hello, recently found this forum and ive been looking for a support group or at least somewhere to find some answers and help. Ive known im female inside for years, my entire life, we all know this here. I have finally decided to do something about it, i hope to begin the process this year, ive spent my life hiding in a miserable depression due to fear of how my family would react (if i got disowned i was screwed) so i just have a few questions that are eating at me, if anyone would be able to help
My greatest concern is have I waited too long? I am 18 1/2 and concerned if i missed the window to still have good results, my friends have said i have the body for this, male hasn't embedded itself that good thankfully its bad enough to want to cry every time i shower ha. Heres a poor picture of me, best i can do for now having spent my life avoiding photographs ha. just in true need of any motivation i can get.
http://mingle2.com/images/users/60/30/670037_8707.jpg (http://mingle2.com/images/users/60/30/670037_8707.jpg)
I could use any advice you are willing to give, such as how to begin everything, or how to so much as tell family. A big thank you in advance it means a lot to me. Hope to become a good part of the community in time to later on help another in this same problem.
Hi Coat, 18-1/2 is not too old, take me for instance I'm 57 and started transitioning last year, the results are really good so far although probably slower than what you would will get. I looked at your picture and you really will look great after hormones get going.
To get started you need to find a gender therapist, if you are under your parents insurance you will need to tell them, this is one of the hardest things you will do. If they are pretty open to things in general and if you have a good relationship with them it may go ok, if not be prepared to be disowned or kicked out, there is no way of really knowing. There are allot of resources here on coming out to your parents, so read and then decide on what you want to say and either write the words down on paper or in a word document, keep it short only a page long, you don't want to give information overload, find a time where there are no other crisis going on and they have time, maybe schedule a time, but do it in person. I'm not trying to scare you but these are the sad realities sometimes. Get and read the book True Selves this book explains things in detail and was written by a gender therapist, give it to your parent's to read.
You need to start growing your hair, it takes a long time to grow to the length you may want, hair grows about 1/2" a month.
Get some girls jeans, they look similar to guys but can be a little fancier if you want, girls tennis shoes are the same way.
Keep us updated on how it's going.
HUGS!
Paula.
thank you so much for the info, ive been needing that. Glad to hear i didnt miss my chance. Though i am curious of one thing from all the research- hip and breast development can still be complete at this age correct?
I plan to tell my dad everything soon, i have backup plans just incase, of the two im sure he'l be the one to understand, mom would disown me lol. A good friend of mine will give me a place to live if worse comes to worse (I <3 that lesbian, shes the first i ever told and has helped me so much).
In terms of everything else, I have begun the little lifestyle changes to be more true to myself, though clothing will not change drastically, im a tomboy girl at heart, i want out of the male clothing haha. Hair wont be a problem either, mine naturally grows extra fast so its a plus. :)
Thank you for all the support :)
Hi Coatl. You're at the prime age for transition. Don't even worry on that front.
I don't think hip development happens after puberty but I could be wrong.
ahh, yeah i was just curious after seeing some results of others and all, luckily my hips are above average for male anyway haha, another plus. Glad to ehar this is a good point, ive really been freaking out a little of if i lost chance for good results lol i love to eha rim wrong sometimes ha! :D
Your definitely not to old. As mentioned a gender therapist is the place to start and then go from there. Definitely surf the old postings on this site and you can always ask if you can't find what your looking for.
Welcome
Myles
il be sure to look up one in this area, thank you for the help everyone, glad this is such a kind community :D
Any tips with that? research an understanding one then spill my guts ive been hiding for so long? Tired of living a lie and time to be who I am! :D
Thank you everyone
Post Merge: April 16, 2009, 06:33:14 PM
I have been reading some of the stories and information on the site and i must say my hopes and confidence have been raised greatly, ive been terrified of resulting as basically my current self with breasts, now seeing and hearing results from people at 23 and even later has helped my confidence greatly now that i see just how much hormones can repair this body to the way it should be. If anyone has any stories or words to share im always open to know more of what i can expect. Thank you everyone I am feeling much more confident! To finnaly be female outside aswell as inside and be proud of who i am :D
Hi Coatl, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 2100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
I am one of the older girls here also. 55 years young. One year on HRT. 6 months RLE.
Janet
Not that I heard of, I read that the land of no return is 27, somewhere lol on this forum. Actually your face is great, since it doesn't look masculine yet. Your shoulders are narrow as well, and that is what I notice a lot. I am guessing you're 5'6-5'8, since you appear small frame. Or your head is really proportional to your shoulders. It's all great.
I understand what you mean lol, about the breast and being current self. This is one of my worse nightmares: http://musingsonlifelawandgender.typepad.com/photos/transition/blksuit.jpg (http://musingsonlifelawandgender.typepad.com/photos/transition/blksuit.jpg) But I have yet to see this type of face at all on this forum, and everyone seem so incredibly beautiful.
Well I believe that hormone treatment would help you a lot, and I am pretty certain you be passable even at that stage. Maybe, just maybe some facial surgery on your nose, and forehead since I notice an indention (a shadow; if it's smooth then nvm). Then you be certain passable without any doubts from anyone, and any other surgery would be just to enhance it to become a pretty to beautiful woman.
27 is when most/all bone change stops -- if you get on HRT before then you can at least get partial female bone development. But it's by no means a 'land of no return' because many people transition after that and look fabulous.
The real truth is this:
It's never too late, but if you're sure it's what you want to do then the time to start is *right now*.
Ha, I was about 50 before I started HRT. at 18-1/2, you'll be fine. Maybe not much hip, but Butt....now that can grow... even at 50 (thanks MOM ;-)..
So don't let that guy in a dress thing stop you. I wished I had started at 18, I wanted to at 13, but in 1969 in Savannah, that was NOT going to happen.
Beni
Thank you so much everyone ive been needing to hear all this, especialy you Paulina, i needed that and your right on all accounts, 5'6, small, etc, i concur on the nose though lol, so relieved to hear so many comments to il look great afterward, that little fear was eating me a little. You all are helping so much, thank you, i cant say it enough!
Post Merge: April 17, 2009, 01:05:02 AM
PS: Thank you for the warm welcome into the community, all of you are such great people, I cant express my gratitude enough, ive needed this for so long, thank you everyone!
You're 5'6, that's awesome, you're totally going to pass at that height. I'm an inch taller than that, and I think it's like on the norm for a girl, but on the tall side for a girl. Now for a guy it's short side. It works.
I didn't mean that you won't be passable because of the nose, but just to feminized it a bit like smaller in width and a bit upturned. But you really will pass.
Beni I am still amaze how beautiful you look, at 50! I said this before but you could pass as 36 or 38.
Coatl I sent a private message :)
Thank you Paulina! Glad you think so! Being passable is important to me in getting this started!
I do agree with Paulina, Beni, gorgeous for your age! :)
Trying to reply to your PM Paulina but keeps giving me this error :(
Hi Coatl, and welcome
You need at least 15 post to open up the various things like PMs etc.
Glad your already making friends
Coatl so how did you deal with it, like during those early-mid teenage years, I dealt with them with super repression and depression. and more depression and repression.
Did you display those actions and when you realize society didn't accept it, stop it?
how did i deal? lol i didn't, I've always been an anti social depressed type to busy fighting an inner battle to bother with the outside world, my closest escape was video games, its why I'm a gamer to "be" female in an alternate world for a few hours, but i made an oath to myself at 18 at the latest I'd do something about it, took half a year to work up the courage but i have finally got this started. I died a little more inside with every male reminder aimed toward me, resulted in my going mute for a few years, etc, could add more detail but im sure you know the emotion drenched in the misery of it all. now i just idly joke about it with my friends while preparing things for i know itl all be fixed soon and il be what i should of been from birth, my friends are helping every step of the way <3 that lesbian couple
Hi Coatl
I told my folks at 13 and it went down badly. In fact I was caught out :D. But that was (cough) 43 years ago. Go for it honey, I bet you will look stunning, right height, frame etc.
Now keep us all posted, you've made a big mistake :D, you've just linked in to lots of girl friends who like to talk to each other and care for each other and as Janet said you are now family. SO get use to people caring for you :-* :-*
Cindy James
Haha, thank you cindy, amazing how much a little compliment of "you will look stunning!" can make me smile, just like my friends refering to me as she now not even on purpose lol.
Il be sure to keep everyone up to date! Im as much as a caring helpful girl as any other, glad to be a member of the community! :) Your stuck with me now to quote my buddies, "the cute lil tomboy chick at heart" <3
Sorry to hear about your folks but glad to see you happy now, i plan to tell mine this week, well my dad, mom isnt going know till she asks why i have breasts, i KNOW shed disown me in a heartbeat lol! :P My aunt is only family member who knows and she took it very well and is supportive, hope the rest goes as good, if they take it tooo good il be "dam why didnt i say this sooner could of started years ago!" :P
Coatl I never thought of that.... could had started years ago.... if I could go back to the past, I would see how they would reacted. The worse they would say "No", and repress it and forget it happen to I reach this point and do it. And the best would do the treatment way back then, to save all the money and lost years.
But I am glad your mother accepted you, wow, I saw and replied to the other thread, but this is like the main thread. I bet your life is really looking brighter than it ever has.
Hi Coatl! You will do fine but (as you realize) it is time to get started!
I had to go through all this back in "the Dark Ages" (1950's & 60's) and started DIY hormones in my teens (because there was no other alternative). I didn't have to tell my parents because it had always been pretty obvious but I had to try to convince them that I knew what was wrong. (That was unsuccessful with my mom but my dad was more accepting.)
At age 18 you have some legal rights to decide your own treatment so you need to start building your support team - a doctor to prescribe and monitor hormones and a shrink to certify that you are sane and rational enough to make your own decisions. If you can get your parents onboard, that's great but if you gotta do this, you need to be prepared to do it alone if you have to because it wont go away.
I had SRS and transitioned at 24 (1974) and I did fine. I didn't have a curvy figure or big boobs but passed fine in a bikini. (Picture Amelia Earhart.) Looking at your picture, you to will be fine!
As far as being a bit of a tomboy, I wouldn't be surprised if that changes down the road, once you get things sorted out. I thought I was to but after I got my life in order I found friends (who didn't know my past) saying how feminine I was. When you are able to let go of the façade, you will change ;)
haha, Thank you, it truly is a great time to begin :)
Ive recently told my mom, she took it half decently and is supportive so im beginning therapy soon and going from there, so happy to have hope to finally be female as i should have been :D. Only hope that therapist isn't out to prevent this >> yeah im paranoid ha!
Ive long since planed for parents to basically kick me out for this, I was so surprised when all this went this way! It makes this a lot easier!
and about the tomboy issue, yeah il finally embrace my girly cute side ive been hiding a lot more! But im always a gamer girl with a love for good ol nature and stuff as well at heart! <3
Quote from: Coatl on April 18, 2009, 11:00:53 AM
and about the tomboy issue, yeah il finally embrace my girly cute side ive been hiding a lot more! But im always a gamer girl with a love for good ol nature and stuff as well at heart! <3
You BEST always be my cute little tomboy girl! I love you so much, my future wife! You will look GREAT! Just like everyone said!
XOXO
aww thank you sweety, glad to see you found the forum and want to further support :)
Quote from: Coatl on April 19, 2009, 03:57:55 AM
aww thank you sweety, glad to see you found the forum and want to further support :)
I will forever support you sweetie! I promise! I love you no matter what! We are soulmates forever and always!
aww, thank you sweetie, im glad for the support and to see your taking it better, Its great to have the support of my soulmate :D
Quote from: Coatl on April 19, 2009, 08:42:49 PM
aww, thank you sweetie, im glad for the support and to see your taking it better, Its great to have the support of my soulmate :D
I'm taking it a LOT better lately! I know everything will go great and you will be my BEAUTIFUL WIFE! Now that all the worries are under control I'm good! You were right, this forum helps a lot! Plenty of wonderful, supportive, helpful folks here!
You know I will always try my best to help you through everything and be supportive, I just worry more than the average human! I am thankful to have plenty of people to talk to so I can keep the worries to a minimum! :-*
Hi Coatl--
Everyone so far has given you really good advice. Finding a gender therapist, a good endo, etc. are all very important.
One of the things to see if you can find is a support group. I didn't notice if anyone said in your other replies, but try googling the word 'transgender' and the name of your city, town, or nearest major metropolitan area. You should (hopefully) find out whether or not there's anything near you. Support groups are great. Knowing that you have brothers and sisters going through the same things is an amazing feeling.
Also, people in your area should be able to give you some advice on what therapists and endocrinologists are worth seeing. If the therapist you are seeing seems like they're not very supportive, look for a new one. You are an adult, and can make your own decisions on that score.
Took a quick look at your pic, I think you'll do fine. 18 1/2 is definitely not too old, especially as some of us are transitioning much older. Hopefully your beard hasn't filled in all the way (I was probably in my mid-20s by the time mine did), so that will make laser/electro on your face a bit easier.
Re:hips. I've always had pretty biggish hips for a guy, but after six months on HRT, I'm realizing that it didn't help much. Now I have small hips for a girl. ;) You might be in the same boat. All in all though, it's really not big a thing to be concerned about. There are lots of cis-sexual girls with small hips.
One thing to remember about your looks: no one's perfect. Even supermodels in Vogue are airbrushed. :o If you ask the most beautiful woman you know whether she likes her body, I can guarantee she's got something she wishes were different. The good news is that you don't have to be perfect. It's enough to just be yourself. Don't worry about it too much. You're young enough that HRT will work some incredible magic on you. :)
Hi Coatl and welcome :)
Seems like you've already had great advice from many people... As for looking OK as a girl IMHO you would look great, your eyes are really lovely, and your face has great feminine potential. That's the truth, not a compliment! :)
Thank you Jessica! I do have a good support group, my friends and family (and girlfriend whom i thank so much!) there every step of the way :D Especialy my lesbian friends all over helping me out haha. Thank you for the compliments of how il turn out, I love hearing that.
Shame on the hips but you are right, luckily my frame is very narrow like the typical skinny girl frame with the "big for male average for thin girl" hips so il do fine there (hard to see in pic due to uber baggy clothes!), just was curious :)
Ive long since made peace with little imperfections but thats what makes individuals who they are, ide rather be an average girl happy with who i am than a handsome male, bleh!
Imaz: Thank you so much hun! Dam that makes me smile :D
Better pic of face, well as better as male me can get :P
http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/86/l_a1c1850daa7040a2806d6d65db902029.jpg (http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/86/l_a1c1850daa7040a2806d6d65db902029.jpg)
Thanks again everyone for all the support! my first appointment with therapist is on Tuesday! :D So excited!
Quote from: Coatl on April 23, 2009, 03:44:34 AM
ide rather be an average girl happy with who i am than a handsome male, bleh!
LOL. If I had a nickel for everytime I heard that (or thought it myself)....
I'd have a $hitload of nickels. :)
^^^ Hmmm......
I could accept average, but I am aiming for beautiful as well. Like Brigitte Bardot sex symbol type of beauty.......
---
I don't consider myself good looking as a guy, so it's not like I have anything to lose.
haha, glad we agree Jessica! :D Up them nickels to Quarters and have yourself a small fortune ;)
That would be nice Paulina, beauty is a nice target to look to :) Best case scenario for me is cute gamer girl :P
(Btw Paulina i like your signature, wholeheartedly agree :))
Oh that's not my signature lol, I have a habit of putting --- into my comments. When I want to make a stronger point