I've been outed to my parents - whether in whole or in part, I'm not yet sure. The story follows, with advance apologies for my Homeric allusions - I was feeling whimsical.
Sing to me of the woman, Muse, she
of twists and turns
driven time and again off course, once
she had escaped
the hollow depths of Boy
...
The long-suffering Kaitlyn, kin to the blind seer Tiresias, dwells with her family until she may depart for her university. Cursed by wrathful Poseidon never to come within sight of her lost X-chromosome, golden-haired Kaitlyn languishes within the closet.
Kaitlyn's uncomprehending mother has occasional compulsions to clean house, and she's lately been after her disguised daughter to tidy her room, heavy with the looseleaf remnants of semesters past. Wily Kaitlyn - lazy and impious girl - plots to delay her labor for a score of days, biding time until her return to school. Scheming in her heart, she proclaims, "It'll be more efficient to do it all at one shot when I pack."
As the gods would have it, Kaitlyn's long-suffering mother, grown tired of her daughter's insouciance, sweeps through the bedroom like a storm across the wine-dark sea.
.... enough with the Odyssey stuff, haven't got much more in me...
A few months ago, I'd actually written out a TG to-to list on a sheet of looseleaf, mostly to make myself feel better. I'd written down things like getting my ears pierced, practicing my voice, and finding a support group. I'd forgotten about the list, but somehow my mom found it amongst all my junk while cleaning - and read it. It looks like just a folded up sheet of paper, mixed with hundreds of other pieces torn from notebooks, and yet she choose that one to read >:(. She apparently read it over, and then showed it to my father without even telling me. This happened yesterday when I was out of the house, and they didn't say anything about it when I came home.
When I went to my room, I saw the folded-up list on my dresser. I was on the verge of tears imagining that my mom had read it, but though about it for a bit and decided that she wouldn't be reading through the gazillion random papers I had strewn about. I didn't want to think about why it was put there by itself. And nobody said anything about it until today, when out of nowhere my dad asked me (in a really snide tone), "So <male name>, when are you going to get your ears pierced?"
I was petrified, and stoically asked what he was talking about. He and mom then filled me in on the list, and I learned that my abysmal handwriting and their own assumptions about me and ignorance of TG issues had kept them from understanding it entirely. I didn't like what they'd just done to me, and especially didn't want to come fully out to my dad, so I told them that I was bisexual (which is true).
Here's where it gets even weirder. After the bisexual revelation, my mom said to me, "I didn't even know you were having sex." Now, I was in shock from the whole situation, and I wasn't able to figure out what the heck she was on about. I tried to tell her that I was a virgin (thinking it'd set her straight), and she just gave me this blank look, and asked how I could be bisexual then. I went into how I can find people of both genders attractive, and she still wasn't getting it. She asked me, "Doesn't bisexual mean that you've had sex with both men and women?" At that point, my dad jumps in with, "It's a sexual orientation he's talking about", which I guess my mom understood, since she stopped talking about my having sex.
Then, my dad says, arrogantly, but completely without rancor, "I choose to think you're just telling us this to be controversial." Now, I'm feeling this immense "WTF?!?" sensation, like I've just fallen down the rabbit hole. I start to press him on the issue, and he tells me flat out that he doesn't want to know, or even think about it. So I drop it, and mentally note how surreal this whole scene is.
No one's said anything about it since. I do worry that they're not as clueless as they seem, because some things on that list were pretty unambiguous - "Find a therapist & endocrinologist" or "Start HRT". I mean, they've got to know what HRT stands for, since my mom's post-menopausal and had discussed it with the doctor. My writing's not that bad. But no one's saying anything, and I'm not sure what, if anything, I should do...
ouch,thats terrible:-( I have a feeling my mum will react like your dad did wheni tell her. she has a habbit of avoiding or denying things she doesn't want to hear about
Oh dear! Well, maybe your parents are just taking time getting used to it, and will bring it up again when they're ready. By the sounds of it, it wasn't instantaneous, overwhelming acceptance, so maybe they just want to get it straight in their own heads before talking to you about it again. If they didn't want you to know at all that you'd been outed, your Mum wouldn't have left the paper where it would be obvious she'd seen it, and they wouldn't have been the ones to bring it up first. So the fact that they're not just denying everything absolutely is encouraging.
(And that first bit was beautiful, too :laugh:).
:icon_hug:
Lutin
AUGH. I HATE THAT!!!
Them thinking you're just doing it to be rebellious.
Why would I choose to be TOTALLY self destructive to myself just to be
rebellious?! I don't have to try to be different, I already thought I was a psychotic freak long before I knew the full extent. My mom did that. I'm SO sorry that that happened to you... I know how much it hurts. Don't listen to your dad. He sounds like he's not satisfied with having a kid who's probably an okay person, and thats stupid. If he's really like that he doesn't deserve you. I mean... C'mon... Earrings? At least you aren't planning on joining the army! What a retard!
Feel free to PM me.
-Xen
Quote from: Nephie on August 19, 2008, 12:56:52 AM
I've been outed to my parents - whether in whole or in part, I'm not yet sure. The story follows, with advance apologies for my Homeric allusions - I was feeling whimsical.
Sing to me of the woman, Muse, she
of twists and turns
driven time and again off course, once
she had escaped
the hollow depths of Boy
...
The long-suffering Kaitlyn, kin to the blind seer Tiresias, dwells with her family until she may depart for her university. Cursed by wrathful Poseidon never to come within sight of her lost X-chromosome, golden-haired Kaitlyn languishes within the closet.
Kaitlyn's uncomprehending mother has occasional compulsions to clean house, and she's lately been after her disguised daughter to tidy her room, heavy with the looseleaf remnants of semesters past. Wily Kaitlyn - lazy and impious girl - plots to delay her labor for a score of days, biding time until her return to school. Scheming in her heart, she proclaims, "It'll be more efficient to do it all at one shot when I pack."
As the gods would have it, Kaitlyn's long-suffering mother, grown tired of her daughter's insouciance, sweeps through the bedroom like a storm across the wine-dark sea.
.... enough with the Odyssey stuff, haven't got much more in me...
A few months ago, I'd actually written out a TG to-to list on a sheet of looseleaf, mostly to make myself feel better. I'd written down things like getting my ears pierced, practicing my voice, and finding a support group. I'd forgotten about the list, but somehow my mom found it amongst all my junk while cleaning - and read it. It looks like just a folded up sheet of paper, mixed with hundreds of other pieces torn from notebooks, and yet she choose that one to read >:(. She apparently read it over, and then showed it to my father without even telling me. This happened yesterday when I was out of the house, and they didn't say anything about it when I came home.
When I went to my room, I saw the folded-up list on my dresser. I was on the verge of tears imagining that my mom had read it, but though about it for a bit and decided that she wouldn't be reading through the gazillion random papers I had strewn about. I didn't want to think about why it was put there by itself. And nobody said anything about it until today, when out of nowhere my dad asked me (in a really snide tone), "So <male name>, when are you going to get your ears pierced?"
I was petrified, and stoically asked what he was talking about. He and mom then filled me in on the list, and I learned that my abysmal handwriting and their own assumptions about me and ignorance of TG issues had kept them from understanding it entirely. I didn't like what they'd just done to me, and especially didn't want to come fully out to my dad, so I told them that I was bisexual (which is true).
Here's where it gets even weirder. After the bisexual revelation, my mom said to me, "I didn't even know you were having sex." Now, I was in shock from the whole situation, and I wasn't able to figure out what the heck she was on about. I tried to tell her that I was a virgin (thinking it'd set her straight), and she just gave me this blank look, and asked how I could be bisexual then. I went into how I can find people of both genders attractive, and she still wasn't getting it. She asked me, "Doesn't bisexual mean that you've had sex with both men and women?" At that point, my dad jumps in with, "It's a sexual orientation he's talking about", which I guess my mom understood, since she stopped talking about my having sex.
Then, my dad says, arrogantly, but completely without rancor, "I choose to think you're just telling us this to be controversial." Now, I'm feeling this immense "WTF?!?" sensation, like I've just fallen down the rabbit hole. I start to press him on the issue, and he tells me flat out that he doesn't want to know, or even think about it. So I drop it, and mentally note how surreal this whole scene is.
No one's said anything about it since. I do worry that they're not as clueless as they seem, because some things on that list were pretty unambiguous - "Find a therapist & endocrinologist" or "Start HRT". I mean, they've got to know what HRT stands for, since my mom's post-menopausal and had discussed it with the doctor. My writing's not that bad. But no one's saying anything, and I'm not sure what, if anything, I should do...
Quote from: Lutin on August 19, 2008, 03:03:08 AM
Oh dear! Well, maybe your parents are just taking time getting used to it, and will bring it up again when they're ready. By the sounds of it, it wasn't instantaneous, overwhelming acceptance, so maybe they just want to get it straight in their own heads before talking to you about it again. If they didn't want you to know at all that you'd been outed, your Mum wouldn't have left the paper where it would be obvious she'd seen it. So the fact that they're not just denying everything absolutely could be encouraging...
It's sweet of you to say that, but I'm... not sure that's the case. See, my parents are really, really odd. My mom's pretty intelligent and compassionate, but she can be a clueless airhead at times. My dad... well... I'm deadly serious when I say he's an emotionally abusive narcissist. He's not capable of showing any sort of deep concern or sincere emotional involvement. My whole family has suffered years of abuse from him, and he's been the single greatest source of pain in my life - beyond even GID. The hardest thing in my life right now is weaning myself away from seeking his approval. Accepting that I'm trans and developing my own identity have been vital in that struggle. I
need not to care about or seek his acceptance for
anything, since it's very bad for my mental health.
Quote from: Lutin on August 19, 2008, 03:03:08 AM
(And that first bit was beautiful, too :laugh:).
Heh, I was feeling pretty stressed out, and gratuitous silliness always helps with that. Thanks for the kind words. <
Hugs Lutin> :)
Quote from: deviousxen on August 19, 2008, 03:11:51 AM
AUGH. I HATE THAT!!!
Them thinking you're just doing it to be rebellious.
Why would I choose to be TOTALLY self destructive to myself just to be rebellious?!
Well, I don't think its
exactly like my dad believes I'm being rebellious, just that I've got a history of defending really unpopular opinions to my family, and I'm always up for an argument. Also,
[insert recap of the above psychoanalysis of my father here] :'(
Quote from: deviousxen on August 19, 2008, 03:11:51 AM
I don't have to try to be different, I already thought I was a psychotic freak long before I knew the full extent. My mom did that. I'm SO sorry that that happened to you... I know how much it hurts.
God,
I'm sorry that
you had to go through that too... I've read your posts about dealing with your mother. <
hugs Xen extra-hard> :) :) :)
Quote from: deviousxen on August 19, 2008, 03:11:51 AM
Don't listen to your dad. He sounds like he's not satisfied with having a kid who's probably an okay person, and thats stupid. If he's really like that he doesn't deserve you. I mean... C'mon... Earrings? At least you aren't planning on joining the army! What a retard!
"Retard?" Oh, no no
no. He's not a retard by any stretch of the imagination, and that's made him a thousand times worse. He's smarter than average (though not as smart as he thinks), and will
never let you forget it. If he catches you in a mistake, even
once, he considers it license to berate, denigrate, and control you for all time. He's the classic emotional abuser. The way he brought up the issue is just further proof for me.
I like to think I'm a pretty OK person, and getting more OK all the time. For you guys to take the time to read and respond to my posts means so much to me... I've never really had people to talk to before, as
myself.
^ ^ ... *hugs back*
Thanks...
But that may have been some too strong words for your dad, and I apologize. I just think that someone who is that critical of their kid doesn't sound like they deserve one. I mean... It sounds childish and sadistic. There are different kinds of smart. Hey... I need to sleep cause of packing today but PM me so we can continue this cause you sound like you need people to talk to.
-Xen
And thanks again... That means a lot. I wanna patch things up with my mom but I don't think I can until I'm moved out for a while. She seems to think I'm selfish and hates her cause I don't wanna be near her and can't forgive her. I just wanna wait until things calm down before I reach out to her again. I can't have it the other way. It wont work