Hi everybody, I have a rather....weird question. It's for anyone TG/TS, and it's simple, yet complicated, to ask. I occasionally stroll around the FTM threads just to read and stuff, and wanted to ask other TS about this (for MTF, the FTM threads, and for FTM, the MTF threads), but does anybody feel uncomfortable for walking around in that area? Like, I find some of the male things there I associate with (since I was born genetically male), and it's very disturbing frankly for me to be there, like I don't want to belong to that group (no offenses aimed at anyone). I feel I can give advice for FTMs in transition for certain things, having lived my whole life as male. But, it creates creeping thoughts into my head like "Hey, I am male", and such, and really bothers me to no end, which is why I don't give advice, because it is hurtful on my own psyche. Can other MTFs relate with this? And also FTMs who go through the MTF threads; do you feel similar in that awkward sense?
I feel like a real weirdo or something posting this, but this one's been on my mind for a while now.......
No, I enjoy contributing my experience with the female body.
The only thing I do get a bit annoyed with is when my experience is totally ignored
ex: when someone is desperate to know why her fat hasn't redistributed to her hips after years of HRT and I try to explain that not every female has the typical fat patterns and some can't put fat on their hips or behind and that I should know because that's the case with me and I'm totally ignored and the person keeps complaining that her HRT isn't working.
No biggie but it's like 'hey hello, I'm a genetic female and I have that too, there's prolly nothing you can do about it, so quit being all down on yourself!' LOL
Not at all. I love hanging around the ladies. Plus, when they have concerns about what it's like to be a girl, I can offer some advice. I was forced to be a girl for about 16 years of my life. Plus, some of those years, I "thought" I was a girl, other times I desperately wanted to be a girl. I didn't want to be a boy trapped in a girl's body. I thought the "cure" was to change my mind, not my body. I found out I was wrong the hard way.
I feel like I can sometimes really help the girls out and tell them what I know about my side of things. I can tell them what breast development was like. It was such an odd and curious experience for me that I paid a lot of attention to what was going on.
It does not disturb me that there are so many girls blossoming into fine women.
I don't think, "Hey, I'm female" when I provide information about my female body. I think, "I've been in this female body this long, I know it well, I can give information to the ladies who are curious what it might be like." That and the female social structure. I had to live in that as well for a long time...
Quote from: Elwood on August 31, 2008, 05:23:27 PM
Not at all. I love hanging around the ladies. Plus, when they have concerns about what it's like to be a girl, I can offer some advice. I was forced to be a girl for about 16 years of my life. Plus, some of those years, I "thought" I was a girl, other times I desperately wanted to be a girl. I didn't want to be a boy trapped in a girl's body. I thought the "cure" was to change my mind, not my body. I found out I was wrong the hard way.
Same here, I have thought I was a "boy" too, and also wanted to desperately be a boy/guy too. Heck, I thought that for the first eleven years, but somehow thought I was still "different". When puberty started, something was wrong, and I started having dreams of being a girl, and well it just kept spiraling. I still am feeling that same way a lot lately about wanting to be a guy, maybe cause I don't want to even think about the amount of work it will take to transition to being a girl. But, I am also semi-frequently reminded that I am girl, like when I think I am fine and all as a "guy" and such, then someone comes by and says something along the lines of "*laugh* Silly boy.", and my world will end in one second right there. It's when I'm reminded in those subtle ways of my malehood, it kills me.
It's sooo confusing and I just want to push anything with "malehood" away from me, because I don't like it at all. In a way, I guess you could say I am running.
It gets easier as time goes on I think; Especially as we distance ourselves to the train wrecks we once were. That said, I am finding the things the guys talk about to be just... WEIRD. I just totally don't relate, which I can't help think is a good thing.
This is coming from a girl whom for roughly one month shy of 30 years tried her best to be a boy/man/whatever. But upon realizing what HURT so much dropped it like so much as a hot rock.
Hang in there, odds are strong that it will get better if you let it... an give it a nudge or three on occasion ;)
I like peeking in to tease the boys once in awhile. >:D
(Besides, I think they are neat! The very first TS I ever met in about 1965 was FtM. That's the first time I knew I wasn't alone.)
I like to check out the threads just to see what is going on and how things are for those on the flipside of the coin (since I am MtF).
Quote from: findingreason on August 31, 2008, 05:47:16 PMQuote from: Elwood on August 31, 2008, 05:23:27 PMNot at all. I love hanging around the ladies. Plus, when they have concerns about what it's like to be a girl, I can offer some advice. I was forced to be a girl for about 16 years of my life. Plus, some of those years, I "thought" I was a girl, other times I desperately wanted to be a girl. I didn't want to be a boy trapped in a girl's body. I thought the "cure" was to change my mind, not my body. I found out I was wrong the hard way.
Same here, I have thought I was a "boy" too, and also wanted to desperately be a boy/guy too. Heck, I thought that for the first eleven years, but somehow thought I was still "different". When puberty started, something was wrong, and I started having dreams of being a girl, and well it just kept spiraling. I still am feeling that same way a lot lately about wanting to be a guy, maybe cause I don't want to even think about the amount of work it will take to transition to being a girl. But, I am also semi-frequently reminded that I am girl, like when I think I am fine and all as a "guy" and such, then someone comes by and says something along the lines of "*laugh* Silly boy.", and my world will end in one second right there. It's when I'm reminded in those subtle ways of my malehood, it kills me.
It's sooo confusing and I just want to push anything with "malehood" away from me, because I don't like it at all. In a way, I guess you could say I am running.
I would have dreams where I spontaneously grew a penis. This was before I had breasts so my chest wasn't much different from a guy's... But then when the breasts started to develop, I stopped having those dreams. I realized I'd have to become a man physically another way... it wasn't going to happen on its own.
I don't think I'll ever want to be a girl again. So desperately to I want my body to be male.
You can only run for so long. If you're a girl, she'll come out eventually. :)
I check in to see what the boys are up to and sometimes give advise. But sometimes the boys get into discussions that I feel embarrassed at. It's kinda like walking into your brother's room and he is looking that "Playboy". Then it's like OMG, I cant believe that they are talking about That. Discussions of former lives doesn't bother me, then I feel like a little sister learning.
I guess that is why I always refer to us collectively as family. We have Mom, Susan, our big brothers, our big sisters, us younger kids and then the babes, The newbies. I only one I seem to not find is a Father figure. While I am sure we have one, it is a little strange that certain people fill certain roles and some roles are not filled.
I guess I am a little rummy, I didn't sleep all night but I am exhausted. **shrugs**
Janet
Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 01, 2008, 07:07:07 AM
The only one I seem to not find is a Father figure.
I nominate Dennis. :icon_woowoo: He always gives great advice.
About the topic: I agree with what most people have said here. Most of the time I'm just happy to offer whatever advice I can, having been on the other side. Except, occasionally, when people are talking about things that are really unique to the MtF experience. (Dilation, anyone?) Then it's like Janet Lynn said - like walking into your sister's bedroom at the wrong moment. :D To be honest, though, most of the time I don't even pay attention to what board a post is on, I just read anything new that catches my eye.
The only exception is, I don't read the SO board, because I figure I don't have much to contribute there, and I feel they need a space to talk about us, (TG folks) without us listening in. I guess the difference is, MtFs don't really need a place to vent about FtMs, (usually) so it isn't as intrusive to read those boards.
And for what it's worth, I for one appreciate the advice you ladies can give us guys. Though, sometimes I forget that you have experience on that side of the fence, so I'll ask a question in the FtM board, that really could have gone on the general Trans board. (Like questions about shaving, for instance.)
I occasionally read the boards and sometimes there are questions and I want to answer, well, not all women like that/do that/think that, but then before I post, I think, well, wait, what do YOU know, you're NOT a woman!! LOL
Jay
Wow, what a bunch of great answers!
Early in transition, I found that, while I felt a great deal of commonality with FtMs, I also couldn't deny a feeling of "whoa, stop the train! You're going the wrong way!" lol. Later I just felt like, too bad we can't make some sort of a body swap. I don't want this stupid lever, here, you take it! Sometimes I think, one of these guys would have just loved to be in the body I couldn't wait to change.
I have grown to really like a lot of the guys around susan's. I do share that walking-in-on-the-guys feeling at times, but mostly I just think what neat dudes Nero, Elwood, Dennis and the rest are.
Stealth
Quote from: sneakersjay on September 01, 2008, 07:39:01 AM
I occasionally read the boards and sometimes there are questions and I want to answer, well, not all women like that/do that/think that, but then before I post, I think, well, wait, what do YOU know, you're NOT a woman!! LOL
Jay
Jay,
You may not be a woman, but you have been on that side of the fence, And there for have input, You wouldn't have to say it like "When I was....", but as an observation.
Quote from: Jamie-o on September 01, 2008, 07:31:31 AM
I nominate Dennis. :icon_woowoo: He always gives great advice.
I went into the members listing and sorted it by Date Registered. Dennis appears to be the first guy that I come across and he is an Administer. So based on time in grade.
Congratulations, Dennis. You get the honorary title of "
Dad".
Janet
FR, what you have said bothers you may be a problem with early transition. It can be very hard to be reminded then of where you came from.
Going forward i would expect you'll have less of a problem with it. The guys are really a great group of people and tbh, in many ways they rely on assistance just the way you do.
Besides, they have had that "female" conditioning that you haven't and as Nero says can provide valuable insights into things you will and are experiencing.
I think over time you'll find it much easier to read the guys and ask and answer questions of them.
Nichole
Quote from: Jamie-o on September 01, 2008, 07:31:31 AM
Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 01, 2008, 07:07:07 AM
The only one I seem to not find is a Father figure.
I nominate Dennis. :icon_woowoo: He always gives great advice.
I agree with that. Dennis would be a good choice.
I try to avoid situations on this site where I am the only guy, or the conversation is about MtF passing techniques, and the topic refuses to change after a reasonable amount of time. Mainly cause it just triggers my dysphoria really badly, and although it's illogical I end up developing the mindset, "I hate my chest, why in the hell do you want one?" So I just don't get into those situations, cause then I just end up angry at myself and others.
I tend to read everything, mainly because I like learning how different people think. And I don't have a problem going into the FtM board because a) the guys here are, quite frankly, awesome. I learn a lot from them, including b) how guys think about things and view the world... which also serves to c) remind me how much I'm not one, at least in terms of my mental, emotional and spiritual alignment.
I don't often post, because I don't usually have anything useful to add on a lot of subjects, but I do like reading through everything because then I get to know the people here as people, beyond being guys or girls. And I find that a really valuable insight. :)
I understand while girls want boobies. It's because they're girls. They feel wrong not to have them, just like it feels wrong for me to have them. I completely understand how they feel. ;D
I actually feel most dysphoric when biomales are showing off their bodies. Their chest or their penis. I get really... upset. Jealous. Wish I had a body more like that.
When I originally started visiting Susan's, I only read or post in sections that I identified as being; androgyne, m2f and transgender. However, now that I've been here longer, I do post in other forums if I have something to say that might be helpful. I love the guys here, they're so cool!
Z
Quote from: Stealthgrrl on September 01, 2008, 07:51:23 AM
Early in transition, I found that, while I felt a great deal of commonality with FtMs, I also couldn't deny a feeling of "whoa, stop the train! You're going the wrong way!" lol.
You just explained what I could never get into words! :) I feel the SAME way.
Quote from: Nichole on September 01, 2008, 08:08:21 AM
FR, what you have said bothers you may be a problem with early transition. It can be very hard to be reminded then of where you came from.
Going forward i would expect you'll have less of a problem with it. The guys are really a great group of people and tbh, in many ways they rely on assistance just the way you do.
Besides, they have had that "female" conditioning that you haven't and as Nero says can provide valuable insights into things you will and are experiencing.
I think over time you'll find it much easier to read the guys and ask and answer questions of them.
Nichole
Yeah, I guess I am trying to alienate myself from the male race at the moment :-\, out of desperation, fear, and confusion. Like, I have to place myself into the position of against them to feel more girl-like (which seems soooo wrong to me, but I do it anyway).
Thank you all for your replies and support, it really helps, I am just still in a bit of a confused state.
I tend to read whatever catches my eye, which often ends up with me posting in wrong areas. But I do like offering my own experience even if it's not much.
Quote from: Leiandra on September 01, 2008, 02:36:09 PM
I tend to read everything, mainly because I like learning how different people think. And I don't have a problem going into the FtM board because a) the guys here are, quite frankly, awesome. I learn a lot from them, including b) how guys think about things and view the world... which also serves to c) remind me how much I'm not one, at least in terms of my mental, emotional and spiritual alignment.
I don't often post, because I don't usually have anything useful to add on a lot of subjects, but I do like reading through everything because then I get to know the people here as people, beyond being guys or girls. And I find that a really valuable insight. :)
Same here. While I may not be able to personally identify with someone's situation it doesn't hurt me to read about it and maybe learn something, or challenge my own thinking.
I am new to Susan's, however not new to transition. I would have never considered to look at or contribute to the FtM board. It wasn't my interest since I am a MtF. It didn't even occur to me that I might have something I could have added there considering I spent 30+ years pretending to be a male.
If I had the time, I don't think I would be bothered by reading/contributing to that board. I hated my male body/gender, but I still acknowledge that I had it, lived the first 30+ years of my life in it, and now I'm just moving toward the life that is congruent with the person I always knew I was. Since I totally support helping people in anyway that I can, I would contribute if I thought I had something semi-useful to add.
I read anything and everything, here and elsewhere. I reply as I feel moved to.