I feel pretty terrible right now. Not because Im upset about crossdressing but because I cant feel comfortable doing it around anyone. This music helps, but I still want to cry.
At midnight I will be twenty tonight. After all the bridges I've crossed and torched, I can't seem to get over this. I live at home with my parents and they don't understand; I dont do this in front of them, but I make it painfully obvious. Friends know, and some know without me knowing they know because secrets loom like shadows. They are never very far and always apparent, at least to the observant.
What do you do when you're overcome with sadness (I know there are plenty of threads like this Im too lazy to look for them right now. I need something to myself)?
Im drinking, smoking and listening to music.
and letting my tears flow.
and wearing a electric blue wig.
and a dress.
It feels all right when Im alone. So long as no one comes home early or calls me anytime soon.
Also what are some good authors you like to read?
This is a combothread if you havent noticed: Im stirring this up like a gin tonic.
Quote from: mariaaficion on February 03, 2009, 08:59:25 PM
What do you do when you're overcome with sadness
I loose myself in the computer.
Alcohol is (perhaps was) reserved for when I do not want to think.
I am sorry for your pain.
Quote from: Kimberly on February 03, 2009, 11:19:58 PM
Quote from: mariaaficion on February 03, 2009, 08:59:25 PM
What do you do when you're overcome with sadness
I loose myself in the computer.
Alcohol is (perhaps was) reserved for when I do not want to think.
I am sorry for your pain.
Its opposite for me. If Im online I dont think. When i drink and am not online I think hard and good, because its easier.
I'll either A) Do my make up, pick out some cute clothes and find some where social to be.
B) Play a video game
C) Bury myself in work =]
I know how it hurts, but found that drink isnt the answer, I think runnung helps. Your better off getting some profeshinal help. I hope you find what your looking for..
Believe me I know how much you are hurting and how you are trying to hide behind alcohol. It doesnt work. I can speak from experience. I did all of that for many years to try to hide my feelings and just make it go away. I still have not talked to anyone other than the wonderful people on this site. Just try to take it one day at a time and take a deep breath when it gets real bad. There are so many people that will support you here so just try to reach out and dont do anything self destructive. You are only twenty you have your whole life ahead of you and now is the chance to live it. You will never get a second chance so you have to live it for yourself. Good luck and just remember that you have to do what is right for you. I wish I could give you a real hug but just know that you are getting one from me now and whenever you need one I will gladly give you another.
I practice Taekwondo. :)
Hi-ya!
read these threads....find others like yourself and what they did to get themselves actualized to be the women they really are..
Hugs,
Rhonda
Having been a crossdresser for many years I have finally realized that
crossdressing was not enough for me.I really do want to be a girl so I decided to make it happen.I feel like a big weight has been lifted off of me by just accepting who and what I am.So what I am saying to you is since you know what you want and you are so young don't waste time just go for it,don't wait 'till you regret not having done it sooner.
Dominique
P.S. go be the girl you that are.
Trust me, I'm still not completely over it either. :P
Its scary, but you'll be more in touch with yourself than you ever were before. It will amaze you what you've been missing out on.
I tried alcohol and the bar life. While I was out I was in heaven. But then one morning I woke up and said, "I drink to get the courage to be me. I buy coke to stay up late and attract friends. The next day I feel horrible and I'm broke. It didn't make sense so I quit and said goodbye to bar friends.
Then I started reading.
I read "Buddhism Plain & Simple by Steve Hagen.
I read Eckhart Tolle's "New Earth" and "Power of Now".
I read "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" by Mitch Albom. Anything I could find that helped me to understand there's more to life than what I was focusing on.
And my thinking started changing. I started realizing the guilt, fear, shame I had about being me wasn't coming from me. It was coming from outside me. And I understood the importance of self acceptance and the inner peace it brings.
It didn't happen overnight. And reading one book isn't going to change your life. Someone once pointed out how many hours a day we spend at our job, working out, taking care of others. She then asked, "How many hours to you spend working on your mind?"
Once you stop exercising the mind it begins to get soft. Having a strong mind is a lifetime commitment but the payoff is a lifetime of peace and happiness.
Julie
Hi Kara-Xen,thank you for the positive comments.
Dominique
Quote from: Julie Marie on February 11, 2009, 09:58:06 AM
I tried alcohol and the bar life. While I was out I was in heaven. But then one morning I woke up and said, "I drink to get the courage to be me. I buy coke to stay up late and attract friends. The next day I feel horrible and I'm broke. It didn't make sense so I quit and said goodbye to bar friends.
Then I started reading.
I read "Buddhism Plain & Simple by Steve Hagen.
Julie Marie really hits the mark here.
When I was your age (Groan, I know, I know ... don't you just HATE when older folks say that?), it was the tail-end of the hippie era. I had the same issues then that you do now. What did I do? Got high every day ... became a hippie ... drop out of college ... bounced from one crummy job to another ... and generally went nowhere ... year after year.
People who once very much admired me began to loathe me and then gave up on me altogether? Why? I had been "an academic prodigy", top of the class, scholarships, blah, blah, blah! Why did all of this happen to me? Gender dysphoria, but I could not tell anyone ... especially back then!
Here's my point: Hang in there! Follow the superb advice of these people on this forum. Facing difficult times need not burn you out but, rather, make you stronger ... and stronger ... and stronger ... EMOTIONALLY! It's just a simple matter of how you see life's challenges.
Resolve here, now and today to face your challenges and overcome them. You can do it!
Try it and see!
I read Eckhart Tolle's "New Earth" and "Power of Now".
I read "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" by Mitch Albom. Anything I could find that helped me to understand there's more to life than what I was focusing on.
And my thinking started changing. I started realizing the guilt, fear, shame I had about being me wasn't coming from me. It was coming from outside me. And I understood the importance of self acceptance and the inner peace it brings.
It didn't happen overnight. And reading one book isn't going to change your life. Someone once pointed out how many hours a day we spend at our job, working out, taking care of others. She then asked, "How many hours to you spend working on your mind?"
Once you stop exercising the mind it begins to get soft. Having a strong mind is a lifetime commitment but the payoff is a lifetime of peace and happiness.
Julie
You totally have the choice as to how you deal with tough times.
Choice One: Let them destroy you.
Choice Two: You overcome them.
It really, really is nothing more than a choice. Seriously!
Choose to overcome! You can do it!
Post Merge: February 11, 2009, 02:44:10 PM
Trivia:
Gals, I know this is off-topic, but I've just GOT to say this:
Lucy, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your avatar!!!
Oh, if we all could look like that and be that age!!!
Sorry, gals! Just dreaming! Forgive me!
Quote from: dominique1 on February 11, 2009, 10:13:05 AM
Hi Kara-Xen,thank you for the positive comments.
Dominique
Course ^ ^;