Poll
Question:
Are you a person with low self esteam? be honnest now!
Option 1: I'ed say My self esteam is about avrage.
Option 2: Well, yes and no, but it could be better.
Option 3: I'ed say My self esteam is about avrage.
Option 4: No, actually I have a fairly good self esteam
Option 5: I love myself so much I had to take a break from looking in the mirror just to answer this silly poll !
Self Esteam is a quality of ones confidence in ones self,in their Happyness with their self as a whole, with the choices they have made in their lives
and their fathe in themselves.
I understand that Most TS's have a very low self esteam... lets see however if EVERYONE has a low self esteam rather than listen to hearsay OK ?
Bob......
THROUGH THE ROOF!
And Still going Baby!
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.....
Chynna
*ponder* Quite a good question really.
I think I am somewhere between "I'ed say My self esteam is about avrage.", and "No, actually I have a fairly good self esteam"
so I went with "I'ed say My self esteam is about avrage.".
I have always spent a decent amount of time with myself, and I've had quite the good teachers so I should be at least mostly sorted out. However, something I have noticed in this transition process is a few things in which I can no longer ignore. Even so though, I suppose it amounts to "I am what I am.", and I can accept that.
I answered "yes and no, but it could be better". A few months ago I would have answered that it was really low, but I have been working on it and I think it is improving.
;D
Pam
QuoteI understand that Most TS's have very low self esteam...
In my research on trans-issues, I've come across many statements like this.
My first reaction was "We do?" However, I find this very sad if it is true.
I do not have low self esteem by any means. I like me. When I stand in front of the mirror, (especially now that I bind the breasts) nothing do I see that is not perfection.
I just don't appreciate being perceived as female when I am not.
This issue does bother me. If it is true that most of my people (transfolk) have self esteem problems, then we are in a bad state of affairs indeed.
Nero
Mine was pretty low for a long time. But then growing up I was treated like a useless know nothing kid. Watching myself develop into something I couldn't stand did add to it though.
Needless to say, it's not quite so low anymore. :)
I said very low..... which is true... I do have my high points.... When it comes to work I know what Im capable of and just go with it.... On the other hand Im a total social reject virtualy incapable of interacting with people face to face. <though over the phone Im fine... but they called me first>
I do have to admit though that low is a vast improvement on what it was 3 years ago which was somewhere in the field of negitive (less than none) though its far less than what it was 7 months ago. <great>
Things go up and down round and round... slowly but surely Im building it up again.
Like the pheonix from the ashes I rise again <and again, and again, and again LoL>
This is a very good question.
Thank you for posting it Bob. Many people don't realize that this can slip from time to time depending on what they are experiencing in their day to day life. Being comfortable with yourself and happy with you are is very important and can actually have great bearing on how the outcome of certain events and the paths our live take because of our choices. Even a pro at this can slip deeply if such a powerful blow to ones life is delt and can go into deep depression from such things. It some thing that everyone needs to practice daily.
Giving one a self check up in this department on a regular basis is very important.
Thanks for the reminder.
Smiles,
Peggiann
well. what's the mirror got to do with high self-esteem. My thought is that that behavior often indicates insecurity.
I'm worse than Chynna, through the roof, through the clouds, past the heavens. IE: fairly high. Could be better.
Quote from: jan c on July 23, 2006, 03:15:28 PM
well. what's the mirror got to do with high self-esteem. My thought is that that behavior often indicates insecurity.
I'm worse than Chynna, through the roof, through the clouds, past the heavens. IE: fairly high. Could be better.
Self esteem is liking the entire package. You could feel great about who you are on the inside, but that is only one aspect of it. High self esteem is being comfortable with yourself. And that includes being comfortable with your reflection. How many people who walk around complaining about their appearance have high self esteem?
Nero
Quote from: Nero on July 23, 2006, 04:23:49 PM
Self esteem is liking the entire package. You could feel great about who you are on the inside, but that is only one aspect of it. High self esteem is being comfortable with yourself. And that includes being comfortable with your reflection. How many people who walk around complaining about their appearance have high self esteem?
Nero
I def need to append my reply then, it was less than compleat. Liking the whole package to me does not necessarily mean what the last option in the poll implied. Can't tear oneself away from that reflection. Obsessed with the one-dimensional reflection indicates, well, some one-dimensionality. High self-esteem can mean that what happens to appear in a mirror starts looking pretty good. Even to a self-criticizing person.
QuoteHigh self-esteem can mean that what happens to appear in a mirror starts looking pretty good.
Probably the case with me, as I'm certainly not what you'd call conventionally handsome. :D
Nero
For the sake of argument.
Let's say you were in a horrible accident, Nero. Your face is irreparably to' up. Now It might be that you become 'comfortable with that reflection', some day. Ideally. But for the here-and-now it's not happening.
On the other hand you are doing exactly what you want to do, what you feel you should be doing, every day of your life.
Fit this scenario with your assertion.
Quote from: Nero on July 23, 2006, 04:23:49 PM
Self esteem is liking the entire package. You could feel great about who you are on the inside, but that is only one aspect of it.
Which is why it's diificult for me to answer this question. I'm very confident with who I am inside (not just in terms of gender, but spiritually) - and yet, being seen in public (just presenting as a "normal" guy) has always been traumatic for me. I can't shake the feeling that I'm wearing a flimsy man costume, like being in drag, and that everyone can somehow tell that I'm TS. I feel... silly and deceitful.
Heck, maybe being confident with who I am inside is actually *causing* the problem... ironic thought, huh?
Quote from: jan c on July 23, 2006, 05:02:24 PM
For the sake of argument.
Let's say you were in a horrible accident, Nero. Your face is irreparably to' up. Now It might be that you become 'comfortable with that reflection', some day. Ideally. But for the here-and-now it's not happening.
On the other hand you are doing exactly what you want to do, what you feel you should be doing, every day of your life.
Fit this scenario with your assertion.
Good argument. I would still be me. I would still be a good person. My self-perception would not change.
Maybe it really is all about the inside. If self esteem was dependent on the outside, those of us who are not conventionally attractive would be in trouble.
Nero
I'm pretty cool with who I am. Granted there were times when I didn't feel so good, but I think we have all experienced those feelings. Right now I'm a confident woman, in a position to influence others and I'm very comfortable with who I am. I hope that others see this as mutual respect goes a long way. Yes there are days when I don't feel so great, but I like who I am, I like what I've been able to accomplish.
If you like yourself what is there not to like :) Ok that's a little self-centred...
Steph
P.S. I am woman hear me roar. *Helen Reddy*
I said that I have very good self esteem.
Yes, the last few weeks have shaken me, but I know who I am.
I know that my voyage of discovery is underway, and I feel good about what I am learning.
At the moment, my physical shell does not match my inner spirit. This is correctable. I am willing to pay the price to do just that.
Chaunte
psssst! Steph! Those lyrics are Helen Reddy, not Carly Simon!
My self esteam is very low at the moment.
Alice
Thanks Cini,
I like your old days pic.
Alice
I think a transsexual's self-esteem is more related to where they are in their lives. Somebody who is transsexual and has not come to terms with it would generally have fairly low self esteem. Somebody who has come to terms with it, but is suffering fom severe dysphoria may also have low self esteem. Somebody who has started transitioning will generally start feeling much better about themselves and pretty quickly.
Melissa
From your picture Cindi, I can't see anything but a happy young woman.
Melissa
QuoteSomebody who has come to terms with it, but is suffering fom severe dysphoria may also have low self esteem.
I don't have a low self esteem I don't think. I hate my life, I don't like the way the world relates to me, I don't understand why I'm this way, and I am not happy, there is no doubt about that. But, I try and be a good person, and live my life for others, and make other people around me happy, and that makes my life worthwhile. It gives some value to my being here, so I don't think my self esteem is all that low. So, I voted average, I guess. Although, I really don't know what 'average' is.
QuoteSomebody who has come to terms with it, but is suffering fom severe dysphoria may also have low self esteem.
Quote from: Jessica on July 24, 2006, 04:26:55 PM
I don't have a low self esteem I don't think. I hate my life, I don't like the way the world relates to me, I don't understand why I'm this way, and I am not happy, there is no doubt about that. But, I try and be a good person, and live my life for others, and make other people around me happy, and that makes my life worthwhile. It gives some value to my being here, so I don't think my self esteem is all that low.
That's why I used the word "may". But honestly, are you happy with the person you are right now? If so, great. If not, that's ok. There's nothing wrong with being happy with who you are, but transitioning anyways. I was mostly referring to myself when I wrote those statements. I thought I had good self esteem at the time, but it wasn't until I truly started becoming happier with myself that I realized I didn't back then.
Melissa
QuoteBut honestly, are you happy with the person you are right now?
Hell no!
Part of that is my belief system though. I am going to suffer in this life, I don't know why, but that's the way it is. But, if I live for other people and get enough karma stacked in my favor then maybe my next life I won't be in this situation.
Either I'll be a Happy Guy that's happy in that role
Or I'll be a Happy Girl that's happy in that role (my preferred obviously)
But, either way, I won't be in this constant state of knowing who I am and not being able to get there because of the negative karmic consequences of making that decision.
Quote from: cindianna_jones on July 24, 2006, 04:28:31 PM
Melissa, you are too kind. You are the sweetness the world has lost. A treasure to be sure.
Cindi
Yes,she certainly is. :)
Nero
I think having good self-esteem means being happy with who you are. I also believe that self-esteem is analog in nature and can change on a daily basis, but is fairly constant for the most part. I'm mostly happy with who I am, I just have some "details" to fix that will cost 10-15K and I should be all set. :)
Quote from: cindianna_jones on July 24, 2006, 04:28:31 PM
Melissa, you are too kind. You are the sweetness the world has lost. A treasure to be sure.
Cindi
Quote from: Nero on July 24, 2006, 04:37:30 PM
Yes,she certainly is. :)
Nero
Thank you very much you two.
Melissa
From the "True Selves" book, page 116:
Poor Self-Esteem
For most of their lives, transsexxuals have had to hide their true selves from the world. This deception, carried out over an extended period of time, results in feelings of unworthiness...
Low self-esteem runs rampant amoung transsexuals and causes many of them to become loners and underacheivers, to take dead-end jobs, and to develop problems with health, grooming, and body language.
The self-esteem issues that transsexual patients struggle with include the following:
- Poor self-esteem because they are different from other people and have had a hard time fitting in or being accepted
- Poor self-esteem because it's hard for them to like or love themselves when so much of their existence is based on deception
- Poor self-esteem because they have the wrong body and genitals
I answered yes and no could be better.
For most of my life I got my self-esteam from how other responded to me. Hence I was a people pleaser. But now things are changing and I'm just begining to find out who and what I am in my own eyes.
So am I who I want to be NO. Am I who I was a year ago No. Am I changing YES. Is it for better I DON"T KNOW. Do I like myself better than I did before MAYBE ... Aha ..... YES I DO. Do I think I'm better than anyone else NO. Do I think I'm less than other people NO.
So who or where do I get a my concept of my self-esteam from now? ???
I'm really not sure. :-\
:)
Jillieann
Quote from: Kate on July 24, 2006, 08:43:48 PM...
Low self-esteem runs rampant amoung transsexuals and causes many of them to become loners and underacheivers, to take dead-end jobs, and to develop problems with health, grooming, and body language.
...
Loner, yes and happy.
Underacheiver, yes. Mostly only because the vast number of things I
try to do simply do not work like I think they should :P
Dead-end jobs, er no.
Problems with health, No, not really. I have a difficult time forcing myself to eat but that is not a self-esteem issue as far as I am aware.
Problems with grooming,
*shrug* My place in life is very much not what I would prefer, that has (among other things) made it difficult to get excited about grooming in general.
*shrug* I can manage more or less.
Problems with and body language,
*shrug* Living in a foreign social context tends to make things confusing, however all the body language I need I learned I learned from my Basset. ;)
Quote from: Kate on July 24, 2006, 08:43:48 PM...
- Poor self-esteem because they are different from other people and have had a hard time fitting in or being accepted
...
*chortle* I
SO could not fit in I did not try. I am abby normal and proud of it. Fitting in was not a problem because I did not try any more than was necessary to be left alone.
As for being accepted,
*shrug* Sure I would like to be, but they do or they do not and by and large that is their deal, and not my concern.
Quote from: Kate on July 24, 2006, 08:43:48 PM...
- Poor self-esteem because it's hard for them to like or love themselves when so much of their existence is based on deception
...
*shrug* We do (and are capable of) some pretty impressive things in the name of survival. I am not going to knock myself because I was doing the best that I could and what I thought was the best course of action at the time.
Quote from: Kate on July 24, 2006, 08:43:48 PM...
- Poor self-esteem because they have the wrong body and genitals
...
*shrug* I would be in the gutter if something so simplistic as that messed with my self-esteem.
The wrong genitals are and have been annoying. VERY.
The wrong body?
*snicker* More than
(generic) you know.
But ok, so I'm a fruitloop and don't do things at all like normal. ;) That is kind of, well, normal. See above about not fitting in...
(=
*shrug*Just a few coppers from the peanut gallery ;)
Quote from: Peggiann on July 23, 2006, 11:27:29 AM
This is a very good question.
Thank you for posting it Bob. Many people don't realize that this can slip from time to time depending on what they are experiencing in their day to day life. Being comfortable with yourself and happy with you are is very important and can actually have great bearing on how the outcome of certain events and the paths our live take because of our choices. Even a pro at this can slip deeply if such a powerful blow to ones life is delt and can go into deep depression from such things. It some thing that everyone needs to practice daily.
Giving one a self check up in this department on a regular basis is very important.
Thanks for the reminder.
Smiles,
Peggiann
Many responces and many answers thank you ! and I can't even remember what I said for myself ...above avrage i think <grin>
though My life was filled with many a canyon of extreamily low self esteam, I think i have learned better through time.
But if one thing needs to be emphasized here it is what Peggiann so elegantly wrote !
and I could have never said it so well in such a few words ! there is a bunch of knowledge rolled up in those words of her's ! pay attention to them ! read them over and over again ! Hear,Hear !!!!!
Well done Peggiann !
I'm not keeping a score card here, this is just to make you think. Thinking is good !
though too much of it will no doubt make you smart so watch out for that ! <GRIN>
its important to know though, that there is no RIGHT ansewrs here... except truth.
for some people a low self esteam is their normal and it may even rise to not too bad...
for others a high self esteam is Normal... with ocasional moments of weakness .
whats normal for you and what works for you is what is important here self esteam is not a cookie cutter, and we don't want every one the same ! thats not what knowing what your self esteam is , is all about ... its just a guage to help you deside if you need to change something in your life.
as Peggiann said "Giveing yourself a self checkup in this department is very important !"
and indeed it is !
<Smiles>
Bob.......
Quote- Poor self-esteem because they are different from other people and have a hard time fitting in or being accepted
I never got any semblance of acceptance from girls - ever. They refused to play with me, they would throw a hissy and move their chair if I was seated next to them, I would go out of my way to be sweet and friendly to them, but that only made it worse. They descended on me like harpies to the kill. The harder I tried to be like them, the more obvious it was that I wasn't. They somehow knew I wasn't really one of them - women's intuition, I guess.
This has continued through kindergarten to the present day - I am not accepted as a woman by other women.
Quote- Poor self-esteem because it's hard for them to like or love themselves when so much of their existence is based on deception
I realized from an early age that I would never fit in, that I stuck out; so for the most part I didn't have this constructed facade that you always hear about. I was just me. I behaved like me, except for certain people I made subconscious exceptions for - like my father.
The only deception was that I was perceived as female, and a very strange one at that.
I don't think these things had much impact on my self-esteem. I learned early on not to base my self-esteem on others' perceptions of me.
Nero
Currently, my self esteem is good. I am living as a woman and accepted as one, so therefore I don't feel odd anymore. Before transition it also was pretty good, but I say this is due to my wife constantly helping boost it. I don't think I could have gone so long if that weren't the case. In the early transition after I came out to myself, I had very low self esteem. I knew I wasn't who I was supposed to be and I think I may have had some degree of body dysmorphic disorder and thought there was no way I would ever be passable. Now the BDD is gone and I see myself as a woman. I am not going to get FFS simply because I do not need it to live the way I want.
Melissa
QuoteI am not going to get FFS simply because I do not need it to live the way I want.
I'm glad to hear that, as I love your face the way it is. But would you care to explain what you mean by BDD? I don't understand, do you mean you had that concurrent with the gender dysphoria?
Nero
Quote from: Nero on July 25, 2006, 10:46:18 AM
I'm glad to hear that, as I love your face the way it is. But would you care to explain what you mean by BDD? I don't understand, do you mean you had that concurrent with the gender dysphoria?
Nero
Correct. I meant that I saw myself as way uglier than I really was.
Melissa
Very True Milissia !
A very big portion of our population see's themselves as Uglier than they realy are
i think it is a natural thing.... i don't know why , it just is i guess. I suppose I am not all THAT UGLY, but I love to joke about it none-the-less , i mean looking at one of the kittens we have here is amuseing to see those big wide eyes as if they were saying " OH my GOD Mom there is this big UGLY thing ...and ...and he was LOOKING AT ME !
I mean animals are very preseptive after all , so there must be something to it ! HEHEHEH
....
So i think its more or less normal to see yourself as less atractive than others arround you.... its nothing to worry about and its nothing to dwell upon .... take the attitude...so what !
So yah , I'm ugly.... and ya know what ? I don't care eather ! now weather this is actually true or not i realy don't know <GRIN> thats not what my wife says !HAHAH!
.......
Milissa I agree with you I don't think you need facial reconstruction in any way. and I am Proud of you for comeing to that conclusion.
Facial Reconstruction is usually about the third thing that comes to mind for a TS MtoF
but seriously in most of the cases its not needed .
My Kid Is Planning on it as well, but I think she will find that "its not so bad after all" in a ruggid sort of way, with a bit of time, and learning oh how to apply the makeup, I think she will pass as normal in a croud anyday !
lets face it Boys have NO frigging clue on how to apply makeup ! we couldn't even fake it if our lives depended on it ! .... Regular girls get indoctenerated from an early age
on up .... it takes years of dedicated effort ! ... it just ain't going to come real fast to ya ... trying to make yourself purdy ain't an easy task. any gal will tell ya that !
but the guys realy don't even try past shaveing and combing their hair.
so if you remember you are starting off with a few strokes against ya in the learning department ,perhaps it will help calm the fears a bit ! it will come in time !
be paitiant !
my 2 coppers
Bob.......
Quote from: Bob on July 25, 2006, 07:21:38 PM
Regular girls get indoctenerated from an early age
on up .... it takes years of dedicated effort ! ... it just ain't going to come real fast to ya
I have to disagree with the statement in bold. When it comes to makeup, I had a very good teacher - my ex. We have similar face shapes and she was able to transfer many of the things she has learned about her face to mine and helped me initially pick out the right colors (she was working on a degree in fashion before) for me and taught me a bunch of stuff. I also had to learn a few application techniques and the rest was just practice. Within a month I was able to apply makeup fairly well and I had a lot of practice since then and feel that I'm just as good as any other woman at it now and perhaps better than some. I didn't need to experiment as much as a normal female growing up is all. I did have a few skills that also came in handy such as artistic talent.
Quote from: Bob on July 25, 2006, 07:21:38 PM
lets face it Boys have NO frigging clue on how to apply makeup ! we couldn't even fake it if our lives depended on it !
That's right. Just keep in mind that MtFs are not boys.
Melissa (with an 'e' ;))
Quote from: Bob on July 25, 2006, 07:21:38 PM
Very True Milissia !
A very big portion of our population see's themselves as Uglier than they realy are
i think it is a natural thing.... i don't know why , it just is i guess.
I don't need to guess - it's not natural. The majority of people in our culture feel uglier than they really are because of marketing: TV, Print, etc. All those commercial messages that we are bombarded with -> Buy this - be happy, buy that - look better - be happy, buy our stuff and you'll get the girl/boy because you don't measure up otherwise, ad infinitum.
Happy and contented people do not buy as much as unhappy people with low self-esteem so our culture reinforces our deficiencies and the result is that few of us feel good about ourselves. Then we go out and buy that stuff to feel good/look better/get the girl, get the boy . . . . . . .
helen
HAHA ! Ok Good point Melissa !
but no fair you had a teacher ! but perhaps your 2nd quote covers that MtoF are not Boys ! .... Ok good point ! i suppose it would come easier to those ! not truly boys so to speak.... i know I would have a heck of a time at it and i am a good artest and painter
but I bet i'ed realy look the fool should i ever try to put make up on !
but I'll bow to your superrior knowledge in having been there done that ! i can't say that
so I am just guessing here ...thanks for setting me stright !
there are many many aspects about the MtoF transision that i do not understand how a person would get over them , but i am looking from a male point of view too there are obsticals that I know i couldn't overcome ... but perhaps that is diferent with the MtoF Transexuals
i hope so .
...
hehehehe I suppose if i can learn to fiberglass a prop in a few weeks time i could learn to put makeup on well in the same amount of time ... with hopefully fewer throw aways though ! HAHAHAH !
<grin>
just depends if you realy want to do it or not eh ?
C ya !
Bob.......
Sorry about the misspellin' Melissa with an e ! I'm lucky to spell my own name right !
<grin>
Quote from: Bob on July 27, 2006, 12:26:23 AM
Sorry about the misspellin' Melissa with an e ! I'm lucky to spell my own name right !
<grin>
No prob Bob. ;)
Melissa
This is a topic that makes you sit & think about things, to force oneself to consider & be brutally honest.
I think, underneath everything everything my self esteem is low. Why? well I don't feel that it is but I look at my abilities (and I am not boasting but being honest :( ) and I have & have had great potential - but what part of it have I realised? :(
I suspect that the potential was there for Rana to use, but in real life I was not Rana was I. Carbon is the element - but I seem to have ended up as graphite (sure has many uses :) ) not diamond
Rana
Mine has always been very good despite how I have always felt on the inside. I have to owe it to others always accepting me as I am, telling me I am good looking and I think being the athelete I was was huge growing up. I have down times though when I am veiwed as female. It kills me every time. But, surgery is only a week and a half away. Then things will be close to perfect.
Marco
Quote from: Kate on July 24, 2006, 08:43:48 PM
From the "True Selves" book, page 116:
Poor Self-Esteem
For most of their lives, transsexxuals have had to hide their true selves from the world. This deception, carried out over an extended period of time, results in feelings of unworthiness...
Low self-esteem runs rampant amoung transsexuals and causes many of them to become loners and underacheivers, to take dead-end jobs, and to develop problems with health, grooming, and body language.
The self-esteem issues that transsexual patients struggle with include the following:
- Poor self-esteem because they are different from other people and have had a hard time fitting in or being accepted
- Poor self-esteem because it's hard for them to like or love themselves when so much of their existence is based on deception
- Poor self-esteem because they have the wrong body and genitals
Hmm, I would say I have Low Self Esteem. The first statement hit like a hammer right on top of the intended nail in the wall. I hate hiding things, I really do, but being open and honest with something such as this, well, its really hard to even consider with my families traditions and such. I hate liars, I hate deception and Illusion, but it seems the biggest things in my life, are just shades of an unknown color. I can't stand it, but also can't stand the thought of what will happen once I do come foward..
For the second statement. I dont like being alone, matter of fact, I'm extremely social with people I've known many years, yet, due to my really, really, bad case of being shy, I tend to be a loner more times than not. I want to acheive great things, sure, I'd love to strike it rich with some great, world changing invention, but hey, I'd be more than content working any decent job, as long as I was accepted. I'm also a rather large fellow, yet I wouldnt say I'm unhealthy, So what, I like Pizza and Chinese, and eat more than my fair share often times, Big Deal. I try my best to keep myself relatively decent in the grooming area...and I'm sure my body language most likely screams that I'm not comfortable with who I am.
Third Statement...I've been flat out rejected on more occasions that I wish to think of, and I never could "fit in" with all those socially adequate, cool, popular, or just chill, groups during school. Do I mind so much now, not really, but it hasnt helped my confidence or esteem a bit.
Fourth statement...I've already discussed this.
Finally, To a degree. I've never felt.."whole" as a guy, I've always disliked my lower parts, and always longed for breasts. Of course, I suppose just that feeling of not knowing what the heck is going on in your mind, trying so hard to figure out what, and who you are..yeah, I guess that would add to ones low self-esteem.
But as of now, I'm starting to gather research on Lowe's Policies towards TS's. The reason I say this, while some aspects are extremely bad, its a great place to work, alot of nice people. When I was hired, I was a part time Loader for Lumber, but now Im a full time associate in Millworks, and really think that I may want to pursue this as a life long job, of course, retiring when the time comes. So I'm really interested in their policies regarding TS's. I'm also trying to find a good therapist reasonably close to my town so that I can hopefully work up the bravery to make that call, to open myself up to someone I know wont judge me like most other people would...
And at that, sorry for the long post, just wanted to speak my mind.
Talk to you all later,
Diem
Quote from: Diem on January 22, 2007, 11:11:29 PM
[Hmm, I would say I have Low Self Esteem. The first statement hit like a hammer right on top of the intended nail in the wall. I hate hiding things, I really do, but being open and honest with something such as this, well, its really hard to even consider with my families traditions and such. I hate liars, I hate deception and Illusion, but it seems the biggest things in my life, are just shades of an unknown color. I can't stand it, but also can't stand the thought of what will happen once I do come foward..
"It is far better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not."
- Variation of a quote by Andre Gide
Melissa
Quote from: Melissa on January 23, 2007, 10:52:04 AM
Quote from: Diem on January 22, 2007, 11:11:29 PM
[Hmm, I would say I have Low Self Esteem. The first statement hit like a hammer right on top of the intended nail in the wall. I hate hiding things, I really do, but being open and honest with something such as this, well, its really hard to even consider with my families traditions and such. I hate liars, I hate deception and Illusion, but it seems the biggest things in my life, are just shades of an unknown color. I can't stand it, but also can't stand the thought of what will happen once I do come foward..
"It is far better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not."
- Unknown
Melissa
Hey there Melissa.
The quote was made by Andre Gide and the exact wording of the quote is:
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
:) I'm just a fountain of info :)
Steph
Picky, picky. :) I just did a google search, because I knew the approximate wording and none of the results had the author, so I just went with what I found. I think it gets the idea across. Thanks for the correct info Steph--I fixed it. :)
Melissa
Quote from: Melissa on January 23, 2007, 12:33:35 PM
Picky, picky. :) I just did a google search, because I knew the approximate wording and none of the results had the author, so I just went with what I found. I think it gets the idea across. Thanks for the correct info Steph--I fixed it. :)
Melissa
Actually Melissa I prefer the version you used as it's more personal, I've used that version myself. The only reason why I posted the correct quote was because you wrote that the author was "unknown" :)
Steph
Gah! :icon_blah:
Melissa
Heh. I've always tried to be true to myself, but sometimes, I just wonder if I'm young and just in a state of "Blah". I'm currently looking for a therapist so that I can open up to someone, so that I can eventually open up to my family and friends.
But yea, the quote sends a clear as glass message, but the way I look at this situation..Glass can easily cut you, so I'm playing it safe for now.(I know these things are best if you come out and admit to yourself and others right away, but I'm not that comfortable yet) BUT, I'm working on it, I swear !
Anyway..thanks for the replies :D
Good ? bob!
woof woof!
towards gender 50% or so struggling there, everywhere else 100% of not 110%
Sad truth be told!
Ricki
Quote
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."
~ Andre Gide
Andre Gide's quote (which adorns my personal blog as well as my quote database) has been among my favorite since I first heard it.
However, one should not sacrifice personal safety for liberty. (Oie, I think I just disagreed with Benjamin Franklin.
*frown*) Ok, make that personal liberty, an technically:
Quote
"Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."
~ Probably Benjamin Franklin, according to http ://en . wikiquote . org/wiki/Benjamin_Franklin
Anyway, I say this because well, without going into details, personal liberty is of little consequence if you are dead or detained. Or said another way, be free but keep your brain engaged. ;)
QuoteAnyway, I say this because well, without going into details, personal liberty is of little consequence if you are dead or detained. Or said another way, be free but keep your brain engaged. Wink
You're right Kimberly and i try to keep mine entact must be something to this i'm always sitting on my brain for some reason???
location location
hehe.... ::)
ricki
My self esteam is usually very good relating to the male mode. For the femme side it depends on the latest results relating to current pictures taken while totally dressed. There have been times that those pictures did not satisfy my very self critical standards. I found that part of the problem in some of these instances was that I got much too close to the camera. lol On the flip side of this, the self esteam soars after seeing pictures that satisfy me.
I apologize for the text coloring. I had no idea that the yellow would be so hard to read. No more yellow.
A good photographer can make a massive differance
Quote from: Lucy on March 16, 2007, 11:41:32 AM
A good photographer can make a massive differance
An excellent makeup artist can make the ultimate difference. The pictures that were especially distressful were taken, by me, with great confidence, at the time, that the makeup was special due to a "professional" having done it for me. Not so. Better results have followed recently.
Sorry, but...
Self Esteem?
Wozzdát..?
Quote from: umop ap!sdn on July 23, 2006, 03:18:10 AM
Mine was pretty low for a long time. But then growing up I was treated like a useless know nothing kid. Watching myself develop into something I couldn't stand did add to it though.
Needless to say, it's not quite so low anymore. :)
DITTO!!
Karen Lyn :icon_female:
I have good self esteem. Ironicly I've encountered a couple crossdressing sites (not so much TS/TG sites) that allmost seemed to have an active agenda of lowering members self esteam rather than being a support site.
Past atempts to not be me have caused bouts of severe depression and perhaps temporary low self esteem, but after stopping that behavior there is no low self esteem here.
I voted well err yes & no...
mines sort of a Paradox in term!
As a guy which i routinely play the role every stinkin day i have to do to work, agghhhhh :icon_blah:
I used to have all but supreme confidence and self esteem!
It's still about 90% strong no issues when in guy mode..
girl mode is the "dox".... like 40% at best even then very questionable?
I try and am trying to incorporate who i am internally to who i am externally while not transitioning physically...
To this the esteem lags (or lack there of) creep into the guy outer part.
comfused yet; i am....
anyway self esteem is a huge issue for me as i lack it in the girl piece of me....Which is the rally large part of me.... :embarrassed:
A very unsettling world!
I had a dream the west coast was attacked (sorry californians..grin)by a foreign country and i was fighting with the young neighbor boy to join the army as the nation had a plea for armed services help???
Is this a bad dream or images of my poor esteem..
this is definately a working area for me i think i posted something a bit ago about my low opinion on my own female self-esteem!
I enjoyed reading what everyone had to say so far! :-*
Ricki
Since I really am always acting like who I should be - a guy -, I don't have any way to relate to confidence in accordance to my birth sex.
Anyway, I'm confident in my abilities as a person, but as a man? I have very low self esteem. I don't feel complete. I feel fake... I definitely cannot pass right now. Regrettably, I was born very feminine in faceshape and body (thankfully, my breasts are small - an A or small B, never worn a bra, but I would say my guess is close). I hate looking into a mirror and being reminded of how feminine I look / am shaped. It kills all confidence in me when reminded it, and it happens a lot with the people I work with.
I know they don't know anything about me, but I still get depressed and angry... Bleh.
I had very low self esteam growing up, well ok negitive self esteam. I never ever liked the guy in the mirror. Hated being a guy but afraid to be me back then in southern georgia. Since I've come out and accepted myself, My self Esteam has skyrocketed. Who knew that just being me would be so much fun and make such a difference in my life.
Beni
My self esteam is low at the moment due to two car accidents in 10 months.I was almost back to my old self after alot of thearpy and work but than someone decided to send me back hospital again so now I've got to start from scratch again and trying to get my head back together,at least it isn't anything related to my gender.
Floritine
i am confident in my decisions and who i am, and that will never change.....i just want to bring my body to my female self