In what ways are Men and Women treated differently?
In everyday life?
Social situations?
Career situations?
Family situations?
etc?
I want to hear from everybody and particularly those post-transitioned folk who've lived in both roles.
That would take a rather lengthy book!
Men are taken at face value, Women on the value of their face.
Buffy
Hm.
Well, I think a lot of people think women always have ulterior motives. They try to read what they're really saying behind what they're saying. It's hard sometimes. It seems like people think women are out to manipulate everyone with mind games. And sometimes, it looks that way. Trust me, no woman is meaner to anyone than another women. Cat fights are purely brutal. So are the "dog fights" with men, but for some reason that's different. It's less nasty. It doesn't involve the petty acts of revenge and devastation that cat fights have...
Men are trusted to "know what they're doing," supposedly, and that they're "strong enough" to handle it themselves. I see that women often are given too much extra help, as if they're some sort of mentally handicapped. This lower class mentality really bothers me. Women are perfectly capable and don't need help in every freaking thing they do.
Socialization between men is strange and indirect. A man won't sit across from me. He wants to be by my side. He doesn't like to be touched for any reason. Guys can't be close, intimate, or even friendly in a lot of ways. They also don't get very deep into conversation. They scrape the surface, as if they're scared to find what's underneath. Often they're just trying not to be seen as gay or weak. The last thing a man wants is to be a "pussy" or even worse, a "wussy."
Women get preferred sometimes. If she's tired and can't finish her work, she'll get the break long before us guys. I could be sweatin' and bleedin' and have slime oozing out of my ears before they think I look done. My lips will be blue before they're convinced that I'm tired. "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." "Be a man." "You work like a girl. Pick up the pace." Men are expected to be strong. If they're too emotional, then someone will just call them a woman. I never understood that; why men aren't supposed to have emotions.
When a man is mad, he is just being a man. When a woman is mad, she's being a bitch. That's at least what most people say. Personally, I think that when a person is mad, they're mad, and I try not to label it. Society, however, loves labels.
If a girl has sex with a lot of men or women, she's considered a whore. If a man does not have sex with enough people, he is considered a prude.
Often in my experience women seem pretty unheard, in most situations. In the end, the decision will usually be made by the man in the room. If it's a group of girl's, the girl with the most robust attitude will make the decisions. I don't understand why femininity isn't a powerful thing in our culture. It really should be. Sometimes, it can be. A man will fall for a woman's charm easily. Women on the other hand seem to fall in love quite easily. They seem affection where most men (transmen often the exception; we know what estrogen feels like) seem to just want to procreate. That is what nature intended, almost. It's difficult to accept, but I don't believe that men were necessarily designed to be monogamous. That makes relationships pretty... difficult.
Since I've been living as a male full time, people respect me more. Also, girls look at me differently. Hell, I can tell a lot of them are like, "Ooh, cute/hot" in their mind. It's really weird. I never got a reaction like that from boys when I presented as female. But now that I present as male, I get those little, "Oooh, aaaah," looks. Also, people expect more from me. They expect me to be stronger, faster, bolder. They are surprised when I get mousy and shy. They wonder what's wrong with me, sometimes tell me to "man it up." Also, now I know what it's like for skinny nerdy guys. Other guys who are bigger than me and stuff kind of puffy out their chests around me. They are sure to open their chests and legs real wide and put themselves on display. I feel them spreading their territory and trying to push me out. Being male is living in a pretty competitive social structure.
In what ways are Men and Women treated differently?
I am a married crossdresser.
In everyday life?
Women touch me or sit next to me without hesitation when I am in feminine mode. The physical distance between a woman and me becomes narrower.
Social situations?
I am treated rather despisingly by both men and women. Women tend to despise me more than men when I am in female mode. On the other hand, women do not fear me as a man, and I got a lot of girl friends.
Career situations?
No significant change, but I should be more aggressive and manly in my work to compensate for my feminity. Some people nowadays say like "You are a real man despite feminine looking." But, I have difficulty in getting another job at more conservative working places.
Family situations?
Yesterday, my first son asked why I did not wear bra. My dad does not like my wearing deep-red lipstick. My wife does not like my wearing tub top. My second son is OK to everything. My daughter at age 4 sometimes calls me mom.
etc?
If they hate me, women tend to hate me far more than men.
Barbie~~
Hmmmm...well, it is simple to find out really. Step out your door and you will be able to notice the abysmal differences on how men and women are treated on a daily basis! ;)
tink :icon_chick:
Or go to a staff meeting in a place where males are either a large minority or a majority of the attendees and try to talk about any ideas you might have.
Nichole
In everyday life?
I don't have a varied everyday life so I can't answer much here. If I go out in public and people stare at me for my clothes, my hair or if I wear shorts and they notice my legs, I'd never know because I hardly look at people's faces or look in their eyes unless I have to, and am constantly looking a little at the floor or up and ahead of me.
Social situations?
Even though I prefer to be around men in most social situations, it just feels more comfortable, I'm still often reluctant to speak aloud about something, especially if it an opinion or something that is the opposite of what they think. It's easier to be more comfortable around guys around my age though, or slightly older, which makes sense because the younger generation is sometimes less worried by stereotypes.
Career situations?
I wouldn't know much about that, from personal experience anyways. I've only ever had one job, and while it general only includes computer work, I've had to help do some moderate to heavy lifting in the past, and all my boss told me was "Don't take more than you can handle." otherwise he doesn't look down on me or try to 'help' me with everything.
I really like how that works out.
Family situations?
There isn't a lot about how my family treats me that bothers me, but I notice that they will ask me to help with a lot of things, but they've never really asked my brother to do most of these same things. I don't know if it's because since he is male so he's more expected to be 'lazy' at times, even though he's very responsible with his job, at home is a different story.
Posted on: September 01, 2008, 09:13:22 PM
Quote from: Buffy on August 31, 2008, 09:50:29 PM
Men are taken at face value, Women on the value of their face.
Buffy
I replied to this topic already but I have to echo your statement, that sums up A LOT of differences in one packaged statement.
It is true, but unfortunate.
Elwood, I think you described it very well. As long as people think I'm male I'm expected to do all these tough, manly things that aren't in my nature. I wouldn't mind people expecting me to be tough and work hard so much if women were expected to do the same.
I'm not saying women are weak, I'm just saying in my experience people don't get as angry with a woman if she works less hours than her male co-workers for example.
Quote from: Nichole on September 01, 2008, 06:04:09 PM
Or go to a staff meeting in a place where males are either a large minority or a majority of the attendees and try to talk about any ideas you might have.
Nichole
I have to admit that Nichole is right. It's subtle but insidious. I just noticed it the other day. Perhaps my acceptance as a woman has crossed some sort of threshold, and I am no longer viewed as ever having been a man. But in a meeting I was in, the men seemed to try to talk over my statements. It didn't seem to be anything premeditated or mean. Just a subtle way that men control women. I don't think they were even aware that they were doing it.
In one way I was intrigued from a scientific sort of way, and gratified that they actually viewed me so completely female, but in another way I was put off.
-Sandy