Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So I know there's a couple guys on here who already have kids, but I just wanted to know how everyone else felt about having children. I only date straight girls, and although I'm not at an age or a position to settle down, my girlfriend really wants kids one day and it got me thinking. I'm not sure if she's my "life partner" or whatever, but I'd like her to be. I don't know, sometimes I just feel inadequate because I know I can't have kids and I know of bio guys who have had relationship trouble because of being sterile. It just kind of sucks knowing that I can't have kids, you know? Not necesserely because "I wanna be a daddy," but more because of the issues it may cause with the woman/future women I want to be with. Thoughts? Input?

I'd want a kid someday. When I'm fully adjusted with transition and with someone that is.

Saving my eggs, my gf said something that they can turn an egg into a sperm? Either way, I'll have something just in case.

Well, when I'm WAY older and have transitioned, I wish that I could have kids. It seems that I would like to be able to have a kid (I would never give birth to one; the idea has me cringing), so I might adopt or something when the time comes. Although, I agree about maybe having dating problems since we're all sterile. That could be a big problem.

I want kids.  I think it would be awesome to be a dad.  My fiance wants to have kids now, but we have decided to wait for a couple years.  I want to be able to give my kids everything, so it's important to me to be finacially stable and have a good carrer (which I'm working on).  We've talked about a lot of different ways to go about it.  She has said lots of times that she wants to use my eggs, but i've heard to do that they have to pump you full of E, and I don't want anymore of that than I already have.  I think we know what we're going to do but when the time gets a little closer we'll decide for sure.

Quote from: Monty on February 17, 2009, 10:04:16 PM
I'd want a kid someday. When I'm fully adjusted with transition and with someone that is.

Saving my eggs, my gf said something that they can turn an egg into a sperm? Either way, I'll have something just in case.

Nope, can't turn it into a sperm. You can take the nucleus out of it and put it in one her eggs tho, but that's technically considered cloning which isn't legal for humans. I'd be totally down to have a clown of myself  :P

It's funny, because I was actually considering posting a thread just like this. I've been thinking A TON about having kids lately. Every time I watch a movie or TV show where people have kids, I almost cry... yeah, that could be the fact I'm off T right now. But really, I want kids. I love kids. I want to be a dad, no question.

I'm 26, which makes me feel like I'm at death's door (like 30 is just around the corner), and I'm starting to believe that whole theory about one's biological clock ticking. Honestly, it's gotten so bad that I watched the TLC special on Thomas Beatie (the "pregnant man"), and wanted to be him. Now, rationally, there's no way I'm going through pregnancy... I think. And yet, that would be the easiest way. I'm ftm, my wife is mtf, and neither of us has killed our reproductive organs, so it's quite possible for us to have children of our own... it would just be a massive sacrifice for me.

Really, I'd be happy enough adopting. However, my wife wants our own genetic offspring. She is awaiting funds for sperm storage so she can get back on hrt, and I assume my eggs will be fine regardless of how much T I take... it would just be a matter of harvesting them when the time comes for surrogacy, or if I decide I really want to bite the bullet and bear kids of my own. I have no problem being a "pregnant man" in terms of social exposure; really, I'm just afraid of what it would do to my body. Thomas Beatie is one brave motherf***er, in my opinion.

SD

I'm older and already have kids, and have had a hysto.  So... no more bio kids for me.  But I have thought about it if I meet someone young enough to have kids and we decide to have kids of our own...I guess I'd use a sperm donor and might consider asking a blood relative to donate (he has no kids of his own) to keep the family line; if not an anonymous donor.  I'd be interested in being a dad.

Bottom line it's doable if you really want it; just as regular couples who have trouble conceiving the usual way.

Jay

I can't get pregnant anyway so I've already come to terms with the idea. I would like a kid eventually I think, not sure. If I suddenly spontaneously had a child now I would be happy but I'm not sure I want one enough to go through the whole process of adopting. Maybe some day.

I am on the other side of the fence but the whole issue of having children was MAJOR for me when I was young and would have been a great impediment to transition if  I had been fertile.

I had ALL the instincts and desires and loved children. If I had the chance to be mother, I would have jumped at it! If I had the chance to be father, I would have had to think long and hard about it because I knew I was not going to live very long in "guy mode" (this was before SRS was possible).

It is fortunate (in a way) that that was all taken out of my hands. I knew by 15 that I was likely to be infertile but that never stopped me from wanting children in the worst way. Unfortunately, life never went in that direction for me.

Quote from: Monty on February 17, 2009, 10:04:16 PM
my gf said something that they can turn an egg into a sperm?

Umm I dont think so..


Yeah sure I would like kids but if I am with a partner who I love who doesn't want kids it wont be that bigger issue. Its not that bigger deal for me at this moment in time. I haven't frozen any eggs. And being daddy doesn't really bother me.

I'm sorry you never got to be a parent, Northern Jane. I think the only thing worse than not wanting children and having them would be wanting to have them and not actually be able to. :-\

I've been thinking about kids a lot recently too, for some bizarre reason. I don't know, I think I'd love to be a dad - I can sort of imagine me being a dad - but I don't want to get pregnant myself. I certainly don't want to decide to not transition and eventually marry and become a mum. I just can't see me doing that at all. But being a father...I love kids, and I would love to be their dad. Ahhhh... ^-^ I've even imagined my brother getting married and having kids and he and his wife (whomever she may be) letting me look after them a lot of the time. That would be great, too. If I couldn't be a dad, being an uncle would be a pretty awesome runner-up.

Will

There was a story that did talk about women-only conceiving children. I did a little search and found the following:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-511391/Death-father-British-scientists-discover-turn-womens-bone-marrow-sperm.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-511391/Death-father-British-scientists-discover-turn-womens-bone-marrow-sperm.html)

http://www.lifenews.com/bio1037.html (http://www.lifenews.com/bio1037.html)

The science is there..

That said, I do want to be a dad. I have no problem with a donor or adoption since as far as I'm concerned they'd all be blood related. It's interesting that I had never contemplated being a parent until I started transitioning. I feel more in control of myself and confident enough to be a better parent now than I did before. Most profound to me.

Quote from: Linus on February 18, 2009, 10:16:28 AM
There was a story that did talk about women-only conceiving children. I did a little search and found the following:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-511391/Death-father-British-scientists-discover-turn-womens-bone-marrow-sperm.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-511391/Death-father-British-scientists-discover-turn-womens-bone-marrow-sperm.html)

http://www.lifenews.com/bio1037.html (http://www.lifenews.com/bio1037.html)

The science is there..

That said, I do want to be a dad. I have no problem with a donor or adoption since as far as I'm concerned they'd all be blood related. It's interesting that I had never contemplated being a parent until I started transitioning. I feel more in control of myself and confident enough to be a better parent now than I did before. Most profound to me.

The science is definitely there and I wouldn't say it's impossible just yet. Is it shaky right now? Yes, but all things are in the beginning. They can build heart muscle tissue with stem cells and I wouldn't be surprised at what else they can do. A legality issue might come up, most likely, but there are people who are unable to have children who aren't trans, so I think there's more hope for this than there is at first glance.
(If you're curious about the heart stuff: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090212161808.htm (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090212161808.htm) )


I wouldn't mind adopting at all but the adoption process isn't as easy and you're lead to believe. You can't waltz in and just grab a kid, you have to meet the requirements. I'm sure most who want kids here want someone with their own flesh and blood like stated before, which is natural. But giving another kid a chance is a great thing to do as well. However, I think you'd have to be prepared that the kid will probably have some emotional baggage going on.

Quote from: Monty on February 18, 2009, 01:09:48 PM
The science is definitely there and I wouldn't say it's impossible just yet. Is it shaky right now? Yes, but all things are in the beginning. They can build heart muscle tissue with stem cells and I wouldn't be surprised at what else they can do. A legality issue might come up, most likely, but there are people who are unable to have children who aren't trans, so I think there's more hope for this than there is at first glance.
(If you're curious about the heart stuff: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090212161808.htm (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090212161808.htm) )


I wouldn't mind adopting at all but the adoption process isn't as easy and you're lead to believe. You can't waltz in and just grab a kid, you have to meet the requirements. I'm sure most who want kids here want someone with their own flesh and blood like stated before, which is natural. But giving another kid a chance is a great thing to do as well. However, I think you'd have to be prepared that the kid will probably have some emotional baggage going on.

Oh ya. That I'm aware of. A friend of mine, a lesbian in her mid-60s, is a foster mom to LGBTQ girls (all cis-gender last I heard). Now, she's in Ontario, which has a more open policy about the LGBTQ being foster parents as well as adoptive parents. Since my g/f and I have talked about moving back to Ontario to raise kids (I'm sorry but unless the US Health system changes, we're going back because having a kid here would put me and my generations behind in debt so bad... :P ). So we'll likely be foster and adoptive parents to LGBTQ, specifically keeping our doors open for trans kids.

QuoteI assume my eggs will be fine regardless of how much T I take.

That's kind of a risky statement when your future kid is at stake, isn't it?

I want a child (or two) at some point, but don't care much about whether they are my own flesh and blood.  This is good because I'm not going to freeze my eggs (expensive!), and I definately don't want to give birth.  I'm not too worried about a spouse wanting biological children.  If I even get married (leaning towards no, but falling in love could change my mind), he or she can get pregnant or impregnate someone else if they want their own biological children.

ive always wanted kids and still do.  funny thing is, even before i was out to myself i knew i didnt want anything popping out of there and always planned on adopting. :P

i think being a foster parent might be kindof neat.

Quote from: Mister on February 18, 2009, 02:10:22 PM
That's kind of a risky statement when your future kid is at stake, isn't it?

I've never seen any evidence that eggs die from exposure to testosterone. Thomas Beatie didn't have any problem... and he was on T for at least 10-15 years prior to becoming pregnant. I have no money for T, even, so egg storage is nowhere near a possibility.

SD

i've never understood the desire to have biological children.  there are kids out there waiting for homes.

Quote from: Josh on February 18, 2009, 03:29:04 PM
ive always wanted kids and still do.  funny thing is, even before i was out to myself i knew i didnt want anything popping out of there and always planned on adopting. :P

You know, I never wanted anything popping out of my bottom either.

Niether does my little sister...

So... I don't think most girls want to give birth. :P

They just want the baby. :P

Quote from: Sebastien on February 18, 2009, 07:13:59 PM

I've never seen any evidence that eggs die from exposure to testosterone. Thomas Beatie didn't have any problem... and he was on T for at least 10-15 years prior to becoming pregnant. I have no money for T, even, so egg storage is nowhere near a possibility.

SD

Five.

His kid is what, four months old?  And if there was anything wrong, do you think we'd have found out about it?

Pat Califia and Matt Rice had a kid years ago.  Their son is autistic.  could it be from T? Who knows.  There simply are not enough (any?) studies on this.  If I were child-inclined and had the anatomy to bear children, there's no way I'd want anything but the healthiest, safest way to conceive a kid.

I have no desire to have a child, and definantly not to have one popping out of me!  If I ever change my mind I can adopt.  I just hope that my sister will pass on the genetic line because I can't.

Quote from: Mister on February 18, 2009, 08:43:50 PM
Five.

His kid is what, four months old?  And if there was anything wrong, do you think we'd have found out about it?

Pat Califia and Matt Rice had a kid years ago.  Their son is autistic.  could it be from T? Who knows.  There simply are not enough (any?) studies on this.  If I were child-inclined and had the anatomy to bear children, there's no way I'd want anything but the healthiest, safest way to conceive a kid.

Apparently, Thomas Beatie was on testosterone, or at least did not experience menstruation, for 8 years prior to becoming pregnant. His child was born healthy, and is roughly 8 months old.

There are numerous causes of birth defects in children, and if you propose that ovarian exposure to testosterone causes these, what about birth control? How about the millions of women worldwide who go through years, even decades, of birth control pills, then stop and become pregnant? High levels of estrogen and progesterone can damage ovaries every bit as much as any other hormone, medication, or toxin. Should those people not be allowed to produce genetic offspring?

By the way... "In rare cases, autism is strongly associated with agents that cause birth defects."
--- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism)

Sorry, but I think there's a million reasons not to parent a child. If everyone worried so much about the potential complications, none of us would be here today.

SD

I'd really like to have a kid someday but only after transitioning or when I'm almost done with transitioning. I want to be able to support myself first before I have a kid. I would most likely adopt

Quote from: Aiden on February 18, 2009, 09:40:23 PM
I have no desire to have a child, and definantly not to have one popping out of me!  If I ever change my mind I can adopt.  I just hope that my sister will pass on the genetic line because I can't.

Yeah, my sister nearest in age to me is the only hope of my family's genetic line continuing.  I'm trans, my brother is gay, and my eldest sister does not want children.  Here's to hoping the possible childbearing sibling does not get another ovarian cyst and lose her last ovary.

Quote from: Sebastien on February 19, 2009, 12:49:39 AM

Apparently, Thomas Beatie was on testosterone, or at least did not experience menstruation, for 8 years prior to becoming pregnant. His child was born healthy, and is roughly 8 months old.

There are numerous causes of birth defects in children, and if you propose that ovarian exposure to testosterone causes these, what about birth control? How about the millions of women worldwide who go through years, even decades, of birth control pills, then stop and become pregnant? High levels of estrogen and progesterone can damage ovaries every bit as much as any other hormone, medication, or toxin. Should those people not be allowed to produce genetic offspring?

By the way... "In rare cases, autism is strongly associated with agents that cause birth defects."
--- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism)

Sorry, but I think there's a million reasons not to parent a child. If everyone worried so much about the potential complications, none of us would be here today.

SD

Five.  he was off for three years pre-pregnancy.

There is no known cause for Autism.  Everything from vaccines to birth control to environmental factors to gluten have been blamed with no definitive link (though i think i saw a headline the other day that disproves vaccines as a cause). 

The fact that you're willing to take a crapshoot with your kid is completely unbelievable to me.  Maybe it's because I was born with a spinal defect and live in daily pain and listen to the guilt my parents have for something they could have done/should have avoided doing.  To me, it's extremely selfish to not attempt the most healthy pregnancy you can, whether it be a mother who smokes, a a bad diet, a stressful life, or having yoru eggs swim in testosterone for x number of years.  While you, the parents, get to make choices during the pregnancy, it is your child who has to deal with them for life.

Dude, seriously... it's my frickin' choice, and you're pissing me off! My arguments are perfectly rational. I've had enough of your B.S.

In my research I found that there is risk of perminant stirilty when taking these hormones though.  That should least be considered.  Thomas may just been lucky.

That's fine. If I was going to end up sterile because I'm protecting my sanity by being on T, then children of my own would obviously be out of the question. However, if my eggs are viable, I intend upon having kids (99% likely by surrogate).

SD

And in general, having kids is a crapshoot for *everyone*.  Many *normal* folks have kids with birth defects, autism, etc.  And many transfolk have *normal* children.  If you want kids, do what it takes to have them.  There are no guarantees no matter *who* you are, rich, poor, cis-gendered, trans, or what have you.



Jay

Quote from: Sebastien on February 19, 2009, 07:15:27 PM
Dude, seriously... it's my frickin' choice, and you're pissing me off! My arguments are perfectly rational. I've had enough of your B.S.

My discussion points are rational as well.  If you choose to get pissed off at the internet, that's of your own choosing.  I was never disrespectful.

I have a daughter already. I decided that one's enough and that I've done my bit to "repopulate" the earth and so on.
I have also decided that if I were to change my mind and want to have another one later on, I'll adopt. I don't think your child needs to be yours by blood to be loved, taken care of, and happy.

Though the concept of being pregnant interests me, what it takes to get there and then deliver the wee bugger, puts me off XD

... plus, I've been wanting to adopt since I was 15. I have three, relatively normal siblings who I'm sure will happily deliver natal children. My step-dad has no biological children of his own but he's been the best father all of us have had (my lil brother and sister have a different dad to me and my older sister)

So in my experience, genetics aren't important at all.

Quote from: sneakersjay on February 20, 2009, 11:32:48 AM
And in general, having kids is a crapshoot for *everyone*.  Many *normal* folks have kids with birth defects, autism, etc.  And many transfolk have *normal* children.  If you want kids, do what it takes to have them.  There are no guarantees no matter *who* you are, rich, poor, cis-gendered, trans, or what have you.



Jay

Thank you, Jay... that's precisely what I was saying. Some people just don't seem to understand. By the way, Mister... unless you, personally, are the internet, your statement is a bit ridiculous. However, I'm done with that. I'm sorry you have trouble, but blaming others for your problems isn't the way to deal with it. If I choose to have children, that's my choice. I don't stick my head into other people's business, and I expect them to do the same.

SD

QuoteBy the way, Mister... unless you, personally, are the internet, your statement is a bit ridiculous. However, I'm done with that. I'm sorry you have trouble, but blaming others for your problems isn't the way to deal with it.

I have no idea what you're trying to say here.

Quote from: Mister on February 20, 2009, 05:39:42 PM
My discussion points are rational as well.  If you choose to get pissed off at the internet, that's of your own choosing.  I was never disrespectful.

Sebastian,

I once was The Internet for halloween, but I no longer have the costume.  You're still getting riled up over a completely civil conversation on the internet, which is your choice.  Apparently I should've added another noun for clarity, and for that I apologize.

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hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha not my problem.