so what happens when you pretty much have no life and ppl just don't want anything to do with you cause your the trans kid?
i see other trans guys who have a lot of friends and i just have no one
i dont get it...
What do you like to do? Do you go to school? Don't know where you live, but maybe hit up some support groups?
Don't worry dude, you're not alone. I have very limited friends too. I don't know why, but it almost feels like the estrogen killed my social life. Or it could just be my personality, I don't know.
Meh. I don't have freinds where I live. Moved up here 4 months ago. I'm stealth. I don't want to get close enough to someone that they find out...
I know just how you feel. I have a partner but sometimes I still feel incredibly alone because I just don't feel I can relate to people, mainly and I don't mean to sound arrogant because they just don't get it. The "it" being ->-bleeped-<- of course. I don't really want to hang around with a bunch of people who don't get the fact that I am, always was and always will be a guy so the upshot of that is I don't tend to have very many friends. And most of the friends I do have tend to be my partners friends and they are gay men like me. And believe it or not not even they dont' totally get it a lot of the time.
I do suffer from minor depression from time to time which can be hard and isolating in itself.
That being said, I know I should widen my social circle somewhat and be more proactive and find people I can really relate to so I do plan to hit up some FTM support groups in my area and even plan to attend my first meeting on the 4th October.
And of course finding this place has been a lifeline. Just hanging around here brings me up.
I urge you to stick around these guys are great and you will feel at home here.
I don't have any friends either where I live. As you probably read, I broke up with my boyfriend so I'm completely alone too.
I think if I had more confidence to approach people I'd have more friends. I just don't you know.
But there is ALWAYS Susans. Really man, we're your friends til the end. Susans has helped me through some TOUGH times. If you need a friend, there's a million here. PM me if you need or want to talk
dude i don't have any friends either... the friends i did have have moved on from me since I started transitioning.
that's why i'm here... for support.
this is lonely stuff.
Hi,
Mostly same stuff everyone else is saying here.
I've never had a close friend. I wasnt a dorky kid, but I never had anyone I would call a best mate. Even now as a adult, I dont have any friends who I could just go visit or call up for a coffee or movie (like normal ppl have)
sounds like we are all a bunch of loners
Quote from: alexkidd on September 20, 2008, 01:43:35 AM
sounds like we are all a bunch of loners
I don't know that all trans/men are this way but for those of us here, I think we are pretty uncomfortable with ourselves when we get here.
When someone's uncomfortable with themselves, it shows, and people sometimes stay away unless there are strong compensating traits like Charisma.
Lane
so what does everyone do with their spare time
when there are no friends to fill the gap.
hang out here.
I work all the time, on the rare occasions I do have 'spare time' - I play my computer, some games and stuff
sometimes wouldnt mind having someone I can call up and say "hey lets go down go karting" (or something)
But never the less I am used to being a loner, so it doesnt bother me so much
Hey All!
Wow! All your posts described how I was 3 or 4 years ago. I now have oodles of friends. I'm openly out, I go to Church in a dress, Wear Skirts when I shop, and I love to shop. And when I don't see my friends, I call them. How did this happen?
Welp. I learned to love myself for one. I joined a Church, not an ordinary hate-hate church, but one that's a member of the Evergreen Alliance, A group of different churches all over the country that support gay rights, and I met wonderful accepting people there. In fact, that's where I met the first TS friend I've ever had.
I started going to a 12 step group, and it was a wonderful and accepting environment and the friends I've made I do go shopping with, and if a Theater were available we'd probably hit the movies once in a while.
I have Bipolar disorder, with Severely suicidal depressions, and although it nearly killed me two years ago, it gained me access to a Bipolar support group of really caring people who were extremely supportive. The women I met there were very helpful, and still coach me in the things a girl should have learned from the beginning.
Lastly, once I had a little confidence, I started to get to know my neighbors. I live in a 20 unit apartment building. It was the brain child of Howard Bess, Author of "Pastor I'm gay" and designed to be an apartment building for independent regular life living, but with the needs of those with mental illness diagnosis in mind. My neighbors are mostly long timers and a bit stand offish at first, but just listening to them tell their stories became the bedrock of some great friendships.
So, my best advice would be to trust who you are, be confident - We aren't freaks, we can hold our heads high and be proud of ourselves. Put on your favorite outfit, go out, volunteer somewhere (homeless shelters, food banks, local theaters, hospitals), or go to a group like Al-Anon, Overeater's Anonymous, Alateen, there are a great many.
Many of us are afraid of the meanness of people out there. There are definitely really sick, unhealthy people out there to be sure. But, like all girls, if we are mindful of potentially bad situations (no transportation, no phone, no escape routes, bad areas of town at night), and go where people are by inclination open and accepting, Pflag for instance, then we can find nurturing friendships in our communities. It's important I think.
But Susan's Place is always here for us too.
I'd suggest finding what you're interested in, activity-wise, and pursuing that. Don't try too hard, but always be the guy who's willing to go the extra mile to help someone out. Over time, the people you acquire from that will be true friends. If you're centred around an activity you enjoy, you find things in common with people. Be a person first, not a trans person first.
A friend is someone you can call from jail at 3 AM to bail you out after a wild night.
A real friend is sitting next to you in the cell going, "wasn't that amazing?".
I have friends I've known for 37 years, and friends I've met within the last few years. Usually who I'm hanging with depends on what I'm interested in. Right now, I'm really into fishing and camping, so got a group that I go with. Some know my history, some don't. These guys can McGyver a fix for anything wrong with your boat, motor, or truck and they're the kind of guys who will drive 45 minutes in the pouring rain to help a buddy out, even after a full day's work that started at 3:00 AM.
My friend I've known for 37 years just got married. When I hugged her after the ceremony, I said "I just missed being a bridesmaid by one goatee, one surgery, and a few hundred shots of testosterone, didn't I?" She laughed and agreed. We've been the kind of friends for all that time that will maybe not see each other for a couple of years, then call the other and it's like we were never apart.
Dennis
Quote from: Dennis on September 21, 2008, 06:11:13 PM
I'd suggest finding what you're interested in, activity-wise, and pursuing that. Don't try too hard, but always be the guy who's willing to go the extra mile to help someone out. Over time, the people you acquire from that will be true friends. If you're centred around an activity you enjoy, you find things in common with people. Be a person first, not a trans person first.
A friend is someone you can call from jail at 3 AM to bail you out after a wild night.
A real friend is sitting next to you in the cell going, "wasn't that amazing?".
I have friends I've known for 37 years, and friends I've met within the last few years. Usually who I'm hanging with depends on what I'm interested in. Right now, I'm really into fishing and camping, so got a group that I go with. Some know my history, some don't. These guys can McGyver a fix for anything wrong with your boat, motor, or truck and they're the kind of guys who will drive 45 minutes in the pouring rain to help a buddy out, even after a full day's work that started at 3:00 AM.
My friend I've known for 37 years just got married. When I hugged her after the ceremony, I said "I just missed being a bridesmaid by one goatee, one surgery, and a few hundred shots of testosterone, didn't I?" She laughed and agreed. We've been the kind of friends for all that time that will maybe not see each other for a couple of years, then call the other and it's like we were never apart.
Dennis
Note to self: I'm going camping with Dennis!! ;D
Jay revs up the RV...
what i find hard is that the ppl who know my "history" which is more like my present
they use it against me or tell other ppl
its hard to get close with someone before they find out from all the ppl that know
idk
i guess i just have to ride it out for now and get everything done
then start over new?
i just dont wanna move to a place where ppl wanna hurt me if they find out
you're too valuable a person to let yourself hang out with the sort of people who would hurt you just because you are trans, or brown haired, or have ear-lobe that connects vs. one that doesn't. We're all to valuable to hang on to the kinds of friends that hurt us. The world is full of people who will reach out with open arms, even knowing all your history. I have experienced it in my life.
I'm fat, I'm transgendered, I've had a boyfriend who was a pedophile, I've been raped, been in incest, was beaten, and come from an alcoholic family. I've even hooked for pocket money. But that was then. Today is now. There are people willing to accept you and love you no matter what crap lies in your past, or how unusual you are. If you have a good heart, a little courage, and faith enough to stretch your envelope, then I really believe we can find the company of real friends.
Quote from: The Bri Girl on September 21, 2008, 09:32:07 PM
you're too valuable a person to let yourself hang out with the sort of people who would hurt you just because you are trans, or brown haired, or have ear-lobe that connects vs. one that doesn't. We're all to valuable to hang on to the kinds of friends that hurt us. The world is full of people who will reach out with open arms, even knowing all your history. I have experienced it in my life.
I'm fat, I'm transgendered, I've had a boyfriend who was a pedophile, I've been raped, been in incest, was beaten, and come from an alcoholic family. I've even hooked for pocket money. But that was then. Today is now. There are people willing to accept you and love you no matter what crap lies in your past, or how unusual you are. If you have a good heart, a little courage, and faith enough to stretch your envelope, then I really believe we can find the company of real friends.
how do you know when someone is like that or not though?
All my friends are dead or otherwise gone now that I've changed my lifestyle. It's okay in some aspects.
I never feel obligated to answer the door or phone anymore. I'm a hermit at heart anyway.
Don't worry, people'll start bugging you sooner or later and before you know it, you'll miss your alone time.
Quote from: Jasonk16 on September 21, 2008, 08:07:47 PM
what i find hard is that the ppl who know my "history" which is more like my present
they use it against me or tell other ppl
its hard to get close with someone before they find out from all the ppl that know
idk
I'm right there with you.
I think we've got to accept our transgender identities in a way that allows it not to be a weapon against us.
If someone says to me, "YOU'RE A ->-bleeped-<-!" my response is, "Yeah, and?"
Now, if they say, "YOU'RE A WOMAN PRETENDING TO BE A MAN," that's more than just knowing I'm a transsexual. That's passing judgment on me, and I have a feeling they do that whether or not they knew I was a ->-bleeped-<-.
I have friends mainy female friends at the moment which is hard because I am transition and I dont want people to see me as butch lesbian. I love females dont get me wrong but there is only so much I have in common with them..
I have no one to tell about my transition who is actually intrested. Like a partner but when I was with her she didn't seem all that intrested in it anyhow.