I feel like I'm going to get sick, my body is trembling, I've been crying at work off and on and I'm ready to go into an anxiety attack!!!
I now know that things will never work, this has been coming for the past three years and things have gotten so bad that we fight everyday now.
I share in the responsibility of our failed marriage, but I will not accept all the blame.
The more I am myself, the more controlling she becomes smothering me everyday. She knows I'm leaving, just doesn't no it's today. When she wakes up I'll be gone...
I tried telling her to com to susans forums, not for me, but for her own sanity, she refuses to look at anything regarding transgender. I even entertained the thought to her about me looking into ways for counseling to make sure I'm a true girl and what not. But nothing will ever be good enough for her....
I love you wife, I'm sorry are marriage ended so tragically...
Goodbye wife.....
Wow! That's heavy....I've left some places. But usually people leave me. Granted, I'm usually glad to see them go. But I often wonder what I could have done to make it work out. But then I reflect and realize that I did everything I possibly could. Anyway, I now keep all relationships on a "JUST FRIENDS" basis. Who knows, maybe I'll find that special someone some day. But I'm not holding my breath :laugh:
Oh Scarboroughfair, I am sorry that it had to come down to this stage. But I understand how you fell. My ex and I also ended our 20 year marriage last year and the divorce should be final this month.
But you are right in that you should not accept all of the blame. A marriage survives or fails, based on both parties. But it will get better, I know this. Because I have and am there. I still miss her, but I have to be who I am.
And I dare anyone to tell me that I don;'t know this subject, because I have lived it.
Janet
Hang in there sister, and don't beat yourself up or harm yourself. Remember you've many friends here :)
Hi Scarboroughfair
So sorry to hear about your having to split from your wife. I shed a few tears as I read your post. I could feel the emotion in it. Some that were very familiar to me.
Be strong and may God bless.
Cindy
Congratulations (and its not sarcasm)
Dear scarbourghfair
I fell for you and your wife. You obviously love her. My thoughts are with you. Be strong.
Love and Hugs
Cindy James
I'm so sry to hear about what your going through and I'm sure you have been told this numerous times, but remember that things happen for a reason and as time goes on, things will get better. I know this isn't the same situation, but love is love and approx a year ago I went through a break up with a girl who I loved more then anything and it really hurt, but as time went on, the pain eased away, although for me it's ben replaced by even more pain of not being the girl I want to be.
It appears to me that you have to go your own way for your own survival, and they need to learn how to survive on their own resources.
Cindy
Rule 1: Whatever one's sexuality, don't sleep with one's friends.
I'm happy for you. It seems as like you have found something better. If a person lives in a relationship with continual tension something has to break eventually. Sometimes its better to run from the time bomb before it goes off.
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SBF:
I thoroughly understand what you have been through with you marriage.
My transition was only the last straw in a failed relationship and it takes two to tango and I won't accept more than 50% of the blame for the failure.
In order to go forward, you must leave some things behind. And it sounds like you know this as well. This can be a bitter pill for us to swallow, but to become whole we must move on. You have my sympathies and my hugs. Be strong.
Please examine your feelings with your friend and make sure that you are not jumping from one relationship to another. Also if he is as you said he is, and he is not into dating a transwoman, it could permanently damage the relationship if you try to push things. You may have a crush on him, but if it isn't reciprocal then you'll end up broken hearted again.
-Sandy
I'm sorry for your breakup but you really need to cool your heals right now. You need a lawyer as you are the meal ticket for your family. Good luck.
Quote from: Sheila on April 05, 2009, 08:57:45 PM
I'm sorry for your breakup but you really need to cool your heals right now. You need a lawyer as you are the meal ticket for your family. Good luck.
I agree with this. Your sitch is not a recipe for a easy, amicable split. You should probably focus your positive energies on getting a lawyer, and the negative energies... would you be open and able to getting yourself a therapist? You sound a little frantic.
Let me say I am sorry for what you're going through. I personally dealt with different circumstances but probably similar emotions when my life started imploding due to gender issues, so I think I can understand something of what you feel. I don't want to get crazy with platitudes, but time -more than anything else- helped heal the pain.
On the positive side, your journey toward a more authentic and fulfilling life has begun :). Just, seriously, don't get crazy with pushing yourself on guys who aren't interested, especially ones who are helping you out.
Why would someone marry a woman portraying themselves as a man and going through a wedding if they are Transsexual?
I know it happens and it's sad when couples split but at some point in that situation it's likely to be the outcome.
Did you had any sign of attraction towards her to begin with? I feel bad that this sort of thing happen, but the wife love you for who you portray yourself in the beginning. She thought you were a 'normal' heterosexual man, and you were not up front with her and told her the real truth. Or at least find time for yourself, to really know what's wrong, so she doesn't come along to live so many years with something that that was never there.
I just feel that this was a bad situation in the beginning right from the get go. I hope the best for you, but imagine what your wife is feeling...
Quote from: Paulina on April 19, 2009, 03:16:57 AM
Did you had any sign of attraction towards her to begin with? I feel bad that this sort of thing happen, but the wife love you for who you portray yourself in the beginning. She thought you were a 'normal' heterosexual man, and you were not up front with her and told her the real truth. Or at least find time for yourself, to really know what's wrong, so she doesn't come along to live so many years with something that that was never there.
I just feel that this was a bad situation in the beginning right from the get go. I hope the best for you, but imagine what your wife is feeling...
Thanks Paulina, you put things across better than I do and I completely agree with your post.
Yeah I know it is somewhat harsh to say, but really you can't blame the wife (nobody here to blame except for society and poor judgment), but it would be a different story if she knew of this and she still went along with the marriage. But she didn't have a clue, and so one day many years later her man starts wearing wigs and make up, and saying he is now a woman... That's shocking, and means a failure of marriage, since unless your bi you always like men. I am thinking he married only for himself to say that he is straight, or at least 'normal' in the eyes of society and he love her like he would a best friend (not a wife). Isn't that just a bit selfish?
The true victim here is the wife... and I know that is tough to say since being a transsexual is hard. But it's one thing to be a transsexual, and another thing to drag someone through many years to end up like this.
It's too late to go to the past, and the only thing now would be just to do what you're planning to do and fix it, but consider your wife... can't blame her.
Quote from: Naturally Blonde on April 18, 2009, 06:39:14 AM
Why would someone marry a woman portraying themselves as a man and going through a wedding if they are Transsexual?
Are you serious?
Maybe someone marries a woman because he loves her. Many of us who married thought it would cure the strange stuff in our minds. Others fooled themselves for many years thinking they could live with it, only to have the feelings get stronger and stronger as the years go by until something happens and this all explodes. Some of us so compartmentalize our thoughts and feelings that we were not even honest with ourselves.
I have yet to meet one of us who married a woman thinking: Hey I think I can make this woman's life miserable by dragging her through this, wouldn't that be so much fun?
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Quite agree Kristi, For me I was looking for a loving partner and looking to have a family. But it was because of who I am that I attracted the negative and abusive type. They knew they could get away with it and took full advantage of it. As much as I wish I had transitioned at a younger age it was not meant to be, but at least I had no dependents under my roof when I began my transitioning journey.
However no transition goes without it's bumps, we do loose people and things as we go. You may be lucky if you get to keep your suspender so you won't loose your panties. But things can be replaced and we do make new friends and life goes on.
Cindy
That's heartwrenching. Sorry 'bout your split. Keep your chin up, Babe.
Quote from: Paulina on April 19, 2009, 04:36:40 AM
Yeah I know it is somewhat harsh to say, but really you can't blame the wife (nobody here to blame except for society and poor judgment), but it would be a different story if she knew of this and she still went along with the marriage. But she didn't have a clue, and so one day many years later her man starts wearing wigs and make up, and saying he is now a woman... That's shocking, and means a failure of marriage, since unless your bi you always like men. I am thinking he married only for himself to say that he is straight, or at least 'normal' in the eyes of society and he love her like he would a best friend (not a wife). Isn't that just a bit selfish?
The true victim here is the wife... and I know that is tough to say since being a transsexual is hard. But it's one thing to be a transsexual, and another thing to drag someone through many years to end up like this.
It's too late to go to the past, and the only thing now would be just to do what you're planning to do and fix it, but consider your wife... can't blame her.
I agree again Paulina. Very rarely is the point of view of the poor wife taken into consideration. I still find it hard for someone to suddenly come out and say there are transsexual after years of marriage as a normal hetrosexual man.