Hi everyone,
Well it is no secrite that I am struggle at the moment, my moods are all over the place and I am now struggling to do any work that is worth while. I had another appointment with my psychiatrist and they are thinking I have some Borderline Personality Disorder. Here is a quick into to BPD taken from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/an-introduction-to-borderline-personality-disorder/.
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The term "borderline" means in-between one thing and another. Originally, this term was used when the clinician was unsure of the correct diagnosis because the client manifested a mixture of neurotic and psychotic symptoms. Many clinicians thought of these clients as being on the border between neurotic and psychotic, and thus the term "borderline" came into use.
The term "borderline" has been used in a number of ways that are quite different from the DSM-IV criteria for borderline personality disorder (BPD), and that the misuse of this diagnostic label has long been criticized. In some circles, "borderline" is still used as a "catch-all" diagnosis for individuals who are hard to diagnose or is interpreted as meaning "nearly psychotic," despite a lack of empirical support for this conceptualization of the disorder.
Additionally, with the recent popularity of "borderline" as a diagnostic category and the reputation of these clients as being difficult to treat, "borderline" is often used as a generic label for difficult clients or as an excuse for therapy going badly.
The essential feature of Borderline Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity that begins by early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts.
Interesting that it says in-betweem one thing and another, I have been saying for a long time I am in-between the genders. Then of course I found this in the "Sysmptoms" of BPO (see http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder.shtml).
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While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values
So now I am being sent to do some Dislectial Behavior Therapy. I have not got a real sense of what is involved but it is meant to be good for peole with BPD. Another medication has been added to try and keep my moods in order.
I have been wish the gender specalist picked this up when I saw him about a year ago. I told him if you can make me a happy male I would take it and if my BPD is my main problem I should never of been put onto HRT. I have some nice breast growth but I am hoping that if I do go off HRT some of that growth will disappear.
My week in general has been up and down. I had more therapy on Tuesday and did not do any work. Wednesday was perfact because I got into work and had a productive day after a slow start. Thursday and Friday I was bad again after the visit to my Psychiatrist. I tried to be good on Thursday nite and I did not drink but on Friday temptation got to me. I started with a beer but that quickly grow to 5-6. I had to call my friend again and after a large cry I started to pack my bads for hospital, I was sure I would need to go there again. However it ended up being a large cry and I was not really suicidal so I stayed at home. Last night I went to an opening of a GLBT bar cause I thought it woulds be quiet (the week before it was not well attended) But it turned out to be packed so I quickly came home, I did not feel very socialble. During the day time I have been doing a lot of gardening and that has helped.
Alice
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. The treatment the shrink mentioned is
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. The definition from psychcentral seemed a little sketch so I thought I'd give you a more complete one. This one is from Marsha Linehan who is the Grand Poobah of DBT therapy and BPD.
QuoteBiosocial Theory of Borderline Personality Disorder
The main tenet of biosocial theory is that the core disorder is one of emotional dysregulation. Emotional dysregulation is viewed as a joint outcome is one of biological disposition, environmental contexr and the transaction between the two during development. The theory asserts that borderlines have difficulties in regulating several if not all emotions. This systemic dysregulation is produced by emotional vulnerability and by maladaptive emotional modulation strategies.
Emotional vulnerability is defined by these characteristics; 1) very high sensitivity to emotional stimuli, 2) very intense response to emotional stimuli, and 3) a slow return to emotional baseline once emotional arousal has occurred. Emotional modulation is defined as the ability to 1) inhibit inappropriate behavior related to strong negative or positive emotions, 2) organize oneself in coordinated action in the service of an external goal (i.e., act in a way that is not mood dependent when necessary) , 3) soothe any psychological arousal that the strong emotion has induced, and 4) refocus attention in the presence of strong emotion. Emotion dysregulation in borderline individuals then is the combination of an emotional response system that is oversensitive and overreactive with an inability to modulate the resulting strong emotions and actions associated with them. As a whole the disposition to emotion dysregulation is biologically based. A dysfunction in any part of the extremely complex human emotion regulation system can provide the biological basis for initial emotional vulnerability and subsequent difficulties in emotion modulation. Thus the biological basis may be different in different individuals and it is not likey we will find one biological abnormality that underlies all BPD cases.
Good luck with your treatment. It will require some hard work on your part but te end result will be worth it!