Yes, I'm still questioning. I know many of you think of me as male, but I wonder about some things...
Lately I've been feeling male to the point of tears, because for a while there I denied it. But here's the odd thing:
My friends sometimes pick up female vibes, sometimes male vibes from me.
Sometimes I feel more female, sometimes male, but when I feel male, it can be overwhelming.
I decided to try an androgynous look. I did like it at first, it looked cool, but I'm not sure that it feels "right". The more female I dress, the more male I feel, and yes, I still feel very male, but I don't know if I'll feel female in the future, and if I do, if that's just denial.
Is this a case of androgyny? Or is this just some weird form of FTM?
-Merrick
I'm actually doing a similar thing, being able to go back and forth between genders.
Infact I've come out to my family as bi-gendered, even though (like you) I'm more strongly pulled to male than female.
The difference between androgyny and being bi-gendered is that you move back and forth between the genders as you feel compelled to where as an androgynous person constantly feel a mix of both genders or feel like they're neither gender.
Quote from: Osiris on January 07, 2009, 10:58:39 PM
The difference between androgyny and being bi-gendered is that you move back and forth between the genders as you feel compelled to where as an androgynous person constantly feel a mix of both genders or feel like they're neither gender.
I think this is known as "gender fluid", which is what I feel. Sometimes I feel strongly male, other times I feel female.
Yeah I forgot that term for it. Which I actually like better.
From hence forth Osiris is gender fluid. :D
well i identify as a FTM, androgyne, and queer. i dont think im so much fluid as i am a feminine masculine person.
the point is, you dont have to be either a FTM or an androgyne. you can be both or neither.
I used to switch genders a lot but now I identify as FtM androgyne
Just go for what makes you feel best. If things change then try it out
What Josh said. When I first came out to myself as ftm, I was leery of types who called themselves 'ftm' but not 'man'. But now I realize you can be on the transmasculine spectrum without identifying as a man.
I would say anyone who has surgery or HRT is pretty much ftm for all intents and purposes, but their identity can still be androgyne.
In short, yes it's possible to be both.
I feel pretty similar to you, never really being able to work out what my gender is, sometimes feeling male, other times female, other times neither or both.
It's good fun, isn't it?
I don't know much about F2M if you sometime feel man and sometime feel woman but never both or neither then bigender might fit if you slide between a few places then fluid might fit better male female, both, neither.
if you dont feel your man enough to go all the way (FtM) then welome to the middle
I think when friends 'pick up female vibes, sometimes male vibes from me', it's more accurate to say they pick up masculine or feminine vibes. Beyond the stereotypical associations between male and masculine or with female and feminine, how can another person know what gender you identify as or what body you would feel comfortable in unless you tell them (or reveal it by slipping with your own pronouns or something like that)?
I had similar issues before medical transition, separating presentation from subconscious sex. It's difficult when your desire to pass as a given sex (or neither) conflicts with other aspects of how you wish to present. Remember that a given set of clothing will feel very different if before and after medical transition. Rather than concentrating on labelling your gender identity I think the first step should be to separate as best you can your 'subconscious sex' (or desire to transition physically) from your desired presentation. The labels should become more self evident once you've done that. I know an FTM who intends to wear skirts after he has been on T for long enough to pass as male in them ;)
Rambly reply aside... Like others have said, you can easily be both FTM and androgyne, there are definitions of the two terms that don't conflict. Medical transition doesn't have to be a binary either, if you decide to go down that path.
I agree with everyone else. You can be both or neither or it can change. My only advice is that you shouldn't try to force yourself into a label. Just go with the flow. It's also good to think about all the options and consequences of certain actions (like full transition or not transitioning, presenting, living full time with or without SRS, etc) and how you feel about them. For example, if you think about a full transition, will that make you happy? Breaking it all down is a good method for self discovery.
I agree with everyone too. Jaimey has a good point that you have plenty of time to experiment with presentation before going with any permanent changes.
When you feel wicked male, you can express it and when you are not feeling male (or masculine) you can express that too. If you are meant to make any decisions concerning permanent changes, you will know it with certainty.
Nero has been expressing those feelings for a long time. I like the word "transmasculine" a lot.
I know it may not make sense but I envy you guys. Not only do you have a much greater palette to work with than I do, but you all have an inner strength that I can only dream of.
Bastards!
Yeah. Probably androgyne FTM. I still feel male, and yes I probably am paying too much attention to what others say. I need to work on that.
-Merrick
Quote from: Micah (Merrick) on January 11, 2009, 05:54:37 PM
Yeah. Probably androgyne FTM. I still feel male, and yes I probably am paying too much attention to what others say. I need to work on that.
-Merrick
I'd call that 'normal'. :D
Regardless of what you decide you will still be lovely Merrick.
How do you 'feel' male? How do you 'feel' female?
EDIT: and not as in I feel male b/c i want to crush beer cans. What does feeling male feel like? etc.
Feeling male is something very hard to describe for me. I probably wont be able to explain everything, and not very well.
A lot of the feelings I have relate to the physical. I wish I had a penis, have wanted one as long as I can remember. Sometimes I'll be in the shower, and look down and actually expect to see one there. I would see guys peeing and really wish I could pee that way too.
Sexual contact for me is more "male" too. I don't want to be the one "receiving", I want to "give" if that makes any sense, and you know what I'm referring to. I actually don't feel comfortable without being on top.
I've always wanted to wear male clothing. When I was little, my mother dressed me up frequently and the dresses never felt right. I'd go into the store, and want boy's clothes. My mother would have to steer me away.
I don't understand the female brain very well. Never liked the make-up stuff, never liked "dressing up" and being "girly". Felt wrong. When I dressed like a guy, it felt right. Plus, when I hung out with girls, it didn't feel right as well. I liked them, they were kinder to me, but didn't feel like I "fit". I felt so much more at home (and still do) with guys.
Most of my friends are male, and often I will space out and forget that I'm female. I've even caught myself referring to myself in the masculine, for example saying "The other boys and I" when talking about a time when I was 12.
When I learned about those who have undecended testes in sex-ed, I would get very upset that I didn't have that. At first I thought maybe I wanted this because I wanted to be androgynous, but later realized that they were male, just without the right hormones. Still wanted to be one of them. I figured it must be the male aspect.
There are probably more things I'll think of, but yeah, I also feel more "me" when I am "male".
-Merrick
Most of those examples are social.
Whatever...I can't explain.
I don't really know how anyone feels their gender. It is just something inexplicable. How do you feel 'Male' Mister? Weird question, what was the point?
I think what Merrick described are just things that make sense to them, where they feel comfortable, where they feel most like themselves, a sense of belonging in those places i.e. they feel most comfortable in male spaces. Reading behind it you can see the dysporia. I can relate to those feelings.
I'll tell my point.
People always talk about how they feel male or feel female. Well, what does that feel like?
I've been both in this lifetime and y'know, I always just felt like me.
But some people don't just feel like "me". Some people really feel male or female. Can you speak for everyone? That's honestly what I'm getting from this post.
-Merrick
Quote from: Mister on January 12, 2009, 08:10:36 PM
I'll tell my point.
People always talk about how they feel male or feel female. Well, what does that feel like?
I've been both in this lifetime and y'know, I always just felt like me.
If you said you feel like you and you are male inside then that is enough is it not? Otherwise it is a bit like trying to describe the color blue.
Perhaps your internal identity has always been pretty firm so you don't see where Merrick is comming from. It sounds to me that Merrick is still finding out what their internal identity is to reconcile all the feelings around what would make them most comfortable as a person.
I'm not attempting to speak for anyone.
What i'm saying is that I don't feel like ANYTHING. I never felt that *I* was wrong, so I cannot relate to anyone that does. What I'm asking is for someone to EXPLAIN it instead of just pointing at it and saying, "Yes, that."
Quote from: Mister on January 12, 2009, 09:46:22 PM
I'm not attempting to speak for anyone.
What i'm saying is that I don't feel like ANYTHING. I never felt that *I* was wrong, so I cannot relate to anyone that does. What I'm asking is for someone to EXPLAIN it instead of just pointing at it and saying, "Yes, that."
if you cant explain, why are you expecting merrick to?
Quote from: Josh on January 12, 2009, 09:59:38 PM
Quote from: Mister on January 12, 2009, 09:46:22 PM
I'm not attempting to speak for anyone.
What i'm saying is that I don't feel like ANYTHING. I never felt that *I* was wrong, so I cannot relate to anyone that does. What I'm asking is for someone to EXPLAIN it instead of just pointing at it and saying, "Yes, that."
if you cant explain, why are you expecting merrick to?
I did. WTF post did you read?
Mister, we're not ganging up, we just don't understand why you keep reacting the way you do. You clearly are having difficulty explaining what's up to us.
-Merrick
Quote from: Mister on January 12, 2009, 10:00:54 PM
Quote from: Josh on January 12, 2009, 09:59:38 PM
Quote from: Mister on January 12, 2009, 09:46:22 PM
I'm not attempting to speak for anyone.
What i'm saying is that I don't feel like ANYTHING. I never felt that *I* was wrong, so I cannot relate to anyone that does. What I'm asking is for someone to EXPLAIN it instead of just pointing at it and saying, "Yes, that."
if you cant explain, why are you expecting merrick to?
I did. WTF post did you read?
you keep telling merrick to explain how they feel male, but you cant even do that. you just say that you feel like you. but im fairly sure that you identify as male. correct?
ok, people. let's start over.
Merrick (and hoards of others) claim they "feel male" inside or "feel female" inside.
EXPLAIN THAT. WTF does "man" feel like? what does "woman" feel like? Truly, if this cannot be explained then I am forced to stick to my personal conclusion that it's BS. I mean, if it cannot be expressed by those who 'feel zomg manly" then it cannot be compared... so then who's to say what "male" feels like?
It's a farce, me thinks. oh yes, I do.
i feel... mushy inside. not like im going to cry mushy.. but like pudding mushy. :) all i know is i dont like my body and i better fit the role deemed "male" by society than the female role. sounds like merrick is going through something similar.
Quote from: Mister on January 12, 2009, 10:19:53 PM
Merrick (and hoards of others) claim they "feel male" inside or "feel female" inside.
EXPLAIN THAT. WTF does "man" feel like? what does "woman" feel like?
My partner and I were talking about this a while ago, sie said that describing it as "feeling like a woman or man" wasn't necessarily the most effective way to express it. Feelings are anger, sadness, joy, etc. That makes perfect sense to me, man or woman isn't really a feeling.
Best I can come up with how I feel in other terms is to simply say that I am not happy or comfortable living as a man, living as a woman, or not man, is more right for me.
Zythyra
I see there is some tension here.
Please step back and relax before answering a post that might cause you to feel frustrated.
And, please do not take this argument into PMs.
There is no reason that anyone should be made to feel uncomfortable, frustrated, or put on the defensive.
Quote from: Rebis on January 13, 2009, 02:04:16 PM
I see there is some tension here.
Please step back and relax before answering a post that might cause you to feel frustrated.
And, please do not take this argument into PMs.
There is no reason that anyone should be made to feel uncomfortable, frustrated, or put on the defensive.
you're a bit late Rebis.
Quote from: Mister on January 12, 2009, 10:19:53 PM
ok, people. let's start over.
Merrick (and hoards of others) claim they "feel male" inside or "feel female" inside.
EXPLAIN THAT. WTF does "man" feel like? what does "woman" feel like? Truly, if this cannot be explained then I am forced to stick to my personal conclusion that it's BS. I mean, if it cannot be expressed by those who 'feel zomg manly" then it cannot be compared... so then who's to say what "male" feels like?
It's a farce, me thinks. oh yes, I do.
Tone it down Mister or else. Your post is bordering on a personal attack which will not be tolerated on this site.
Want to chat about it, PM Me
Steph
If you can feel your insides, you ought to see a doctor.
With a couple of exeptions...
Quote from: Blueflare on January 13, 2009, 07:01:12 PM
If you can feel your insides, you ought to see a doctor.
With a couple of exeptions...
:icon_blowme:
Quote from: Blueflare on January 13, 2009, 07:01:12 PM
If you can feel your insides, you ought to see a doctor.
With a couple of exeptions...
lol its just what i imagine i feel like.
Here's my go at answering your question Mister:
I agree that no matter what you're you regardless of gender. I think for many of us "feeling" a gender (male or female) is our disphoria. You feel the need to express yourself so strongly and you're taught all these things that are labeled as male or female but what you want to do is the opposite. Therefore it can lead you to labeling it as feeling that gender.
No one can explain what feeling a gender is because it's not an exact feeling.
It might help to understand the point people are trying to make if you don't take things quite so literally. :D
I used to be very gender fluid but eventually it settled down and I'm FtM. So that could happen to you, or maybe you'll always be fluid. You just have to sit it out and see.
Quote from: Osiris on January 13, 2009, 10:35:15 PM
Here's my go at answering your question Mister:
I agree that no matter what you're you regardless of gender. I think for many of us "feeling" a gender (male or female) is our disphoria. You feel the need to express yourself so strongly and you're taught all these things that are labeled as male or female but what you want to do is the opposite. Therefore it can lead you to labeling it as feeling that gender.
No one can explain what feeling a gender is because it's not an exact feeling.
It might help to understand the point people are trying to make if you don't take things quite so literally. :D
It's what i do.
Something I have observed is that after a person works their identity out and becomes congruent within themselves then often you don't really get these swings of feeling.
For example, a man that was born a physical boy probably never says to themselves "I feel particularly manly today" though they might say I am particularly good looking today, or I feel particularly strong today. Similarly for a FtM who has become 'comfortable' in their identity they probably feel the same way. What ever they feel is just them the man.
When I was figuring out my androgyne self I used to have huge swings between feeling feminine and not feminine. It was almost like my internal self was waving flags to get my attention. Now days I seem to be more homogenous. Now that it is all mostly smoothly integrated with my conscious self I don't often feel these swings. I just am. It could be akin to teenagers working out who they are and doing extreme things in their youth "I'm so gothic".
I've become homogenous now too.
I think the word people are reaching for is identity rather than feel.
I have identified as male and as female.
Anyone remember Count Homogenous? It was about a vampire-like person that drunk milk.
Maybe it was a weird New Zealand thing ???
The show would be something like 25 years old.
Alright, i'll take a rough, clumsy swing at this.
Feeling "male" or feeling "female" really has to do with A) what i'm admiring at the moment (a chainsaw at home depot, or something female like a dress or jewelry, and B) how i'm feeling at the moment, like one of the boys (rarely), or perhaps as a female that I wish I could be. It also encompasses C) wishing that I was a woman (body dysphoria), or being OK with my existing plumbing. Also, there is D) which has to do with who i'm comfortable around. Generally i'm not comfortable around men, but i'm much more comfortable around women.
For me these feelings ebb and flow, so i'd guess that i'm gender fluid.
That's the best I can explain it.
Quote from: Rebis on January 14, 2009, 07:40:39 PM
I've become homogenous now too.
You identify as
milk? ;)
Z
There is a Garbage song that goes something like that
"I am milk,
I am red top kitchen
I am cool
as cool as the deep blue ocean"
Quote from: Nero on January 08, 2009, 02:45:17 AM
What Josh said. When I first came out to myself as ftm, I was leery of types who called themselves 'ftm' but not 'man'. But now I realize you can be on the transmasculine spectrum without identifying as a man.
I would say anyone who has surgery or HRT is pretty much ftm for all intents and purposes, but their identity can still be androgyne.
In short, yes it's possible to be both.
I sometimes wonder if my brain is a little androgyne, and that the body type I want is female. The parts of my mind that are, "What I want," Sometimes DO contradict what I perceive myself to be... Maybe thats the source of confusion?
You almost have to wonder what middle stages of evolution feel like about themselves... Like a mutation that caused less body hair in a human. Or the first whitey Crackers. Must be the same contradicting thoughts we're feeling...
I mean. Its awkward I guess...
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 14, 2009, 08:39:55 PM
I sometimes wonder if my brain is a little androgyne, and that the body type I want is female.
I can relate to this. I don't really feel like either gender, however I'd much rather my body were female than male.
Z
Quote from: Zythyra on January 14, 2009, 08:50:27 PM
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 14, 2009, 08:39:55 PM
I sometimes wonder if my brain is a little androgyne, and that the body type I want is female.
I can relate to this. I don't really feel like either gender, however I'd much rather my body were female than male.
Z
Same here. The difference seems to be intensity of dysphoria, or maybe just a slightly different shade of identity?
I think I have used phrases like feeling female or feeling male in the past. I guess in those circumstances, I was typing lazily. What I should have posted was that there are times when I feel more comfortable in masculine roles than feminine ones and vice versa, as these roles are defined by the society in which I live. That's how I experience being androgyne/gender fluid.
Quote from: Nicky on January 14, 2009, 08:58:19 PM
Quote from: Zythyra on January 14, 2009, 08:50:27 PM
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 14, 2009, 08:39:55 PM
I sometimes wonder if my brain is a little androgyne, and that the body type I want is female.
I can relate to this. I don't really feel like either gender, however I'd much rather my body were female than male.
Z
Same here. The difference seems to be intensity of dysphoria, or maybe just a slightly different shade of identity?
Yeah. Basically. If the female were silver, and the male were gold, I'd feel mostly silver with a few impurities. I guess the question is whether or not I should just give in to that nature or to aspire to be what I want. I feel MOSTLY female... I'm just such a freak I sometimes wonder if its possible to ever feel normal as anything...
I wonder the same thing sometimes.
Does the pain ever really stop? I hope so.
Kara, I don't think you're a freak. If you look at biological females, and biologically males (by which I mean those with the same identity as the gender of their birth), you'll see that many are not entirely masculine or entirely feminine. Most lean toward female or male (depending on what they were born), but will still have some "in between" moments.
-Merrick
Quote from: Merrick on January 15, 2009, 07:25:29 AM
Kara, I don't think you're a freak. If you look at biological females, and biologically males (by which I mean those with the same identity as the gender of their birth), you'll see that many are not entirely masculine or entirely feminine. Most lean toward female or male (depending on what they were born), but will still have some "in between" moments.
-Merrick
I appreciate that, but I must be... When I try hanging out with more than one genetic girl, I'm instantly socially invisible, and I can never be on the same wavelength, and they don't seem to believe I can be either, and its really frustrating to not only click with them, or click with most groups of males. Its like the second I get into a social situation with more than one, even the geeky ones, I'm instantly almost disregarded... I'm starting to think people only hang out with me because they pity me or some crap. I also have a really morbid, self-destructive brain. There's just... Something genetic girls have that I don't. A lot of its their upbringing, and I know that... But there is so much else I sense Is off, especially when I hang out with one. Female to males (if they aren't like... Trying to be Brad Pitt the Trucker) are often easy to hang out and communicate with, but tomboyish people... Even if they are extremely so make me feel really incomplete with social/mannerisms/quirks/mindset. Its a mindset. It really is. I don't know, it kind of depresses me whenever I go out with people.
So you say people lean to different sides, even if they are biological male or female, and I agree. I just don't think that most people can lean completely if they were raised a certain way, and had ovaries and stuff. There are probably just some things in their essence that I might never have, and they might never be able to turn off... Its like my self image after years of having this stupid skin-vehicle. Its like Pimp your ride, only its hormones... Cause the car I started off with is really mediocre by comparison... I'm just giving it like... Pink hubcaps or something in this analogy. Some people will see the pink and go, "Oh! Girl Car!" And others will see the exhaust pipe that shoots out black smoke and the mud stains, and engine, and go, "Boy car? What the hell?!"
...
...
-_-'
Quote from: Zythyra on January 14, 2009, 08:19:13 PM
Quote from: Rebis on January 14, 2009, 07:40:39 PM
I've become homogenous now too.
You identify as milk? ;)
Z
Not only milk, but sometimes cream and even cheese.
I'm dairy fluid. :)
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 14, 2009, 10:20:53 PM
Yeah. Basically. If the female were silver, and the male were gold, I'd feel mostly silver with a few impurities. I guess the question is whether or not I should just give in to that nature or to aspire to be what I want. I feel MOSTLY female... I'm just such a freak I sometimes wonder if its possible to ever feel normal as anything...
You're young. Someday you'll feel normal as yourself. Some of us take longer to get there (find ourselves). It's human nature.
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 15, 2009, 07:43:05 AM
Its like the second I get into a social situation with more than one, even the geeky ones, I'm instantly almost disregarded... I'm starting to think people only hang out with me because they pity me or some crap. I also have a really morbid, self-destructive brain.
Most likely, they really like you. You are not accepting that they may just like you. It took me years to realize people like me. It doesn't matter
why. Once you learn to accept it at face value, it feels good.
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 15, 2009, 07:43:05 AM
Its like my self image after years of having this stupid skin-vehicle. Its like Pimp your ride, only its hormones... Cause the car I started off with is really mediocre by comparison... I'm just giving it like... Pink hubcaps or something in this analogy. Some people will see the pink and go, "Oh! Girl Car!" And others will see the exhaust pipe that shoots out black smoke and the mud stains, and engine, and go, "Boy car? What the hell?!"
...
...
-_-'
You might want to find another way to phrase that. If we ever meet, I will be afraid to stand behind you. :laugh:
Quote from: Rebis on January 15, 2009, 08:13:13 AM
Not only milk, but sometimes cream and even cheese.
I'm dairy fluid. :)
Something in the
whey sie moves..... ;D
That was a good one.
Quote from: Rebis on January 15, 2009, 08:25:51 AM
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 15, 2009, 07:43:05 AM
Its like the second I get into a social situation with more than one, even the geeky ones, I'm instantly almost disregarded... I'm starting to think people only hang out with me because they pity me or some crap. I also have a really morbid, self-destructive brain.
Most likely, they really like you. You are not accepting that they may just like you. It took me years to realize people like me. It doesn't matter why. Once you learn to accept it at face value, it feels good.
Then why do I feel like most of them are avoiding me? I'm not to be hung out with on a normal basis... Just long enough to inject some worth into me. Its as if they're all afraid I'm going to kill myself or something. I'm not. Its like now that they know I'm not suicidal or something, now they can COMPLETELY avoid me. Well... Thats just a theory. Maybe I had sex with a goat. How else would people avoid me like this?
I dk. I REALLY hope what you are saying is true.
Quote from: Zythyra on January 15, 2009, 09:34:14 AM
Quote from: Rebis on January 15, 2009, 08:13:13 AM
Not only milk, but sometimes cream and even cheese.
I'm dairy fluid. :)
Something in the whey sie moves..... ;D
boo booo
- the noise of a cow with a cold.
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 15, 2009, 12:27:09 PM
Quote from: Rebis on January 15, 2009, 08:25:51 AM
Quote from: Kara-Xen on January 15, 2009, 07:43:05 AM
Its like the second I get into a social situation with more than one, even the geeky ones, I'm instantly almost disregarded... I'm starting to think people only hang out with me because they pity me or some crap. I also have a really morbid, self-destructive brain.
Most likely, they really like you. You are not accepting that they may just like you. It took me years to realize people like me. It doesn't matter why. Once you learn to accept it at face value, it feels good.
Then why do I feel like most of them are avoiding me? I'm not to be hung out with on a normal basis... Just long enough to inject some worth into me. Its as if they're all afraid I'm going to kill myself or something. I'm not. Its like now that they know I'm not suicidal or something, now they can COMPLETELY avoid me. Well... Thats just a theory. Maybe I had sex with a goat. How else would people avoid me like this?
I dk. I REALLY hope what you are saying is true.
If people are avoiding you, just ignore them.
Like I was going to ignore pica's cow joke before I decided it wasn't that bad at all.
Part of being noticed is being comfortable with yourself. I think people can feel any uneasiness that you have about yourself. ??? I don't know if that helps. And if you still feel like people aren't listening, find someone else. There are always more people out there to meet. Be an optimist. :)
Also, your age might have something to do with it. Certain things calm down as you get older. It takes until about age 25 for all that teenage hormone stuff to normalize.
Quote from: Rebis on January 15, 2009, 03:43:44 PMLike I was going to ignore pica's cow joke before I decided it wasn't that bad at all.
I don't know, I think sie should be ashamed of hirself. :P
Quote from: Jaimey on January 15, 2009, 08:54:19 PM
Part of being noticed is being comfortable with yourself. I think people can feel any uneasiness that you have about yourself. ??? I don't know if that helps. And if you still feel like people aren't listening, find someone else. There are always more people out there to meet. Be an optimist. :)
Also, your age might have something to do with it. Certain things calm down as you get older. It takes until about age 25 for all that teenage hormone stuff to normalize.
Quote from: Rebis on January 15, 2009, 03:43:44 PMLike I was going to ignore pica's cow joke before I decided it wasn't that bad at all.
I don't know, I think sie should be ashamed of hirself. :P
Thanks... I dk. I mean... Obviously I'm hormonal but that doesn't mean I actually bother ACTING on any feelings I have for anyone. All I'm really wanting is friendship and stuff... So... Eh whatever...
Thanks all... D:
I was lonely as hell when I was your age. I had friends but it was still like I was alone in the world.
Quote from: Rebis on January 15, 2009, 10:52:55 PM
I was lonely as hell when I was your age. I had friends but it was still like I was alone in the world.
My problem is that I finally found the type of people I absolutely love to pieces, but I never get to see them. Thanks though...
Think positive! :) *hugs*
So, according to this thread, it sometimes takes time for things to settle? In other words, people sometimes have fluctuating female and male feelings before they either are androgyne or FTM for example? So could male feelings suddenly get stronger, after fluctuating on and off for a time?
-Merrick
Quote from: Merrick on January 21, 2009, 11:00:47 AM
So, according to this thread, it sometimes takes time for things to settle? In other words, people sometimes have fluctuating female and male feelings before they either are androgyne or FTM for example? So could male feelings suddenly get stronger, after fluctuating on and off for a time?
-Merrick
That's been my experience, yes.
Quote from: Merrick on January 21, 2009, 11:00:47 AM
So, according to this thread, it sometimes takes time for things to settle? In other words, people sometimes have fluctuating female and male feelings before they either are androgyne or FTM for example? So could male feelings suddenly get stronger, after fluctuating on and off for a time?
-Merrick
Probably not for binary types. I can't really recall a time I didn't feel male.
Quote from: Nero on January 21, 2009, 11:07:13 AM
Quote from: Merrick on January 21, 2009, 11:00:47 AM
So, according to this thread, it sometimes takes time for things to settle? In other words, people sometimes have fluctuating female and male feelings before they either are androgyne or FTM for example? So could male feelings suddenly get stronger, after fluctuating on and off for a time?
-Merrick
Probably not for binary types. I can't really recall a time I didn't feel male.
I would agree with that, only in my case it's the reverse.
But that's been my own personal experience. And the important thing to realise is that everyone is a unique individual and the experiences they do or do not ungergo are not indicitive of what everyone else will or will not undergo.
Go with what
you feel and what
you think about yourself, rather that what others have told you about themselves. That's the best way to know who you are. Trust your instincts, honey.
Quote from: Merrick on January 21, 2009, 11:00:47 AM
So, according to this thread, it sometimes takes time for things to settle? In other words, people sometimes have fluctuating female and male feelings before they either are androgyne or FTM for example? So could male feelings suddenly get stronger, after fluctuating on and off for a time?
-Merrick
absolutely, yes (for me, anyway)
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on January 21, 2009, 11:02:56 AM
Quote from: Merrick on January 21, 2009, 11:00:47 AM
So, according to this thread, it sometimes takes time for things to settle? In other words, people sometimes have fluctuating female and male feelings before they either are androgyne or FTM for example? So could male feelings suddenly get stronger, after fluctuating on and off for a time?
-Merrick
That's been my experience, yes.
I realized I should have been a bit more explicit in my reply.
I consider myself to be primarily androgyne, but also gender-fluid (genderflux was suggested by someone on this board, but I can't remember who). So for me, how I feel with regards to my gender identity isn't fixed, and it does flucuate.
Quote from: Merrick on January 21, 2009, 11:00:47 AM
So, according to this thread, it sometimes takes time for things to settle? In other words, people sometimes have fluctuating female and male feelings before they either are androgyne or FTM for example? So could male feelings suddenly get stronger, after fluctuating on and off for a time?
This was the case for me too.
Me too. Late last year I had decided to present and live as a gay man and then all of a sudden I got really comfortable with my body. No major event or anything, it just happened. Maybe just facing what I wanted at the time was enough to make that desire settle down a bit. Who knows? :)
Quote from: Merrick on January 21, 2009, 11:00:47 AM
So, according to this thread, it sometimes takes time for things to settle? In other words, people sometimes have fluctuating female and male feelings before they either are androgyne or FTM for example? So could male feelings suddenly get stronger, after fluctuating on and off for a time?
absolutely. i think for a lot of people it works out this way. i felt very male when i first discovered i was trans, but then i started feeling more androgynous and decided to hold off on transition. now i find myself in the same place i was in the beginning. in the mean time tho, don't worry too much about putting a label on yourself. in my experiences, putting labels on yourself really jus causes more stress than its worth
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on January 21, 2009, 05:00:47 PM
I consider myself to be primarily androgyne, but also gender-fluid (genderflux was suggested by someone on this board, but I can't remember who). So for me, how I feel with regards to my gender identity isn't fixed, and it does flucuate.
This is pretty much how it is for me too, although it's during my more gender-fluid periods that I tend to identify as androgyne. When my behavior / interests shift towards being more feminine I tend to identify as a MtF transwoman.
This shifting of identity used to bother me greatly. And it was particularly uncomfortable when I would start moving from feeling more female back towards middle ground. I think a lot of that discomfort may have come from my buying into the whole binary gender thing. I think I placed a higher value on those aspects of myself that I related to as 'female' than I did those things that I related to as more gender-neutral or male.
The shifting still happens, but it doesn't really bother me anymore, I just accept it as being how I am.
(I hope it's okay for my to reply to this thread since I'm not FtM. If not, I apologize - and I will remove it.)~Shannon
Quote from: KYLYKaHYT on January 22, 2009, 06:03:00 AM
This is pretty much how it is for me too, although it's during my more gender-fluid periods that I tend to identify as androgyne. When my behavior / interests shift towards being more feminine I tend to identify as a MtF transwoman.
This shifting of identity used to bother me greatly. And it was particularly uncomfortable when I would start moving from feeling more female back towards middle ground. I think a lot of that discomfort may have come from my buying into the whole binary gender thing. I think I placed a higher value on those aspects of myself that I related to as 'female' than I did those things that I related to as more gender-neutral or male.
The shifting bothers me only from time to time. There are those times when it reminds me of just how isolated I am. There's a trans group that meets really close to home here. I emailed the leader asking if androgynes were welcome, and the reply was yes. Though, there aren't any in the group at this time; I'd be the only one. I haven't actually gone yet as I feel like I'd be crashing at party. The membership of this group is primarily MtF.
Quote from: KYLYKaHYT on January 22, 2009, 06:03:00 AM
(I hope it's okay for my to reply to this thread since I'm not FtM. If not, I apologize - and I will remove it.)
I can't speak for all, but I think it is okay for you to reply to this thread. I value your opinion.
Shannon, it's perfectly fine that you replied :) I value all opinions. :)
-Merrick
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on January 22, 2009, 10:49:38 AM
The shifting bothers me only from time to time. There are those times when it reminds me of just how isolated I am. There's a trans group that meets really close to home here. I emailed the leader asking if androgynes were welcome, and the reply was yes. Though, there aren't any in the group at this time; I'd be the only one. I haven't actually gone yet as I feel like I'd be crashing at party. The membership of this group is primarily MtF.
There is a trans group not far from where I live too, but I've never really bothered to get involved with it. I don't think it's so much because I'd feel like a party crasher though, it's just that I've never really been one for joining clubs and attending organized social events of any kind. For a while I went through the feeling isolated and alienated thing too, but the truth is I'm a rather solitary person by nature anyhow. I've also come to the conclusion that whatever loneliness issues I
do have probably have little to do with my gender issues and are just the standard existential stuff that everybody experiences. Realistically, I'm probably no more alienated and / or isolated than the average cisgendered person.
Quote from: KYLYKaHYT
(I hope it's okay for my to reply to this thread since I'm not FtM. If not, I apologize - and I will remove it.)
Quote from: Shades O'Grey
I can't speak for all, but I think it is okay for you to reply to this thread. I value your opinion.
Thank you. This seems like a really nice board with a lot of really nice people and I'm glad to be able to participate. :)
Post Merge: January 22, 2009, 04:37:04 PM
Quote from: Merrick on January 22, 2009, 01:56:01 PM
Shannon, it's perfectly fine that you replied :) I value all opinions. :)
-Merrick
Thank you Merrick, I very much appreciate that!
BTW, Nice to meet all of you! :)
Quote from: KYLYKaHYT on January 22, 2009, 03:35:04 PM
Thank you. This seems like a really nice board with a lot of really nice people and I'm glad to be able to participate. :)
....
BTW, Nice to meet all of you! :)
I have found the people on this board to be sensitive, imaginative, and fun to be around. It has been a welcome revelation to find there is a place with fewer gender restricions 'Tis a pleasure to meet you; feel free to make yourself one of us.
S