is crossdressing supposed to be fun and exciting or is it a need that has to be fulfilled?
Dominique,
I think the answer is yes to both questions. Crossdressing is fun and exciting...at least I think it is. It is also a need that has to be fulfilled. If I don't dress as a woman I feel as though I am denying another part of my personality. Some say it is expressing an inner femininity. I'm okay with that assessment. Whatever the reasons for my need to dress I just know it makes me feel very content when I'm able to do it.
Hugs,
Sally
Sally,thanks for the response ,I agree with you but why do I sometimes feel so ashamed after I dress up.
Dominique
I think the answer to that question varies from person to person. I think crossdressing is fun and exciting for most but the question of why we crossdress varies widely. I too used to feel ashamed after crossdressing and still do on occasion. There was always this conflict between my male persona which came out after the crossdressing and my female persona which sort of took over once I started dressing. I think part of the reason I crossdress is to better relate to and understand women but my male persona is still very attracted to women as a male so I feel ashamed once the dressing euphoria is over.
Hi Dawnalicia,your comments are well taken.You are right I think when you say that when the euphoric feeling disipitates one could feel shame but I also
feel empty and lonley and sad and alot of other feelings.
Thanks
Dominique1
Hi Dominique,
I have felt all those things. I don't want to get too psychoanalytical but after a lot of reading, therapy, introspection I have found that for me crossdressing ties in with all sorts of childhood experiences. I have often thought of it as a sort of "male bulimia" where I binge and purge in order to rid myself of those experiences over and over. Like I said, I think its different for everyone but I think most crossdressers have felt the desperation you are feeling.
Hi DawnAlicia,desperation is exactly what I feel and I think until I come out to my family and friends I will always feel that way.Alot has to do with the fear of being found out.
My answer is yes to both questions. Crossdressing is fun and exciting. It is also an expression of my feminine side. I started crossdressing in my mid fifties. Perhaps it is a reason I never felt any guilt or shame about wearing women's clothing. Society has always dictated how one should act but that is changing. We are dichotomies of more than one personality. Crossdressing allows me to be the person I really am.
Gennee
:)
Hi Gennee,thanks for your response.I guess when you start doing something like crossdressing at 50 you don't feel shame or guilt because your doing it having thought about it.At 10 years old you don't know why your doing it ,all you know then is that you can't get caught by your parents ,siblings or friends or you'll catch hell for it.
Dominique1
Dominique,
From my own experience, the feelings of guilt I dealt with stemmed from the fact that I wasn't comfortable with my crossdressing side. Later as I came to embrace my feminine side those feelings of guilt began to dissipate. I think guilty feelings are directly related to how well you accept your "other" personality. Now I am extremely comfortable as a crossdresser and it seems to make all the difference. I think that as you mature as a crossdresser you'll find that the guilt begins to abate.
Try to enjoy and embrace your inner woman and I believe you'll find contentment and you'll lose the guilt.
Hugs,
Sally
Sally, thanks so much for those word of encouragement.
Dominique
For me, its a definite need to be fulfilled, and I know it is being fulfilled when I have fun, excitement, companionship of others who feel as I do, and a lof of other things.
Part of the "guilt" you feel is actually the good feeling of fulfillment, since it comes in a way that you and I and most other "boys" were taught was wrong. "Why do I feel so great when I do something bad?" I posted in my own thread a few days ago that recently I lost the feeling I was a "guy in a dress" when I put on my female clothing, and that it was a revelation that ALL the clothing in my closet is for me, and is appropriate for me to wear as I please. ;D As long as you don't upset the fashion police too badly, and are found guilty of bad taste, the little bit of guilty conscience is part of the fun. I feel so great this must be bad!!! Stuff and nonsense!! Humph!! :-*
hi
I have never felt guilty about my crossdressing. I have only being crossdressing for about a month now. When I put on one of my dresses and dunn the makeup I feel my femine side coming out and I embrace it.
What I can say it did take a while have the guts to dress for the first time, maybe that was guilt. But when I finally did it went all away.
So I say enjoy your dressing. anyways I am off to try on my new breast forms that have just arrived
byee
Noleen,thanks for your comments.i think the guilt comes from starting so young, around 10 years old for me.At 10 you know your a boy and you don't know anything about sex or sexuality so when you find yourself trying on your sisters clothes "and by the way this is all done in secret"you feel stupid ,ashamed and guilty.Well thats the way I felt I know everybody's different.
bye Noleen.
Dominique
Post Merge: February 07, 2009, 09:12:01 AM
Hi Vicky,sorry I didn't respond sooner.Funny thing is now that I have been ''found out''the guilt is gone and I can dress and finally let the girl inside me out,it feels wondrful.
Thanks Dominique1
I probably depends on the individual. Myself, after a few days I start getting cranky and irritable from withdrawals. Since there are no meds for my condition the only solution is to continue. For me it's a must. There is probably a term for this condition. If not I'll create one. Oh, I know. It's AFDS. AutoFeminizationDependencySyndrome Genevieve
Is having a clean/organized living space a need?
Is leisure time away from work a need?
Is getting outside of your jail cell to see the sun a need?
Is Freedom a need?
Depends on your definition of need. You won't die if you don't crossdress, but odds are that you'll become depressed if you don't, just like the above 3 examples.
The "need" is a psychological need to express the human soul. To deny it has consequences.
question really is, can you live with those consequences
Ashling, A therapist told me once that most people have basic needs: Food, water, shelter and validation. I wondered what she meant by validation. We want others to accept us and also to accept ones own self. An example of validation is young people who join gangs. Crossdressing is my way of being a more complete person. One I am comfortable with. My own selfish way of validating a part of me without the need for approval from others. Of course the validation theory was conceived by a psychologist. Psychologists will be the first to agree that they never agree on anything.
I think cross dressing might also fall under one of Maslow's upper blocks in his Pyramid.
I have heard of Maslow. I wll google that. I find pschology interesting since it is an unknown science. We probably know more about mars than each other.
Post Merge: February 26, 2009, 05:31:38 AM
Chrysalis, You are correct. Abraham Maslow: A theory of human motivation 1943.It does not specify crossdressing but I would place that in my pyramid. He mentions excretion as one of the needs. I forgot about that. Ain't that some ****?
Ashling, you are right when you say that there would be consequences if certain needs go unfulfilled.I know that I can't stop dressing up,I cannot imagine not being able to cd.
Dominique1
Quote from: dominique1 on February 03, 2009, 09:24:59 AM
is crossdressing supposed to be fun and exciting or is it a need that has to be fulfilled?
Yes, now go and enjoy it.
Julie
Julie,you'r so to the point.
Thanks Dominique.
Chrysalis, Gorski's abstenance phenomenon may apply also. Gorski was another strange psychologist. He basically dealt with addictions and habits. The theory is, if think I am then I must be. Abstenance may make the urge grow stronger as a result. So if I repeat the past it will be more often. Sort of like making up for lost time. Hopefully that is true with crossdressing. So for everyday I don't do it I'll have to dress for two days to make up for lost time. Instead of doubling the time I could square it. e.i. 7 days off 49 days on. 30 days off would turn into about 2.5 years. This thought has me intrigued.
Quote from: Genevieve Swann on February 26, 2009, 02:51:16 AM
Ashling, A therapist told me once that most people have basic needs: Food, water, shelter and validation.
I like to use the word, "congruence", which has the same connotation as validation. To me, it means we need to live a life where our internal reality matches up with our external reality.
Crossdressing is one of those sticky issues, because certain parts of the internal reality can be created when the external reality is sending the wrong signals.
Shame, humiliation, and embarassment are among the most powerful emotions we experience. I think the trick is not to ask whether crossdressing is a need, but whether you can get past the stigma and actually enjoy it, as Julie wisely suggests.
P.S. I was compelled to crossdress throughout my life to validate my feelings. Once I came to accept them (very recently), crossdressing is no longer so much a need (compulsion), as it is a goal or desired outcome. (Come to think of it, I don't consider what I do to be crossdressing any longer).
It's like the difference between feeling you HAVE to clean your room, and just enjoying being a person who naturally keeps their room clean.
P.S.S. Who gives a ->-bleeped-<- what theoretical psychologists think, it's all armchair philsophizing meant to create endless debate. Having the strength to live your life the way you want is a noble trait.
Ashling,that was very enlighteninig.People in this forum know so much, the amount of knowledge here is incredible.
Dominique
I dunno. I still feel regret/disgust after I do it sometimes. I still no matter how hard I try to stop feel the need to do it again.
I think it's kind of an addiction, like cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or sex and the more you think about it the more you want to do it.
Well then if crossdressing is an addiction, then I am definitively addicted. :-)
I love it and dont intend stopping anytime soon.
As a person who has had to come to terms with a real addiction to alcohol and prescription drugs, I can tell you that TG is not similar, THANKFULLY. But---one statement from the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book that did get me thinking hard for a few hours though was where it says "no one likes to think they are different from their fellow man...." meaning that we have a medical issue that does make us different from people who CAN drink alcohol and take drugs without becoming addicted. Some of my drinking was because I knew I was different from other real men, and this was a way to deal with it. As TG, we ARE different, and also have medical differences from the cissexual's. Bottom line though is accept your differences and learn to make them a happy, productive part of your life!!
I do not however advocate a 12 step program for recovering CrossDressers. Somebody did once!! I'm still in shock and horror. I can do without alcohol, but not without lipstick. (Guess where my booze money is going today!!) ;D
Quote from: Vicky on March 15, 2009, 12:02:55 AM
I do not however advocate a 12 step program for recovering CrossDressers. Somebody did once!! I'm still in shock and horror.
A 12-step program would never work for crossdressers.
We'd need at least an 18-step program. We have to take smaller steps in nose-bleed stilettos.
Duh! ;D
Seriously, though, I echo Bethany's comments about feeling regret/disgust afterwards, and feeling that I should stop, but I can't. So in that sense, it's like an addiction.
However, as long as I keep it under control -- that is, as long as I don't blow my rent money on Prada, and I don't do dangerous crap like going to bars and picking up guys -- then what's the harm? That's how the "CD addiction" differs from booze/cigarettes/drugs/gambling/whatever.
And yes, I that's what I tell myself. I'm not hurting myself or anyone else (I'm not married or otherwise attached), so what's the problem? Sometimes that works. More often, though, it doesn't. Not completely, anyway. And when I have stressors in my life (eg, the recent death of a cat), the guilt/disgust/regret/shame comes out in full force and bites me in the ass.
When dressedto the nines like the picture below.... I did not feel guilty before during or after. It just felt right.
(https://www.susans.org/forums/MGalleryItem.php?id=1607)
Anyone else feel that way. I know I need to express myself in this way, but if it is only one day in 365 then I want to do it 100% that day. I think I hit 99% after the makeover. I just need to work on my voice.
Daisy :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch: :icon_bunch:
Quote from: MarySue on March 15, 2009, 09:19:29 AM
A 12-step program would never work for crossdressers.
We'd need at least an 18-step program. We have to take smaller steps in nose-bleed stilettos. Duh! ;D
Seriously, though, I echo Bethany's comments about feeling regret/disgust afterwards, and feeling that I should stop, but I can't. So in that sense, it's like an addiction.
However, as long as I keep it under control -- that is, as long as I don't blow my rent money on Prada, and I don't do dangerous crap like going to bars and picking up guys -- then what's the harm? That's how the "CD addiction" differs from booze/cigarettes/drugs/gambling/whatever.
And yes, I that's what I tell myself. I'm not hurting myself or anyone else (I'm not married or otherwise attached), so what's the problem? Sometimes that works. More often, though, it doesn't. Not completely, anyway. And when I have stressors in my life (eg, the recent death of a cat), the guilt/disgust/regret/shame comes out in full force and bites me in the ass.
I'm really starting to dislike the term "addiction", as it gets MASSIVELY over-used.
For example, people are bemoaning "online gaming addiction" as people play Second Life and World of Warcraft. In reality, people need to take their minds off their real-life worries. The economy is going to hell, and nobody wants to spend 10 hours a day thinking about it, so they go into another world and have some fun for long periods of time.
People spend long periods of time watching TV. They also socialize with friends, and do a million other things.
Addiction is ONLY a problem when a person loses the ability to function and be self-sustaining. I can't see how crossdressing could possibly fulfill this criteria, as you could just wear the clothing you want and get on with your life. It's not like alcohol, where you can literally drink so much that it ruins your physical and psychological health.
Quote from: Ashling on March 21, 2009, 01:34:49 PM
For example, people are bemoaning "online gaming addiction" as people play Second Life and World of Warcraft. In reality, people need to take their minds off their real-life worries. The economy is going to hell, and nobody wants to spend 10 hours a day thinking about it, so they go into another world and have some fun for long periods of time.
Funny you say it that way ( i.e. the Reallife worries). I quit playing World of Warcraft after playing for about 8 months as I was pissed the new release was screwing the economy. So I checked out of that world... weird.
Do not worry -- no plan to check out of this one.
Daisy
My take is, if it needs to be secretive then that means something is "wrong" whether it is with society or our perception which is moulded by society. Just using this view that can lead to guilt because if it needs to be hidden then it must be wrong. If one can just enjoy without ramification the the need for guilt is nullified. Just my 2 cents. DG
This isn't an addiction for me, I have had these feelings to long. I think it definitely makes me feel more complete and at ease with the world. Life is to short to hide everything from yourself.