Hi this thread is for the discussion, and sharing with others about how supportive was your family and friends or how not supportive and to what degree were they supportive or not supportive?
Was it an outright violent rejection?
What are your plans that you think may reconcile you with your family?
What do you think that this time around this new attempt will allow them to reconsider the credibility and reality of your new gender?
How did you handle or deal each situation that threatened your own well being and sanity when dealing with both your peers and family?
What positive steps do you take to assure your well being, like for example, jobs, school, relocating, making new friends, settling in and blending in, or as some call it,going stealth, as just another member of society?
How did you accomplish a successful relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend?
How did you deal with the failures with dates?
If you were outed or you outed yourself, how did you deal with the violent feedback from your date?
And lastly, If you have tried and tried but have not succeeded, what plans do you have for the future you think will work for you?
What do you conclude what will make it work this time?
Cindy
It seems like alot of these questions seem to concern violence or danger to oneself due to coming out.
The only person who hasn't taken my confession well is my mother, you can read all about that in my "6 months in" thread below.
I haven't run into any violence yet. I've taken some risks and once told a guy (we'd been friends for a few months prior) when we were alone and I was wayyy too drunk and wayy defenseless. I made it out ok (he was a gentleman), though we really don't talk anymore.
As far as dealing with failure, I've only asked out that one guy. I still look quite male and had no real hope of him being interested, so I didn't go in with very high expectations. If I ever get to a point where I feel confident in my appearance and get turned down I suppose I will look at it as one more out of the way until I find the right one. (or he finds me). If I am turned down resoundingly time and time again, I may invest more time in myself and figure out why it keeps happening. If I determine I can't change it then I will learn to live alone, I will never settle for less than what I want in a man (respect for me as a woman and to an equal degree physical and emotional attraction).
I came out to my wife and 2 friends. The 2 friends are totally accepting and understanding. My wife feels betrayed but also feels bad for me because she knows whats been tormenting me now. She really cant help me because if I try to transition at all she won't stay married to me. I'd probably loose the kids too. :'(
I wont come out to anyone else because they would probably take it like my wife. And it might hurt my wife and kids otherwise I could care less who knew. At this point I can't be hurt but my wife and kids are another story.
They were more supportive than I was to myself.
I have only told people I am very close with though as well. Only one person I told I don't talk to or see anymore, and I'm not sure exactly if it was because of that or our busy schedules. Either way, their loss as I'm too entertaining of a person not to be friends with! :P
When I finally came out and said that I was a woman not a man, it was greeted in my family with disbelief. Even though my wife and adult daughter are educated and live in liberal California, when it came to having a family member be trans, it was and is a huge problem. My wife is now my sister and my daughter avoids communication with me. The acceptance by my wife came only after much pain and argument. She finally had to be convinced that ->-bleeped-<- exists and then that I have it. She did not go quietly. Now, I sleep alone, don't have any intimate contact, and wonder what my future is. I am in the untenable position that I have a small home business that makes enough to put food on the table but not enough to live alone. Then again she doesn't make enough to put food on the table but does pay the rent. So we live together in this truce of sorts, trying to make it as two women sharing a house.
My business customers have taken the news pretty well. No real problems there but business is down some. Then again, with the economy, I can't tell if it is because of me coming out or that people have less to spend on hobbies.
As for friends, I told a couple and they accepted. They weren't close but they said "Whatever makes you happy"
There are no other relatives to tell.
All in all, it is not as nice as I hoped but it is nicer than what I have heard others go through.
I came out when I was 17. I was living with my mother and she couldn't deal with it. She kicked me out and I moved to California. My father disowned me and refused to talk to me. My friends were supportive and really helped me. My best friend charged my SRS to her credit card and let me make monthly payments. She was an angel for me.
A few years after I had SRS I reconnected with my Mom and shortly after my Dad came around. Now we all get along great and they are always asking me to come stay with them. They've come to accept me completely as who I am and I doubt they think of the person I used to be very much.
You just never know who is going to accept you and who isn't and it can be a real surprise.
I lost every single friend and all my family. I did reconnect with my sister a few years later, and we exchange phone calls and the occasional gift these days. But that's it.
My mom and dad were cautious to begin with, but more out of concern that I was unsureinsanenutscrazy than for any "shame" or loss of face - my parents have never really cared all that much about appearances, for which I'm really, really grateful. Today they are totally behind me. My brother said "Oh, okay", and moved on, though he does struggle with making that shift in his head. Relatives and friends ... were supportive for the most part, in email and over the phone, but real life is proving ... strained, so we'll see. Also, I haven't seen many of them in 5, 6 years, so who knows (or cares) really.
Mina.
Hi all, thank you for dropping by and sharing your stories. I believe that in the telling of one's story, one is able to learn from their own experience, as well as possibly enlightening other members participating in this thread.
For some it may be a relatively fresh wound that needs airing out. For others I believe it is also beneficial for them to share how they dealt with their particular situation and how for some who have overcome those obstacles, enabling them to have gone on with their lives.
My story leading into transitioning began in 1998. I had a friend's three children in my care, just a year prior to my plan for coming out full time. My friend had become unable to care for her children because of drug abuse and had to go away for a time. I had those three children in my care for two years. During those two years I met Wing Walker and I began my full time transitioning during the last summer that the children would be under my roof.
That same summer I went full time on the job and the good folks of that small town, surprisingly most readily accepted me for who I presented as. I will forever be grateful for those folks for allowing me my early tentative beginnings as a woman. Unfortunately my family, my only other sibling whom I shared a close relationship with literally turned her back on me and just walked away. That was 9 years ago and it still hurts just as much as if it were yesterday.
I have two nieces who claim they accept me but only at arms length, not in their home. My two daughters left home 9 years ago to make their own living and I haven't heard form them since. Although it was my oldest daughter who supported me the most leading up to my coming out, that much I can be thankful to her for.
I was so grateful for having those three children in my care for that short time, they also helped me come to terms with my transitioning even if they were not aware of it. Can you imagine how proud that made me feel when I was walking about town with my three children in tow? I truly loved those children like they were my own.
I can thank God for my now mate Wing Walker for being in my life and the people I worked with as a social worker. Since then I have undergone the surgery to correct an imperfection of nature down below. This allowed me to feel more deeply the nurturing, intuitive and loving sensitivities for others who are close to me. I may not any longer have blood family but I have many friends I could call as my surrogate family.
I feel like I have finally come home, like I belong with other women. I love sharing all aspects of life, sharing, thoughts, feelings and perspectives on life with other women friends. It is an entirely new concept from the one I remember of the one I use to have.
For the past 20 years I worked as a social worker, the greatest majority of folks I worked with was women.
During this time a romantic loving intimate relationship developed between Wing Walker and I. Having another relationship in this lifetime with another I never dreamed would ever happen to me again.
We got married in Ontario Province Canada four years ago, then moved over half way across the continent to settle down in Vancouver, BC where upon Wing Walker proceeded to arrange for SRS for herself.
9 weeks ago that miracle was realized. We are both as female as medical science can make us. I feel more fulfilled than I ever have any other time in my life. I have new friends, I do volunteer work at a Women's shelter where the participants have become another extension to my surrogate family. What more can I ask for? Pretty well all of my dreams have been fulfilled and I have never been happier in my life.
I believe that after living through thirty years of hell I deserve those nice things that I could only dream of only a few short years ago. A woman in love and loving life? I deserve it! I have found a home for this little story which I hope that I may touch someone else within the pages of my blog. I believe I have paid for my sins in full.
QuoteAll in all, it is not as nice as I hoped but it is nicer than what I have heard others go through.
Hi Maggie Kay, Your story has a resemblance to mine in some aspects. Sweets, things will get better once you find how to fly solo. I will send prayers that all will go as it should, I will send prayers that shall go as it should for all who have participated here.
Cindy.
"9 weeks ago that miracle was realized. We are both as female as medical science can make us. I feel more fulfilled than I ever have any other time in my life. I have new friends, I do volunteer work at a Women's shelter where the participants have become another extension to my surrogate family. What more can I ask for? Pretty well all of my dreams have been fulfilled and I have never been happier in my life"
Hi Cindy, I'm very happy for you. You go girl!! :icon_rockon:
Thank you coolJ , boy if I had a quarter for every time I retold that story I could own a Cadillac. But then I am happy with our 2008 Jeep Liberty. At least I added some and enhanced some for this presentation, but the meaning remains the same. I meant every word I feel truly blessed for having had a wonderful journey in transition. Heck there was only one way to go from where I started out at the bottom of the hole. It proves one thing, if an old bat like me can do it anyone can. :D
Cindy
For me,
Mum recently said love is unconditional and has accepted every part of me and my adopted sister too.
Step-dad was only major negative, a very long story short...told me to leave and go grow a pair, so i did.....
34B looking nicely :)
My sister is not supportive. She is the worst in my family. It his hard to understand sometimes.
I never "came out" - wasn't necessary - anybody with eyes to see know there was "something wrong with me" from very early. I had friends who accepted me as just "different" and others that couldn't quite get their head around me. But my adopted mom wouldn't accept, refused t see what was in front of her eyes and it finally came to me being disowned. At age 24 I left home with a suitcase (and a bank draft) and started all over again.
Hi Northern Jane, you are luckier then me sis, I didn't even have a suitcase, I only just had what I could stuff in two garbage bags and it was in January, lucky it was mild weather at the time. May God Bless, we deserve a good life.
Cindy
For the most part, the reaction from siblings was distant. Some chose silence, some chose to say they accept but don't invite me to family functions, some are accepting but uncomfortable.
My youngest son stopped talking to me and four years later remains silent. My daughter has lived with me, then totally rejected me but has now resumed contact. My step son is reclusive but has been that way all his life.
The rest of the family expressed support but if I don't contact them there's no correspondence or communication.
Before I was out I was included in just about everything. Since then I'm excluded from just about everything. Gender presentation is more important than love, blood or a lifetime together. Lesson learned.
Julie
When I came out, I think it was some were supportive and some weren't. My wifes side of our family rejected me but we rejected them before this all happened. So that was a wash. My wife fully supported me which is really all that counted. My daughter was in full support but my son wasn't and we haven't talked in over 6 or 7 years and he only lives about 3 miles from us. My mom is fully in support, in fact she gave me a birthday card when I had my surgery. I don't have a dad. My sister says that she finally has a sister to talk to and my brother is well he is the same. He never talks. We visited him about 2 years ago and he bought us all dinner so I guess he isn't bothered by me. My friends well some kind of distance themselves while others wanted to be in my life more. I get mixed reactions from my new friends at my new job. Some don't care some don't want anything to do with me. As far as my new job goes, fully in support, in fact the supervisor told me that if any word is negative let her know and she will deal with it. I have been there for almost 5 years. I retired from my last job but they made some changes in their policies about transgendered people since I retired. I really haven't had anything bad happen to me and every place I go I'm accepted as female. I guess I pass or they put on a great show.
Hi this thread is for the discussion, and sharing with others about how supportive was your family and friends or how not supportive and to what degree were they supportive or not supportive?
Was it an outright violent rejection?
My sister was cautious.
My brother was angry.
My mother said, "I'm not surprised," and has been very supportive.
What are your plans that you think may reconcile you with your family?
My mother has been helping my siblings with this and it appears to be working.
What do you think that this time around this new attempt will allow them to reconsider the credibility and reality of your new gender?
My sister - yes, though she still calls me by my old name.
My brother - not yet. He is still working on understanding.
How did you handle or deal each situation that threatened your own well being and sanity when dealing with both your peers and family?
To date, this has not been a problem. I plan to take some self-defense classes when i can afford them.
I am more concerned when I am out with my kids than when I am alone.
Even so, my eyes never stop watching.
What positive steps do you take to assure your well being, like for example, jobs, school, relocating, making new friends, settling in and blending in, or as some call it,going stealth, as just another member of society?
My school administration, students, faculty and parents have been outstanding.
How did you accomplish a successful relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I haven't had a relationship at this point. While I miss the companionship, I don't know if I
am ready for a relationship. Would probably be a girlfriend. Besides, somehow, I think my
course plot is going to take me in a different direction.
friends family and everyone so far has been VERY accepting. My parents took it hard at first, mostly cause they felt bad and guilty that i was dealing with this alone for so long. And took them a bit to come up to speed and get comfortable with what was happening and what transition would mean, etc.
My wife is also crazy supportive. It took her pretty much only 2 days to get deal with it. For her she realized that this was what i needed for happiness. Plans are to stay together at this point, and things look good.
Mom and dad are both supportive and accepting. However, they say they need time to assimilate the news. Mom is a little... annoyed I think and bordering on not believing it due to her "not having seen it". Its as if she believes that because she herself didn't notice anything I must be mistaken. They are both pretty quiet about it actually... mom has been a bit helpful with this and that but dad hasn't said anything about it since I told them. Mom has a bit of a heart condition and so tells me that she can't get upset so she cant think about it for too long at a time and the same goes for my sister only more so. I have been instructed *not* to tell my sister right now because she also has a heart condition and can't get upset. Neither my mothers' side of the family nor my fathers' know anything and to be honest probably won't for many years if at all. I was contacted by an old friend the other day. I hadn't seen him nor talked to him since the early 90's. He reacted wonderfully to it, said it wasn't something you hear every day and remarked about how much courage it must have taken me to come out. He really surprised me with his reaction actually...pleasantly. Mom, dad and sister... will just have to take more time.
Hi, Jamie hon, what are you doing for yourself in the meantime? Have you made any plans to consult with a therapist and set a time to start HRT? How urgent do you feel the necessity to start transitioning? How severe is your GID at this time?
It is good and it is considerate of you to be willing to give your parents time to adjust to the idea but you need to begin doing something for yourself as well. Maybe bring your mom with you on one of your sessions with your therapist will help her to understand better about the phenomenon of transsexualism.
Anyway, I will pray that all goes as it should for you.
Cindy
I don't know what to think...
All friends have been supportive in at least some way. One of them (very predictably) had a hard time handling it, but I guess he's better now.
Mom, being the only one in the family I've told has been very mixed. I came out to her several years ago, and back then it was like "It's a phase." and stuff like that. I recently sort of re came out to her and things looked better... But she still doesn't understand and she's making it painfully clear. So painfully clear I really don't want to be around her. =/
The first person I came out to and I were together for almost four months, but she broke up with me because she wasn't feeling up to a relationship. I know she's the one, though. To have somebody enter a relationship with you knowing your transgendered and also be perfect in every other way is something that is likely never going to be seen again.
So I'm holding out for when she's ready again.
And my mom... She just really doesn't get it. As I said it's painful to be around her. I've been wanting to get some girl's pajama's lately just to wear around the house and she's done nothing but try to convince me to go with "unisex" pajama's that are oh so conveniently placed in the guy's section.
She doesn't understand how sick I am of being "unisex". It's not me.
She also has not even come close to calling me by Emily or female pronouns at all. In fact over the past few years (before I recame out to her) she started adding "Mr." to the front of my name, which was just like "What? That's too much." for me, and even after I recame out to her she still did it and I finally had to tell her that I could not tolerate that. She seemed shocked that I didn't want to be called that. Really shocked.
And that is proof she doesn't understand.
How supportive were my family and friends??
Hmmm....I think I'll title this "A Trek Through Hell To Happiness", and I'll start with the most important people in my life.
On The Bright Side
My wife loves me......Beverly. In her own words "more than the sun, the moon, and the stars". In the life experience of being transsexual, it's the best you could ever ask for. We are more loving and intimate, actually, than before. She would be heartbroken if I ever even tried 'going back' to Mike.
My children are adults, and accept me totally. My son's acceptance is absolute, although he is still a bit confused, and at first felt a little betrayed by a father figure he looked up to all his life who transitioned to a woman. But he loves me just the same.
My grandsons love me to pieces (almost literally sometimes), and to them, I am Nanna.
My sisters are perfectly fine with me being Bev. When I told my younger sister 2 years ago, she said "woo hoo! This is the best news I've heard this year!". My older sister could not see Bev at first, through a haze of a lifetime of "Mike" imprinting, and took a while longer, although her partner could see right away (yup......that'sa girl alrighty). She told me later she cried a few days, and when I asked her why, she said, "It took a while for me to get used to knowing that you're a lesbian". Wow. Okay LOL.
Losing It
I lost all my so-called fiends in the wink of an eye. Gone.....just like that. Marcy and I lost our church family the same way.....in the wink of an eye. A largish congregation, about 1200. Even our (EX!) pastor never responded to my email to him. With the exception of about three people in that church, we were, and still are, effectively "shunned".
At work, I lost all my other so-called friends, and spent almost a year working essentially alone in an otherwise sociable sales group.
Happy Ending
Okay....so where's the silver lining in this monologue?
Well, for every so-called friend I lost, I gained four that liked me for who I am. At work, the old so-called friends finally became friendly, semi-caring associates, and I'm back in the circle again with new respect.
We're in a new church now, as an openly same-sex marriage, and are welcomed by all, as far as we can tell. They listed us in the church as Mrs and Mrs Beverly _______
AND, the very best part....we're still very romantically in love.
Finally,
Mrs and Mrs
Well maybe some day the stars will line up and we, me and Wing Walker, will meet you Miss Bev, I would love to get to know you. I didn't have the luck you did with the family although there is nothing more I wish then to see then again before I buy me that ticket for the Intergalactic Grey Hound bus. But much of the rest of my story is similar.
Cindy
When I came out 25 years ago, my Dad's reaction was "not in my house". At the time I was living with them so it became a nesseccity to go back in the old closet, for 25 years.
The first of this year I again came out to my wife and step son. They both hatched a plan for divorce and sell the house. So I was cast out to be on my own and to sink or swim so to speak. I not only swam, I am doing the backstroke and enjoying the water.
The funny thing is that they separated because of major problems I was swore to never tell. But now she has come back to me as a friend. She told her family and at first it was throw him out. But now they refer to me as Janet and her, at least by report.
My daughter and sons know now. My daughter accepts me and we have had some good chats. My oldest son wants nothing to do with me. My middle son has contacted me and we have chatted some, nothing really close. My youngest knows but has never contacted me.
The only bad thing that has happened by coming out is the loss of my home and my wife. Thank the gods that my folks are both gone now, as I know my Mom would never understand as she had Alzhimer's. And my Dad would have not taken it well and I could not accept his death because of this.
Work is going well as is the rest of my life, for the most part. Nothing that a little, Ok a lot of money wouldn't help.
Janet
Hi Janet hon, the way I see it nothing went any worst then expected of us ladies in the making. ;D Actually I believe you took the bull by the horns and made some beef stew, what else can you ask for. Money, eh, whose got any of that stuff. If you count those deer poo poo carefully you will end up with lots of bucks.
Cindy
Hi Cindy! I came out to my mother one night on the phone. I was at my lowest level of depression ever and among other things broke down into some heavy crying. I told her I had something to tell her, and her first question was, "are you gay?". I said no and explained. She essentially said everything would be okay and turned out to be very supportive. In a letter she sent me afterwards, she said she wasn't surprised because of the way I was as a child, but she never elaborated. She informed my sisters, who were also very supportive. They had even told their children that they were getting a new aunt. My step-father, while he wasn't angry about it, was not supportive either. After a few months, he managed to be accepting.
My wife, on the other hand, was not at all pleased. I had already started therapy when I came out to her. She was angry and upset. We argued often and she became quite distant. I talked her into attending my last therapy session, which was required by my therapist. On our ride back home, she said she felt like we had "ganged up" on her. Because of my commitment (vows) and my feelings for her, I stopped my transition. Now, I've begun again, fully aware that my marriage will likely dissolve. Not really a choice. I'm really very tired of living a lie.
It was a little easier for me because I didn't come out. I was fairly consistant with my feminine persona throughout and there wasn't any great change involved in my life.
Hi Katherine, that is good that you have your family behind you. It is so much better to begin transition with support. I didn't have support of family but I did have a small group of women friends who rallied around me gave me clothes, a lot of suggestions, and emotional support, which I badly needed at the start of my coming out.
As for my mother, God bless her soul, I believe she knew something was different about me. She caught me dressing up on several different occasions and never said anything. Looking back on it some years later I realise that even if she would have wished for me to find the right help she wouldn't have known where to send me, back then in the 60's transsexualism wasn't a very well known word, and back then it wasn't as easy to access any help like it is today.
So yes I think if a mom is close to their child they know things about that child that the child probably doesn't even realize about themselves. But when it comes to the phenomena of transsexuality "Oh my, Oh Dread!" Then they go into denial until the beast can no longer be hidden.
Before I came out all I could think of and aspired to do was to be closer to family, to be able to show my true feelings.
I try to put all of that stuff with family behind me, it hurts to mush to dwell on for to long. I believe myself to be a kind sensitive gentle person, always have been, I was always the quiet type, I kept to myself because people wouldn't understand even if I said anything I had in my mind and heart.
Yet I was there for anyone who needed help. I consider myself a good person, I just don't understand why they would want to be cruel to me, I am not cruel to anyone. I just don't understand that so this is why I try to keep it out of mind.
May God bless all of you who still have family rallying behind you.
Cindy
Quote from: cindybc on January 25, 2009, 11:51:12 PM
Well maybe some day the stars will line up and we, me and Wing Walker, will meet you Miss Bev, I would love to get to know you. I didn't have the luck you did with the family although there is nothing more I wish then to see then again before I buy me that ticket for the Intergalactic Grey Hound bus. But much of the rest of my story is similar.
Cindy
That would indeed be very cool, Cindy, Wing Walker. We do seem to have some things in common for sure. As you said......if the cosmic lines intersect just so some day. Those lines intersected just so last Fall, and I was able to visit with Chef Annagirl for lunch. We walked from her office to the TS Buffet. LOL....yes, there really is such a place. The intention, I believe, was for the sign to read "T's Buffet".
Anyway, we had a lovely time, and our 45 minute lunch lasted 4 -1/2 hours! There was just so much to share. It was a blast. So, sure. Some day if Marcy and I can scrape enough nickels together, it would be very nice.
Bev
Or if it should be you can make it out to Seattle we could meet there or Vancouver, they are only a little over 100 miles apart. We are planing on going out east sometime to visit a friend on Long Island but not certain when that will be. Might be going down to California to meet a friend this summer but it is all only just maybes at this time. Well I can only pray that if it be that the stars and the cosmic lines intersect then be it. Did you visit Washington DC area? Wing Walker use to live there up to 4 years ago.
Cindy
Quote from: cindybc on January 26, 2009, 10:39:29 PM
....... Did you visit Washington DC area? Wing Walker use to live there up to 4 years ago.
Cindy
Then he lived very close to me. I'm a 45 minute drive away. Visit DC? No, not if I don't have to (sorry Chris). I'm a sub-suburban woman. Don't like the cities much, although downtown and metro DC was part of my sales territory a decade ago.
I live on a part of the Chesapeake Bay, quiet area, a little slower life style. Marcy dragged me over here 22 years ago, kicking and screaming all the way, but now you couldn't drag me off the eastern shore. I'm lovin' it!
Bev
Wing Walker lived in the DC area for 29 years, DC, Maryland, and Virginia suburbs. She lived in Crofton and Linthicum Heights for a time and loves the Bay. She also misses the few oysters available and says that she can still crack a crab with the best of them. She's curious to know if you live in Anne Arundel County.
I hear you about living out where it's quieter, Wing Walker and I are seriously thinking on moving either late summer or fall to White Rock, closer to the countryside. But still only about 25 miles out of Vancouver. I don't want to get to far away because I still work part time at the woman's shelter down town.
I have an interview with Kate, the Executive Director for the position as Casual Program Assistant. Just to say I started out just volunteering last year. Needless to say I am excited. I guess that proves that some of us old hippies have still got what it takes. "hee, hee," I have another hippie friend working there as well, and I love swapping stories with her. Goodness, I talk to much, I think I better get myself to bed.;D
Have a wonderful day
Cindy
I eventually plan to come to my parents but thats a ways way off. I have come out to some people I know. The ones who I thought werent gonna be accepting were ??? and the ones who I thought were, well they sure as hell proved me wrong :D
I didn't ever come out. I was never in. My path was pretty much on track from an early age. There were no surprises and the reaction has been much better than I thought it would be.
Thats good to hear.
Hi Naturally Blonde, that's a good attitude to have, everything should work out fine if you have already started at an early age, you should be aware of the possible hazardous pitfalls in life that you should be wary of as well. No different then any of the other young ladies out there should be aware of and be cautious of.
Cindy
Quote from: cindybc on February 02, 2009, 12:54:56 AM
Hi Naturally Blonde, that's a good attitude to have, everything should work out fine if you have already started at an early age, you should be aware of the possible hazardous pitfalls in life that you should be wary of as well. No different then any of the other young ladies out there should be aware of and be cautious of.
Cindy
Hi Cindy, I did start at an early age but that was 20 or more years ago! but it helped develop the way I was going so there wasn't any surprises later on..
Hi Naturally Blonde
Well you have 11 years up on me. When I started out I wasn't planing on having a partner and I didn't drink so that eliminated about 80% of the chances of ending up in the wrong places and getting hurt. As it is I only got hurt once and that was enough to teach me a lesson, don't wander around alone on the streets after dark on deserted streets.
But two years after I started I met another MtoF TS and four years later I went for SRS and we got married in Ontario the following year and we been living together for the past four years now. I'm happy, probably the happiest I ever been for a good many years. So it can be done, you can transition and find peace and happiness in life.
I left all the crap behind me the day I decided to transition.
I do pray all went well for you. So few of us still in transition appear to find that elusive peace and happiness. The thing is that It is not something on the exterior or something that will please the exterior to look fore, it's an inside job.
Cindy
The only person so far other than my doctors, my TS group, my HR department at work and some online friends that i have come out to is my stepfather and i just did this last Friday, it went totally different than i expected because he is pretty religious and 89 years old, and a few months ago when i told him i was seeing a therapist he kinda shut down and didn't want to talk about it, but so far i have his support, my step sister i think will be supportive but I'm pretty sure my step brother and his wife will not, they didn't like me before so i don't think things will change now. I plan on telling one of my good friends maybe as soon as Saturday because i think she is starting to put things together like me wearing nail polish, woman's jeans and Reboks along with a few other physical changes, shes a very open minded person and a few months ago when i told her about seeing a therapist, it was like doesn't everyone.
Paula.
My family all accepted me, however in an early conversation, my mother said that I must present male when visiting, and that she wouldn't use female pronouns for me, since I was her son. Over the years since then, we've had some truly amazing conversations about transgender. We have both made considerable effort to understand each other.
I lost some friends and colleagues because of my transition, and it still hurts deeply.
Z
That is wonderful that you have a female friend or two that are supportive and willing to help with some tips. I had two of the girls from my work who were close friends that rallied around me as well when I came out.
I remember at one time when the only time one heard about someone seeing a shrink, they were either rich or a movie star. Like you had to have status to see a shrink or more money then brains. These spoiled bratz went to see their shrink because they didn't know how to deal with a broken nail.
They laid down on this leather upholstered couch and the shrink sat on a straight back chair with a writing pad and pencil making notes. Always that one window to the right, I use to wonder if that window wasn't there for the suicidals.
Jeeeeees I think it would have been more fun sitting in a confessional listening to the same old sins over and over again then to be a shrink back then. Well, so it appeared to be when I was a little kid anyway. Back when we owned our first black and white TV. "hee, hee, hee." ;D
Cindy
Post Merge: February 04, 2009, 12:53:52 PM
Hi Zethra you are most welcome to drop by and visit if you are ever in Vancouver sometime. ;D
Cindy
Quote from: cindybc on February 04, 2009, 12:49:10 PM
Hi Zethra you are most welcome to drop by and visit if you are ever in Vancouver sometime. ;D
Cindy
I look forward to that Cindy, I bet we'd be up half the night talking and laughing ;D
Z
I would enjoy that. I sometimes talk to much but no one seems to mind much. ;D I love telling stories, tall tales and real ones.
Cindy
I came out in November 2003.
QuoteWas it an outright violent rejection?
I expected the worst, but surprised a majority of my family supported me. Since my mother and brother weren't around, they couldn't say anything against that.
QuoteWhat are your plans that you think may reconcile you with your family?
My cousin and cousin-in-law, when I visit, ask me to dress andrognymously and the only feminine attire is wearing underwear.
QuoteWhat do you think that this time around this new attempt will allow them to reconsider the credibility and reality of your new gender?
I tell them--get used to it, [person's name].
QuoteHow did you accomplish a successful relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend?
That wasn't a factor since I'm already in a relationship with my wife (Angela.) She doesn't mind that after the change, that she'll be a lesbian. Angela and I have been married after I graduated high school in May 2001.
Was it an outright violent rejection?
Mom: Cried and said she would always hate this but love me regardless
Dad: Anger and lots of it, even after 8 months I'm still getting mixed messages from him
Sister: Hated it but now don't really care and talks to me ALOT more than what she did originally
Brother: Didn't care or so I thought, now he hates my guts or so it seems
Best Friend David: Knew what I was going to say before I even said it, wasn't surprised but was a bit confused at first, now he is just same old same old as though nothing has changed which really it hasn't I just went from Josh to Carolyn
Best Friend Damion: Didn't care at first (He was planning to kill himself at the end of 2008 so yea) Now he is my awesome boyfriend!
Friend James: Up and Down, even now but mostly up (He just wants to kick my ass one last time or so he thinks he can)
Friend Andrew: My Ex-Boyfriend now, mainly he is an ->-bleeped-<-, but for the most part he is back to his old self.
What are your plans that you think may reconcile you with your family?
Mom tries to help but for the most part I don't deal will my family anymore, just my mom and my sister I try not to be around my dad or brother.
What do you think that this time around this new attempt will allow them to reconsider the credibility and reality of your new gender?
Mom is still having a hard time but she doesn't use my old name as much.
Sister is just nicer to me in general
Brother and Dad I only talk to them if I'm kicking there asses in a Video Game (SSBB)
How did you handle or deal each situation that threatened your own well being and sanity when dealing with both your peers and family?
I have some training in Ninjutsu so I know how to defend myself or hide from someone if necessary, I also know have to use the art of deception, and I am very good at Stealth.
What positive steps do you take to assure your well being, like for example, jobs, school, relocating, making new friends, settling in and blending in, or as some call it,going stealth, as just another member of society?
I don't interact with mainstream society I am basically an outcast among outcasts and for being such people just tend to leave me alone
How did you accomplish a successful relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend?
My boyfriend has been my friend for over 8 years before we started going out.