Since my original plan of going back to school looks as if it's going to have to be put off, I've decided to bite the bullet and come out at work after all. So, I'm wondering what your opinion is on the restroom issue.
First let me fill in the details: I work in a fairly blue-collar environment in a semi-rural area about half an hour outside the Twin Cities. I don't plan to come out at work until I'm passing fairly regularly elsewhere. There are 2 sets of bathrooms in the facility: One is frequently used and conveniently located, the other is on the other side of the building and is much less frequently used.
So, do you think I should avoid the crowded bathroom for a while until the guys get used to seeing me as a guy, or should I force them to get used to it by asserting my right to be there right away? Which do you think would cause fewer problems with the guys I work with?
Any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated. Thanks.
I just used the women's restrooms (or disabled) until I couldn't any more because I was passing too much XD and I still don't like using the men's... they smell -_-
uh, but as a more helpful response... I'd say use the least populated bathroom until such a time your comfortable enough to use the main one (and the blokes there are treating you like one of em, or just aren't bothered by it).
I'd say use the lesser used ones for a little while at least...it depends really on their reactions...if some of the guys seem really uncomfortable you might want to give them some more time, but don't let their discomfort override your right to use the bathroom you should use. So basically, give them some courtesy buffer time but don't hide yourself away forever just for their comfort :P I'd say a month in the uncrowded bathroom, tops.
I say use the less crowded one but alternate with some "emergency" runs to the other one. I mean dont isolate just because they "might" be uncomfortable.
I did something similar in the uni. I went to the next building of our school to avoid my classmates or just going in hours they wont normally be there. But later the reactions made me feel a bit more comfortable and I started just using whichever was closer.
Its just your need of being comfortable its as important as theirs.
I'm out at work and passing pretty much 100% in public. Can't comment on the work bathroom situation as we have single unisex bathrooms where I work.
In public I do use the urinal all the time.
I guess if I were in your shoes I'd use the lesser used rest room until I mastered the stp (took me a good several months with adjustments in technique for southern growth) and then once passing more I'd just use the regular men's room and take a spot at the urinal. I'd hope by then they see you as a guy and that would help cement that.
Jay
Although my associates were very accepting, one piece of advice:
Generally, guys don't look at each other in the restroom. There is limited eye contact. In the men's room, its almost a courtesy to not acknowledge anyone else's existence. Which, in your case becomes an advantage. The less attention you draw to yourself, the easier it will be for you to utilize the more convenient restroom, when you are ready.
Once you have mastered your stp, you'll find your confidence level grows, too.
Good luck!
When I came out at work I told everyone that I would be using the disabled toilet as I didn't want to cause upset or embarrassment. Plus I preferred the disabled toilet too!
I would do it straight away though!
Since I came out in school half a year ago and I have used the male toilet since then, I can only advice you to give it a try when you feel like that.
I got the chance to get a key to a different toilet not used by anyone except of during exams, but I refused to take it. At first I feared the guys in my year were throwing me out of the room, but they never did that at all. There were some glances of the boys in my year or of others who know me, but I usually pass for all the boys who don't know me as long as I keep my mouth shut, so it works very well, better than I expected it to be.
I still prefer going there after the breaks and during lessons, but I go there during my breaks now as well, even my year-headteacher admired me for being so confident when he once saw me really going there.
I believe that it is some kind of respect you gain and people take you more seriously when you do that after coming out. (I made the experience that some folks asked whether it was just a phase or something like that... -.- >:( )
And I have to agree with MrMann. You don't really care about who is with you in the bathroom as a male, the entire 'procedure' in there is so different from what happens in a females' bathroom... [At least in Germany]