Is it really possible to have "friends" online? Is it really possilbe to consider people one has only encountered online to be real friends?
For all I know, the members of Susans or any other message board are no more than personsas created for the online world. To be fair, the same could be said of me. I'm using a pseudonym and my avatar is some strange run. Anyone else here could just as eaily ask, "Is the persona presented by the user Shades O'Grey really representative of the person who created that member profile?
Thoughts, anyone?
I met my girlfriend online. ;) :) I consider her the best friend I have in the world. She means more to me than anyone.
I guess I should have been a little more specific.
Are people that one interacts with ONLY online, can they be considered friends? I know that it's possible to meet someone online and then that leads to a meeting in real life. But if one only interacts with certain people online, are those certain people really friends (or enemies, for that matter).
Everything depends on what they write. ;D
Personally, I couldn't care less who they are, just as long as I have a good conversation with them. :)
Shades, me and her have only met online. She's in England and I'm in the US. We were friends before we ever talked on the phone, and even now, most of our communication is still online, even though we talk on the phone more often than we used to. We have not met in person yet.
I say, why not? Words are the same whether they're spoken or written. Feelings are the same, too. Sure it's easier to lie and pretend to be something else when you're online, but then, that doesn't mean everybody does that. And if two people are being their genuine selves, and genuinely like each other.. that, I say, is a friendship, whether they actually meet face to face or not.
There's still a lot of people I only interact with online who I consider to be better friends than many people I only interact with 'in real life.' But I don't like that term either, as the internet is still 'real life,' it's just words instead of sounds.
[And I've definitely made a few enemies online, too. The emotions involved are certainly the same.]
IMO online friends are every bit as valid as friends in real life. If you share experiences and ideas, can comfort each other, and actually just like each other, it will work. Friends don't need to have physical attributes that turn you on, maybe mentally lol, but it will survive after meeting because you share the common bond of friendship, which doesn't rely on sexual attraction.
I have a different opinion to online romances, because it is more reliant on physical chemistry, which you can only establish after you meet in real life, many don't make it past the first meeting. But there are always exceptions, and it is still worthwhile to give it a go and not rule it out as a means to find a partner.
The expectations though are a lot higher, but if it works out in real life after having consistent contact online, it will probably be one of the strongest bonds ever.
Jörgen, TamTam, Buttercup, you've all pretty much said things I've thought were possible. I've had folks tell me that online friends could never be true friends, because of the limits of the electronic communication medium. I guess, really, it depends on all parties involved.
Online persons can offer a world of advice, but they can't go bowling with you. When you want to go out and have a good time in real life, they ain't there. Huge difference.
Friends of any kind (online or off) are people whom you have things in common with, identify with in some way, share values, ideas, thoughts, support each other and actually like. You can do all those things either online or off. As for the internet/ real life argument how is the internet not real? Does it not exist? Is it not an activity you are actually doing? Of course it is, however there are people who spend all their time on the internet and not experiencing any thing else which I do feel is unhealthy.
And as Tekla said very wisely, everyone needs someone to go bowling with from time to time.....
Quote from: tekla on October 19, 2008, 10:51:26 PM
Online persons can offer a world of advice, but they can't go bowling with you. When you want to go out and have a good time in real life, they ain't there. Huge difference.
Exactly what I wanted to say. Plus they generally live miles and miles away.. which sucks. I have had a few online relationships and they didn't work. Even if I did go and see them too.
I have been on-line for the last ten years and I have been in many chat-rooms, message boards, and forums. I met many wonderful people, intelligent people, wise people, analytical people, loving, caring, compassionate, supportive, empathic people, and yet you will also find among these, deceivers, liars, wannabes, fakes, aggressors, combative individuals, abusers, sexists, and predators, just the same as you will find in the real world.
I got to know some whom I came to grow close to, just as much as any other person I ever had as a friend. One can come to know an on-line person very well just by reading the individuals inner feelings and personality through that person's typed words. But the greatest setback you will encounter with online friends I have found was that after a time they moved on and I never saw them again. That has at times left me feeling quite sad and lonely for them, just as sad as losing any real personal friend in the real world.
I beleive that is the greatest set back with having online friends. But I have accustomed myself to that eventuality so that when I have an on-line friend who decides to move on my mourning for that individual is not as long in duration.
However, it doesn't make that person typing those words you are reading any less real than anyone else you know personally. They to are real flesh and blood human beings, complete with the capability of thoughts, emotions and feelings, feeling distraught, confused, enlightened, excited, etc., just the same as we do. Use your own discretion as to who you wish to have as a friend and also have respect for your fellow users as true persons in reality.
Cindy
Quote from: tekla
Online persons can offer a world of advice, but they can't go bowling with you. When you want to go out and have a good time in real life, they ain't there. Huge difference.
This is an excellent point. But, I'm quite the introvert. Going out is something I usually do solo. That I'm even
considering going out cross-dressed has totally amazed my wife. Usually, if my going-out companion isn't her, it's my bike.
Quote from: milliontoone
As for the internet/ real life argument how is the internet not real? Does it not exist?
I could be wrong, but the anonymity of the web makes it easier for folks to build a fictious persona without being discovered. It's not possible to read body language in a text-based media such as message boards and chat rooms. I guess, that's what I was getting at.
Quote from: cindybc
I met many wonderful people, intelligent people, wise people, analytical people, loving, caring, compassionate, supportive, empathic people, and yet you will also find among these, deceivers, liars, wannabes, fakes, aggressors, combative individuals, abusers, sexists, and predators, just the same as you will find in the real world.
But, I guess this pretty much somes it up. There's all kinds out there, online and off.
I consider few people I speak to online friends. Ones I've talked with on the phone (or texted) or exchanged snail mail with, they are friends. Others don't count, and I don't feel bad about blocking them or signing off while talking to them or anything.
I've become close friends with a few people who I met online, some of whom I eventually ended up meeting in person. Yes, people can invent fictions, both on or off line, however if you read between the lines, you can usually figure if someone has an agenda.
Zythyra
For someone like me, I consider some of my 'only online' friends better friends than the vast majority of 'real life' friends I've ever had.
My experience with most real time friends is very superficial. As long as I had money and dope, they camped on my doorstep, but any genuine caring for me was far beyond them.
Maybe I am extremely naive but I consider every member on this site my friend, no matter how few words we've personally exchanged.
This site has given me something I have always coveted - real friendships with females. That means the world to me.
Yes, my online friends are real. I hope they consider me real as well.
So, I'm not nuts if an online friend posts something hurtfull and I feel hurt by it. Right?
I wish it was true for me. I have had online friends and they just seem to fade away, stop writing me back ect. Now I have a hard time letting anyone be more than an aquantance. I don`t trust online people anymore, but I want to. I wish I had some online friends i could talk to about nothing but life, kids and whatever. I`m stuck in the mid west at home all day and I have tried. I always seem to send the last message. >:( ???
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on October 20, 2008, 01:25:28 PM
So, I'm not nuts if an online friend posts something hurtfull and I feel hurt by it. Right?
of course not. i'm ashamed to have done just that (which primary purpose was to bait and challenge a loved one. also something i'm not proud of but in the process i baited far more people than said loved one and ended up offending all involved to boot) and hope i am the only one who has made you feel this way lately. :embarrassed:
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on October 20, 2008, 01:25:28 PM
So, I'm not nuts if an online friend posts something hurtfull and I feel hurt by it. Right?
No your not Shades. Not at all.
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on October 19, 2008, 04:17:34 PM
Is it really possible to have "friends" online? Is it really possilbe to consider people one has only encountered online to be real friends?
For all I know, the members of Susans or any other message board are no more than personsas created for the online world. To be fair, the same could be said of me. I'm using a pseudonym and my avatar is some strange run. Anyone else here could just as eaily ask, "Is the persona presented by the user Shades O'Grey really representative of the person who created that member profile?
Thoughts, anyone?
I met my best friend of 8 years online. We live in two separate states (about 900 miles distance) and spend most of our time interacting with each other online as a result. But we know each other inside and out, and we are as I said the best of friends.
She came to visit me this summer, and we met for the first time. She spent an entire week at my house, then left for home again. We are still the best of friends and still enjoy each others company regardless of whether or not we're chatting online or in real life. She's always there for me when I need her and I hope she thinks the same of me.
Yes it's possible :)
Quote from: Nero on October 20, 2008, 01:35:26 PM
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on October 20, 2008, 01:25:28 PM
So, I'm not nuts if an online friend posts something hurtfull and I feel hurt by it. Right?
of course not. i'm ashamed to have done just that (which primary purpose was to bait and challenge a loved one. also something i'm not proud of but in the process i baited far more people than said loved one and ended up offending all involved to boot) and hope i am the only one who has made you feel this way lately. :embarrassed:
I hesitated before joining this message board for fear it would be like previous message board experiences: people who I thought seemed friendly at first would then change. This has happened at nearly every message board I've ever registered at. In fact, the only one I can think of where it didn't happen was a bicycling forum where I posted a question for purely mechanical advice.
Any board that deals with anything remotely social topics (religion, sex, politics, even bicycling) I've had really nasty encounters with truly unfriendly people. It seems that the anonimity of the web emboldens people to be excessively rude. I'm guessing this because the encounters are not face-to-face, there's little fear of reprisal.
To be honest, most of my message board experiences have been positive. For some reason, the bad bits seem to stay with me.
QuoteI've become close friends with a few people who I met online, some of whom I eventually ended up meeting in person. Yes, people can invent fictions, both on or off line, however if you read between the lines, you can usually figure if someone has an agenda.
Zythyra
I agree, I have met four individuals from different message boards, two from this one, one is a friend and one I got married to.
You can tell when you have a certain individual who is faking it, but then one must keep in mind that there also those who come to this group shy, scared and naive about the entire transgender thing.
Some folks are lonely and in search of company so they make up a fantasy life to attract attention and then there are also those who seek attention. I think once one has been on these forums long enough you can tell the difference between the apples and the oranges and if the oranges are not hurting anyone just let them be.
My arms are open for anyone until I get slapped on the cheek and then I will most likely just recoil away and go like my wounds and say nothing in return. But I am always open for anyone I love every one, and some I feel close to, but always be prepared for the slap on the cheek deal.
Cindy
Intuition goes a long way towards discerning people's true intentions. I have found that I'm rarely wrong if I go with my instincts. For lack of a better term, I can 'read' people, on and offline.
That being said, there are very genuine, warm, caring people online... as there are offline. A friend through this medium, in my opinion, is no less a friend than through any other medium. And the relative anonymity, rather than obscuring someone, can often make it easy to strip away all the pretence and bravado, and see a person for who they are purely becuase they have fewer inhibitions about baring their soul to you. :)
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on October 19, 2008, 04:17:34 PM
Is it really possible to have "friends" online? Is it really possilbe to consider people one has only encountered online to be real friends?
For all I know, the members of Susans or any other message board are no more than personsas created for the online world. To be fair, the same could be said of me. I'm using a pseudonym and my avatar is some strange run. Anyone else here could just as eaily ask, "Is the persona presented by the user Shades O'Grey really representative of the person who created that member profile?
Thoughts, anyone?
Psychologically speaking, even if you meet someone in person, you're still dealing with a created persona. Some people behave very differently in private than they do in public - and that's just an extreme example. We all adopt different personas for different situations. Sometimes there's a problem with our ability to switch between them, and we get a person with dissociative identity disorder - multiple personalities. Sometimes a person won't have any persona for a given situation, and you get... something else, like me. I think Keira mentioned she had that problem at one point, too.
Intuition! But that is for sure, even though a lot of people think it's a bunch of crap their is this inner sensory receptor that is tuned in to energy pulsation that oscillates at a much higher vibrational level then what the normal level detected by most, analogous to the sensitive radar hearing of a bat compared to the human ear. Not that they can't tune in to this vibrational level, they could if they were aware of it. But anyway what people believe or don't beleive is irrelevant because these types of phenomena that our minds are tuned into happens whether the comity of they believe it or not, and has been happening since primitive times. Actually the primitive peoples were even more evolved or tuned in with these gifts then we are today, the harmonics of nature.
Yea I use to get my lumps when I was a kid just for doing exactly that, seeing sensing and knowing things about others that realy made them resent the fact that someone else who was a stranger to their private life knew about their inner most thoughts and secrets as well as they did. That kid is freaky, she shouldn't know about all that stuff about me. People who are ignorant, fear the unknown. So yes this sensitivity or intuition works equally as well with hand writing, actually better with hand writing, but it also works quite as well with the type written word as well.
And yes one who is so gifted can also tune in on any given person out there in the outside world as well. These sensitivities or gifts grow as the years go by. Feeling peoples' intents, feelings, and thoughts from their writing, or in person, I have no way of knowing how many people can actually do that, but one thing I do know, is there certainly are more around then just Leiandra and I around. There are many more like us out there, they are just not so obvious to detect or tell apart from the rest of the populace.
About reading peoples thoughts and feeling whether in the outside world or the cyber world is like reading someones horoscope without the cards. If you tell them it will tend to get people rather skittish and frightened and frightened people may not react exactly in a kind way. There is so much ignorance out there from people who don't want to understand or they fear of the unknown which keeps them hiding under their rocks like a bunch of hermit crabs hiding from the nasty Martian invasion. Anyway I only read what's on the surface and only go deeper only when I feel there is a good reason to do so. It is certainly an asset for certain jobs where intuition could be the order of the day. Also could be used as a self preservation tool, like feeling the energy around me when walking about where there is a lot of people, especially when I find myself in unfamiliar territory. I call this turning the radars on.
Cindy
I hesitate to trust my intuition. Maybe I'm just not that attuned to it, but the good or bad "vibes" I feel I get from people are often the opposite of reality. I'll think I'm getting good vibes from someone, only to get betrayed, and vice versa.
Hi O'Grey there are those who are aware of our sensitivities in picking up other peoples energies and they are quite capable to use that very ability to their own gain, these are called **deceivers or users** for what ever their reason might be, enough of them out there.
Cindy
Online friends are the only friends I can really make at this time. I'm home schooled so I don't have a chance to make that many friends much but I have people around my age at Church to talk with but I can't really be "myself" there or go by the name I want to go by. I believe a friend can be either offline or online. I just wish I could find a chat room that had some decent people to chat with
I have met some really great people online, who have done everything a friend offline would do, short of actually going someplace together, and even that can change if you go into certain virtual worlds online.
Yes sometimes they do just fade away, but that is no different than someone moving away in real life, how many times have friends moved and you just slowly lost touch or grew apart. Online things happen a bit faster, but the friendships are every bit as genuine as real life.
Can people lie about what they are? Yes, but usually the truth comes out eventually. If it doesn't is it a lie? They are the person you like, regardless if that is how they are in the real world. If you never meet them in the real world, how do you n=know they are not truthful? You take people as they are, online and offline.
People can say all they want about online vs. offline, truth is, each has it's own benefits and drawbacks but they both can be just as important.