So... I went home yesterday to visit my family, to talk and try and work some things out. I guess it was a mistake.
The only thing my parents want, is to convince me how big a mistake this is... how i had a mental break down and thought i was a girl, and how this has only come about since university. (Totally ignoring my claims i felt this way from an early age despite masculine behavior as a child, and my chromosomal sex)
My sister is a fething little nazi... a first year religion and philosophy student, she has made it clear in no uncertain terms, she hates my guts.... and something about ->-bleeped-<-gots and hell...
My dad wont talk to me in more than single word phrases, and my mother thinks its in my best interests to be a boy, and how I've ruined the family with my 'breakdown'.
She claims my mannerisms are camp, and that despite my claims that I'm living stealth (i am) that everyone i know or meet KNOWS I'm REALLY a man, and just doesn't say either out of politeness or lack of interest.
I apparently THINK I'm transsexual / IS because i had a mental breakdown as a teenager because i was bullied...
apparently... Being introverted, a loner, bullied, having no friends, and feeling you were born in the wrong body as a teen is normal, and just means you are growing up, not at all maybe actually a fething girl?
They want me to see a psychiatrist... i need psycho therapy.... to be 'cured' of my mental break down and be their handsome son again.
All i hoped i might gain, all the hope they let me build up over the last few months is ruined. The money they flashed around at home made me feel sick... flat screen TVs in each room, laptops and desktops each, new everything, and even my little sister has a car THEY bought her.... I hate to sound like I'm jealous, but when I'm starving most weeks and cant afford warm winter clothes, it really makes me want to cry.
I'm sorry i wrote this long rant, I'm just so upset right now, and needed to get things out. I hope i don't depress people.
No, honey, you have a right to be P.O.ed.
aww I'm sorry hon. that's got to be tough. *big nero hug*
That's terrible, SB! Sadly, I don't think there's much you can do to "convince" them, since their minds are apparently made up already. Even "living well" probably won't do much, at least not immediately... but it may wear down their defenses and denial over time perhaps.
FWIW, I get the "everyone i know or meet KNOWS I'm REALLY a man" thing from nearly everyone who knew me from before. In their case, they aren't being mean necessarily, they just don't see it for whatever reason.
Anyways, so sorry... maybe in time...
~Kate~
Well Star you pretty much summed up my life up to age 24.
You know what? I survived. I not only survived, I THRIVED! SRS/transition at 24 (with my own money), lost my family and home town completely and started all over again with nothing but ME.
I built a new life, in a new place, with new friends, a career, and the whole bit. Many people think I am "amazing" but - you know what? - they don't even know where I started! If they knew about my childhood, they would really be floored.
And I was 24 nearly 35 years ago! I wouldn't trade my life for anybody's now!
***hugs***
wow....the things I have to look forward to ???
I like what Jane said, most of the people who - for whatever reason - sort of walked away from their family, or the other way around, have ended up being pretty successful and content. That it was hard just prepared them for the rest of the stuff, that turns out to be hard also. An easy life as it turns out is a handicap.
And not all families are like that, however most I read about seem to be.
O, so sorry, Starbuck. I know that with the built-up hopes it must be a devastating letdown to which you are entitled all the rage and feelings you can come up with! :)
People who've known you "like forever," and especially parents and sibs who aren't supportive anyway are gonna very often give you the raft of crap they're giving you. No evidence to the contrary moves them and they will rest assured that you are just plain ole miserable whatever you say.
But, tekla and Jane both make great points, especially for someone your age and in uni, etc already. Hon, you've a life to live for you. Yes, it would be nice to have the comforts of home, but you've got the comofrt and ability of you and those who care about you.
Have your rage, cry, rant, spite, whetever. You've earned it. And then just write it off as a hard-lesson learned again and go git 'em!! :laugh: You are most certainly capable of pulling off an outstanding and fulfilling life: with 'em or without 'em.
Nichole
Gee, isnt it funny how everyone else knows who and what you are INSIDE and you apparently dont. Ya gotta just love that mentality. Be yourself, love yourself, and dont let anybody tell you who are! Hang in there and good luck. ;)
I'm so sorry to hear that, Rachael. Perhaps it would be a good idea for your parents to go to therapy with you so that they can get their bubbles burst and LEARN that this is neither a *phase* nor *part of growing up*. ::)
:icon_hug:
tink :icon_chick:
I'm so sorry Rachael. The people we want and need most in our lives can be the most unbelievably cruel as well. And one can't even say they'll come around. They've had time, you've stood on your own and lived your life well, and yeah, it goes ignored and unnoticed. I don't know what to say but for you to live your life well. Perhaps in years to come, when you're happy and successful, and your life isn't the disaster they expected, they might come around, but don't count on it honey. You will eventually find people who love and accept you for you. I'm sure you have already, but they will keep coming. The "family you choose", so to speak.
Ignore your sister. Unless she comes around by herself, she's lost forever to the Dark Side. My brother was a member of Rhema Church (THE evangelists here in South Africa) for a long time, and I thought that I would lose him, but something happened that made him change his heart on many things. I hope the same happens for you with your family. :(
Big Hugs,
~Simone.
Its so confusing... when i say how much happyer i am as i am.... my mum claims i clearly dont want the family if im so happy... but when i say that that really upsets me... she says its because of the girl thing... i cant win!
As for the bubble tink... they refuse point blank to go to therapy themselves or with me... apparently they are fine, its just me.... I think they actively dont want any chance they are proven wrong.
Quote from: Starbuck on December 12, 2008, 11:22:57 AMthey refuse point blank to go to therapy themselves or with me... apparently they are fine, its just me.... I think they actively dont want any chance they are proven wrong.
->-bleeped-<-lets. Couldn't you get them to go to a relationship therapist with you? Perhaps they'll go for the "There's a breakdown in communication" talk?
~Simone.
If it were me I wouldn't give up hope, but would stay away from them for awhile and move on with my life, hoping that one day they would come around to at least some sort of tolerance, or better. I found that I can't fight people's opinions, when it comes to the (thankfully few) people in my life that don't accept me. Best wishes and in the meantime *hugs*
Quote from: aubrey on December 15, 2008, 10:56:15 PM
If it were me I wouldn't give up hope, but would stay away from them for awhile and move on with my life, hoping that one day they would come around to at least some sort of tolerance, or better.
Great advice.
Leave them be; eventually they'll realise that someone will have to pay for their funerals and they'll start being nice again.
I wish just one person who gave me the advice the last two did ever considered how HARD that is for someone who grew up as part of a close family and pretty much has nobody else... maybe not.
Hi Starbuck hon
Well my experience with family was very much the same as Northern Jane,
It took two years before the people in the little town of Midland Ontario pop 16000 people began to accept me and by the end of the third year I was completely integrated into the population.
Family? well my transsexuality was reason enough to disown me. I didn't mess with family after that, I had enough of making a living and surviving to worry about, although I would be a liar if I were to say that I didn't shed many tears for the loss of family. But unfortunately thus far I have found that if you are transsexual you may as well tell them you have leprosy or some shuch thing. At least my family didn't try to find a cure for my leprosy outside of some post cards during holliday seasons with pictures of saints, the Virgin Mary and Jesus.
During the first two years of my living full time I integrated quite well with the town folks and didn't only retain most of my old friends but also made new ones. I was also well accepted on the job. Although I was quite aware that most people knew who I was but they respected me for who I presented. No one gave me any dander in any way from then on. I was a social worker who was good at her job, helping those in need. The girls I worked with, both new and old all treated me like I was one of them.
But still when the opportunity for Wing Walker and I came along for us to move to Vancouver BC, we did so. We had the money and we had the means and we just pulled up stakes and left. There isn't a soul here that know about my pass, Wing Walker has had her surgery over a month ago now and we are both looking forward to go back working at the local woman's shelter.
I left a life time of accumulated good friends behind. A area of people I knew from all the way from Sudbury to Toronto Ontario. I love socialising and I love yapping it up with folks. I chose to come here to start a new life, and so far I'm enjoying it and again building up a pretty good size group of new friends.
Just be smart hon and stay and finish university then ya can give the whole darned place the two middle fickled fingers of fate and just disappear.
Cindy
Quote from: Starbuck on December 16, 2008, 12:29:04 AM
I wish just one person who gave me the advice the last two did ever considered how HARD that is for someone who grew up as part of a close family and pretty much has nobody else... maybe not.
I know what you mean. The thought of my family ever abandoning me ... Goddess I can't even contemplate it. :'(
~Simone.
Hi Hon
Family and family love is something we all cherish. Some times however it's not returneing and it can make people bitter. In my case my sister accepted my MtF with no issues, my parents couldn't. Until the day they died (sadly) I was always Peter, at the table my sister would call me Cindy. I was dressed femme, and look femme but M&D would still call me Peter. Strange. I think your sister is being precious ( and maybe jealous?) it may be worth if possible asking her to therapy, if she can get on the train it would help. Maybe she is influencing M&D. Don't give in. The one thing that TG people have is no alternative. We did not choose to be this way, who in XXX name would ask for what we go through. It's not for fun, it's because we are what we are. I don't kicks wearing femmine clothing, a lie I do but it's not a sexual kick, it's because I like how I look. It's the same for you and for all of us, MtF or FtM we don't have an option. Or the option is misery greater than that we live in.
Keep loviing and living for the moment
LoL
Cindy James.
Whose birthday is 1st Jan so I grant a public holiday
XXXX
Quote from: Starbuck on December 16, 2008, 12:29:04 AM... how HARD that is for someone who grew up as part of a close family ....
I grew up in a rural area and "family" was more than just blood. Family was aunts uncles, cousins, friends of the family, the parents of kids I grew up with, and more. "Home" wasn't just a house but was the whole community of people who knew each other.
My "problem" was evident early - like obvious by puberty - but my only real source of grief was my adopted mother who REFUSED to cut me any slack and constantly berated me for "inappropriate behaviour" - the berating was primarily emotional and verbal abuse. Nobody else much cared and so of accepted me as being "odd".
Now my adopted Mom NEVER lost an argument or a fight so, when she couldn't "beat it out of me", she gave up and by my mid-teens she just ignored it hoping it would go away. She wouldn't go in my bedroom (which was so obviously a girl's room), she never commented on the girl-things that showed up in the laundry (she would launder them and return them to my bed LOL!) or if I showed up at the breakfast table with the remains of Friday night's makeup and hairdo. She was a master ignorer! If she could have changed me, she would have because I didn't fit what
SHE wanted.
SRS suddenly became a possibility when I was 24. It had been an impossible dream up until then so when it was possible, there was no doubt in my mind that I HAD to go. I told my mother - she said no - I told her I had been suicidal for years - she said it would be better if I killed myself - I said I was going anyway, that I
HAD to go - she said if I walked out that door, I was never to come back, never to return to my hometown, and never to have contact with anyone from there. I walked out. I had no choice.
24 years of living was reduced to a suitcase and a bank draft but I could not allow HER to take MY future away from me - no matter what lay ahead, it was mine and I had to take ownership of it. I was giving up everything I had ever known, every friend I ever had, my sister, my 'support network', my security of always having a place to stay and friends around me, but none of that mattered if I was not ME.
The "me" that I found, by becoming who I truly was, was WAY beyond anything I had ever dreamed! I was more in every way, more than I expected. If I (before) had been able to see me (after) I would have been totally blown away!
Life went on, got a whole lot better - new friends, new places, new 'extended families', and best of all these were people who saw all of me, the true me, and loved me for who I was, not who they wanted me to be.
At age 40 (MANY years after transition) I had the opportunity to meet my birth mother. Of course I had to explain to her why she would be meeting a daughter so that was done by letter. You know what? She didn't miss a beat, she didn't hesitate for a second. We went on to have a lovely relationship and she never once mentioned my medical problem - her love transcended that and she was happy for my happiness.
Meanwhile, my adopted Mom who never accepted my "change" languished in her close-mindedness. She was a very superficial person and I know how much it must have pained her to NOT be able to brag about me as I became so successful in life. She couldn't brag because she wouldn't acknowledge the person I was. She died a few months ago as a lonely old woman with little joy in her life but she ended up there by her own stubbornness.
A few years ago my sister, with whom I had been close in my teens, contacted me and I found out that the reason she had never called before was that our mom said that
I was the one who wanted no contact with the family - she LIED to my sister! Well it didn't take us long to patch that up and we are now close again.
I also realized, when I found out what my adopted mother had been doing, that
she had no right to make demands for other people (that I not contact anyone from my past) and then LIE to people and say that
I was the one who didn't want contact! I DID contact a number of people I knew when I was growing up and about 1/3 of them have become 'casual penpals' - about what you would expect from friends you lost touch with decades ago.
So, my "bottom line" is that YOU have to make the decisions that effect your own life and you have to make them from your own heart. Those who truly love you will support you (even if they may be reluctant initially) and will always be there for you. If they can NOT support your decision,
they are NOT even your friend![/i]
It is better to walk alone than to crawl among people who will not lift you up.
Quote from: Starbuck on December 16, 2008, 12:29:04 AM
I wish just one person who gave me the advice the last two did ever considered how HARD that is for someone who grew up as part of a close family and pretty much has nobody else... maybe not.
Hmm well since the day I was born I was always closest with my mom. From the age of 15 to about 25 she was all I had, and I was all she had. I barely had any social interaction because I was a complete mess and she was there for me. When I told her I was trans she told me all those typical things u don't want to hear your family say...It's a sin, it's a phase, you chose it and can change back, it's wrong etc....I distanced myself from her because not having her approval drove me crazy, but after some time she is slowly starting to accept it. That's the type of thing I'm talking about, not abandoning or denying your family, but not letting them stop you from living your life or waiting for thier approval. Just my opinion.
Hi Soldierjane, I cried while reading your post, that was truly a heart felt experience. I am so happy that things worked out for you, you deserve to have found a good and fulfilling life today.
And hi Cindy James, from Cindy BC. Welcome to Susan's, your post was the most sensible and down to earth message I have had the privilege to read for the past while.
Well I have some good news to share with everyone. As you all know, 9 years ago all of my family turned their back on me, even after having made several attempts to reach them by mail failed. All I ever got back was Christmas cards with pictures of saints and such on them from my sister. That even stopped coming a couple of years ago.
I began transitioning full time 9 years ago and SRS four years ago. So I have pretty well reestablished a new life with new friends in a different part of the continent, It is possible to begin a new life. But I had given up on any chances of anyone from family to be contacting me, let alone wanting to share in my new life.
This morning I have received a Face Book message from my youngest niece, one of my sisters kids whom I helped raise, heck I use to change her diapers. It was so wonderful to hear from her, the last kid I had actually thought would make any effort to contact me. I sat staring at the monitor crying for nearly half an hour before I got calmed enough to type her back a message. I thank God for this small contact and I really do pray that it will some day come to be a growing relationship.
Starbuck there has been many wise and caring suggestions here I do pray that you find something among them that you can take home with you.
Cindy
I've been away from them nearly 2 years... all they take my absense for is me enjoying my little fantisy...
Quote from: Starbuck on December 16, 2008, 12:29:04 AM
I wish just one person who gave me the advice the last two did ever considered how HARD that is for someone who grew up as part of a close family and pretty much has nobody else... maybe not.
Yeah, no-one else has it at hard as you.
I forgot that part.
I never suggested that, dont be so nasty... its uncalled for... I simpy pointed out i cannot, and will not cut and run. its called love, you dont choose who you love...
You accused me of not considering how hard it is to cut off your family.
I don't think that was called for either.
But you obviously did.
Shoe doesn't fit so well on the other foot, eh?
I dont know you... dont paticularly want your input to my sitution, you dont like it when i dislike your advice, so push off love... I'm truely sorry i dont find your advice utterly enlightening and helpful.
Quote from: Starbuck on December 16, 2008, 04:49:12 PM
I dont know you... dont paticularly want your input to my sitution,
Then don't post it in a public place.
Quoteyou dont like it when i dislike your advice, so push off love...
You misunderstand.
I don't like being accused of not considering simple things, like how hard it is to cut your family off.
Are we clear?
YOU made the not-very-nice assumption (about two of us).
I reacted to it to draw attention to it.
QuoteI'm truely sorry i dont find your advice utterly enlightening and helpful.
Rest assured, I'll try really hard to lose some sleep over that.
I really will.
Honest.
Quote from: Starbuck on December 16, 2008, 04:16:06 PM
its called love, you dont choose who you love...
P.S. I also love this part alluding that I don't know what love is, or understand how it works.
Makes me feel all...visceral and cellular inside.
Is there really any need for this thread to become nasty and personal when it was actually about someones personal pain and wanting to share that with likeminded people going through the same or similar.
/sigh
Starbuck i really hope it works out for you sweetie, i can relate. I know this time of years very tough i just hope your okay hun?
/hug
Vexing seems to be living up to her name.. i dont know how i upset her, but meh...
Yeah, this time of year is difficult, but i spent the last one alone, alteast i have my boyfriend this year. Its strange really... I dont know quite how to get through to them. It seems its all down to prooving this is right for me. but when any example i give is thrown in my face, i have no idea how to proress. I tried leaving them for two years, but they made themselves the victims, and i fear further distance will only compound that... Maybe i need to force them to deal somehow?
I can't judge your family, but I understand your hurt and disappointment by their apparent lack of sensitivity to your needs.
Families are a fickle lot. You'd think that your own parents would do their best to try and help you. When they turn out to be very rigid, and closed minded ,it makes your transition all the more difficult. Just when you need their love most, they withdraw it.
Fortunately I was blessed with a more open minded family. Everyone but one sister, rallied for me. Eventually she came around much later as well.
I knew from the very beginning, that my extended family would never accept me as a woman. Many of them, are just ignorant enough, that even when I legally changed my name, they refused to address me by it. Some of my male cousins, called me a ->-bleeped-<-, and made fun of me. My only recourse was to write the entire bunch off. I haven't seen any of them in nearly 20 years.
You might have to brace yourself for the same thing, if your kin do not grow up, and realize what hurt they are causing you.
If it can work out for you, and you can be who you feel you are in your mind and heart...you just might win them over despite themselves.
I feel for you honey, I really do! Good luck, OK.
wow, thats deep.
All I was gonna say is since they dont buy you necessities for living they have it out for you. And thats why their jerks, its not you its them.
ok, maybe i need to be blunt.
Get out of my fething topic... i dont want your advice, and you're just trollling... any more and ill report your posts to the moderators...
Quote from: Starbuck on December 17, 2008, 12:29:25 AM
ok, maybe i need to be blunt.
Get out of my fething topic... i dont want your advice, and you're just trollling...
Don't ask for advice on a public forum if you don't want just any old ->-bleeped-<- (me) to comment.
I'm most certainly not trolling; I offered advice out of
genuine concern and all you seem to want to do is use it as an excuse to lash out at people (me).
Please give me the script in advance so I can say exactly what you want me to say and you can get the positive affirmation you're craving and we can stop catfighting like a couple of moggies in heat.
Quoteany more and ill report your posts to the moderators...
Be my guest.
Oh, this isn't "your" topic at all.
Unless you're the one paying the site fees.
Which you are not, amirite? ;)
If you don't like my advice, then ignore it and move on.
You're alluding that I'm just a troll, so follow the ancient computertube advice:
don't feed the (perceived)
troll!Be mature and take some responsibility.
Wow and on and on it goes..............
Rach I know how ->-bleeped-<-ty that is with family and all. My parents still aren't coming around after two years. My extended family is prettty accepting which is really nice, but my parents are just holding out for some reason. Its hard to get over that smouldering hatred that I feel for them after dealing with their BS. Ive spend many nights thinking about how good it would feel to just tell them to go F themselves and be done with them completely but I know thats just letting them win.
I figure that fighting fire with fire will just get everyone burned. So I am going to try something different. I started by going to Thanksgiving and Im going to be there for every holiday I possibly can. Ill probably start writing them letters and always try to keep things kosher between us as best I can. And even when they try to belittle or insult me I am going to brush it off. Eventually I am hoping that they will realize that they are the ones with the problem and not me as I am impervious to their attacks.
I am not sure if this approach will work for you but it may be worth a try.
Audrey
Girls;
Parents can be so stubborn. Sometimes it isn't a matter of not supporting your decision, it is that they are afraid. They can be afraid that they did something wrong, causing you to be like this. They cannot accept the loss of their son this way, and hold out hope, you'll outgrow this and come to your senses.
Which as we TS gals know, never happens once we are in tune with our core identity.
Parents can feel a great disappointment, and sadness, that their son isn't turning out to be who they thought, or wanted.
They may feel let down by you, and will place heavy blame on you for revealing this to them. A matter of TMI...
Parents who are limited by their own education and background, will also not quite step up to the plate...
They could be ashamed and afraid of what the family will say...
Some of them will turn their shock and disappointment into anger, and then decide to punish you. i.e. disowning you, throwing you out of the house, refusal to accept it. etc.
Your best chance to disarm them, and force them to deal with this real issue, is information. Rent videos about transsexuals, and what they go through. Send for information from gender clinics, or visit them in person. Start off gentle, instead of dumping the whole load on them at once. Have one or both parents accompany you to a clinic, and talk to a SSW about it. Do not try to embarrass them into accepting your new found identity. Go easy. Let them also grow accustomed to your new needs and desires.
Never demand it. Also, NEVER NEVER EVER show them ->-bleeped-<- porno. Those gals, do not help anything at all.
Instead, gather information off the net, about real life TS's and their successful transitions. It is out there to be found.
Be your own best advocate, being loaded with facts by doing the research first. Blog sites such as this one, may not necessarily be the best thing to use as your base of information...
Lastly, unfortunately, if your Dad is named something like Billy Bub, and nicknamed by his buddies;" snake "... and he and they like to get plastered on hooch, chase women and love their hunting dogs, and truck more than their wives of live in girl friends... and sport Harley Davidson and flaming Skull tattoo's, You might have a problem convincing them that this is what you want...jus' saying.
Quote from: Rene' aka candygirl on December 17, 2008, 12:27:07 PM
Also, NEVER NEVER EVER show them ->-bleeped-<- porno.
Um... why would anyone do that? That's like saying "NEVER NEVER EVER stick knives in your eyes." :D
HAHAhaha true that. "Look mom and dad I want to be like herrrr!!!!" lol
Hi Audry, well don't forget your cyber mom huh. You always welcome to PM Email or call anytime you want
As for the last part of Candygirl wrote in her post, boy, I'm sure glad my dad wasn't like that and I fell quite short the man thing if that's what it takes to be a man? I drank beer, and told jokes in bars and even got on stage with the with a mike and put on a few good acts and jokes on Kariokie nights, Disco dancing, Rock dancing, heck not all that long ago either. I can still dance to a pretty good Rock song, hair flip and all.
Had me a real honest to goodness Hot Rod and dune buggies, some pretty mean snow machines, but heck, I had some girlfriends out there on the snow and ice as well, including my foster daughter. That was the manest stuff I did during those man days. "Hee, hee."
I wish everyone would stop PMS'ing too, with Christmas and all being so close and all, then consider some of the girls here and out there that will be without family over the holiday.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
Don't forget, mommy Cindy will be around. ;D
You missed the point of the last statement...My dad was never like that. I was alluding to the possibility, that if your Dad or Mom, are hard cored, closed minded, " Rednecks" ( I hate that word ) you might just have a little trouble convincing them about your TS desires. It was also an attempt at a joke....Jeeesh.
The porno reference is because I know of a TS would did this...she was trying to show her folks that transgendered MtF's are real.
It caused a huge brouhaha in her family...wrong choice of information. Porno ->-bleeped-<-'s are not the common denominator or acceptable representatives of us as a whole.
I have to admit showing them ->-bleeped-<- porno does rather resemble sticking knives in one's own eyes as a means of showing the "realness" of TS to loved ones, or even not-so-loved ones. :laugh:
The advice did seem probably unnecessary, for 99.9%, but ya never know what some folks will get up to, do ya? >:-)
Quote from: Rene' aka candygirl on December 17, 2008, 12:27:07 PM
gather information off the net, about real life TS's and their successful transitions. It is out there to be found
This, however, is probably exactly spot-on and start here: http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TSsuccesses.html (http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TSsuccesses.html) Lynn has worked hard in getting this ressource together and more people should use it in exactly the way Rene suggested.
Nichole
P.S. Vexing and Starbuck, do please try to agree to disagree without this incessant bickering. It tends to detract from everything else in the threads it shows up in. Thanks, gals.
Doesn't everyone prove their points with porn? Or I'm I way off base?
Quote from: tekla on December 17, 2008, 04:38:28 PM
Doesn't everyone prove their points with porn? Or I'm I way off base?
That may be the way it works in the world's most enlightened city on hills, but I don't think it plays in Peoria, Kat. >:-)
I think you may have a view there that's not universally held!! :laugh: :laugh:
Nichole
Quote from: Nichole on December 17, 2008, 04:36:35 PM
P.S. Vexing and Starbuck, do please try to agree to disagree without this incessant bickering. It tends to detract from everything else in the threads it shows up in. Thanks, gals.
I don't think there will be any further incidents.
Sorry for the disturbance! :-\
Hey I tried using reason. Nada. Similar results for using rational thought, careful argument, even went so far as to try to use facts to support the argument. Never did any good. Being sensible, using data that you can verify, employing logic. Yeah, great results with that stuff. So nope. I'm going to make all my arguments with porn from now on. It pretty much stops the conversation rather than heating it up, then I can sneak away cause they will be busy for like 5-8 minutes or something.
I'm not way into finding humor in the misfortune of others - OK, that's a lie, I love it - so when I read about someone using porn to trying to show her folks that transgendered MtF's are real I spit coffee everywhere just trying to imagine the look on mom's face as she watched. Really. You can't write stuff like that.
Quote from: tekla on December 17, 2008, 04:52:50 PM
Really. You can't write stuff like that.
Kudos to Rene then, Kat, she did!! And I have to admit that the LOLing going on here was lengthy!! :laugh:
N~
Hi candygirl hon I was also just kidding about the Red Neck Type, I would sooner get abducted by aliens. Get a nice alien who knows how to treat a lady and even let me pilot the ship.
Cindy
Quote from: cindybc on December 17, 2008, 07:26:36 PM
Hi candygirl hon I was also just kidding about the Red Neck Type, I would sooner get abducted by aliens. Get a nice alien who knows how to treat a lady and even let me pilot the ship.
Cindy
"I got abducted by aliens and all I got was an anal probe and this stupid T-shirt"
Quote from: Vexing on December 17, 2008, 07:27:47 PM
"I got abducted by aliens and all I got was an anal probe and this stupid T-shirt"
Some people would pay good money for that anal probe.
She paid damn good money for it, and don't you forget it.
Well you got abducted by the wrong alien. ;D
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi11.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa191%2Fcynthiag932%2Falienspacecraft.jpg&hash=7477aa4f2d16cb70cc463007a9cc0df46db40656)
Well, the information point i fear is mute... My mum understands transsexuality... apparently... her point is that she doesnt belive that i AM... its her firm belief that i had a mental breakdown when i went to university... that im simply confused. That im not sure how to combat.... Im considering audreys suggestion tbh... make myself more visible, and slowly expose them further... and prove its right?
It may be time to remember that the real old adage is that: Living well is the best revenge. I feel for you Starbuck, I have an idea of how much all of that is worth to you, how much it is just to get a simple OK, and I hope you find it someday.
Tell her
"Yes I had a breakdown, and of those broken pieces they were refit to make me what I am today"
Thats a good comeback right?
Use HER words against herself. 8)
not really...
that would be my saying that i used to be a guy, i went mad, and now im a woman.... which is wrong.
I always was a girl, she just cant get her head around the fact i hid it...
I don't understand why your mom refuses to accept the fact that you are TS if she understands what TS is. ***Just a suggestion,*** after all I might be way off on left field, but maybe you should set her down and give here a few lessons of your own about TS, with documented facts for back up, and where you fit in on the scheme of things.
You can then make your own assessment as to just how much she does or doesn't know about TSism. If she refuses to listen then she ether doesn't know what she claims she does, or is in denial. You know, like, she does not want to admit or accept the fact that her, (insert male name) has this affliction.
If she does set and hears you out you may want to tell her the reasons and the history as to why you think you are TS
Cindy
Quote from: cindybc on December 22, 2008, 01:31:45 PM
I don't understand why your mom refuses to accept the fact that you are TS if she understands what TS is. ***Just a suggestion,*** after all I might be way off on left field, but maybe you should set her down and give here a few lessons of your own about TS, with documented facts for back up, and where you fit in on the scheme of things.
You can then make your own assessment as to just how much she does or doesn't know about TSism. If she refuses to listen then she ether doesn't know what she claims she does, or is in denial. You know, like, she does not want to admit or accept the fact that her, (insert male name) has this affliction.
If she does set and hears you out you may want to tell her the reasons and the history as to why you think you are TS
Cindy
For the same reason, no doubt that a parent might refuse to "believe" that her child had some sort of swiftly metastasizing cancer or that her child was in some way living with a physical or mental deficit that had been caused by a medication the mother took while pregnant, Cindy. Or what a mother, Jeffrey Dahmer's mother comes to mind, will say after her child is convicted of some heinous crime. "I don't see it."
People deny what they don't want to see within their children or what they feel they may have brought on their children or what they feel will be averse to their children.
To deny a child's transsexual history is not unusual or odd nor wven does it mean the parent doesn't love the child. It may well mean that the parent loves the child very deeply and doesn't want her child to be exposed to the slings ans arrows that society and others will hurl at her: at least in the parent's mind.
My guess is that both Rachael and Audrey's parents love each of them very much: but also neither set can imagine anything more horrid than the life they have seen, or think they have seen, is alloted to people with transsexing histories.
Nichole
I had a child who died from drugs, But I believe the kid was slowly dying of heartbreak long before he died from the influence of drugs. After loosing his girl friend, his first love, well before he stepped out in front of that truck that night. I loved him regardless of his drug abuse and I did all I could to prevent what happened from happening.
Nichol, back then I didn't know anything about transsexuality even though I had all the signs of GID. The thing is my son and I did talk and I also talked about my problems to him. we shared. I just wish I could have done something to save him. I don't know if there is any similarities there or not Nichol but I threw it out there anyway. I must agree with your response, I am by no means disagreeing.
Cindy
I can really empathize with you. Though my family's reaction wasn't as extreme it was still less than cheery. I haven't even told my sister per my mothers' suggestion...so as not to "worry" her. Each time I even mention it to my mother she comes up with some reason for it not to be. "You never said anything before!" "You had girlfriends, you played sports when you were young", etc and so forth. But I was in denial for a good chunk of my life, I suppose it's only fair to allow her her own little chunk. I am really inspired by your courage to continue however in spite of whatever obstacles present themselves. When I doubt myself I think of the people here in this forum and how they continue to be true to themselves no matter what.
I went thru something similar with my family, although it had nothing to do with GID. We had years of meaningless fights, some very harsh words, and I got disowned several times. Nothing I did was ever good enough, and good intentioned things I did were perceived as me having some kind of agenda, and led to more fighting.
The lesson here? You cannot change or control other people, or what they think. You can only change yourself. You didn't do anything to cause this situation, they did. Once you get comfortable with this idea then it makes it a little easier to move on. Is it easy? No - its the hardest thing i've ever had to do. But the insanity of the way that things were before with me on the receiving end of their constant disapproval was unsustainable.
I really feel for you, there is no winner in this situation.