I think I finally have realized after last week getting self-destructive (strangling), enough is enough. I cannot live like this anymore. I wasn't even thinking about transition, but it came after the fact. I have started up HRT again, I think I need to do this regardless of the outcome, but it makes me sad too. Like I am about to let go of a whole life I have lived as male, but now realizing it is not going to work. I think I maybe androgyne as I have stuff of both, but believe I need E and spiro to keep my sanity.
Is it normal to go through a grieving period upon realization of something massive like this?
I am not sure. I was so over joyed at becoming my self that I never gave it a thought. Now I don't wish that life back at all. I have a new life. And you will too.
Janet
Quote from: findingreason on April 06, 2009, 10:09:28 PM
I think I finally have realized after last week getting self-destructive (strangling), enough is enough. I cannot live like this anymore. I wasn't even thinking about transition, but it came after the fact. I have started up HRT again, I think I need to do this regardless of the outcome, but it makes me sad too. Like I am about to let go of a whole life I have lived as male, but now realizing it is not going to work. I think I maybe androgyne as I have stuff of both, but believe I need E and spiro to keep my sanity.
Is it normal to go through a grieving period upon realization of something massive like this?
For some it is normal, yes.
Some experience grief, some guilt, some euphoria, some get a bit of it all.
Remember, you aren't leaving, you're just changing the packaging a bit.
I think that's quite common hon. I still have moments where I regret the things given up, but it doesn't last that long these days since I'm really starting to be happy for the first time in my life. Big changes in our lives inevitably cause a sense of fear and loss, simply because you are leaving the familiar behind and setting off into the unknown, but it gets better. :)
Mina.
Janet has a very good atitude. Greiving can be good if one can look at the constructed aspects. Maybe you're leaving something behind you did'nt want from the beginning. Just an opinion.
I've seen a lot of people grieve, most of them after they've hit rock bottom and decided to transition. The consensus seems to be that there's a feeling of failure- that they weren't having a successful life as one sex and are now giving the other a shot. For most people, that feeling passes. The best advice I can give you is to not allow yourself to believe that transition will solve all your problems. You'll still have debt, a fractured relationship with a family member or whatever your situation is, you'll just have it in the middle of a transition. good luck.