Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Lots of people ask when did you know and there seems to be quite a bit of debate concerning finding out earlier as opposed to later.  I'd like to know WHAT made you realize it.

I've allowed multiple answers for this one because you might not be able to pinpoint exactly ONE reason you knew, but might have it narrowed down to a few.

Also I apologize if any of the poll options offend anyone - I'm trying to cover a large spectrum.  I also apologize if I DON'T include options I should.

I like polls.

One thing that almost matched but not quite:
"the opposite sex has it easier in life"

From my perspective, the 'opposite sex', in this case women, has it better but maybe not easier.  I've tried to contemplate the things inherent to men that I find 'better' as compared to women, and I just come up with nothing.  I'm not counting cultural things like 'men usually get to be the head of the household' or stuff like that because that's not really inherent to being a man/woman.

I'm sure if I was a man in a man's body (or a man in a woman's body as some of our FTM friends here) I could probably come up with some reason that would make being a man 'better' ... but I'm just not seeing them.

I've modified the poll slightly to include "better" along with "easier" as an and/or choice.

Good poll, Interalia!

At first glance, found it difficult to make a decision on these two following choices:

the opposite sex has it easier/better in life
my birth sex has it harder/worse in life

Which one was the more correct for me (birth sex - male).  I had to ask the proverbial question:  Is the grass really greener on the other side?

The more I thought, the more I realized that (while some things are truly different) on the whole, the differences between the two ends of the "spectrum line" are very similar; but there are different paths that are normally taken to accomplish / live / be successful in one's life. 

Does one "sex" have it easier/better than the other "sex"?  I realized that the answer is based on the perspective of the "seeker".  So I chose to not select either.

For me, I choose the aspects of a female life, to walk those paths, and enjoy the beauty there that life has to offer.


  Lauren

With your mind, you can survive.  Only through your heart can you live.

The only option you don't have fits me best.  I just knew.

Janet

I actually left out the "I just knew" option on purpose to encourage people who may use this textbook-esque response to probe a bit deeper.  It doesn't mean it isn't a valid response, but it is very difficult to define.  Typically a person is made aware of the specifics about themselves by comparing themselves with others.  For instance, I didn't know I wasn't a box until I was aware what a box was.  I'm interested in what situational factors led us to believe we were not a box.  Perhaps they just knew or factors occurred before awareness.

For me it was just one more of several major weirdness. 

Ok Interalia,
Then I will respond by the votes I select:

I tended to spend more time with opposite sexed peers as a child.  My best friend as child was a girl named Chris.  We were always playing dress up, house ( I was the Mom.  And she was the Dad.  I often wondered if she was FtM  ) or playing with dolls.
I show frequent cross gendered outward mannerisms
I was afraid of growing up and becoming an adult version of my birth sex.  And I was right because it was to hard to cope.  Typical stuff married three times, had four children.
I never fit in with those of my birth sex.
I fit in better with those opposite my birth sex

But I still just always knew.    ;)
Janet

I couldn't wait to grow up.  I can remember on the night of my high school graduation some guy (old) telling me "you're going to look back at this as the happiest time of your life."  I'm sure he was well meaning and all, and I was polite, but inside I'm thinking 'wow, if that's true I ought to just kill myself here and now.'  Thankfully, he was way wrong.

I was already way ahead in the freak race, and I knew that being an adult meant being free.

Interesting choices. For me it was none of the above and most of the above. How I knew was nothing to do with any of those, but the manifestations of that knowledge included most of those choices.

How I knew was, as Janet alluded to, a feeling deeper than anything else I have ever experienced. And one option you did miss out was through dreams, intuition, and internal imagery. That was strongest for me, and all outward expression sprang largely from this internal... instinct, for lack of a better word. There wasn't a 'because'. It wasn't a case of saying "I must be female because X, Y or Z". Deductive reasoning never came into it. There was just "I am female. End of discussion."

Misty, I appreciate your candidness.

Well stated, Misty!

As has been stated so many times, we each know ourselves and our reasons why we are who we are...

Lauren

With your mind, you will survive.
Only through your heart can you live.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on February 08, 2009, 10:19:15 AM
The only option you don't have fits me best.  I just knew.

Janet

I'm probably just being picky but, I'm really curious how you "just knew" you were transgendered. (that is the topic after all). I always knew I was supposed to be a girl but I never heard of transgendered before my late 30's. It explained all the feelings I've had all my life. That's when I knew.

Karen

I knew.  I just knew.

But the most amazing thing to me is -- I was so damned good at concealing that knowledge from me.

I was scared of it.  Simultaneously enticed and revulsed.

I wanted to be all-natural.  I wished that I'd only been born that way.  Transition?  You're crazy!

I finally realized I was the one who was crazy -- crazy for not facing myself and getting it th'hell over.

I think the moment of my decision was that I could no longer put it off.

Karen

It was a very gradual process. I first knew I was different at 4 years old when my best little friend urinated in my backyard. He did not have to take his pants down and he had a handy device with which to pee that I lacked.
I was very disturbed and confused for the rest the day.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on February 08, 2009, 12:08:10 PM
Ok Interalia,
Then I will respond by the votes I select:

I tended to spend more time with opposite sexed peers as a child.  My best friend as child was a girl named Chris.  We were always playing dress up, house ( I was the Mom.  And she was the Dad.  I often wondered if she was FtM  ) or playing with dolls.
I show frequent cross gendered outward mannerisms
I was afraid of growing up and becoming an adult version of my birth sex.  And I was right because it was to hard to cope.  Typical stuff married three times, had four children.
I never fit in with those of my birth sex.
I fit in better with those opposite my birth sex

But I still just always knew.    ;)
Janet

I'm going to follow with Janet on this one, citing a "I just knew" type clause, but with a slight different twist..  I initially answered this poll this morning, when it was freshly posted.   I read it more from my personal perspective, interjecting more of myself into it, then the generality of the intent of the choices presented in a umbrella transgendered context.   I read the poll as, "I realized I was transsexual because..."  And in that frame of mind, I'm the one that registered the other vote of "None of the above", and that is not correct when I re-read through this.   But I must explain myself,  ;).

These are my new selections for how I realized that I was transgendered.  Or at least I knew that something was "amiss" in my little world of gender sordidness, out of the options presented:

I realized I was transgendered because...

• of dressing in the opposite sex's clothing
• I wasn't living up the expectations of someone of my sex
• I wasn't sexually attracted to opposite sexed individuals
• I never fit in with those of my birth sex

There are many caveats to each of these 4 answers however, but I will not allow myself the candidness to explain those here.  I guess no one asked me to, *giggles*.

I knew I was transgendered at a very early age.   I didn't know that I was transsexual until a bit later in life.   I wish I could have said that I knew that I was, because life would have taken a very much more different course, and I would have not lived a decade (or more) in hate, hiding and despair of the self.  I KNEW something was different about me, but I couldn't figure out what for a long time.   I remember, pre-internet days in my youth, researching transsexualism at the library at a major university.  BOTH books that explained it, I realized that the description fit.   I just didn't follow through on treatment for a couple decades (give or take a few years).   But I always ..... just knew!

*huggs*,
Melan

Okay, to answer KarenLyn's question:

I heard about Christine Jorgenson.  I wished I could do that, but was simultaneously revulsed.  But I heard a voice inside myself say, "That's you."

The same thing happened when I saw Wendy Carlos on the Phil Donahue show.  I knew that was me, although I didn't want to do THAT to myself.

Let's go back a little farther.  Fifth grade, when the boys are segregated and watch a movie on playing volleyball (and the girls are watching the Disney-produced film on Menstruation.)  Like the other boys, I heard about it secondhand.  But me, being the intelligent brat, studied about it.  I went to the library and, afraid of getting caught, searched out all the information I could.  I tried to look at the knowledge I'd gained rationally.  It's an inconvenience, at the very least.  And for some women, a genuine health risk.  I should be glad I'd never go through something like that.  But I couldn't shake the idea that I'd go through THAT if only I could be female.

Or, going back even farther.   My mother never lied to me about reproduction.  From my earliest recollections,  I always knew that babies came from the momma's tummy.  I looked forward to the day I too could have a baby come from my tummy.  Until my mom told me that, no, I couldn't do that.  I had to be the daddy, and being the mommy wasn't easy and it hurt a lot when the baby came out of you.  I was disappointed.   It didn't matter.  I was brave.  I should be the mommy!

Too bad I was smart enough to understand that it wasn't up to me, or my parents, or anybody else.  The choice of my role had been made irrevocably, and I would just have to live with it.  I understood that.  And, it sucked.  But I dealt with it by burying it as deep as I could.  And by hiding the true me when ever I managed to pop back out.  Horrified, I'd stuff me back into the recesses. of my mind.

Those incidents were the indicators.

But, when they occurred, I. Just. Knew.

I hope this helps;

Karen

Quote from: misty on February 08, 2009, 03:32:18 PM
so far not many voted "I felt sexual stimulation thinking about it"

..............well just me and somebody else!!

I didn't vote for that, but I probably should have.  The truth is that a large part of how I came to this point was my feeling of being lesbian rather than straight, despite having the male parts of the equation.  I don't remember the first exact time that I learned of the possibility of girls loving girls, but i do clearly remember a certain feeling of revelation, which I imagine is what a lot of GG lesbians feel when they first realize it's a possibility.  I've always felt icky about being the man in man/woman part of sex, although lately I've been thinking/pondering more about being on the other side...

So yes, since the idea of being a girl loving a girl is a significant part of why I feel transgender, I guess I kind of have to admit to being sexually stimulated by the idea of myself as a girl :P.

edit:
Oh, I forgot -- I'm not sure if anyone else remembers this, but the first time I even knew of the possibility of sex-change was this one really early episode of ER where the balding doctor guy (i think it was him) is friends with a transsexual girl, but she has a reaction to the hormones or something and has to stop them (causing her facial hair to grow back? they got their HRT wrong), so she ends up comitting suicide in a really bloody fashion.  I was like 12 when I saw this and I think it kind of scarred me.  The girl was pretty and I thought wow that would be something I wanted, but of course it ended up in disaster so I kind of stayed away from that idea.  I wish I hadn't...

I knew I was trans when I first heard the definition of the word.  Before that I only knew I should have been born female.

Julie

What did you mean by the phrase "of a cross gendered interest"?

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Post Merge: February 22, 2009, 01:22:38 AM

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Quote from: Julie Marie on February 08, 2009, 06:59:23 PM
I knew I was trans when I first heard the definition of the word.  Before that I only knew I should have been born female.

Julie

WHAT SHE SAID.

I always knew I should have been a girl.  I would dream of growing up to be a woman or turning into a girl as far back as age 4, prolly earlier but I don't have any specific memories of such thoughts before then.  Obviously I didn't know there was a term for these feelings back then.  In fact, I actually thought all little boys secretly felt this way.

None of the choices fit perfectly so I went with the closest one, "I was afraid of growing up and becoming an adult version of my birth sex" since the horrible depression I feel whenever I convince myself this will have to be my fate is what finally made me start the process of fixing things.

The quiz needs an "other" option.
I think that what really nailed i for me is that I'd wake up in the morning and slowly come to the realization that my body wasn't how I expected it to be. I reached down and didn't find what I knew should be there, and as a result got confused for a while.
This was, and still is, a "normal" morning for me.

Wow, you know, the "I was afraid of growing up and becoming an adult version of my birth sex" is something that leapt out at me because it was something I think I've felt for a while but didn't know how to articulate. I think I was almost "okay" with being a young boy because it was easy to feel pretty and feminine, but the idea of growing up into a MAN freaked me out big time and really pushed me to get help.

For me I never fitted into my "birth gender" and my mind hid my transgender issues from me, like locking it away from me and then when I became about 13 everything started to open up in my mind and everything became unlocked and clear to me.

Headstart, couldn't figure out who this person was they kept refering to but it wasn't me. They acted like it was. I gave up ans answered anyway but wondered why they kept taking my tonka;s and handing me a doll. kept wondering what I was spose to do with the doll and embarrassed that they gave me one at all. figured i was an alien that got left behind.

For me, I always preferred to hang out with boys as a child and do 'boy things' like climb trees and play with toy cars.  I remember quite strongly that when I was a child, my nan had breast cancer and had to have a masectomy, and I just thought 'I want that operation myself when I'm older'.  PUberty was a nightmare - I burst into tears for hours when I got my period, and being told I was 'turning into a woman' just depressed me.  I didn't want to be one of the women I saw around me.

Much like Julie,

I had always had the desire to become a girl, that I was somehow already a girl, but couldn't understand how I could be, but be a boy.

I didn't vote for the 'girl being better than boy' option, because I have always had a problem with better than or worse than. I have always envied girls for being girls. I have always wanted to experience life from their perspective and have always known that while they are not better or worse and boys had certain advantages that girls didn't, I still only wanted to be a girl (given the option).

How did I know I was transgendered? I finally found Susan's and learned a lot about what other people, who called themselves transgendered, had to say and it was very much similar to my story. I discovered what transgendered meant, is, could be and I 'knew' that was me. I had always known at some level that I was, I just didn't know what it was.

Deanna

I had feelings at age 5, which I "knew" were wrong and fought those feelings for years.

Today, I am trying to accept myself for what I am.

Dani

I knew it deep inside me from a very young age, but never discussed it with my parents or 2 brothers. I believe now in hindsight, my Mum always knew.

Soon after I finished High School, I moved to another State, Sydney, NSW where I was told there were doctors available for counseling and then GRS.

It seems way easy to say that now, but if I'm honest it was all a very hard period in my life.

Well I fit in better with the opposite sex. Girls usually make me nervous.

When I was younger, didn't know and didn't care about gender differences. They never really seemed real. Then puberty hit. It was one of those "it happens, but not to me" until it did. It's a nightmare and it's not me. I feel like I'm being deprived of a part of myself. The internet helped me find out what a transsexual was and it just fit.

I'm sick of sexual segregation in certain areas but hey what can you do? I figured all girls wanted to be men and were ashamed of their femininity but I guess I was wrong.

Not too exciting or dramatic but eh. As soon as I can I'm fixing this mess.

SilverFang

Yea like wise good poll
i think everyone early memoery of sumthin wrong was probaly age 4 and 5!!

yea teena

Quote from: Teena89 on October 07, 2009, 02:48:06 AM
Yea like wise good poll
i think everyone early memoery of sumthin wrong was probaly age 4 and 5!!

yea teena

Only because few people remember much of anything before that. And I didn't feel anything was wrong with me until puberty.

SilverFang

I voted 'None of the above' because I always wanted to be a boy, ever since I can remember. When I discovered the word 'transgender' and that there were other people like me who were unhappy with their birth sex and did something about it, I was like "Wow! So that's what I am!"

It was definitely in my mind at 4/5 years of age, naturally at that age I had no idea what was ahead of me as I grew older.  ;D

Well..I knew I wanted to be a boy when I was around five years old. That feeling kind of went away til around two years ago when I realized that it's possible to still be a boy but without physically being one. I just realized one day that I was transgendered. And since then I've been having name and gender issues

Quote from: Karen on February 08, 2009, 06:09:05 PM
I knew.  I just knew.

But the most amazing thing to me is -- I was so damned good at concealing that knowledge from me.

I was scared of it.  Simultaneously enticed and revulsed.

I wanted to be all-natural.  I wished that I'd only been born that way.  Transition?  You're crazy!

I finally realized I was the one who was crazy -- crazy for not facing myself and getting it th'hell over.

I think the moment of my decision was that I could no longer put it off.

Karen

Karen's statement is close to where I was. 

What I would add in describing me is a sense of inner harmony I discovered when Dr. Jekyll was forced into the same room with Ms. Hyde.  Once the initial shock/panic passed, the resulting inner peace convinced me that I was transgendered.

Of course, it took almost 3 years before I understood that i would have to transition, but that is another story...