So I changed my name a couple of weeks ago and then changed it at work. I work for a large organisation (3000+ employess) with about 100 in my department and shift. So they all found out (from the roster that we look at everyday) that I had changed my name. At lunch I was walking through the lunch room when one of my co-workers yells across the room, "Hey (Insert girly name here), did you really change your name to Alex?" and I was like, "Yeh, so its Alex now," and they were all nodding like cool and then one of them yells out "Are you getting a sex change?" everybody stopped to listen then, i laughed it off didnt say anything and put my tray away and left the room. Since then Ive been asked by two more people and I do the same thing.
How do you answer a question like that? I never though before that I was getting a "sex change". But I guess in there eyes once I start changing in the Male Locker rooms, they will consider that a sex change.
Im starting T at the end of October so not long after that I guess I will be contacting HR and informing them of the changes and stuff.
But in the meantime, how do I answer those sorts of questions? Keeping in mind I dont want to start explaining GID, horomones and testrone to everyone that asks.
I think first and formost, the decision about when/if to say anything should be firmly in your control and you should never be backed into a corner and forced to say anything if you feel uncomfortable about doing so.
People's view of things aren't always as informed as we would hope, and if they have no knowledge about gender issues, then it's more than likely they'll be as subtle as a freight train, not seeing the complex processes beyond mere gender reassignment. Short of ramming several weighty tomes down their throat and telling them to "chew on that and come back when you've learned something", it's something that is largely inevitable.
If you feel really uncomfortable about being forced into the position where you have to reveal your plans before you're ready, I would suggest saying something ambiguous like:
"I'm always going to be the same person I am now."
That doesn't answer their question directly, but it also isn't lying, and is really all they need to know up to the point where you feel you're ready to say anything more. :)
I've had this question asked of me before, but only by friends so it was easier to handle. That's pretty rough that this is happening to you at work.
Leiandra's right. You shouldn't have to tell anyone anything if you're not ready to.
Are you ever planning on coming out at work? Obviously if you're going to begin using the men's locker room you might have to, but the timing is still in your control.
If you don't wanna say, don't, ya know?
It's for you to know, and you to keep private if you so choose
If you ask me, putting it that bluntly "are you getting a sex change" is very rude.
Personally, as of yet, I wouldn't consider getting a sex change, I'd only get top surgery.
If they ask the question "how far do you plan on going with this" it's so much less... harsh, and YOU can mold the conversation how you want.
I've been presented with that question, and appreciate it much more than the afore.
I agree with Leiandra.
To most people, a "sex change" operation happens between the legs, so for me the answer to that truthfully is NO, since I don't plan on bottom surgery. To a few close friends who asked, I told them T works wonders and omitted the specifics of top surgery. To family who asked if I'd just be a hairy chick with boobs I said no, I was having a breast reduction with male contouring, because my mother's idea of a mastectomy was just lop 'em off and leave jagged scars with no semblance of breasts. I had to send her some pics.
I agree with not saying anything until you're ready. I'm in that same position at work, where a very new and extremely nosy coworker with no personal boundaries (even asked if I'd lance something on her foot - EEEWWWWW!!!!) has been asking pointed questions. Thankfully she hasn't asked gender questions yet but she's assuming I'm a butch lesbian and she (also a lesbian) has a crush on me (unfortunately too obvious and makes me uncomfortable). I don't want to come out yet as I want to pass more.
Jay
Talk to HR before you talk to individual coworkers, that way HR can handle any situations that may arise. And instead of saying that yes, you're having a sex change, you could always just say, "I prefer to say I'm transitioning."
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Are you ever planning on coming out at work? Obviously if you're going to begin using the men's locker room you might have to, but the timing is still in your control.
Yeh, I am going to come out at work. After I start T, but I havent even talked to HR yet and I dont want to do it by yelling across the lunch room, lol
Most ppl at work refer to me as he anyways at work (I already wear a male uniform instead of the female), and I know they are not trying to be rude, but still being asked blunty about a sex change is pretty rude and uncomvertable.
Plus its not a sex change it is transitioning
If you're going to start T and plan on having surgeries to alter your sexual characteristics, I'd call that a sex change.
Do your coworkers really need to know? Maybe, maybe not. That's up to your discretion.
Definitely start with HR, but if individuals ask the sex change question, you can quite honestly reply something that affirms your gender identification but remains a bit evasive. Like humorously remarking, "I think I'll stay a guy, thank you." Or, "Jeez, can you see me in a dress and high heels?"
I don't know if this kind of response would work well in your situation, but a bit of humor can often do wonders.
Quote from: Adrien on September 14, 2008, 02:47:11 PM
If you ask me, putting it that bluntly "are you getting a sex change" is very rude.
In a way, yes it's rude. Mostly it's just ignorance. My mother began looking at top surgery information when I came out to her, even though that's not all transitioning entails. She doesn't know any better. When I came out to a friend of mine she said the same thing "are you going to have a sex change?"
It's a bit more rude when it's a perfect stranger asking you, and only slightly rude if it's people you know. Still, not a lot of people can say they know the ins and outs of transgenders, especially if they are not one, so it's ignorance that makes them think that all you're doing is having a "sex change" operation for some unexplainable reason. Most don't even understand WHY people do surgery. They are simply ill-informed.
Quote from: alexkidd on September 14, 2008, 06:16:55 PM
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Are you ever planning on coming out at work? Obviously if you're going to begin using the men's locker room you might have to, but the timing is still in your control.
Yeh, I am going to come out at work. After I start T, but I havent even talked to HR yet and I dont want to do it by yelling across the lunch room, lol
Most ppl at work refer to me as he anyways at work (I already wear a male uniform instead of the female), and I know they are not trying to be rude, but still being asked blunty about a sex change is pretty rude and uncomvertable.
Plus its not a sex change it is transitioning
I agree that you should talk with HR that's a good idea. No, you shouldn't have to yell it across the lunch room, lol, I would just ignore those people. It's none of anyone at work's business, in my opinion, but eh....I don't know all your circumstances.
I've actually thought about this one. This is just me, but I'd probably say, in a somewhat condescending/offended tone (only a hint, not enough to make them feel bad) "well, its more complicated than THAT, but yeah kinda" :laugh:
I used to just say "yeah, that sums it up". I don't need to educate people on the details.
Dennis
Quote from: Arch on September 14, 2008, 06:39:48 PM
Definitely start with HR, but if individuals ask the sex change question, you can quite honestly reply something that affirms your gender identification but remains a bit evasive. Like humorously remarking, "I think I'll stay a guy, thank you." Or, "Jeez, can you see me in a dress and high heels?"
I don't know if this kind of response would work well in your situation, but a bit of humor can often do wonders.
i love those! i might try using them net time something like that comes up
Quote from: Arch on September 14, 2008, 06:39:48 PM
Definitely start with HR, but if individuals ask the sex change question, you can quite honestly reply something that affirms your gender identification but remains a bit evasive. Like humorously remarking, "I think I'll stay a guy, thank you." Or, "Jeez, can you see me in a dress and high heels?"
I don't know if this kind of response would work well in your situation, but a bit of humor can often do wonders.
Cheers Arch, I really like that idea. Ill try it next time someone ask :D
Thanks guys for your input, my therapist is also doing me a letter so I can give to HR and come out once Im ready. I think it will go pretty sweet, I am refered to in the male sense anyways, so everyone will be like "Duh!" LOL
Quote from: alexkidd on September 14, 2008, 06:16:55 PM
Plus its not a sex change it is transitioning
Exactly, and it is not a sex change, it is gender reassignement.
Good luck
HLL&R
Maebh
Quote from: Chet on September 14, 2008, 09:31:37 PM
Quote from: Arch on September 14, 2008, 06:39:48 PM
Definitely start with HR, but if individuals ask the sex change question, you can quite honestly reply something that affirms your gender identification but remains a bit evasive. Like humorously remarking, "I think I'll stay a guy, thank you." Or, "Jeez, can you see me in a dress and high heels?"
I don't know if this kind of response would work well in your situation, but a bit of humor can often do wonders.
i love those! i might try using them net time something like that comes up
x2!
Quote from: Dennis on September 14, 2008, 09:25:38 PM
I used to just say "yeah, that sums it up". I don't need to educate people on the details.
Dennis
If someone asked me bluntly then yes probably now that is what I would say. Only to co-workers though. Im not out at work changed my name here though, and people asked why so I fobbed them off with some story which I have forgot.
However I do not plan to come out as work simply because I work with mostly idiots and narrow minded people. So that isn't an option in my view. Three of my work collegues and my manager and buisness manager know.
But thats all I want knowning personally as I dont plan to stay here that long.. saying that I have been here a year already!
I would think you should talk with HR soon. They will need time to plan and train staff, this will make all the difference in your workplace transition. These are things they cannot do at the drop of a hat.
Your HR dept. will have their hands full getting ready for this. (its not somthing they do every day)
I guess that to many of the public a "sex change" is the sort of thing right out of National Enquirer.
During my transition, I never got a question like that from any acquaintance.
I was asked though, "Are you turning into a woman?", to which I could easily answer "Yes".
(This does skip over the philosophical question of whether I was always a woman anyway.)