hi i thought i would post this after some thought and not to have a go at anyone or be better than others or anything like that. but simply because i need support and one of the ways to get that is to share real life experiances. I have really enjoyed the found useful many of the topics on here but. the more i live this life style the less i found relevent to everyday life. i would love to hear others experiance of living inbetween genders in the real world, if that is in a physical way or simply a mental way. i am not trying to say any is better but i would like more on the practicalitys of all this the little problems that come up on a daily basis. right that said il start.
Anyone that as read my old threads will know i have been on a journy of self discovery which i am currently well on with. i have been slowly moving from full male to andro, fem sort of position over the last year since i started all this. i now have longish hair that next week i need to get cut again in a more fem style and im worryed that a i dont know what style to have and b that it will make me look girly all the time no matter what i wear or do, something i dont mind but i do have to be prepared for that. Also i have been having laser on my beard which as been the best thing though hurt like hell, but anyone that is wanting a change this is what i would start with it makes the biggest differnce. My wardrobe is prodomently andro or fem now and only my work cloths are not which i now want to work on as i am just about out to everyone at work, and everyone is exepting i think, its just the professional image i need to present which would have been easyer if i had said im ts and call me kerri as everyone would know im a girl. as i still use my male name and at the moment dont plan to present fully female than this is a bit harder to do i feel, not that its easy the other way. finally i presnet in a fem andro way in public most of the time and have had no trouble doing so, most of it is in my head sure i get some odd looks at times but i find smiling works well. the only problem im starting to have is which toilets to use when out as i get odd looks in the mens but dont feel i could pull off the ladys either.
anyway thats me at the moment and my life as i live it. would love to hear all of yours or any salutions to stuff you have
i wasn't aware of any life style. indeed, i never want to live a life style. Only to live life.
oh well, we didnt even get past the first reply, you missed the point of what i said, it really dont matter what words i used, but if you must know i used the words life style to mean the style i live my life it dont have to be anyone elses just mine, others might have simular ones with the same experiances which i would like to hear about do you have any?
Your question wasn't very clear. What do you mean by the 'lifestyle'?
I think they mean the way in which they live. What kind of clothes and presentation and like that. Accessories and such.
When I started transitioning, but before going full-time, I did more or less the same as you - gradually started presenting more female, but letting people make up their own minds. Loos - well those were always kinda tricky, and for a while I just snuck into disabled toilets. As you say though, being friendly and engaging and confident makes a HUGE difference.
At work though I don't think there is any middle ground. I worked as and presented as fully male as I could, even though my hair was growing and such, till I no longer could pass effectively as male anymore. At that point I was due to come home to South Africa anyway, (I was in London for two years) so I finished my contract, came home and went full time. Having built up some savings, and after testing the waters as an "out TS looking for work", I decided to take a few months to finish my legal transition with name change and all the rest of it so I can start with a clean slate in January. I think that, if you intend to stay where you work, the only practical way to do it is to go away for a while and come back as a different person. Trying to gradually ease into things while not giving too much away - I tried that for a little bit in my private and social life, and it kinda doesn't work. People who know you need to know where they stand with you - I find that people are less uncomfortable with knowing I'm TS than with not knowing what I am, generally. I came out to my family and friends long before I started transitioning, and I just never muddied the issue for people at work - they just thought I was a (very) femmy gay boy. They had me in a box they were comfortable with, instead of me moving the target on them.
Hope it helps hon.
~Simone.
In my case, i presented as male until I went on vacation. I gave a transition package to my employer add included a letter to my follow employee. I had also changed my drivers license to my new name and had begun the legal name change process. When I returned from vacation, I was Janet. It has been fairly easy for me, but then I have had great support for my few friends and my employer.
If you are taken the road like Simone took and are presenting more and more female. And are more or less out at work. go on vacation and return the new and improved you.
May the Goddess bless you in your journey.
What can you say, I just don't get it.
Posted on: November 08, 2008, 01:47:48 am
I mean, you want this sort of stuff...?
I wear my fingernails long, it feels nice and means I can open coffee tins but I get coffee dust under them....
Now it's winter I am wearing women's cotton pyjamas, I like these ones they have pink and blue sheep on them, they keep me warm but the first time my flatmates saw me they looked surprised....
I got a cut on my face where I wasn't concentrating whilst shaving and look a little bit like I've been fighting...
Like that?
yay pica you got it, the real world, the little things in life the day to day lets talk about that for a change. the little problems that crop up the nice things that happen to us andros.
also i dont think i made it clear im not transistioning to female, or intending to at this time, so the idea of going away and coming back as someone else will not work. im wanting to be more me, which is on the whole more femanine but im not swoping genders, i think this will confuse people as they would be happer probably if i do that. im trying to not hide who i am and that is at work also. to most people it probably does appear that im trying to transition by stelth but thats not it. im more trying to bring forward the bits of me that ive not let out, do the things that come natuarlly to me, like doing my hair, nails i can get quite obsessed with my nails :0) anyway hope that makes more sence to people
Quote from: sparkles on November 08, 2008, 03:00:06 AM
yay pica you got it, the real world, the little things in life the day to day lets talk about that for a change. the little problems that crop up the nice things that happen to us andros.
also i dont think i made it clear im not transistioning to female, or intending to at this time, so the idea of going away and coming back as someone else will not work. im wanting to be more me, which is on the whole more femanine but im not swoping genders, i think this will confuse people as they would be happer probably if i do that. im trying to not hide who i am and that is at work also. to most people it probably does appear that im trying to transition by stelth but thats not it. im more trying to bring forward the bits of me that ive not let out, do the things that come natuarlly to me, like doing my hair, nails i can get quite obsessed with my nails :0) anyway hope that makes more sence to people
hi sparkles.
it seems some androgynes go full femme part time, actually going the whole 9 yards with female presentation on the weekends or such and others do as Pica does, which is to incorporate femme things into their daily wardrobe.
which do you do?
im incorparating female things in my everyday life, though im now getting to the stage were that makes me appear quite girly if you see what i mean.
nothing wrong with girly. :)
i quite happy with that, am interested in seeing how other people find a balance and the experances they have trying to find it. i think i might be heading past the tipping point in the near future, and havent yet found the point i will want to stop at. though someone once said you have to go there to come back
Quote from: Nero on November 08, 2008, 10:46:54 AM
nothing wrong with girly. :)
Unless you are born a boy, in which case you are taught in so many ways over the years that being girly is wrong for you. But once you realise it's all a big lie and start to shed the conditioning the world becomes a much brighter place -- and most often it turns out that they (note the proper use of the paranoid pronoun :)) don't care after all.
So, yes, what Nero said.
Nfr
that is so true, you spend all your life try to live up to what you have been taught to be like, and when you finally realise you dont have to be and start dropping it very few people are actually bothered about it, and you feel like the only person that was bothered was you. i spent far to long worring what other people would think only to realise them dont care or arnt bothered
While you may realize what you are, and maybe some things about how you should live, many are constrained by family and jobs. Expressions of femininity are few and far between.
It sucks.
Work is my great social experiment. We have some good employment laws in my country and they would be hard pressed to fire someone cause of the way they look (as long as they meet the standard of presentation).
I don't think I have ever been particularly conservative anyway. One day I just turned up at work with pigtails and nobody really cared, so I kept on with experimenting with hair styles. I only seem to get good comments. Most of the boy men in all their beer swilling glory are only too happy to chat about the progress of my laser hair removal (with just a touch of envy - most guys I know hate shaving). My clothes are pretty much male, but I never wear a tie or suit. I wear slightly sideways clothes instead of the standard. While other guys are wearing plane colored suit pants mine have subtle check design. I also tend to go for bright colored clothes. For example at work I might wear a bright yellow tshirt with a grey v neck wool vest over the top (with matching yellow hair ties). I also sometimes wear female flats at work. Been thinking about getting something with a bit of heel on them but I like to be able to run around. When my hair gets long enough I'll probably put it up in a bun for work.
My big struggle is around filling in documents which require you to say Male or Female for gender. I hate it with all my being. There is no way around it really. On legal stuff I have to bite the bullet really and put in male. I've tried leaving it off and I always get a phone call asking what it is. On non-legal stuff I sometimes tick female. Recently I put in a paper to speak at a conference and, joy of joys, they allowed you to type in your own title in their electronic form by selecting other. I put Mx.
In many ways I just started to be a little brave and most people are not too bothered. I work in an office with educated people and I find them to be pretty tolerant. The public is a different story. I get stared at a lot and I don't feel that comfortable out in the city at night unless with a group.
My other big problem is with driving with a pony tail. It just annoys me how it hits the headrest and I have to keep my head a bit forward. Best to tie it up when you get to your destination. Pigtails are definitely much better for driving.
I just use male bathrooms.
I don't really bother explaining unless someone asks. Occasionally I have had guys say things like "why are you wearing nail polish?". I usually brightly reply with something like "This color is pretty". Occasionally I just look at them like they are a weirdo for asking "what do you think". I decided a while back that it was not for me to prove who I am. It is for other people to defend their assumptions.
it does suck that sometimes we are held back by the things around us, though i have found a lot of it is in my head and not actually out there. I think nicky i am going about this on the same lines as you at work, doing different little things though they do all add up. Next week will be an interesting one as im having my hair done and my brows shaped again hoping for a more fem style this time as its long enough. i fully understand about the document thing i never know what to tick and just feel like leaving it blank but dont i like the idea of Mx or M? might try that one time but i think then id get a phone call :)
ive also got to the stage where when people ask why ive done something then i just say why do you like it. and let them decide why :)
Well, I don't think it's in your heads, I just think the pressure to conform is a lot heavier on kids from all around - peers beat you into conformity and adults think it's their duty to mold you into 'real' men or women. But when you reach adulthood, the world just isn't as invested in your upbringing (obviously).
Maybe we can pay someone to beat us into nonconformity?
I have a stick, does that help? (what sort of money are we talking about here Rebis? :icon_suspicious:)
The kind made from paper. Not the sea shell kind of money.
I think 7,800 yen should do it.
Quote from: Rebis on November 10, 2008, 01:30:55 PM
The kind made from paper. Not the sea shell kind of money.
I think 7,800 yen should do it.
I'm partial to monopoly money, got any of that? I'm definitly leaning towards money that is orange.
Orange Monopoly money is acceptable.
I forgot whom is being paid to beat whom? ???
me too :'(
$70 (approx.) to the person who's going to beat us into nonconformity? Hmm, you might want to pay more if you want them to do a thorough job...masochist. :icon_poke: What's the safe word!!?
Eh-hem.
Confidence is key. If you are comfortable with yourself, then it will be easier for other people to be comfortable with you. If you're uncertain, they will be too. Also, it's better to be up front with people.
If we paid Rebis it would be more like this: :icon_chainsaw: :icon_writers_block: :icon_invision: :icon_headache:
Quote from: Nicky on November 10, 2008, 05:31:24 PM
If we paid Rebis it would be more like this: :icon_chainsaw: :icon_writers_block: :icon_invision: :icon_headache:
hehe. kinky. :icon_eyebrow:
It seems I have quite a reputation. >:-)
Quote from: Rebis on November 10, 2008, 11:08:30 AM
Maybe we can pay someone to beat us into nonconformity?
I can do that.
>:-)
Quote from: Rebis on November 10, 2008, 11:08:30 AM
Maybe we can pay someone to beat us into nonconformity?
I think a lot of us are already there without the beating.
Quote from: Rebis on November 10, 2008, 11:08:30 AM
Maybe we can pay someone to beat us into nonconformity?
We already have you. I didn't realise you wanted to be paid, though; sorry about that.
Here, have a couple of investment banks.
Nfr
Quote from: Seshatneferw on November 11, 2008, 02:47:01 AM
Quote from: Rebis on November 10, 2008, 11:08:30 AM
Maybe we can pay someone to beat us into nonconformity?
We already have you. I didn't realise you wanted to be paid, though; sorry about that.
Here, have a couple of investment banks.
Nfr
In fact, you can have Fannie May and Freddie Mac for free! You don't even have to beat us...unless you want to, of course. >:-)
Can't I have something useful like a bucket full of pinwheels?
Quote from: Rebis on November 11, 2008, 04:51:27 PM
Can't I have something useful like a bucket full of pinwheels?
oooo....pretty. no pinwheels in my room, sadly, but I can give you a crayon! how about salmon or burnt sienna?
I wish the world were salmon colored.
I'll take it.
Please try not to make the world smell like overripe salmon.
Nfr
Quote from: Seshatneferw on November 12, 2008, 02:54:28 PM
Please try not to make the world smell like overripe salmon.
Nfr
ew. :eusa_sick:
I didn't know salmon could ripen.
Nowadays not salmon, no. However, there's a traditional Iceland delicacy that is made by burying a shark in the sand on a beach for about half a year. And then of course the somewhat similar Swedish one that's made by fermenting herrings first in a barrel, then stuffing them in tin cans and waiting until just before the can bursts open on its own. You could try the same with salmon, just don't expect me as a dinner guest.
Nfr
Salmon with dill and lemon pepper. Broiled or BBQ.
That's more like it, yes.
Nfr
Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 13, 2008, 03:14:07 AM
Salmon with dill and lemon pepper. Broiled or BBQ.
Broiled. What time is dinner at your place? I'll be there ;D
Z
we'll all be there.
Broiled Salmon with dill and lemon pepper.
Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes.
Roasted Asparagus with Almonds.
Key Lime Meringue Pie for desert.
Oh and someone bring a nice wine.
i go away for 2 days and we are talking salmon i dont like salmon much prefer tuna
I have a tuna casserole that is to die for. And no it isnt. tuna, peas and mushroom soup.
I love your style Janel Lynn. Uncomplicated good food. :angel:
I've been really into roasted garlic lately. I often will do a whole bulb - slice off the top and roast it with a bit of oil and salt and then just squish out the yummyness. Divine.
what if you're a pain in the butt vegetarian?
Quote from: Jaimey on November 13, 2008, 04:53:17 PM
what if you're a pain in the butt vegetarian?
um, you can eat garlic too :eusa_snooty:
Quote from: Jaimey on November 13, 2008, 04:53:17 PM
what if you're a pain in the butt vegetarian?
then we give you an overcooked aubergine in tinned tomatoes, and send you to the end of the table where we don't have to see you.
Quote from: Jaimey on November 13, 2008, 04:53:17 PM
what if you're a pain in the butt vegetarian?
Then there is more meat for everyone else :laugh:
My idea of seafood is hush puppies :)
aren't vegetarians edible? ??? :eusa_think:
they're the first ones to go in a snowstorm or on a lifeboat.
Quote from: Rebis on November 14, 2008, 12:53:49 PM
aren't vegetarians edible? ??? :eusa_think:
they're the first ones to go in a snowstorm or on a lifeboat.
...are you saying you want to eat me?
Quote from: Rebis on November 14, 2008, 12:53:49 PM
they're the first ones to go in a snowstorm or on a lifeboat.
Ug no...Gimme a meat eater, more fat and protine in'em.
>:-)
Quote from: Jaimey on November 14, 2008, 05:12:14 PM
Quote from: Rebis on November 14, 2008, 12:53:49 PM
aren't vegetarians edible? ??? :eusa_think:
they're the first ones to go in a snowstorm or on a lifeboat.
...are you saying you want to eat me?
I don't know if I can answer that without consulting an attorney. :P
Quote from: Rebis on November 14, 2008, 12:53:49 PM
aren't vegetarians edible? ??? :eusa_think:
With fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Quote from: Rebis on November 14, 2008, 07:23:01 PM
I don't know if I can answer that without consulting an attorney. :P
hehe. :-* that's hawt! :icon_eyebrow:
...on a side note, I am quite inebriated right now... :icon_drunk: yay, wine!
Quote from: Jaimey on November 14, 2008, 08:34:10 PM
...on a side note, I am quite inebriated right now... :icon_drunk: yay, wine!
Wine is a good thing :icon_drunk: ;D
Z
Quote from: Zythyra on November 14, 2008, 09:04:08 PM
Quote from: Jaimey on November 14, 2008, 08:34:10 PM
...on a side note, I am quite inebriated right now... :icon_drunk: yay, wine!
Wine is a good thing :icon_drunk: ;D
Z
Look! The little guys are moving at the same time... :o
heh. Wine is delicious. I had a bottle of Riesling. It wasn't the best I've had, but it wasn't awful. I can't remember the one I had last time...it was really tasty. I like my Riesling dry. Yum. :D
right as much as i like to talk food as the next person im going to post something on topic, yesterday i went to a salon to get my hair nails and brows done, its a lovely little place and the staff are great. i tend to dress andro fem and dont pretent to be a girl just me anyway a old lady who was sat next to us talking asked if one of us young ladies was getting married as we were having a pamper package that did make me smile. what i realsied then was i dont need tell people im one thing or the other they can make up there own minds on that one it would be rude of me to correct them :) the ladies in the salon still see me as male but have no problem giving me a fme hair style and nails so i can still do grilly things and people see me as male. later we went shopping and i went in all the normal shops and would have had no probs trying stuff on as its for me. at the mac counter the male make up artist though i wanted to look like a male emo so i ended up looking like a panda but again i just let them see me as they thought it was a strange experiance to just let other people gender you. i still look more male than female though i thinki must just tick enough boxes for people to think not. anyway an interesting day. also on the toilet thing yesterday finally felt i could use the ladies wo ho a whole world of better looking toilets as opened up to me :)
Quote from: Jaimey on November 14, 2008, 08:34:10 PM
...on a side note, I am quite inebriated right now... :icon_drunk: yay, wine!
Considering how this thread has been lately, wouldn't
marinated be a better choice for a word?
Nfr
Quote from: Seshatneferw on November 17, 2008, 05:51:26 AM
Quote from: Jaimey on November 14, 2008, 08:34:10 PM
...on a side note, I am quite inebriated right now... :icon_drunk: yay, wine!
Considering how this thread has been lately, wouldn't marinated be a better choice for a word?
Nfr
or, perhaps, pickled? :o :D
You all are funny bunnies. hehehe.
Quote from: riven_one on November 17, 2008, 07:42:25 PM
Quote from: Seshatneferw on November 17, 2008, 05:51:26 AM
Quote from: Jaimey on November 14, 2008, 08:34:10 PM
...on a side note, I am quite inebriated right now... :icon_drunk: yay, wine!
Considering how this thread has been lately, wouldn't marinated be a better choice for a word?
or, perhaps, pickled? :o :D
Unlikely. That's usually done with vinegar (or by fermenting sugars into lactic acid), and the way Jaimey described eir condition it sounded like the alcohol in the wine was still intact when e drank it. :)
Nfr
I ate today, a lemon curd yoghurt. it was luxury tasting. It was real life and it happened today.
i worked from 7 AM to 7:30 PM today and I have to do it again tomorrow...stupid mandatory overtime... >:(
To get back onto the topic here, I've found that being androgynous works well for me. I just am what I am, and I let people form their own opinions as to what that is. It's true that attitude has a lot to do with that. I get mistaken for fem a lot more often when I'm acting kinda girly. Funny looks from people I usually just respond with a smile. Sometimes I get a smile back, sometimes the other person just shakes their head and walks away. Oh well.
I'm a lot happier now than I was when I was a macho man with a big bushy beard because I was so afraid that someone would figure out how I really felt.
today i did not have a lemon curd yogurt, but i do have some chilli soup.
Today while talking to some girls about work about the upcoming office party one girl made a comment about I could pull off a dress, and at that look better than some of the girls in the office.
Made me chuckle XD
good for you.
I'm pretty sure it was in jest, but I'll take it if it comes XD
yeah, sometimes you got to just lap up those boosters even if they wern't intended to be one.