Its true, I dont think he knows it, but he is. Because today was a really crappy day at work, and all I wanted to do was go home and take a shower and pass out, but for some idiotic reason I scheduled my therapy session right after work. So I go in and I sit down for a few minutes, then the lady who always gives me my massage ask's me how I've been since she last worked on me, and for some reason she always gets me to talk. Normally laying down on a table with my shirt off and having a girl rubbing my back makes me not want to talk, but she's pretty good at getting me to blabber on about my day.
Afterwards I didn't feel so lousy and I sat back in the waiting room until my chiropractor called me back. I've known this guy my whole life, and he's basically our family doctor. We've always gone to him if we needed to know something, and even if he didn't have a clue, he knew someone who did and he'd send us their way.
Well, it had been 6 weeks since my last appointment with him, and the previous time I was there I asked if he knew any therapists in the area that wern't complete loons. He gave me the name and number of a lady about a 30 - 40 minute drive from town who he said he'd recomend to anyone. (Keep in mind, he doesn't know why I want to see a therapist).
So, this appointment started out with a "Did you contact the therapist I told you about?" And I told him that I couldn't until I had a stable job and could afford to pay for the gas and appointment. After that he adjusted my neck and my back and yadda yadda yadda. Well right before we were done he asked if it was okay if he asked me a personal question. I said sure, because, iunno, this guy is like family to me. He then asked me if I wanted to see a therapist because I dont see myself as feminin. I said 'Yeah, something like that' Completely stunned that he had just said that. I am NOT out to anyone other than my girlfriend and two of my closest friends, so there was no way he had 'heard it through the grape vine'.
He said he didn't want to be nosey or get too personal, but he asked me if I saw myself as a guy or a girl. (Or something along those lines, I'm having a hard time remembering the whole conversation, I was basically a deer in the headlights until I got in my truck to go home.)
I told him I saw myself as one of the guys, but that I never fit in like the other guys did, there still seemed to be that little barrier keeping me from it. (This barrier is called a vagina, but I didn't tell him that.) And I told him that I could never see myself being one of the girls, it just wasn't what I wanted.
And, shock after shock, he COMPLETELY understood, and he looked a little relieved that he was on the right track. So he started talking to me, telling me how he had just watched this 20/20 episode that covered transgendered people and their families (Don't know the exact title.) and that he was amazed at these peoples stories. We talked about it for a little bit longer with me only throwing in the occasional "Wow" and "Yeah" because I'm still sitting there like :icon_eek:
He tells me its okay to feel this way, and that sometimes things get mixed up, and that nature is not perfect. Sometimes people are born without things or with things in the wrong places, or even a few extra things every now and then. And he told me about his old boss he had in highschool, who is around 50 or 60 now, but that he had always suppressed the feelings he had, and instead tried to have a 'normal' life. He has a wife and 4 kids, and all of a sudden he doesn't want to be what he's been forcing himself to be. So, now he's doing hormone treatment and dressing like he's always wanted to dress.
And my Chiropractor kept saying, "Don't you EVER suppress those feelings, life's too short, talk to someone. If you feel being male is something you want then dont let anyone stop you from being happy." He told me he was there for me if I ever needed someone to talk to, and that he would call the therapist he had recommended me and ask her personally if she had any experience with this type of thing, or if she knows anyone in the area that can help me.
Note: I'm still like this :icon_eek:
We talked a little bit more about my sexuality and how I'm attracted to women, and how I am attracted to guys but in more of a 'I wish I looked like that. I wish I could grow a beard.' type of way. More envious than attraction I guess. He understood me completely and didn't try to change the subject or tell me how wrong my thinking was. He told me he couldn't even begin to comprehend how hard it must be to be stuck in a body that feels completely wrong, and how incredibly hard it must be for me to have to have my period and have breasts and not be able to be who I want to be.
And at this point I'm almost crying because someone is actually saying this to my face, and I'm not reading or anything like that. This doctor I've been going to my whole life is telling me everything's going to be okay and that I dont have to hide who I am. Even my girlfriend never bothered to talk to me about it. She asked me if I was sure about it and if I was going to start hormones and that she was cool with it, but nothing to the extent of what this guy infront of me is saying.
So, after talking for the longest time ever he shows me some websites to check out (Most of which I already have seen, but I didn't want to ruin the moment.) And then he told me that I should talk to my parents about all of it and that he was sure they'd be okay with all of it, and that if I needed help explaining it to them that he would be more than happy to talk to them with me.
And before I left I hugged him and thanked him for everything and that I couldn't be more greatful. And he seemed pretty happy about it all as well. This guy earned my trust in a matter of minutes.
Thats about it, just thought I'd share my story with you all, because I haven't felt this great in a long time.
That is so cool! 8) It is funny how some people see something that we thought we were hiding. I hope you can see that therpaist and begin your journey.
Best of luck, Scotty
Mistress Janet
Wow, that's totally cool. That gives me hope for humanity ;)
Quote from: Scotty72 on August 11, 2008, 11:40:06 PM
So he started talking to me, telling me how he had just watched this 20/20 episode that covered transgendered people and their families (Don't know the exact title.) and that he was amazed at these peoples stories.
I think the 20/20 episode he saw may have been "My Secret Self". You can see episodes 1-5 on youtube;
Part 1 of 5 is at: youtube.com/watch?v=Utpam0IGYac
And all 5 of them are on alexus' page at youtube.com/user/alexus309
Wow, thanks for the link Jasmine, I just watched all 5 little episodes and just... wow. Every person's story was just a brain blast to me. I should have watched this a long time ago.
Quote from: Scotty72 on August 16, 2008, 11:49:02 PM
Wow, thanks for the link Jasmine, I just watched all 5 little episodes and just... wow. Every person's story was just a brain blast to me. I should have watched this a long time ago.
Not a prob Scotty, Yep wish I did too. Although I think these kids are mostly 'early-onset', so don't feel bad if it took you longer than them to accept yourself.. I think 'late-onset' is even more common, and it's what I have. I tried to ignore it until I finally snapped at at age 25, 1 year ago.
the most amazing things can come from where you least expect it, right?
me for example, my roomies wanted to get new Jobs in IA, and say they want me to follow. I say, yes, sure, and it turns out now I am moving my life forward.
I just went to youtube and looked up that 20/20 Special you mentioned, it was incredible. I really wish I had the kind of courage those little kids had.