to my Body Conditioning (PHYED) teacher in person. He looked very concerned, but he was also very helpful. I felt like I was chasing him away, though. Maybe he had somewhere to go. I have no idea. But the point is, I told him straight up and he said he'd call me by my preferred name and pronouns. :)
Quote from: Elwood on August 20, 2008, 11:40:55 AM
Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 05, 2008, 02:44:56 PMI'm going to be starting school soon, and I read in some FtM community awhile ago about e-mailing professors to tell them about preferred name and pronouns.
I did this exact thing and it worked like a charm. They've all been very helpful.
I came out to my Body Conditioning (PHYED) teacher in person. He looked very concerned, but he was also very helpful. I felt like I was chasing him away, though. Maybe he had somewhere to go. I have no idea. But the point is, I told him straight up and he said he'd call me by my preferred name and pronouns. :)
I may have to do this with my math professor, if she doesn't reply by Tuesday. I have hope that she will, though...but I'm glad to hear that you succeeded both by e-mail and in person. Makes me feel less nervous about the possibility of looking my professor in the eye and explaining the situation. Though knowing me, I'll probably come up to her before class and be like, "Um, yeahhh...I sent you an e-mail, did you get it?" and hope she says, "Oh, I haven't checked e-mail in awhile, you just reminded me!" and goes over and reads it.
The last person I came out to in person was my mother, and that was about three years ago. I'm just so much better at doing it through e-mail or IM. Like you said in your blog, I get sortof...more feminine than usual, and probably play the victim a bit. Hell, the two times I've been asked by people in positions of authority to change out of costumes I've been wearing (once at an anime con, and once when I was dressed as the Joker at the mall), I've almost started crying. So yeah...something I need to work on.
Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 20, 2008, 11:50:15 AM
Quote from: Elwood on August 20, 2008, 11:40:55 AM
Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 05, 2008, 02:44:56 PMI'm going to be starting school soon, and I read in some FtM community awhile ago about e-mailing professors to tell them about preferred name and pronouns.
I did this exact thing and it worked like a charm. They've all been very helpful.
I came out to my Body Conditioning (PHYED) teacher in person. He looked very concerned, but he was also very helpful. I felt like I was chasing him away, though. Maybe he had somewhere to go. I have no idea. But the point is, I told him straight up and he said he'd call me by my preferred name and pronouns. :)
I may have to do this with my math professor, if she doesn't reply by Tuesday. I have hope that she will, though...but I'm glad to hear that you succeeded both by e-mail and in person. Makes me feel less nervous about the possibility of looking my professor in the eye and explaining the situation. Though knowing me, I'll probably come up to her before class and be like, "Um, yeahhh...I sent you an e-mail, did you get it?" and hope she says, "Oh, I haven't checked e-mail in awhile, you just reminded me!" and goes over and reads it.
The last person I came out to in person was my mother, and that was about three years ago. I'm just so much better at doing it through e-mail or IM. Like you said in your blog, I get sortof...more feminine than usual, and probably play the victim a bit. Hell, the two times I've been asked by people in positions of authority to change out of costumes I've been wearing (once at an anime con, and once when I was dressed as the Joker at the mall), I've almost started crying. So yeah...something I need to work on.
Yeah. I said it straight up. This is pretty much how it went.
Me: Hello. I have a somewhat personal matter I'd like to discuss with you.
Teacher: Okay.
Me: I'm quite glad you didn't call role today, seeing as my name is wrong on the roster.
Teacher: Oh?
Me: R for R****.
Teacher: Sara?
Me: Yeah. See, I'm going through a gender transition. I called the school and they said they wouldn't change my name unless I had legal proof of a name change, so I've had to come and tell each teacher ahead of time to prevent confusion in class.
Teacher: So what would you like to be called?
Me: My name's Dan.
Teacher: Dan?
(Everyone does that, like they've never heard that name before)
Me: Yeah.
He scribbled out my old name and wrote Dan there. He assured me that he'd try his best to be consistent. They get new rosters like every month, so I'll have to keep track with him. He's a coach, so he has to remember a lot more names than some of the other teachers. He said if he called me Sara on accident, he'd remember right away.
But yeah. I've come out to more people in person than I have online. I'm probably going to have to officially come out to my brother sometime in the next 3 days.
Me: My name's Dan.
Teacher: Dan?
(Everyone does that, like they've never heard that name before)
Nah, they are just repeating it to make sure they have it right. It also helps to remember to say it.
Quote from: tekla on August 20, 2008, 05:27:21 PMMe: My name's Dan.
Teacher: Dan?
(Everyone does that, like they've never heard that name before)
Nah, they are just repeating it to make sure they have it right. It also helps to remember to say it.
I hope that's all it is. They never did that with my female name. :-\
That happens to me sometimes too. But it's when I'm introducing myself. That's when I'm VERY paranoid that the person is thinking, "Okay, Michael...then this is a boy." Hasn't happened since I got a haircut, though...at least not that I can remember.
I'm into repeating things, to do that double check and also to imprint it in my mind. Its also good for workplace safety stuff, so its not a bad habit. In fact if you really want to remember you should try to use it three times. But I'm guessing that if you went to the trouble to do it, then the proff thinks its important to you and is just trying to get it right.
I just got my schedule in the mail and I emailed my professors the second I opened the letter (actually it took longer than that because I had to look up their email addresses). Now I am checking my email constantly as I wait for a response.
Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 20, 2008, 11:50:15 AM
I may have to do this with my math professor, if she doesn't reply by Tuesday. I have hope that she will, though...but I'm glad to hear that you succeeded both by e-mail and in person. Makes me feel less nervous about the possibility of looking my professor in the eye and explaining the situation. Though knowing me, I'll probably come up to her before class and be like, "Um, yeahhh...I sent you an e-mail, did you get it?" and hope she says, "Oh, I haven't checked e-mail in awhile, you just reminded me!" and goes over and reads it.
Math prof? She probably read it and totally forgot about it. Also, chances are slim she'll call role, refer to any students by name, or really want to speak to you at all. After all, you're a person, and people tend to intimidate mathematicians, bless their meek little hearts. :)
~Alyssa
College is not high school, and most of the professors have other things to do, really. so they may confine thier email stuff to once or twice a week, just like office hours.
My office hours were late Friday afternoon into evening (4:30-6:30pm), and very early monday morning (6-8am). You had to really want to talk to me, besides I was not really being paid to spend time with students, I was paid to lecure and do research. Heck, for about 80% (if not more) of the stuff I taught I never even graded a single test, never read the precious snowflakes' little book reports, never had a clue as to who they were.
I know its all important to you that all these men and woman treat you as you are now demanding. But I had classes that had over 300 students in them, I really didn't care about them as people - in fact, it would be weird to do that.
P.S. I never called roll. Really, what is this like 7th grade. I didn't care if you showed up or not. I suppose people passed my course by studying the material very hard and never listening to me lecture, I know several who only went to lectures and never even bought the text book. If it was important for you to be there, then you would show up.
Quote from: tekla on August 24, 2008, 12:41:11 PM
P.S. I never called roll. Really, what is this like 7th grade. I didn't care if you showed up or not. I suppose people passed my course by studying the material very hard and never listening to me lecture, I know several who only went to lectures and never even bought the text book. If it was important for you to be there, then you would show up.
At my school, the financial aid office now takes a very keen interest in knowing certain things about students who didn't pass the class. Like the last day that they showed up. I have to enter that date in my &%%)_$# grade report now, and the financial aid office can choose to honor or not honor financial aid agreements based on whether the nonpassing student has been bothering to come to class. Which means that I MUST take roll, whether I like it or not. I don't like. I'm not sure what profs in those large lectures do, but I have to send around a sign-up sheet or call names unless an assignment is due that day.
I wonder how many schools are doing this nowadays?
Anyway, it's not seventh grade, it's freakin' Romper Room.
Sorry I'm off topic here. I felt the need to rant. I am not a babysitter, and I resent being forced into that kind of role.