Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: icontact on January 14, 2009, 06:38:13 PM

Title: Depression lifting?
Post by: icontact on January 14, 2009, 06:38:13 PM
Both today and yesterday were the first several moments where people consistently used male pronouns, and not just my girlfriend either. I've been finding that when people use male pronouns, it validates me. I'm not sure how to explain it. But once someone says he, it's like my mind shifts over into totally guy mode, not just shifty-in-the-middle mode, and I have a lot more confidence and it's just wonderful. I just feel more -real- if that makes sense.

I've also noticed that today and yesterday, overlooking the fact that I'm still miserable from being sick, I'm actually in a good mood. I've actually had a good day. I haven't had that angry dark grey cloud over my head and I don't have to worry about the fact that I never know why I have that cloud all the time. I'm just...good. And slightly terrified that it will go away in a few days and I'll be depressed again, but never mind that.

I was wondering if the two could be related? It never really dawned on me to connect the two, because I've been depressed for a few years now and I wasn't sure of being TG until nine or so months ago. But now it just seems like they have to be connected somehow.

Any thoughts? :)
Title: Re: Depression lifting?
Post by: Ender on January 14, 2009, 11:08:44 PM
I've had this happen to me.  For me, I'd say it probably is a validation thing.  For the most part, right now I live my life with a fair amount of anxiety; I can never be 100% sure how someone is perceiving me until they make a call by using gendered pronouns (or, alternatively, using 'they,' 'them,' or even 'it' in reference to me). 

The anxiety lifts whenever I am referred to with male pronouns or my chosen name.  The anxiety actually also lessens if I am referred to with female pronouns.  HOWEVER, I believe the anxiety only lessens because I know what that person perceives me as.  There's something unsettling about not knowing where you stand with someone. In this case, the anxiety is replaced by frustration because, well, they think I'm a girl--which they can hardly be blamed for, but...  >:(

I think I also get what you call the 'shifty-in-the-middle' mode--and that's what causes me all the anxiety.
Title: Re: Depression lifting?
Post by: Jeatyn on January 15, 2009, 01:54:41 PM
I know exactly what you mean

earlier today my nephew referred to me as his uncle in general conversation and it made my day  :P
Title: Re: Depression lifting?
Post by: Yochanan on January 15, 2009, 02:16:46 PM
Yeah, I felt that way when the lady at Que Ricos called me "mijo".