So I guess I've taken for granted I'm very feminine and so people often stutter between mam and sir with me a lot. My entire life, actually.
But more and more, it's been mam.
And today, I realized, that everytime it was, "sir," it felt like a bullet went through me. I lost focus. Completely.
I'm not even fulltime yet. I'm just kind of getting there slowly. Even so.
Like a bullet.
Am I the only one?
It felt that way for me Annwyn, when I went full-time, during the first few months it was really hard getting "sir'd" when I was obviously presenting as a lady. It felt like a knife in the heart, and it really did a number on my mood. Don't worry though, eventually the "sir's" go away. ;D
Jenn
Quote from: fae_reborn on August 29, 2008, 09:02:45 PM
It felt that way for me Annwyn, when I went full-time, during the first few months it was really hard getting "sir'd" when I was obviously presenting as a lady. It felt like a knife in the heart, and it really did a number on my mood. Don't worry though, eventually the "sir's" go away. ;D
Jenn
Well the funny thing is I still present as male, but get mam'd. i wonder when i'll ever be able to go full time... i would be now but i still live w/ the family and i don't want my younger brothers seeing this at such a young age.
Quote from: Annwyn on August 29, 2008, 06:39:55 PM
So I guess I've taken for granted I'm very feminine and so people often stutter between mam and sir with me a lot. My entire life, actually.
But more and more, it's been mam.
And today, I realized, that everytime it was, "sir," it felt like a bullet went through me. I lost focus. Completely.
I'm not even fulltime yet. I'm just kind of getting there slowly. Even so.
Like a bullet.
Am I the only one?
No you are not the only one that feels this way. When that happens to me I tend to get very depressed. But I am starting to let it go because 75% of the time I pass so I am trying to keep things in perspective here. I know that soon I will pass pretty much all of the time based on the reactions that I get in public, so it's all a matter of relaxing and correcting anyone that addresses me as a male.
Since I've never been sir'ed, I guess I don't know yet. OTOH, when I get ma'am before I even say anything, when I'm feeling like I'm my manliest, bites.
Looking forward to passing. Who knows, maybe I'll start seeing some changes now that I've had my hysto and there's no more estrogen.
Jay
I still present as male so I expect to get sir'd. But even so there's that hope that people will say Ma'am. The sir thing is just a reality I have to accept because even if I presented as a lady right now (which I can't do because of my classes and such) I still have rather male body proportions and every chance of getting read. But yeah, being called sir really is like a bullet no matter how much I know it's going to happen.
Yeah, it's like that for me too. I'm full time now, so it doesn't happen in person, but my voice needs work. When I'm healthy I can kind of pass over the phone, but I've had a cold coming on for days and I can't even pretend to come close on voice. I also have to deal with my birth name occasionally since that doesn't change for another 6 days. Answering the phone and hearing "May I speak with D?", or having to use my credit card and sign the name just depress me.
Val
Yes, I felt that way. It still throws me when i get Sir'ed.
I smile and usally say: "No, my name is Robin!". giggles by the third time i know if that person is just being mean to me if they keep using wrong pro-noun.
I have to remember not to come undone in public.
No. When I get "miss" or "lady," I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.
Today I got an "excuse me, sir" and I at first didn't notice it. Then a couple seconds past and I thought, "Great Scott! I got sir'd!"
I can relate too. While in a strangers eye, I appear male like I want, my family still sees me as a girl. Everytime they use "she" "her" "girl" and my name it feels like a blow. Last week I was at my aunts house with my mom and when we were leaving my aunt just had to say "Well goodnight, ladies". I almost wanted to scream "I am not a lady!"
Though I funny think happened last week. I was just sitting down with my feet on the footstool and my mom was trying to get the dog to jump on my lap. Somehow she slipped and said "him". I was so over joyed by this, but it hasn't happened again since. Well hopefully this will be sorted out.
Eh, I get completely sidetracked whenever someone uses either pronoun. If someone uses a she, I'm like wait, they're referring to me, right? Right. So what were they talking about again? If someone uses a he, I'm like, wait, was that a mistake? Or did they mean it? Or as a joke? [I don't pass at all, neither am I out to the general public.] And then I figure out which of the three it is, and by then I've forgotten what they were talking about.
I kind of get it at both ends. Getting sir'ed always feels like I'm getting yanked up by my hair. I'm actually a little happier being called m'am but I feel bad for those that get embarassed when they feel they got it wrong and I hate the big flap they do to try to correct the situation. I'm just like "It's ok, really, better M'am than sir, it's not your fault, no worries"
Even worse is being introduced by my mum as her son. Feels like something dies a little inside.
Quote from: Nicky on September 01, 2008, 04:39:23 PM
I kind of get it at both ends. Getting sir'ed always feels like I'm getting yanked up by my hair. I'm actually a little happier being called m'am but I feel bad for those that get embarassed when they feel they got it wrong and I hate the big flap they do to try to correct the situation. I'm just like "It's ok, really, better M'am than sir, it's not your fault, no worries"
Even worse is being introduced by my mum as her son. Feels like something dies a little inside.
That's exactly what it's like for me. My mom use to correct people who would call me "he" "him" ect, so they would always end up saying "I'm sorry". But I want to know what they are sorry for. The fact that they "thought" I was a guy, or that I have to live like this.
And my mom is always introducing me as her daughter and everytime she does I'm like "Nooooo! I'm a guy!" on the inside.
Quote from: freespeechz on September 01, 2008, 02:25:49 PM
Eh, I get completely sidetracked whenever someone uses either pronoun. If someone uses a she, I'm like wait, they're referring to me, right? Right. So what were they talking about again? If someone uses a he, I'm like, wait, was that a mistake? Or did they mean it? Or as a joke? [I don't pass at all, neither am I out to the general public.] And then I figure out which of the three it is, and by then I've forgotten what they were talking about.
<<<3
Quote from: Annwyn on August 29, 2008, 06:39:55 PM
So I guess I've taken for granted I'm very feminine and so people often stutter between mam and sir with me a lot. My entire life, actually.
But more and more, it's been mam.
And today, I realized, that everytime it was, "sir," it felt like a bullet went through me. I lost focus. Completely.
I'm not even fulltime yet. I'm just kind of getting there slowly. Even so.
Like a bullet.
Am I the only one?
This happens to me all the time and also to a few other ts people I know. I guess it's just part of the experience that there will be a period of time where you are kind of in between genders. I am thinking about going fulltime sooner than planned because I am really starting to not pass at all as male (not that I ever really did). At least you can take comfort in knowing that if when presenting as male, you look rather feminine that you should end up passing well when you are fully presenting as female.
Quote from: freespeechz on September 01, 2008, 02:25:49 PM
Eh, I get completely sidetracked whenever someone uses either pronoun. If someone uses a she, I'm like wait, they're referring to me, right?
An unpleasant memory from last year, the summer before I transitioned. My friend was in conversation with a guy who I'd thought was supportive of me. They were discussing a question. Then the guy looked in my direction and said, "
He might know."
I turned around and looked behind me.
No one was there.
Then it sunk in. >:(
I just turned away and cursed quietly to myself. My friend saw this and understood what had hurt me, she came up and gave me a hug. Later I went outdoors and screamed my head off for a while in an attempt to let some of the pain out of me. I was in a women's group that was very supportive of me, and some of them went to this guy and explained how very wrong he was. After that he apologized, and later gave me a flower. I had no further trouble from him.
At the time he called my pronoun wrong, I was wearing a pink T-shirt from Cafe Press that read:
I AM WOMAN
I AM LESBIAN
I AM PROUD
How dumb can you get-- I ->-bleeped-<-in
literally spelled it out in block letters-- and he was still clueless! ::)
Quote from: Hypatia on September 11, 2008, 06:55:15 AM
At the time he called my pronoun wrong, I was wearing a pink T-shirt from Cafe Press that read:
I AM WOMAN
I AM LESBIAN
I AM PROUD
How dumb can you get-- I ->-bleeped-<-in literally spelled it out in block letters-- and he was still clueless! ::)
Maybe add a "RAWR" at the bottom to instill fear?