I'm in a very foul mood at the moment. I'm 19 days on T (daily gel) and now I've gotten my period for the second time in 3 friggin' weeks. Every time I think Cool! My transition is progressing! Soon I'll be passing! I get smacked back into reality. I'm so over this effing thing. My luck I'll get it again before my hysto in 16 days. It can't come out soon enough.
I look in the mirror and see a very fat ugly woman with a horrific haircut, beer gut, and scrawny legs.
I hate this!!
Now I'm gonna chill and get some work done.
END RANT.
Jay
Hey Good Looking,
I still love you, if it helps. :-* And if it dont I still love you anyway.
I can imagine that it is a real pain. No pun, sorry. But two weeks plus isnt that long.
Here Honey, have a beer and go watch football. :icon_drunk:
Mistress Janet
God that sucks. But just think, in 16 days, the blood factory will be shut down for good.
Thanks, hon!
I know that in 6 months I'll be passing just fine and be past top surgery as well. T usually stops this dreaded thing but not always. I'm one of the lucky ones, I guess. ::)
But no beer for me, and no football. An occasional baseball or basketball game, or the olympics and a cold pepsi or iced tea.
Yawn, I'm so exciting!
Jay
Sets down a cold Pespi and opens it. Places the remote on the table by his chair, kisses him on the head and returns to the kitchen quietly.
Mistress Janet
Quote from: sneakersjay on August 12, 2008, 06:42:17 PM
Now I'm gonna chill and get some work done.
What's your secret? I managed to spend exactly five minutes reading a scholarly book last week...
five minutes. In other words, I'm not getting ANY work done. Wish I could settle down.
Quote from: Arch on August 12, 2008, 08:16:16 PM
What's your secret?
I'm broke and need the money!! Desperately!!
Jay
Quote from: sneakersjay on August 12, 2008, 08:21:50 PM
I'm broke and need the money!! Desperately!!
Ahh. See, writing a dissertation doesn't pay very well. Clearly I need some monetary motivation.
I hope you make gobs and gobs of money.
writing a dissertation doesn't pay very well. Clearly I need some monetary motivation.
OK, how much has it cost you to get this far, both in terms of the cost of school, but also in terms of the real work you could have been doing for real money? How much of that is more or less gone if you don't finish?
Transition + kids = financial drain!! Just dropped $2400 on braces for daughter last week (and that was only half!!). Yipes!
Looking forward to surgeries being done and just living.
Jay
Braces, not that far away from college bills then. I spend more on my kids than I do on myself.
I've never wanted kids and I still don't. Not just because it would feel really unnatural to me to carry a child, but as I told my mom, I'm just too selfish for a kid. I like to do things when I want to do them, spend my money on my things, and spend my time for myself, not doing things for them...
It sounds terrible, but my mom said that it's good that I realize that now until waiting after I have one lol.
Your mom is absolutely right, imo, Brady. Good for you, and for your mom.
Nichole
Quote from: Brady on August 13, 2008, 10:20:56 AM
I've never wanted kids and I still don't. Not just because it would feel really unnatural to me to carry a child, but as I told my mom, I'm just too selfish for a kid. I like to do things when I want to do them, spend my money on my things, and spend my time for myself, not doing things for them...
It sounds terrible, but my mom said that it's good that I realize that now until waiting after I have one lol.
You're still young, too. I wasn't ready to have kids until I was 30. I had too much stuff to do first! Kids should be wanted, not just had as accessories to societal expectations.
Jay
Yeah, a lot of people say "Eh, you are young you'll change your mind." Lol with an acception of about 2, I hate children. If I could adopt an 18 year old, I'd do it. Anything younger, no.
Could of been the T that did it, has been known to cause a few odd things lol.
But you'll get scooped soon so thats not too bad =]
Quote from: Brady on August 13, 2008, 10:44:33 AM
Yeah, a lot of people say "Eh, you are young you'll change your mind." Lol with an acception of about 2, I hate children. If I could adopt an 18 year old, I'd do it. Anything younger, no.
I was a young adult at a time when women who didn't want children were still looked at as seriously deluded, abnormal, irresponsible, or even unpatriotic. That's right, the eighties. I'm not saying that some people don't still feel that way, but when I was in my twenties, things were much worse. To some extent, I caved in to societal expectations by actually considering the possibility of having kids. I thought I was a freak for lots of other reasons, and here was more evidence of that. So I tried to convince myself that kids were a possibility that I might entertain someday. I tried to persuade myself that I really would become normal and change my mind. But I couldn't, and I didn't, and I'm glad.
I remember a day at work when I was in my twenties. I was presenting as female, of course. One of my coworkers had just given birth, and one of the supervisors said something to the effect that maybe I would be next, or something like that. I carefully said that my boyfriend and I didn't see eye to eye on that issue, so I didn't think that children were in the cards. My supervisor nodded knowingly and said, "Oh, I get it--you want kids but your boyfriend doesn't." He seemed to find that typical and somewhat amusing. I hastened to disabuse him of the notion that I had any interest in children, but he seemed to be convinced that I was just trying to make excuses for my boyfriend, or something. My boyfriend kept pushing the idea of motherhood on me, and I kept balking. But my boss didn't believe me. Boy, was I pissed off. At both of them, actually.
Brady, you sound a lot like me...except, yes, it DID seem unnatural to me to have a child come out of my own body. Ick. All my life, I could never see that happening. I have never been attracted to small children or babies, and I figured that if I wanted a kid, I would adopt a lonely teenage boy. I still don't understand the drive to create one's own genetic offspring. I don't feel it. I must be a sport.
Yeah, with me I really didn't want to do the preggo/baby thing, but that's the way kids come into the world. I knew at some point I wanted to be a parent, and I just went with the cards I was dealt. I never identified as a MOM, never wanted to be a MOM. I wanted to be a parent.
But kids come as babies. I liked my babies and their stages (twos are cool!) but I didn't like other people's babies or drooling tantrum-throwing toddlers. I liked kids when they hit about 4, and could talk and reason. Now they're both about to have birthdays in a few weeks and will be 14 & 10. And they're wicked cool people. So it was worth it to go through the icky diaper/screaming/not sleeping years to get here. ;D
But it's not for everyone. But then also I'm not a traditional parent, either. My kids are home with me and not in school. So....
Jay
back to the original post... yeah i'm almost five months on T and that issue still hasn't disappeared completely. I'm not on full dosage yet though. I know how you feel dude. It sucks. You're lucky you're getting your hysto soon.
Five months on T and you're not on a full dose?!
Jay, it does take a while and it seems that those who start on gel take longer than the shots. I stared on injections and had three days of bleeding after my first shot. After that, it's been all good. What was more stressful to me during that 3 day bleed than anything was if I should bother buying another bottle of Midol or not since I had no idea if I'd bleed again. :)
Quote from: J.T. on August 13, 2008, 05:45:26 PM
back to the original post... yeah i'm almost five months on T and that issue still hasn't disappeared completely. I'm not on full dosage yet though. I know how you feel dude. It sucks. You're lucky you're getting your hysto soon.
Oops, Jay--I guess some of us hijacked the thread. (Thanks, J.T., for being so polite about it.) But I have also read that gel doesn't work as well/quickly as injections. And the T is working against your female hormones, right? Maybe your fem organs are just fighting back, really hard. An internal power struggle.
I had one sorta like that after reaching menopause--yes, menopausal hormone levels and fifteen months of NOTHIN', thank the gods--and then I had a sort of sanguinary hiccup for a couple of days. AUGH!! Boy, was I pissed. But I wasn't transitioning. You are. That makes a big difference.
It will all be over soon. Till then, you have my sympathy.
I'm aware that the dose of T I'm on isn't meant to overcome my estrogen. Because the hysto is scheduled, my endo put me on the standard dose of T that bio-males get for hypogonadism, which is why the gel should work for me when the parts are yanked out. If I need a higher dose after that we'll go to the shots. My periods were already very irregular and frequent even before T; one of the reasons I can medically use to get the hysto in the first place and have insurance cover it. Two more weeks, thank G*D!!
Quote from: sneakersjay on August 13, 2008, 06:14:48 PM
My periods were already very irregular and frequent even before T; one of the reasons I can medically use to get the hysto in the first place and have insurance cover it. Two more weeks, thank G*D!!
I'm glad that you at least have medical coverage for the hysterectomy. And two weeks...plus recovery...well, this time next month, you'll be so much happier.
About all you can do at this point is just grit your teeth and hang on as best you can. I'm sure that the closer you get, the more impatient you'll feel. Not much to be done about that. It's classic short-timer's syndrome.
But you know you can come here and rant anytime. You can scream primally in the virtual world without waking up your neighbors.
We're not going anywhere.
Quote from: sneakersjay on August 12, 2008, 06:42:17 PM
I'm in a very foul mood at the moment. I'm 19 days on T (daily gel) and now I've gotten my period for the second time in 3 friggin' weeks. Every time I think Cool! My transition is progressing! Soon I'll be passing! I get smacked back into reality. I'm so over this effing thing. My luck I'll get it again before my hysto in 16 days. It can't come out soon enough.
I've been on T three months, and I'm on my forth period. :( This latest period has been going on for a week and a half. >:( So... I hear ya! Unfortunately, though, a hysto is soooo far off into my future.... I mean, like, probably won't happen until years from now. So.... hang in Jay... only a little over 2 weeks and you're home free!