Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I grew up in a remarkably gender-neutral environment even though all my family members were Cisgender, with the exception of myself.

-Emerald :icon_mrgreen:

It was the early 1960's.  Women were second class citizens.

It was the 70's.
I had it hammered into me that there was absolutely no difference between boys and girls.
It took me years to discover that there are actually differences.

Wow Renate, it had not occurred to me that a child could be brought up in an environment denying ANY difference between the genders. I've included a fourth polling option in your honour. If the poll is working correctly, you have the option to change your vote.
Thanks for your input!

-Emerald :icon_mrgreen:

I grew up in the 50's & 60's. Back then, society as a whole was segregated and not equal, with men on top. (Sorry!)

However, my recollection is that in my home -- which was the subject of this poll -- genders were segregated, but were more equal. Eg, my mother stayed at home. She had to; in the 40's and 50's, most companies wouldn't hire married women, and they fired single women who got married. Yes, really! My mom said her employer (a large insurance company) gave her notice the day she returned from her honeymoon. And yes, her boss said it was because she was married. It was perfectly legal back then.

I gather dad started out as something of an MCP. For example, he wouldn't tell mom how much money he made -- until she kicked his butt. But after a few incidents like that, I gather their relationship became one of equality. Certainly I never saw my dad ordering my mother around or trying to "pull rank," and they didn't teach me to do that.

It's difficult for me to know how to answer this. My father left my mother for another woman when I was six years old, so I was brought up largely by my mother alone. She took on the role of both parents, so I guess I didn't really see any big difference in regard to gender. I just thought that both genders were the same, in terms of the things that could be done and how to treat people. I learned to treat people as people rather than as men or women, and that's kind of stuck with me.

However, having two brothers when I was growing up... there was a certain expectation for me to be like them. Particularly as I was the oldest child, I was supposed to set a good example and be a role model in a sense.

Heh, that didn't exactly work out the way it was supposed to.

But... I would say there was a more masculine orientated environment at home, probably because of the fact that, as far as my mother was concerned, she had three boys. I never really fit into that environment, so I would spend a lot of time alone while my brothers were out doing things, and since all the toys in the house were... not really to my taste, I would read a lot.

Largely a gender neutral.  Until I started doing things that were gender loaded or wanting to do things that were gender loaded. I had a nice row with my mom about joining the boy scouts.

QuoteI grew up in a gender-bias environment where one gender was valued or given more privileges than the other. (State which gender was given preference.)

I chose this one as my grandparents favoured the male sex over the female, and also my dad never let me and my two sisters forget that he wanted a boy more than anything. He got one but I guess not in his ideal world..

Karma.

Gender neutral. It was gender neutral because for about 70% of my life I grew up in an environment that was mostly female. There WERE males, sure. But the ratio was about 3:1 female:male, and everyone got along just fine regardless of gender.

I am a child of the 50's.  Mom stayed home and Dad worked.  I was home mostly with Mom when not in school. I learned what it meant to be a wife and mother.

Even though Dad worked and supported us, I guess that I learned how to be a woman.  Go figure.  ;)

I'm not really sure how to answer this.
On the one hand, my father actually encouraged me to like boy stuff - boy oriented toys, sports, war movies and play, etc (sports stuff didn't take though, I'm hopelessy athletically challenged) but on the other hand, I was forced into dresses and ribbons.

I only had sisters so I don't know if the experience would've been more or less gender neutral in a mixed sex sibling environment.

But in general, other than clothing, my family didn't force me to strictly adhere to a gender role. I did feel forced and pressured to be a 'normal' girl by everybody outside the home though.

I grew up in a gender-segregated environment where the genders were treated as separate but valued equally.

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I've always loved your polls, Emerald!  :)

tink :icon_chick:

I voted gender-neutral, but with the caveat that this changed at about the age of 6 - I had grown up alone on a small farm with just my mom and the occasional visit from a cousin (dad worked alot), and I was allowed to be myself. Then I went to a really conservative Afrikaans primary school that definitely favoured traditional roles and regarded boys over girls. My mom was constantly fighting with the teachers to leave me to be me.

~Simone.

Quote from: Leiandra on November 23, 2008, 03:24:20 PM
It's difficult for me to know how to answer this. My father left my mother for another woman when I was six years old, so I was brought up largely by my mother alone. She took on the role of both parents, so I guess I didn't really see any big difference in regard to gender. I just thought that both genders were the same, in terms of the things that could be done and how to treat people. I learned to treat people as people rather than as men or women, and that's kind of stuck with me.

However, having two brothers when I was growing up... there was a certain expectation for me to be like them. Particularly as I was the oldest child, I was supposed to set a good example and be a role model in a sense.

Heh, that didn't exactly work out the way it was supposed to.

But... I would say there was a more masculine orientated environment at home, probably because of the fact that, as far as my mother was concerned, she had three boys. I never really fit into that environment, so I would spend a lot of time alone while my brothers were out doing things, and since all the toys in the house were... not really to my taste, I would read a lot.

Mine was very similar (even the age we left dad for the last time).
Those early years it was pretty much driven into me by my father that I was to be the boy at all costs. His favorite saying seemed to be "if you don't stop crying I will give you something to cry about." At the same time I was taught there were differences between the genders, but that they were equal.

QuoteI grew up in a gender-bias environment where one gender was valued or given more privileges than the other. (State which gender was given preference.)

I was born in 1969, but my "formative years" were in the 1980's; men were still regarded as superior. Even my mom seemed to think that men were due more than women. When she found out once that a car of ours was registered in my wife's name first, she said we should change it. Such things were to be in the man's name with the woman as a second.

I definitly grew up in an environment with gender roles. I don't think either was valued equally, but different aspects of each was valued in different ways. There was definitly a eastern euoropean feel about it with the men being the head and the women doing all the work and running everything in practise.

While I was relatively free I was still extremly aware of the gender boundaries in my family and knew what was ok and what wasn't. While I was never explicitly punished I think I was hyper aware of gender rules though I never understood them. I also went to an all boys school. I don't think it gets much more gendered than that.

For those that said they lived in a gender neutral place I think your perception must be different than mine. Are you saying the women were just as likely to be in the garage working on the car as it was for dad to be in the kitchen or staying home to raise the kids? It is possible it was entirely permissable for people to cross those lines, but those lines probably existed regardless.

Quote from: Nicky on November 24, 2008, 07:13:25 PM
I definitly grew up in an environment with gender roles. I don't think either was valued equally, but different aspects of each was valued in different ways. There was definitly a eastern euoropean feel about it with the men being the head and the women doing all the work and running everything in practise.

While I was relatively free I was still extremly aware of the gender boundaries in my family and knew what was ok and what wasn't. While I was never explicitly punished I think I was hyper aware of gender rules though I never understood them. I also went to an all boys school. I don't think it gets much more gendered than that.

For those that said they lived in a gender neutral place I think your perception must be different than mine. Are you saying the women were just as likely to be in the garage working on the car as it was for dad to be in the kitchen or staying home to raise the kids? It is possible it was entirely permissable for people to cross those lines, but those lines probably existed regardless.

While I wouldn't have been surprised to see a woman in the garage working on a car in my family (my grandma could), it wasn't about gender roles. My family tends to see childhood as a gender neutral time. Y'know, let children be children. 

My parents brought me up in a way that was different to all the other kids. I think they always had high aspirations for me, much higher than the other children's parents did for them...

In a place with a very strong accent, my parents taught me to speak proper, it didn't really work because they also had this accent so i don't exactly speak posh, but compared to all the other children I did. They  used to ask why I spoke posh.

Similarly, I think my parents were influenced by the 80s concept of the 'new man'. I was not allowed toy guns, and I had ragdolls and a pram, and a hoover and an iron and a dustpan - all that stuff. I remember 'helping' mum sweep the stairs down. That might have been before we could afford a real hoover.

Basically I think I was raised to be an officer and a gentleman in an environment that had absolutely no place for them. A lot of what I wanted, and what I wanted to do was denied to me due to lack of money.

My mom taught me how to make a bed and how to cook, and once sat me down when I was 8-9 and explained periods to me. She also didn't mind much when during family gatherings I preferred to hang out with the women; even defending me before an uncaring relative when they asked in a derisive way why I was helping the women with setting up the table and not with the men by the fire (it was a bbq of sorts).
My mom was a housewife by choice but was easy on gender roles with me growing up. Only when she remarried she became more stringent in deference to my stepfather who tried hard to 'make a man' out of me (he has since apologized to me for this). Funnily enough, he always wanted to have a daughter, so he's happy to have one now :)

Quote from: soldierjane on November 26, 2008, 10:31:45 AMnot with the men by the fire (it was a bbq of sorts).

I've never gotten how men can all cluster around a fire and just ... stare at it. I don't know if it's like this elsewhere, but here in sunny South Africa they'll stand around that fire for two, three hours just turning the meat. Over. And over. And over. Till the meat is like leather. Every now and again somebody will say something and the rest will grunt, but for the rest they just ... stare. And drink beer. Always freaked me right out when they tried to get me to join that little cult activity.

~Simone.

My mother was appalled when on my birthday, I came home from work and cooked a big dinner. But, that's what I wanted that year. My wife went to the store to get the stuff I needed, and I cooked it. It was fun, to me.

Now I'll always help with the cooking over the shelf putter-upping, and I can nearly iron a shirt lovely.... But sitting infront of flickering flames is a special hypnotic experience, like staring into waves hitting a pebbled shore.

Quote from: Pica Pica on November 26, 2008, 02:39:45 PM
Now I'll always help with the cooking over the shelf putter-upping, and I can nearly iron a shirt lovely.... But sitting infront of flickering flames is a special hypnotic experience, like staring into waves hitting a pebbled shore.

Yeah I suppose, but just standing around that barbecue (we call it a braai around here) just watching things cook - cause remember, there aren't even flames anymore - that's just nuts. ;D

~Simone.

Quote from: Pica Pica on November 26, 2008, 02:39:45 PM
Now I'll always help with the cooking over the shelf putter-upping, and I can nearly iron a shirt lovely.... But sitting infront of flickering flames is a special hypnotic experience, like staring into waves hitting a pebbled shore.

Sounds lovely.

Can one change hir vote? I chose segregated yet equal, but the more I think about it, it was gender neutral. No one in my family ever said you can or can't do this because of which sex you are. That policing came from the outside world.

Z

My whole family is generally masculine,  the men are men and the women are men. Except in the older generations who still believe the man should provide and the woman should be a housewife. My family seems to favour masculinity, women...girly women at least... are "second rate"

i grew up in several different households, and there was always a sufficient number of girls amongst the siblings, but there always seemed to be a need for one more girl. so i sorta fit into that role, and nobody complained until after i was grown up a bit, and then it was like, ok, now you have to stop doing this girl stuff and be a boy again. which was Ok, because by then i had already set up girl-support systems outside of my home.

Quote from: Zythyra on November 27, 2008, 07:10:21 AM
Can one change hir vote? I chose segregated yet equal, but the more I think about it, it was gender neutral. No one in my family ever said you can or can't do this because of which sex you are. That policing came from the outside world.

Z

I checked the box to allow the option of changing one's voting selection when I created the poll. Unfortunately, the ability to do so doesn't seem to be functioning.  :icon_frown:

-Emerald

Quote from: Emerald on November 27, 2008, 05:42:05 PM

Quote from: Zythyra on November 27, 2008, 07:10:21 AM
Can one change hir vote? I chose segregated yet equal, but the more I think about it, it was gender neutral. No one in my family ever said you can or can't do this because of which sex you are. That policing came from the outside world.

Z

I checked the box to allow the option of changing one's voting selection when I created the poll. Unfortunately, the ability to do so doesn't seem to be functioning.  :icon_frown:

-Emerald

I took a look... does it work now? :)

Quote from: Leiandra on November 27, 2008, 05:59:41 PM
I took a look... does it work now? :)

Ah! Yes, it seems to be working now. Thanks Leiandra!  :icon_biggrin:

-Emerald  :icon_mrgreen:

Quote from: Leiandra on November 27, 2008, 05:59:41 PM

Quote from: Emerald on November 27, 2008, 05:42:05 PM


I checked the box to allow the option of changing one's voting selection when I created the poll. Unfortunately, the ability to do so doesn't seem to be functioning.  :icon_frown:

-Emerald

I took a look... does it work now? :)

Yes, I was able to change it. Thanks Leiandra!

Z

My family treats my brother how they would treat a son and they treat me as they would treat a daughter. I remember back when I was little my brother and dad were helping my mom with groceries and I asked if I could help and my mom told me "No it's ok, that's mans work" and I thought "...what? WHY CAN'T I DO IT?!" I didn't tell her that but I asked her why I couldn't help and why it was considered "mans work" in a more civil way. She told me but I can't really remember what she said. So I guess that's the gender environment I'm in. To this day, if one of my parents wants some kind of minor physical labor chore done like taking out the trash or something they'll ask my brother to do it and not me (obvious reasons why they don't ask me). I feel kinda left out..

In my experiences, I found a moderate amount of gender segregation.  I'll offer a Thanksgiving example, where some of my second cousins (3 girls) were receiving Xmas presents early.  Let's run down the list:

1) My Little Ponies knock-offs
2) Little Miss Locket or something (colors coordinated with the girls' hair)
3) Some dolls with brushable hair
4) Cameras (one was a girly color)
5) Fluffy pink path robes

Needless to say, only 1 of 5 is even reasonable for a boy.  While this does not necessarily imply inequality, a pretty clear separation exists.

Also, they all happened to wear dresses/skirt (even though their moms did not), but at least one parent had the decency to give pants/tights to her two.

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I should add that much of this family takes pride in the idea that they believe they are treating the children (and adults, for that matter) equally.  Of course, "if separate but equal" does not hold up (and I think in practice it does not), then that vision isn't truly realized.  And I think my own self is the counterexample that proves the case...  :(

Seperate but equal. My parents made me do girly extracurricular activities when I was very young, while my brother did sports. I wasn't really interested in either though (but I could shoot hoops and rollerblade better than my brother hehe). And they only made us do that stuff for maybe a year.
But they did let me be a tomboy, except for having to wear a bathing suit or a dress. They let me wear boy's clothes, bought me boy toys, while my relatives got me girl toys for christmas, etc...
My dad has bought me girly jewelry sometimes for christmas, etc but I never actually wore it..
They've supported my interests though, no matter what, and I've had interests in things that are typical of any gender.

Thinking of how I've been treated as a girl my whole life gives me heartache,  when I could have had a boyhood... But compared to some of you guys and girls' posts, my childhood wasn't so bad as far as gender goes.

In my house I was allowed to take on the gender roles I wanted. I did the laundry, cleaned the floor, washed the dishes, did cooking and baking, and a share of the sewing. This even continued when I was in my 20s and my dad helped me get a new motor for my sewing machine. I was taught to be a pacifist like most girls of the time where taught. And my mother frequently told me I was the replacement for the infant girl she had lost when she was a young wife. All the same I felt that to say, "I want to be a girl," would not have been accepted.