I did it. After years, I broke up with my boyfriend.
I'm very sad, as is he, but I think it's definitely for the best long term. We agreed that after a while, we just became really good friends, instead of really good boyfriends.
I'll be okay, I'm taking it a lot better than I though. I just don't know how I'm going to handle when he meets someone else. As long as the guy is PERFECT, I'll be okay with that. Anything less than that isn't okay with me. I also don't know how I'm going to handle not talking to him near as much. We aren't going to do that whole "break up, but we still act like we're dating" thing. We decided that we'll only talk when we really need each other. Our direct quote was "I will call you when I need to talk to someone who knows me better than anyone else. Better than I know myself."
Wow after I posted this and went and switched my profile status from "Commited" to "Single" and took off the countdown of "Days until my baby comes home." That was really hard...
I'm very proud of myself. As you guys know, I've had problems with him lately about it being a one way relationship and not being happy. I think this is for the best. I just really need some hugs and support from my Susans family.
Be strong, honey. You did the right thing, based on your earlier posts about his exploits, and you can now get on with meeting someone else yourself.
You have every right to be proud of yourself. You made a decision that will benefit you far more in the long term and now you can get on with the rest of your life. It may be hard at first, losing something you invested part of yourself in always is, but take what you learned from what you had, and the good feelings you gained from that, and know that you will have that again, if you want it.
*big squeezy hug* You'll get through this, Brady. And find a guy that's absolutely perfect for you honey, with whom you can be happy.
And if/when he meets someone else, remember how much you want him to be happy rather than how that someone else isn't you. And if he is happy, then he has what you wanted him to have, and you can concentrate on getting the same for yourself.
You have all the support you ever need, honey. *extra hug*
You are too young and have too much to do to be that involved anyway. So its for the best. Have fun, meet lots of people, the most important thing about college aside from the specific information, is the connections you make and can use the rest of your life, and sometimes a 'real committed relationship' gets in the way of that.
I'm with tekla on this. Yes, I turned 18 and became a "legal adult," but that didn't make me automatically ready for the responsibilities of an adult. I learned pretty quickly that dating + college + therapy + life + health issues + transition was too much to handle all at once.
I have mixed feelings, Brady. I feel bad for you. I know how hard it is because I've been there. A few times. Several times...which ties in with what some of the others are saying: that you are young, and you will likely have a number of relationships (could be a small number, could be quite large) before you settle down with someone for the long term.
But on the other hand, if it isn't working anymore, it isn't working. Nothing rots faster than a relationship that the partners have kept alive past its expiration date. Sorry to sound so crass, but it's generally true. So I'm glad that you had the courage to break it off--that takes cojones.
If you two are able to stay friends, then you're doing a lot better than many people, including yours truly.
Sending you positive vibes and manly hugs.
Aw :( Poor Brady.
But based on the last post you made about your boyfriend I could see that you guys were definitely in trouble, and it didn't sound like it was going to last. I'm sure it hurts to hear that and I'm sorry....
But it's for the best in the end. We're here for you dude. And you're an awesome guy so there will be plenty more awesome guys headed your way ;)
Thanks guys, you guys are amazing.
I think the only thing that will help me is time. It's just awful. I'm having clear out my life whole life. Every thing reminds me of him. I had to pretty much clear my iTunes. I keep tearing up because little things trigger my sadness. I know for a fact that this is how it should be, but it's so hard :'(
A little irrelevant, but the musical Rent means every thing to me. I saw it in 1996 when it opened and I saw the last, closing performance on Sept. 7th. I'm getting a tattoo in the Rent font that in big letters says "no day but today" and under it i was going to put a quote from the song Without You in Rent, which is "Life goes on, but I'm gone. Cause I die without you." It sounds dramatic, but if you've seen the show it makes sense. A couple has AIDS, and when they break up, they feel they have nothing to live for so they slowly get closer to death. It would be referring to how I cried for days after Rent closed and I'm still incredibly sad about it and will be until the day they bring it back. However, at least for the next year or so, I will always look at that line and not think of Rent, but I'll think of him.
I guess I'll put "It's time now to sing out, though the story never ends." under it instead.
ah well i'm sorry that you're down. from everything you've said about him it is obvious that you care. but i think this is a good move. you're too awesome to not be treated 100% like you should be, and that's having a committed partner who is in it for the same reasons you are.... and there when you need him.
Brady I know how it feels dude. I broke up with my GF of four years and my first love a few months ago.. it hurts like hell. But I couldn't have lived like I was the only one in the relationship any longer.
Sucks but at least you can still talk to each other if needs be. Just remember your friends and all of us at Susans are here for you to chat to at any time!
Stay postive and smile!
Was hoping you would. Last time you talked about him, it sounded like he just wanted his cake and was eating it too.
The best guy is yet to come.
Way to go Brades! :eusa_clap:
Grrr I'm so weak though :(
We had a 5 hour phone conversation last night that resulted in both of us falling asleep. Sigh. I just can't go without talking to him
Quote from: Brady on September 19, 2008, 07:49:01 AM
Grrr I'm so weak though :(
We had a 5 hour phone conversation last night that resulted in both of us falling asleep. Sigh. I just can't go without talking to him
hmm. well, whatever happens, at least you showed you won't put up with his crap and he'll have to treat you better.
When we were on the phone, he said "Have you heard of the song 'Fall for You' by Secondhand Serenade?" I said no, and he said "This conversation reminds me of it."
I went and YouTubed it this morning...oh my gosh, story of our life. I busted out crying. It just sucks because I can't have a relationship with him, but I can't have one without him. I know I'm young and will meet other people, but I don't want someone else. I want him.
Hope this video worked. Isn't that story of my life? lol
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Hang in there Brady! We all support you no matter what happens! Camden
I wish you health and comfort.
Hey Brady,
you made a very difficult decision. You can be proud of yourself for that. There's no shame in finding it hard to continue on as a single guy.
Take care man, you're stronger than you think.
Vincent
Hey Brady.. I know you feel like you dont want to be with anyone else but him. I have been there a million times with my ex, but you argue for a reason.. I couldn't handle being the only one there at all! You will get over him it takes time yes.. there is times where I still miss my ex like crazy but I have to realise that it would have never worked I would always be wanting more! There will be others trust me dude. Just go out with your friends and forget about him. Im sorry but you are going to have to try. And if he gets in contact with you then maybe he is thinking damn what have I done?
We've been talking probably more than we should lately. I'm trying to cut back but even an "I love you" slips every once and a while.
It's so hard, but you guys are helping. Especially you Jay, since you know what I'm going through. I hope you are doing okay. How long until this feeling goes away?
I totally know how you must be feeling. Well I don't totally know since I am not you and no one can ever know exactly how another person is feeling but what I mean to say is I have been there, I broke up with the love of my life (we are back together again now) and it hurt like hell.
Personally I think and I don't know the circumstances of your break up but I think that if you were not happy and if you were left feeling wanting somehow then the relationship probably was not right in some way, that may be a workable issue enabling the two of you to get back together, it may not be.
I made a choice mainly because it was so ->-bleeped-<-ing painful not to be with my other half, our relationship isn't perfect but we are trying to work through it. It isn't a choice I would reccomend to everyone depending on the issue that caused the break up in the first place (mine was his sexuality, a pretty major issue) but I felt like I didn't/ couldn't want to face life without him. That however is not a healthy attitude I realise and often you are left thinking what if I had stayed strong? I would say keep in touch with him but stay strong if the issue is a major one as it can lead to serious emotional trauma going down the route I have taken.
I still question it every day believe me. I know our relationship borders on codependency at times and that is not a cycle I would wish on anyone. But hey lifes not perfect and neither are people.
But always, always demand 100% respect, someone that won't give you at least that is not worth the time of day in my opinion and I have been down that road too.
Quote from: Brady on September 21, 2008, 07:54:48 PM
We've been talking probably more than we should lately. I'm trying to cut back but even an "I love you" slips every once and a while.
It's so hard, but you guys are helping. Especially you Jay, since you know what I'm going through. I hope you are doing okay. How long until this feeling goes away?
Yeah I am doing alright thanks Brady I get down sometimes but have to remember all of the bad times and some things she said to me in anger and out of spite. Fortunately I have friends I can contact and talk to them about anything and everything and it usually lifts my mood! I just do things to take my mind off it keep myself busy! Music, playing around with my car, watch tons of movies/seasons, work go out with my friends! Best thing is to keep busy! You feel like you can not survive because they are your better half but it does go away you cant put a time on how long it will take you but it does. Its diffrent from person to person to be honest. You just need to concentrate on other things..
It will get harder especially around christmas. *sigh*
Chin up and *smile*
It's funny that you mention that Jay, because I was just thinking about how sad Christmas will be. Christmas is my FAVORITE time of year and its gonna be really hard.
And milliontoone, wow, you sound exactly like me. EXACTLY. Thanks for the advice though. I don't know if we'll get back together, but we'll see how it goes. As for reasoning for the break up, I just felt like I was putting 150% into the relationship and he didn't even bother putting anything into it. It drives ya nuts after a while
Quote from: Brady on September 22, 2008, 08:07:23 AM
As for reasoning for the break up, I just felt like I was putting 150% into the relationship and he didn't even bother putting anything into it. It drives ya nuts after a while
Yuck, I know the feeling.