my condition terrifys me and I wish someone would listen.
::listens:: :)
We are here for you.
Huh? What is your condition?
I'm guessing either rotting teeth or GID...
EDIT: Or both... that would suck...
We are all her for you. And we take things seriously. There is a lot of help here. Please post. Don't be afraid. We have heard it all. So post don't be frightened.
Love
Cindy james
no GID. I know what I am. but no one around me believes it. that makes it hard...being the only person you know to believe something, something arguably significant, something that is rooted deep in the core of your being that affects so many things in your everyday life...I cringe when people call me by my birthname, use feminine pronouns to describe me, call me "ma'am" in public...ma'am, miss, lady, woman, all because I have boobs and a vagina instead of a penis. does that really necessarily make me a woman? I would think that a conscious person telling you what gender they are makes them that gender. but unfortunately it isn't that easy. no one wants to believe it, because it makes them uncomfortable, or they are emotionally/psychologically attached to your birth gender, or they are skeptical that such a condition actually exists, or that it could be physiological rather than psychological.
now, I have been almost certain of this condition for at least 3 years, and felt very awkward trying to live as a girl for at least 5. I suppose the ideal thing to do would be to talk to a professional, a psychiatrist or psychologist, but there are two problems with that. first, I have no health insurance and no money. second, who's to say a "professional" would even know? I would have to find one who has experience with transsexuals, and there may not even be such a person in my area.
I understand that in my case, it is possible (though I seriously doubt it) that it could all be psychological, that I am not a genuine transsexual and am simply suffering from some psychological trauma that I experienced in childhood, maybe...I'm too open-minded to reject that possibility, as much as I want to.
and I really, really want to. the way I see it, if there is a woman in me somewhere, I want her dead. wiped out, erased, deleted, gone. I have no desire to live as a woman, or try to "save" the woman in me, if there even is one. as I see it, it's too late for that, and would take far more work (extensive therapy), cost too much...really, all it would take is for a "professional" to believe in me, give me support, and what MAY have started as psychological trauma would disappear. I would be so thrilled that I could finally start my transition, so excited about it, that I'd likely forget what the word "trauma" even means.
but I can tell you...that cannot be the case. there is no woman in me. a feminine side, sure...but a woman? no. I'm not going to have surgeries and hormones and then several years down the line REGRET IT ALL and wish to be a woman...no, I never wanted to be one, never will. I have a memory of telling my parents, when I was 5 years old, that "when I grow up I'm gonna turn into a boy." see, I knew it would happen, but they shrugged it off as a silly comment from a child. hmm.
Well, You sound normal to me but that may not be the glowing endorsment you wish. Yes finding and seeing a therapist would be a good start, Many have a sliding scale. You might also go to a planned parenthood clinic and they may be able to point you to a nearby therapist.
As to the condition actually existing, I can assure you that it truly does exist.
It sounds like you've been this way all your life. If you did tell your parents at age 5 and you still feel that way today. Well there is a very good chance that your trans.
Got questions, The folks where may not have all the answers But at least you'll find a willing ear to bend
Take care
Beni
Hi
Fistly ther a lot of FtMs here, they are my Brothers, Im MtF. I and everyone on this site knows the feelings. You are know in family who will help and support you.
As Beni said, try and find a therapist. I presume you're in the USA, I'm in Australia so the ground rules are different.
But the feelings are the same.
I suggest repeating your post but as FtM then the guys will pick up on it easier
Rotting Teeth, as a fellow FTM I can understand how you feel 110%.
Just as Cindy James stated we all are here to help you, to listen and we all have been through similar experiances with our "transitions" no matter how far we go.
No it doesn't help having no money or heath insurance. But cant you get a job or something? Like the old saying goes "Where there is a will, there is a way."
I can tell from your post you sound very angry, agitated and doubting yourself aswell.
There alot of us guys here try the Female To Male board for previous posts.
Jay
It's okay, lot's of people are like that. This is the condition known as Gender Idenity Disorder. It's doesn't mean that you are wrong about your gender, just that it's different from your physical sex.
Wow, coming on this forum has been a real eye-opener for me. When I was little, I belived everyone wanted to be a girl, because it was 110% better then being a boy. I always felt sorry for my male classmates... :(
I am growing to hate the term Gender Identity Disorder. If sex describes the physical body a person is born with and gender describes things they do which socially are assigned as being typical of either sex (masculine/feminine), then my
gender identity isn't causing me one bit of trouble, it's my
sex identity... isn't it? I could honestly care less about how innately feminine or masculine I am, it's this stupid body that I hate. Semantics, I know...
Rottingteeth, I could have written that whole post to describe myself, changing woman for man (except maybe the bit about psychological trauma) so I definitely understand how you feel, especially about the frustration of people not taking it seriously. If you ever need to rant, I'm here for ya :).
Quote from: Heartwood on April 09, 2009, 12:02:32 PM
When I was little, I belived everyone wanted to be a girl, because it was 110% better then being a boy. I always felt sorry for my male classmates... :(
I always thought the same thing, but I eventually realized my friends weren't also secretly wishing they were girls. Finding that out really made me feel alone in the world.
I don't like the term GID either. to me it implies that the person is confused about what gender they are. I am not confused. I just wish people would see that and take me seriously. not forget immediately after I tell them, and continue to refer to me with my birthname and feminine pronouns, as if I was joking, or it's not important.
Quote from: Jen on April 09, 2009, 11:50:04 PMI always thought the same thing, but I eventually realized my friends weren't also secretly wishing they were girls. Finding that out really made me feel alone in the world.
After they told me, I just assumed they were lying and ashamed of it. :P
It took this forum to convince me that boys accually see something in being a boy.
Quote from: rottingteeth on April 13, 2009, 05:03:02 PM
I don't like the term GID either. to me it implies that the person is confused about what gender they are. I am not confused.
EXACTLY I couldn't agree more with one statement in my life.
I
know what I am, I am not confused about anything! Grrrrr!!!
Jay