This is something I've been thinking for a while now. I've always felt I should have been born a boy, but then I wonder if my life would have been any better that way. What if being a transsexual is something you were just ment to be. What if I was born a boy, but ended up with a female mind. That wouldn't solve any of my problems. Has anyone else ever thought about this?
You mean transsexuality being an end in itself rather than a means to an end?
I don't really feel that way. The 'trans', for me, stands for transitory. Temporary. However long that may be, I don't think it's a permanent condition and it's only my outside that I even use that term for. Inside I'm female. I don't think it's just my mind, either. It's deeper than that. My heart and soul are also female... and desire to be that in as complete a way as possible.
It's like forcing a girl to put on an all-encompassing guy suit and never being allowed to take it off. Then making her try and fit into the world by pretending to act like the suit she's wearing. It isn't her. She can't be herself. But she can't be the suit, either. So she's in limbo, unable to be either. But she knows she isn't the suit, and is looking for a way to remove it. She doesn't want to be a woman in a manskin jacket. She wants to be a woman in a womanskin dress.
It's only my body that's wrong. And whilst I do have a certain identification with being transsexual, useful only in expressing to others why my body doesn't match the rest of me, as soon as that transitory period is over I will be female... who I was meant to be, who I always have been, and who I always will be.
I'm a woman with too many undesirable mannerisms. That's all. They have to be removed.
I don't want to be transsexual, I want to be myself. I want... no, I HAVE to find the zipper and step out of the man suit I've been forced to wear. There's no other choice. I couldn't stay this way even if I wanted to... everything inside is crying out that it's wrong.
Granted, my life may not necessarily have been better, but if I had been born into the correct body then it would certainly have been less complicated and I would have been able to deal with things without having everything clouded by this big discrepency between my body and the rest of me. And if I were free to express myself in my correct role and gender... it would have made a whole lot of things a whole lot easier. :)
I often wonder the same thing but I would not want to go back and make sure that I was born a girl. I love my kids and my grand kids even if they don't contact me.
I think that the Goddess has plans for me and that she made me this way for that reason. Like Leiandra said my mind, my heart and my soul are all female. The body has major birth defects that can and will be treated.
If I had been born a female, I would probably wound up fulfilling want has been a life long dream. Granted it is a big dream, but it is mine. I have always wanted to a wife and a mother. The again if I was born a female, I might have had bigger dreams. And I sure wouldn't be carrying around so much baggage, i.e. Being Trans.
At 54, I might be able to fulfill one half of my dreams, that of wife. I could not ever be a mother now, even adoption is not possible because of my age. At this stage the closes I would get would be step-mom.
Janet
I've always believed that I was born genetically female with a profound biological deformity. I appear to have a male body. My female identity has been too strong and too visible since childhood. I have no memory of ever having a male identity. I've always fit in with other girls/women. If the world sees me as TS, it's based upon their experience, not mine.
QuoteWhat if being a transsexual is something you were just ment to be.
this is what i believe. i believe everything happens for a reason.
I believe wholeheartedly that my life would have been better that way. Very different, but better. That is, if I had the same parents/family and everything.
But being born male with a female mind would put me in the same predicament I am in now. It wouldn't be any better or worse, and it would most certainly be harder. I would, however, be rewarded with a vagina after SRS. AND I'D BE A PRETTY GIRL TEE HEE. :icon_weee:
Quote from: Elwood on September 03, 2008, 06:59:05 PM
I believe wholeheartedly that my life would have been better that way. Very different, but better. That is, if I had the same parents/family and everything.
But being born male with a female mind would put me in the same predicament I am in now. It wouldn't be any better or worse, and it would most certainly be harder. I would, however, be rewarded with a vagina after SRS. AND I'D BE A PRETTY GIRL TEE HEE. :icon_weee:
lol, Funny how things can be when we think about them.
I agree with Leiandra.
I'm looking forward to the day when my body finally matches my mind, and the world sees me as male, and treats me as such. Only then will I know what it would have been like to have been born with a male mind and a male body.
I see being trans as a transient state; once I've transitioned I'll live fairly stealth, on a need to know basis. I'm glad I've gotten to know everyone here and on other trans sites, and I know there are people who fully understand me, as they're (you're) going through the same things. I have a whole other community for support that I didn't have before.
In an ideal world we'd all be born with our minds congruent to our bodies. But since that doesn't happen, I wish everyone as pain-free a transition as possible.
Jay
Quote from: Adam on August 29, 2008, 09:58:05 AM
What if being a transsexual is something you were just ment to be.
I think of it as a destiny I was challenged to embrace and follow... wherever it may lead.
~ Katie Marie ~
I remember, as young as maybe 5 or 6, thinking that, Oh, well, I was born a boy and that's what I have to be. Throughout my childhood, I'd flip-flop from enjoying being male to wanting to be female. I used to fantasize about being a shapeshifter who could switch from male to female at will.
These days, I'd like to lose all body and facial hair, keep the penis, grow breasts and have wider hips.
I guess the colors of my avatar aren't quite right. It's a rune meaning "man" in a blue (stereotypically male color) field but pink (stereotypically female color) at its heart. The idea was to show that I think I'm half-way between. But, it seems to say I'm a man with a woman's heart.
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on September 04, 2008, 12:01:19 PM
I remember, as young as maybe 5 or 6, thinking that, Oh, well, I was born a boy and that's what I have to be.
I don't remember ever having put it to words like that, but the idea was certainly there, from about that age right up to my forties. The physical evidence that I was a boy was quite compelling, but at the same time it was also clear I'd prefer to be anatomically female. I just thought it normal for a boy to want to be a girl, and it's pretty recently that I've
really been able to wrap my mind around the idea that some people are in fact cissexual and not just better at coping with it all.
Nfr
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on September 04, 2008, 12:01:19 PM
I remember, as young as maybe 5 or 6, thinking that, Oh, well, I was born a boy and that's what I have to be.
I felt the same way, only in reverse. Pretty much gave up on the idea that I even was a boy and started trying very hard to accept and live my life as a girl and later as a woman. I just figured that my desire to have a penis and that all of my male feelings came from possibly that I had been male in a previous life, and that maybe reincarnation DID exist. Who knows, maybe that's how we get transgendered in the first place. The universe sticks us into the opposite body in a subsequent life.
I had no idea transitioning was even an option, until just a few months ago. Call me naive...
Jay
Quote from: sneakersjay on September 05, 2008, 03:59:28 PM
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on September 04, 2008, 12:01:19 PM
I remember, as young as maybe 5 or 6, thinking that, Oh, well, I was born a boy and that's what I have to be.
I felt the same way, only in reverse. Pretty much gave up on the idea that I even was a boy and started trying very hard to accept and live my life as a girl and later as a woman. I just figured that my desire to have a penis and that all of my male feelings came from possibly that I had been male in a previous life, and that maybe reincarnation DID exist. Who knows, maybe that's how we get transgendered in the first place. The universe sticks us into the opposite body in a subsequent life.
I had no idea transitioning was even an option, until just a few months ago. Call me naive...
Jay
If you don't mind, I'd rather call you normal...
This has tormented me all my life. I was hoping it would pass as I got older but it doesn't. I still wish that I was born differently but I still torture myself with the what ifs. Would being born differently have made the difference in my life I'm looking for? Would I be different and still wanting to change my life? Would I have been happy?
I'll may never know what will make me happy in this life. So I keep on telling myself I have to move on with what I have. With who/what I am. I don't like that choice and I may change that ideology as I get older. Or I may end up getting more angry with myself in the future because I didn't take the chance now to do what I want (because I'm angry at myself now for not doing it when the time was best, pre-puberty). I wont know until it's time.
I know now though, in order to do what I think would make me happy I'd have to give up everything. Everyone. And I can't tell if that's where I want to go in this life at the moment. I'm not sure I'd have the strength to start everything all over again.
So here I sit. Angry, frustrated, disappointed and confused.
Quote from: LivingInGrey on September 08, 2008, 08:42:38 AM
This has tormented me all my life. I was hoping it would pass as I got older but it doesn't. I still wish that I was born differently but I still torture myself with the what ifs. Would being born differently have made the difference in my life I'm looking for? Would I be different and still wanting to change my life? Would I have been happy?
I'll may never know what will make me happy in this life. So I keep on telling myself I have to move on with what I have. With who/what I am. I don't like that choice and I may change that ideology as I get older. Or I may end up getting more angry with myself in the future because I didn't take the chance now to do what I want (because I'm angry at myself now for not doing it when the time was best, pre-puberty). I wont know until it's time.
I know now though, in order to do what I think would make me happy I'd have to give up everything. Everyone. And I can't tell if that's where I want to go in this life at the moment. I'm not sure I'd have the strength to start everything all over again.
So here I sit. Angry, frustrated, disappointed and confused.
Grey, I think most or all of us have been there or still are here. It hurts, and is pretty much incomprehensible to those who haven't experienced it.
The good news is, you do NOT in fact have to go through your life not knowing--there are counselors, therapists and clinical psychologists who specialise in gender issues. Their job is to help you find those answers and help you get access to further treatment should that be necessary.