I had top surgery on Jan. 9. When my surgeon removed the bandages a few days later, I was shocked by how terribly butchered I looked. I was literally speechless. Opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out.
I tried to take it in stride, though -- crossed my fingers that it'd look better as it heals. But it looks even worse as I heal. Someday I'll fill you all in about what it looks like. I'm not up for that right now, though.
I can barely stand seeing myself in the mirror. I can barely stand taking off my shirt to shower. My dysphoria is off the charts.
Honestly, it was less traumatic having breasts. At least when I had breasts, I could cope by reassuring myself they'd be gone someday. But now... they are gone (sort of... he left tons of tissue behind) and I'm supposed to be free of hunching my shoulders and layering shirts, etc. But I'm actually more ashamed of my chest than I was before.
I feel traumatized like I've never before in my life.
I paid $6,000 for this butchered mess -- a mess I'm going to live with for the rest of my life. I can't afford to have someone fix this. My surgeon has said he'd do some "touch ups," but I can't even imagine allowing him to lay a finger on me again. Also, this mess requires more than "touching up." It needs another full surgery, IMO.
I'm devastated. Absolutely devastated. Beside myself with grief. I don't know if I can live like this. :'(
I don`t know what to say other than I`m so sorry you have to feel this way. I sure hope that healing over time will make a difference for you.
Angie :-*
Did you have peri or DI? And have you looked at photos of what other people look soon after surgery? It does seem pretty soon after your surgery to be able to tell how it's going to turn out in the end. If not, though, I hope you can get revisions. I've seen some really good fix-ups done. In the meantime, does it look ok in a shirt?
Dennis
Aw I am so very sorry Benjamin. Is there any legal recourse you can take?
Mina.
I'm so sorry to hear this, bud. That's messed up. What surgeon was it?
No doubt its crappy advice, but I'd wait a bit before letting too much sadness take hold. Such surgery is invasive and traumatic, and I bet it takes most people months and months to heal correctly.
I'm sorry you feel this way Benjamin. Like you said you wait ages and spend all of your money on having this surgery and you should be thrilled. Like Tekla said wait a while and see, if not I hope you can build up some courage to get some revisions. Also what surgeon was it?
I'm really sorry about how your surgery turned out, Benjamin.
Perhaps it will look better when the tissue has had time to heal.
I can understand that right now you don't want that surgeon near your body. Hopefully he/she understands your position and another surgeon can do the touch-ups without extra costs.
Take care of yourself.
Benjamin, that's awful. I totally feel for you, man, and rather than echo what the rest of folks have said, I'll just say hang in there, because something has to turn around.
One echo: please let us know who the surgeon was; if you want to just IM those of us who ask, please do, so none of us make the same mistake. Sorry you're going through this.
SD
Thank you all for your comments and support. I'll respond more tomorrow; I'm on my way out the door right now. But for now, to put your minds at ease about who the surgeon is...
I'd rather not mention his name here (PM me if you'd like to know), but FYI, he's in southern New Hampshire, USA. Unlikely any of you will encounter him. (Lucky for you!)
Hey there Benjamin. Dennis' advise is right on the money. It takes a while for the site to heal and start to resemble what you envisioned. I know after my vaginoplasty that i looked absolutely horrendous when they removed my dressings. But nature took it's course and as each day passed it got better and better.
While i can understand your disappointment at this point in time you may want to consider writing about your experience so that we can publish it for the record so to speak, and it's okay to name names.
steph
Hang in there, man. Have you had the chance to look at photos of other results from the first month post-op? I'll echo Steph's remark that after vagino I was a little horrified at how puffy/swollen I was (among other things), but that as the months go by the changes are significant.
Lia
Quote from: Dennis on February 02, 2009, 09:04:03 AM
Did you have peri or DI? And have you looked at photos of what other people look soon after surgery? It does seem pretty soon after your surgery to be able to tell how it's going to turn out in the end. If not, though, I hope you can get revisions. I've seen some really good fix-ups done. In the meantime, does it look ok in a shirt?
Dennis
- I had DI... sort of. He said it was
not DI, but the incisions do appear like guys' who've had DI. So I'm not sure what he means. He did not do nipple grafts, and did not resize of the nipples and areola. I know that can be done at some other time... but at this point, based upon how the rest of my chest looks, I would not let him touch me with a 10-foot pole.
- Before surgery, I had viewed at least 200 photos (on Transter) of people who'd just had surgery. Which is why, when I saw my chest for the first time, I was speechless. It was so far off from anything I'd seen.
- No, it doesn't look OK in a shirt. :( Even my spouse -- who is normally a voice of reason, an optimist who doesn't upset easily -- told me I should probably start binding again until someone is able to fix this. (He's been in tears about this, too.) My 'breasts' show more now than they did before surgery. Except, now, binding is more challenging because the areas that need to be bound are solid lumps instead of normal fatty breast tissue.
About fix-ups: Were the fix-ups you've seen over the years done by the same surgeon who had made the mess to begin with? (I know that even excellent surgeons may need to revise something. But this guy is not excellent.)
Quote from: mina.m->-bleeped-<-ie link=topic=54691.msg341025#msg341025 date=1233587255
Aw I am so very sorry Benjamin. Is there any legal recourse you can take?
Mina.
Good question. If it comes to it, I will sue to cover the expenses of revisions with a different surgeon. Being so soon after the surgery, I'd bet a lawyer would probably tell me I need to wait a few months to see what my final results are. (True, Dennis?) It's so clear this will not heal correctly. But only time will tell the whole story.
Quote from: link=topic=54691.msg341036#msg341036 date=1233588373
I'm so sorry to hear this, bud. That's messed up. What surgeon was it?
A guy in southern New Hampshire, USA.
Quote from: steph on February 02, 2009, 04:03:52 PM
While i can understand your disappointment at this point in time you may want to consider writing about your experience so that we can publish it for the record so to speak, and it's okay to name names.
steph
Good idea. I will try to remember to do so. (As if I'm going to forget about this.)
Is it against site rules to PM photos to people who are interested?
Here's my best attempt at describing my appearance:
Above my nipples, things look good. But starting at the nipple area and down: My areolas protrude like pointy ant hills (around an inch high) because he didn't remove enough tissue underneath that area. And my nipples are stuck in the "on" position.... large and erect. About double the size of a pencil eraser.
Underneath the nipple/areola area, there are huge "overhangs" of tissue (and skin? fat?). So much so that they look like breasts. They're about 4-1/2 inches in length, with a circumference of about an inch and a half. My large "ant hill" areolas are pointing downward into the large "overhangs."
The last time I saw my surgeon, he said he could touch-up things using a local anesthetic in his office. But... man, I'm no surgeon... but... I think my chest needs more revising than small "in office" touch-ups.
Anyhow.... thank you all so much for your input and concern. Means the world to me and my spouse.
Ben
wow. it sounds like he tried to do peri or something. i don't get how he could leave that much tissue. i really hope you can have this fixed. sounds awful.
i can only imagine how you must be feeling. this surgery means so much to us and then to have it come out like that... so sorry man. :(
Ouch, yeah, it doesn't sound like the normal omg post-surgery look. Is it possible that some of the lump stuff is from your seroma?
I think you would have to wait a while before suing, but you should check with a local lawyer. I've seen Brownstein do some spectacular stuff with revisions, and I've also seen some done by the same surgeon who did the initial surgery that turned out well. I can see why you wouldn't want to let the same guy take a second crack at it, but here, if you are suing someone who did a crappy job, you are supposed to give them the opportunity to fix it before you sue. I've never touch medical malpractice so I don't know if that principal applies in those cases. You can probably get a consult with a lawyer who will tell you what the law is where you live.
Had this guy done FtM chest surgery before?
Dennis
Benjamin,
Can't say any more than has already been said, so sorry.
I don't know if you have done this or others have suggested it but you must take photo's from all angles as soon as possible and every week and dated just in case you need to go to court.
Stardust
A lot's already been said but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry it messed up for you :( hopefully it will improve over time.
I second the idea of taking photos in case you do have to sue (which I definitely would, if it doesn't improve)
Ditto on Brownstein's revisions. I witnessed a pretty miraculous transformation of his firsthand. It was unreal.
Benjamin, I'm a native of that part of the planet. i'd really like info on his guy to dissuade old friends from using him if you're comfortable with sharing.
Quote from: Dennis on February 03, 2009, 09:17:32 AM
Ouch, yeah, it doesn't sound like the normal omg post-surgery look. Is it possible that some of the lump stuff is from your seroma?
I think you would have to wait a while before suing, but you should check with a local lawyer. I've seen Brownstein do some spectacular stuff with revisions, and I've also seen some done by the same surgeon who did the initial surgery that turned out well. I can see why you wouldn't want to let the same guy take a second crack at it, but here, if you are suing someone who did a crappy job, you are supposed to give them the opportunity to fix it before you sue. I've never touch medical malpractice so I don't know if that principal applies in those cases. You can probably get a consult with a lawyer who will tell you what the law is where you live.
Had this guy done FtM chest surgery before?
Dennis
About the seroma, which seems to be resolved: The side that had the seroma, yes, has a little more lumpy stuff than the other side.
Yes, he's done around 6 FTM surgeries before. Not a lot; but not none. I'd love to talk with some of the other FTMs he's worked on. I sense he's "winging it" when doing this type of surgery. And the "winging it" is why I'm leary of allowing him to tweak with me any further. My gut tells me the tweaking would be just more of his "winging it" as opposed to his truly knowing exactly what technique should be used.
Quote from: Jeatyn on February 03, 2009, 12:40:49 PM
I second the idea of taking photos in case you do have to sue (which I definitely would, if it doesn't improve)
Yes... good idea from Stardust!
Quote from: Mister on February 03, 2009, 02:47:02 PM
Ditto on Brownstein's revisions. I witnessed a pretty miraculous transformation of his firsthand. It was unreal.
Benjamin, I'm a native of that part of the planet. i'd really like info on his guy to dissuade old friends from using him if you're comfortable with sharing.
I'm PM you about the doc. I'm afraid to say too much about him at this point. Afraid it'll get back to him.
I wish I could go to Brownstein. I have tons of issues which would make it so difficult to get there. Financial issues, medical issues, etc. I wonder if Brownstein would be willing to at least take a look at a few pics and tell me what he could do if, by some miracle, I could get myself out there.
Wow. Sorry to hear what happened. :(
Do you have benefits? The surgeon I'm going to (recommended to me by others) may be able to help and have it covered (not sure but it's worth asking). PM me if you are interested (she and her plastic surgeon associate are in NYC).
I'm sure Brownstein would give you his opinion. He does free consults via emailed photos all the time. Might want to wait a bit for your chest to settle down, but give it a shot.
Quote from: Mister on February 03, 2009, 07:24:56 PM
I'm sure Brownstein would give you his opinion. He does free consults via emailed photos all the time. Might want to wait a bit for your chest to settle down, but give it a shot.
Thanks... I will. :)
Waiting for things to settle down is the hardest part. I know it's necessary, but... not easy. As we all can relate to, I've already waited so long for this surgery and was so looking forward to entering this spring and summer with no bras/binding/layers, etc.
I can't make a comment as I don't know much about Female to Male surgery..
I'm sorry my friend. I hope you can get it sorted out.
Just wanted to add my condolences. Really wish I could help you out in some way. It makes me angry that you're having to go through this. >:(
Thanks. It's been around 2 weeks since I started this topic. My chest does not look any better.
However, last week my surgeon and I had a frank discussion about it (a calm discussion -- not a "heated" one). I'm now cautiously optimistic after hearing his explanation of the revisions he wants to make.
At the very least, I was relieved to know he could, yes, see how bad things look! I had been wondering about that!
Some of the revisions (resizing the nipple/areola) were ones that we had already discussed and had agreed upon before my first surgery. So I had already been sorta OK with how ugly they are at the moment. But time will tell how the rest of it turns out.
Revision is scheduled for April. I'll hope for the best, but I'm still nervous.
In the meantime, I still cringe everytime I look at myself. :-\
Is binding a good idea? There is still swelling.
I'm sorry he made such a mess. If it were me I would have asked for a refund and/or even called my lovely lawyer friend. I'm not sure if that'd be a good solution for you but my gut reaction is that you don't have to take the botched work and accept it as what you got for the money spent.
Ug. I'm sure the wait will be terrible just like waiting before, except now you feel like you should be able to get away with post-op things that you can't. I'm sorry. So lame.
I hope your revisions take care of everything and that they go much better than the original surgery.
Quote from: Rebis on February 21, 2009, 09:35:37 AM
Is binding a good idea? There is still swelling.
Good question. I don't bind all the time. Only when I wear something in public that happens to accentuate the problem. And the swelling isn't true swelling. Not sure how to explain this in writing, but... it's like hard skin/scar/something-or-other type stuff. Not "injury"' type swelling.
The surgeon has told me to massage the area (deep kneading) to try to break up the scar tissue. So far, it does seem to be breaking things up a bit -- softening the area. I would assume the softer the tissue, the more likely to get good results with a revision.
Quote from: Miniar on February 21, 2009, 11:09:19 AM
I'm sorry he made such a mess. If it were me I would have asked for a refund and/or even called my lovely lawyer friend. I'm not sure if that'd be a good solution for you but my gut reaction is that you don't have to take the botched work and accept it as what you got for the money spent.
My lawyer friend has recommended a good lawyer -- for
if I end up asking for a refund, and
if the surgeon refuses.
I agree, I will not accept a bad outcome. But I think I need, for now, to let my surgeon do the fixes he has in mind, and then see where to go from there.
Bummer thing, though, is I ask myself: What if he fixes it enough to be acceptable, but not enough for my chest to look as good as it could have had I gone to someone like Brownstein.
Quote from: Kayden on February 23, 2009, 03:57:53 AM
Ug. I'm sure the wait will be terrible just like waiting before, except now you feel like you should be able to get away with post-op things that you can't. I'm sorry. So lame.
I hope your revisions take care of everything and that they go much better than the original surgery.
Thank you, Kayden, as well as everyone else who's offered their support and advice.
QuoteI agree, I will not accept a bad outcome. But I think I need, for now, to let my surgeon do the fixes he has in mind, and then see where to go from there.
Bummer thing, though, is I ask myself: What if he fixes it enough to be acceptable, but not enough for my chest to look as good as it could have had I gone to someone like Brownstein.
Maybe it would be a good idea to take photos, email them around to a bunch of surgeons and compare what they think should be done v. your original surgeon? Nothing wrong with being able to make empowered, informed decisions.
Quote from: Mister on February 23, 2009, 02:21:55 PM
Maybe it would be a good idea to take photos, email them around to a bunch of surgeons and compare what they think should be done v. your original surgeon? Nothing wrong with being able to make empowered, informed decisions.
I agree. I've been thinking about doing that.
Sorry to hear that. But I'd definitely take pics, and definitely wait 6 mos to a year before revisions, just to see what's what. Even Dr. Brownstein advises waiting that long before he likes to do revisions.
Has this surgeon done regular gynecomastia surgeries? I've seen some before/afters and frankly I like FTM surgeon's outcomes better, even though there are no scars on the guys.
Hang in there.
Jay
Quote from: sneakersjay on February 23, 2009, 03:41:14 PM
Sorry to hear that. But I'd definitely take pics, and definitely wait 6 mos to a year before revisions, just to see what's what. Even Dr. Brownstein advises waiting that long before he likes to do revisions.
Has this surgeon done regular gynecomastia surgeries? I've seen some before/afters and frankly I like FTM surgeon's outcomes better, even though there are no scars on the guys.
Hang in there.
Jay
Thank you, Jay.
I don't know whether my surgeon regularly performs gynocomastia surgery. (But, I hear ya -- I think FTM surgery looks better!) Are you asking because you're wondering if my surgeon took that approach as opposed to how someone like Brownstein approaches FTMs? If that's what you're wondering; I have wondered about that, too.
Thanks for reinforcing the benefit of holding off on revisions. The appearance of my chest seems to change by the week -- especially as I get back to my weight lifting and running routine. I can see first hand now why holding off for 6-12 months makes sense.
How does your chest look nowadays? Are you pleased so far? Do you think you'll look good enough to go shirtless by summertime? (Staying out of sunlight, of course.)
Quote from: Benjamin on February 24, 2009, 07:14:42 PM
Thank you, Jay.
I don't know whether my surgeon regularly performs gynocomastia surgery. (But, I hear ya -- I think FTM surgery looks better!) Are you asking because you're wondering if my surgeon took that approach as opposed to how someone like Brownstein approaches FTMs? If that's what you're wondering; I have wondered about that, too.
Thanks for reinforcing the benefit of holding off on revisions. The appearance of my chest seems to change by the week -- especially as I get back to my weight lifting and running routine. I can see first hand now why holding off for 6-12 months makes sense.
How does your chest look nowadays? Are you pleased so far? Do you think you'll look good enough to go shirtless by summertime? (Staying out of sunlight, of course.)
I was just curious if he had done the traditional male chests before deciding to try branching out to ftms. I have no idea how they do it in bio-males; the pics I've seen have had no scars, but don't look like ftm keyholes or peri's either.
I'm happy with my chest, seeing how I'm just over 2 months out. My scars aren't nice arcs like I see in most of Brownstein's post-op pics, and there is still some puffiness here and there, and firm knots in other places. I'm very happy with my nipples -- I hated mine before as they were always noticeable even with a padded bra; now they're nice and flat, and best of all still have sensation. I know that's rare, but mine were extremely sensitive before. Now it feels just right.
I think by summertime I'll be good; my scars are still fairly red, and definitely won't be going shirtless. But those should fade with time, I hope. Either that or I hope I grow some chest hair!
Jay
Quote from: sneakersjay on February 24, 2009, 10:38:38 PM
I was just curious if he had done the traditional male chests before deciding to try branching out to ftms.
Good point. I'm not sure about that, but I know he's done around 6 other FTMs.
Quote from: sneakersjay on February 24, 2009, 10:38:38 PM
I'm happy with my chest, seeing how I'm just over 2 months out. My scars aren't nice arcs like I see in most of Brownstein's post-op pics, and there is still some puffiness here and there, and firm knots in other places.
That's cool you're happy over all. :)
Did Brownstein tell you to deeply massage the knots? I've been doing so 2 or 3 times daily; it's helping a lot.
Sorry your scars aren't as quite as nice as you've seen on Brownstein's other patients. Are they uneven?
I've gotta give my surgeon credit where it's due: The incisions are incredibly even and nicely contored. They're fading quickly.
Quote from: sneakersjay on February 24, 2009, 10:38:38 PM
I'm very happy with my nipples -- I hated mine before as they were always noticeable even with a padded bra; now they're nice and flat, and best of all still have sensation. I know that's rare, but mine were extremely sensitive before. Now it feels just right.
Wow... very cool! Must feel great!
Quote from: sneakersjay on February 24, 2009, 10:38:38 PM
I think by summertime I'll be good; my scars are still fairly red, and definitely won't be going shirtless. But those should fade with time, I hope. Either that or I hope I grow some chest hair!
Or maybe both!
Ben
I have to say, when i first looked at my chest once i got home... it looked worse than the first day i got to see it. I'm gonna give mine six months before i have a final verdict whether i'm disappointed or not but yours sounds far more extreme.
I went to Brownstein too, and had a Hematoma so i don't know if my hard parts are due to that, or the fact that my nipples seem to be at different levels and sizes.
I think something we all have to come to terms with is that it isn't going to be perfect. We want it to be, but if life was perfect we would have been born with the right body to begin with.
At this point i don't see myself ever going topless.
However, i am still happy with Brownstein as my surgeon.
Take a look at guys on the beach. There are weird patches of chest hair on some guys, some guys have B cup boobs. Way too many guys have 8 month gestation guts. They're topless on the beach. Scars shouldn't stop you. Really, nobody notices. My scars get visible if I move my arms up, and I have a weird skin adhesion that makes my, um I think it's my right pec, I forget cause I don't really care about it, but anyway, makes it look odd.
I've taken my shirt off everywhere (well, not in court, but, everywhere other guys will), and never had a second glance, a remark, or a comment about the scars. No body is perfect. And nobody will comment on the imperfections unless they're totally weird, in which case a nasty and sarcastic comment back will stop them. The only person who's ever asked about my scars was an acupuncturist and I just told him I'd had a hormone imbalance and had to have gynecomastia surgery. He accepted that without question. Then the next appointment, he noticed that my nipples had been moved and said "wow, that must have been one hell of a problem. Glad they could sort it out for you."
I'm a Brownstein boy btw, and I do have the scars that arc under the pecs, which is why they don't show much most of the time, but you can still see them close up. And if Brownstein has a flaw, it's removing too much tissue. Takes a while to build up the muscle cause he takes out ALL the fat and if you have fat elsewhere on your body, that makes it look weird.
Dennis
Dennis, you're the man.
yeah i look down and all i see is belly now. Like i said, giving it six months.
I am looking forward to six months from monday then! Hopefully mine will be properly settled then. will be 3rd September 2009 ;D
w00t.
We all heal differently though..
Jay