Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I typically hate polls where I can't answer any of the answers because they don't fit. I made a blog post about this subject. I've always felt more female than feminine, inside and out. My whole life. It sometimes bothers me because I WANT to feel more feminine than I do. I want to feel sexy, I want to feel cutesy and girly sometimes. I am not afraid of that. I just don't. I look in the mirror and I look like a normal girl next door. That should be a good thing BUT I do want to feel attractive and sexy sometimes, I just can't force it. I'm ok with it now, it's just this thing that hits me sometimes, you know? Like when I go out with really cute friends and they get attention, it's like "hey, I want that too!" but I really don't get approached by guys or anything because I don't think they see me that way. I don't know what they see me as, lol. Anyway, I'm blabbing.

Female or feminine? Which do you lean or have leaned more toward? Don't say both, even if you feel it, try to force yourself to pick one or the other :) Meghan

i definitely felt neither. i remember saying to my mom "hooray for mental androgyny!" when i was probably 14 or 15. i guess if i really try to put it in an either box, it would me masculine though.

Ugh, I don't like how this poll would force FTM's or masculine/male identified people to choose female...I think you all get the point...was it female/male or feminine/masculine?

I'd have to say growing up I felt more masculine. Not that I identified as female, but having a female body I thought that I couldn't be male.

Now coming to terms with who I am I feel more male than masculine.

Read my signature!


tink :icon_chick:

Female would be okay except the menstral cycles. I would like to have breasts. There are very few masculine things I get into. Don't like football, wrestlin, etc. I like to see pro bull riders when the bull wins. NASCAR is good for the crashes. NASCAR drivers have good safety gear so they rarely get hurt. A bull rider deserves to get hurt.

Quote from: Tink on March 14, 2009, 02:08:48 PM
Read my signature!
tink :icon_chick:

I know, silly! I know some of these questions seem kind of obvious Tink, but you know how it is going through thoughts and emotions and finding your place. Sometimes it feels liking walking in a new room in the dark and having to feel your way around even though it's very natural.

Quote from: Genevieve Swann on March 14, 2009, 02:16:09 PM
I like to see pro bull riders when the bull wins. NASCAR is good for the crashes. NASCAR drivers have good safety gear so they rarely get hurt. A bull rider deserves to get hurt.

I'm a destruction junky. I'm addicted to shows like "Destroyed in Seconds" and "Spike's Most Amazing Videos."

Though there are a few bull fighting accidents that are just too painful to watch like when the guy who tried to get away from the bull and got a horn in the butt. *cringes*

I suppose it depends on which period of my life was "growing up." Honestly, I've always identified as androgynous. Still do. I believe my mind is a pretty good balance of what are considered stereotypically masculine and feminine traits. However, I prefer to appear as male on the outside.

When I was a little kid, say from the age of real consciousness of self (around 3) to 10, I thought I was a boy. Once I hit 10 and got the wonderful female curse, though, I became basically androgynous. At 26, I feel like a guy who isn't afraid to show his feelings, go enthusiastically clothes-shopping, or watch a good romantic comedy and enjoy it.

SD

I choose female because most of my life growing up, I never fit in with the boys and always gravitated to the girls.  And my late girl cousin always would treat me as her sister.  God, I miss her.

QuoteMale

I always new I was male.

Jay

i thought of myself as a boy, so 'male'. but after puberty set in, i started forcing myself to accept 'girl'. funnily enough, puberty had me behaving more male than ever.

I grew up "male," but not "masculine."

"Masculine" would be GI Joe and Rambo. Me? Think "Ducky" from the movie Pretty In Pink or Brian Johnson from The Breakfast Club: the lovable loser.

Guys like Ducky and Brian "us weirdoes" Johnson were my only real role models. Most other males around me that I was aware of were very macho, and that just wasn't me.

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on March 14, 2009, 02:16:45 PM
I know, silly! I know some of these questions seem kind of obvious Tink, but you know how it is going through thoughts and emotions and finding your place. Sometimes it feels liking walking in a new room in the dark and having to feel your way around even though it's very natural.

O perhaps ... like learning to walk on water? It comes, Meghan; and it appears to have come to you.

Nichole

I don't know if you have had those feelings . I look at my hands for example while writing this post and it feels surreal because they are not mine . Or the time that i take a shower and i realize that this is all wrong and i start to cry . Or being in a social gathering and doing or saying something that a man would do or say and having this feeling all the while that something is out of place .Learned behavior such as lighting a cigarette and the way i put it out in the ashtray , i do it and one millisecond after that i get a flash and ask my self why did i do it in that certain way.

When i force my self to strip all that was learned i am left with one inalienable truth, what i have always known to be me.

 

Female.

Nothing but female!

Well growing up I felt more comfortable making friends with girls. When I did the poll I did it before I even read your posts for the reason for your poll Meghan, and I clicked female automatically before I even read the other options so I guess that answers it for me. But then I like  Tink's signature, too.

All of my friends are women but I don't have any problems talking with guys either. But then I talk to kids, their pet puppy dogs, cats and probably even a lamp post if there was no one else around to talk to. Wing Walker could pass as a very larg planter at times, I'm thinking about getting a pet turtle. "Hee, hee." Just kiddin.

Cindy

Definitely masculine, I HATED people thinking I was girly in any slight way. People thought I was a guy a lot when I was a kid and I never "corrected" them. I liked it that way. .. Then puberty hit :( So I never felt totally male because of my body

I guess, if I had to choose one of these options, I'd choose neither. At this specific instance in time, it seems to most accurately fit me growing up.

I am, not sure how to answer your poll, Meghan.  In some ways I really envy all the young 'uns on here.  They have access to forums like this and so much information.  Back in the dark ages I was very sheltered.  I grew up knowing only that something was wrong.  I was convinced no one else ever had these crazy thoughts, like my body and I am out of sync here.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

I don't understand the question.
I THINK Female.  Or maybe it was masculine?  Because I mean, I was definitely trying to be a normal boy, it was just something that I knew wasn't me the whole time.  But I've never been super super girly either.  I'm more girly than some.  But not like over the top.  I would say amongst my friends, I'm the most girly, but amongst the general populace, probably only at 70 percent girly.

I don't know!!!

Female Of Course

I really do not know any other way. From such a very young age I was doing all of the things little girls did. Without going into an extreamly long post I pretty much grew up as a girl. I don't ever remember doing boy things.

Deb

I bet it would be an interesting story.  ;D

Cindy

I had a really hard time choosing what to pick, too.  And that surprised me a little.  I'm a gg, and I was expecting the answer to pop into my head immediately but it didn't.. and then I tried to separate my femininity from my being female and I couldn't.  My thought process was kinda..

"What is more important to my identity: my femininity or my body?" *crickets chirp*
"...Well, if I was a guy, would I still be feminine?  I.. think so.."
"Soooo maybe you should answer feminine?"

So I did.  Feminine it is. :) But I feel masculine sometimes, too, and sometimes I feel like an even mixture of both. :-\ At those times, maybe I would have answered female...?  Gah!

Good question. :)

ps- It would have been the same growing up, too.  Except I think growing up I never had moments of feeling masculine so my vote would be even more accurate.

Honestly, I'm somewhat baffled by people's responses to this poll. Personally, I took a lot of time thinking about it, and realized that I never really thought of myself as either, though now I identify as male. Do most people just answer automatically in concordance with their current state, or have you really all felt exactly the same your entire lives?

I would have thought more people would say neither... not just those who identify as androgynous already. And btw, this isn't meant to ruffle any feathers... I'm just curious.

SD

Quote from: Sebastien on March 16, 2009, 02:23:52 PM
Honestly, I'm somewhat baffled by people's responses to this poll. Personally, I took a lot of time thinking about it, and realized that I never really thought of myself as either, though now I identify as male. Do most people just answer automatically in concordance with their current state, or have you really all felt exactly the same your entire lives?

I would have thought more people would say neither... not just those who identify as androgynous already. And btw, this isn't meant to ruffle any feathers... I'm just curious.

SD

Mine wasn't clear cut all the way through either. Like I said in my original post:

Quote from: Nero on March 14, 2009, 05:07:51 PM
i thought of myself as a boy, so 'male'. but after puberty set in, i started forcing myself to accept 'girl'. funnily enough, puberty had me behaving more male than ever.

there was a definite demarcation in mine. Before 11, I thought of myself as a boy (though intellectually knew I was a girl), but then puberty set in at 11 years old, and I forced myself to accept being a girl and I tried unsuccessfully for awhile to fit the role.

From early childhood up to mid teens I could have said *nether.* I didn't identify as neither, although I preferred associating more with girls then I did boys, and most other times I was a loner. I didn't really start thinking there was something wrong with why I was so much more interested in relating with girls until I was in my mid twenties and discovered I was not interested in girls like guys are.

But there was no way for me to know what was strong until to many years later when I found out about transsexuality. So it would be difficult to have a pat answer to this poll under those circumstances. The closest I could come would be *Neither* when I was a kid, to *confused* in between, and definitely *female* after I discovered there was a name for it, what it meant, and it could be corrected. Then it made sense why I felt the way I did about my innerself and my desire to be the same on the outside. *Female*

Cindy

Quote from: Sebastien on March 16, 2009, 02:23:52 PM
Honestly, I'm somewhat baffled by people's responses to this poll. Personally, I took a lot of time thinking about it, and realized that I never really thought of myself as either, though now I identify as male. Do most people just answer automatically in concordance with their current state, or have you really all felt exactly the same your entire lives?

I would have thought more people would say neither... not just those who identify as androgynous already. And btw, this isn't meant to ruffle any feathers... I'm just curious.

SD

I didn't answer because I wasn't sure how, I'm similar to you only the opposite.
I am a bit surprised as well.

Quote from: Kristi on March 15, 2009, 08:57:34 PM
I am, not sure how to answer your poll, Meghan.  In some ways I really envy all the young 'uns on here.  They have access to forums like this and so much information.  Back in the dark ages I was very sheltered.  I grew up knowing only that something was wrong.  I was convinced no one else ever had these crazy thoughts, like my body and I am out of sync here.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

I felt exactly the same way. I was 100% convinced that I was the only person who felt this way, and I had no idea how to categorize it. When I first encountered transgendered people in the media (whether transsexual, drag queens, crossdressers, Tootsie/Some-Like-It-Hot man-in-a-dress gags) I came to the conclusion I was a degenerate freak. :(

I grew up confused ...  ???. That's the best way I could put it. I was born a girl, went through phases of trying to fit into my skin ... being girly, being a tomboy, being a lesbian, then a butch lesbian, then classified as a bulldyke (I hate that term) ... but inside, I always knew I was a boy ...

Quote from: Alyssa M. on March 16, 2009, 07:59:28 PM
When I first encountered transgendered people in the media (whether transsexual, drag queens, crossdressers, Tootsie/Some-Like-It-Hot man-in-a-dress gags) I came to the conclusion I was a degenerate freak. :(

Yes that was me as well, which is probably the reason I had such a hard time admitting who I was, even to myself.  The media is not kind to us even now, but it has come a very long way since the days of portraying Max Klinger as a looney bird, and constantly decrying Renée Richards as nothing but a perverted sicko.  Those stereotypes haunted me for many years.  If I was one, I certainly could never let anyone know about it, even myself.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Tanks Kristi

QuoteIf I was one, I certainly could never let anyone know about it, even myself.

That is the clincher that kept me in the closet for a lot of years as well. Who could I talk to about my confusion?

So if I am referring to the past to answer this poll, it would have been, confused and scared 

Cindy

QuoteMale

Was a boy when I was a little kid then a man but always male  8) 8) 8)

Like others I was convinced I was a freak and indeed told so many times. Sure, I saw in magazines the super feminine TS's of the time but felt that was unreachable and not really myself.

To be totally honest I've never been totally happy with female stereotypes but am not sure if that's just denial due to be not classically pretty enough to pull them off. That combined with having a very female identity messed with my head.

So at the end of the day have to say female/feminine...

Female.

I didn't think I was a freak... honestly, I had no clue there were female-to-male transsexuals until I was 18 and saw Boys Don't Cry. Prior to that, I think I'd heard of drag queens, but obviously never equated that with transsexualism. As far as I was aware, "women" who liked girls and tended to dress in a more masculine fashion were lesbians. I saw a news program on lesbian families when I was 10, the first thing I had ever heard about lesbians in general (my parent kept me COMPLETELY sheltered), and decided that must be me... though I never did feel comfortable with the lesbian label. And seeing Boys Don't Cry was enlightening, but only in that I knew what I was, yet didn't want to be it. I didn't want to be persecuted and beaten down and possibly killed for who I was.

I never really felt like anything, really. My parents and those around me were always so convinced I was a girl, and despite my telling them for years that I was a boy, no one believed me. The signals in my head conflicted with those in the outside world, so I compromised: I became both and neither, an entity comprised of flesh and bone and substance but without gender identity. Perhaps that's why it took me 24 years to start my transition.

SD

A girly female is my choice because I feel most at ease when I think of myself as a woman. I want to accept everything that goes with being a woman, good or bad!

Dani

I chose masculine because quite frankly, I couldn't grok the difference between male and female for a while but knew I was being pressured into being a "girl" even if I didn't feel like one. But being told I'm a girl I didn't work out that I was a "boy" because that would mean people were lying to me.
I knew I wasn't a girl. I didn't understand how I wasn't a boy, but I knew I wasn't "something that was called a boy"...


if that makes any sense

I chose Neither.

I grew up with a girl's body but never considered myself female and certainly not feminine. I called myself "Jimmy" as a child but never considered myself male or masculine.

I had a hard time with this one. I ended up answering "neither", which isn't really right but is the closest.

When I was growing up, I had been told that I was a boy, dressed like a boy, treated like a boy, given boy's toys, and all of that stuff. I never felt right being a boy and always looked at the girls and wanted to be one of them, but they never really accepted me (Ewww! a Boy! icky). I had been convinced that I was supposed to be a boy, but could never figure out how I was supposed to act, or what the deal was with so many of the things that 'boys' are 'supposed' to be interested in or act like.

As I got older and started to realize that there were distinct differences between boys and girls in what they did and how they acted, I wanted even more to be one of the girls, still not accepted, though I did have more friends that were girls than boys. Because of this, I never was allowed to learn how to be a girl or feminine and being masculine was also a very foreign concept. I did try to play the part of a boy and managed to succeed to some extent.

When I started approaching puberty, I really started to realize the physical differences between boys and girls. I was in my teens before I had ever seen what was under the girls clothes (I was rather clueless). It was around that time that I really started noticing how a girls pants, bathing suits, leotards, etc fit so snuggly in the crotch and didn't have that ugly, stupid, disgusting bulge down there. That was the time that I guess I really started to hate my body and really wished that I could have been born a girl. But I always knew that I was supposed to be a boy/man and continued to act the part and restrained that female part of me and the male still didn't fit.

I would love to be more feminine and feel more girly - lots of practice. Now, I don't really have any GG friends who I am close enough to that I can come out to and hope to become a girl friend and learn all of those girly things I have always wanted to learn. Maybe soon, maybe soon.

Deanna

When I was younger (5-11) I didn't really have an identity. I just took myself as female because that's how everyone saw me. I tried to be girly, and maybe I even believed it but when puberty happened and the changes started to take place I realized something was horribly, horribly wrong.

So now I identify as masculine. Masculine what? Don't know. I'm inclined to think I'm a guy but teens are frequently delusional so I am trying to be wary of stupid decisions. I still look like a woman and I'm treated like one and there's no changing that until I can find a therapist and work this mess out.

I grew up masculine, but with an somewhat private feminine streak. I was never very sporty, preferring to read, and I remember playing with my sister's toys (she also played with my toys as well, although by the time my younger brothers were born she stopped doing so). I considered myself a boy, and I still consider myself a man - I'm just not the stereotypical, gender role serving kind.

Quote from: childofwinter on October 13, 2009, 01:15:44 PM
I grew up masculine, but with an somewhat private feminine streak. I was never very sporty.

Yeah. This.