Just sorta wondering, how many of you ended up as the guy who had more female friends than male, and became THE definition of "sensitive and caring"? (And never stood a chance against any other guy in terms of relationships :-\ )
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nice%20guy (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nice%20guy)
Nothing important behind this really, just curious.
I am, definately. I'm the shoulder to cry on, the one to call on the phone when you're feeling down, etc. etc. All of my close friends are girls; I actually relate better to girls then guys. Meh, I think I can relate to them both pretty well, but guys won't open up about feelings (and girls usually won't talk about their sex lives, although the most sexual person I ever knew was most definately female).
I've always had more male friend than female ones, but never the less been seen as the "nice guy".
yea, that's me. ppl I talk with at work just say I'm the nicest guy around.
I've been the "go to" guy/gal for years :P
That might have described me perfectly -- except that I went to an all-male high school, followed by an engineering college that was co-ed in name only. So I didn't have the opportunity to have many "gal pals." And I had even fewer male friends.
But, yeah, the few girls I did know never hesitated to complain to me about the macho guys they dated.
I almost certainly am.
I've definitely always been the "nice guy". But there's an important difference between us (who are nice) and the guys who are 'nice' but really just want to get in the girls' pants:
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2007/12/explainer-what-is-nice-guy.html (http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2007/12/explainer-what-is-nice-guy.html)
I don't agree with everything on that site (they get kind of touchy), but they're pretty accurate with that particular article.
The whole concept pisses me off to no end and I refuse to ever be put into such a category ever ...
Quote from: Loving_kindness_4_all on April 16, 2009, 05:20:20 PM
The whole concept pisses me off to no end and I refuse to ever be put into such a category ever ...
you serious lol?
Quote from: Nero on April 16, 2009, 05:22:31 PM
you serious lol?
Yes ... the only exception is if I am openly having a sexual relationship with a girl, then I just barely tolerate it.
Naturally, it is wise not to ever fall into the nice guy trap to begin with, but if you ever do fall into that trap you are pretty much forced to either stop being one and actually start seducing the girls or to be confrontational to get yourself out of it. Note that being confrontational actually makes you look desperate and while it is a sure way to stop being a nice guy, it also makes you lose. It is possible to turn girl friends into more if you start doing things a bit differently.
I think I use to fall into the trap a little when I was younger, and was friend with some girls. Being friends with girls in a way that a 'nice guy' is described is pretty much akin to hating ones self. When you really love yourself, you won't let yourself fall into that trap. And when you really love others, you start doing things the right way. That is my take on it.
I like friends. Even girl ones.
Quote from: Loving_kindness_4_all on April 16, 2009, 05:31:15 PM
Yes ... the only exception is if I am openly having a sexual relationship with a girl, then I just barely tolerate it.
Naturally, it is wise not to ever fall into the nice guy trap to begin with, but if you ever do fall into that trap you are pretty much forced to either stop being one and actually start seducing the girls or to be confrontational to get yourself out of it. Note that being confrontational actually makes you look desperate and while it is a sure way to stop being a nice guy, it also makes you lose. It is possible to turn girl friends into more if you start doing things a bit differently.
I think I use to fall into the trap a little when I was younger, and was friend with some girls. Being friends with girls in a way that a 'nice guy' is described is pretty much akin to hating ones self. When you really love yourself, you won't let yourself fall into that trap. And when you really love others, you start doing things the right way. That is my take on it.
I dunno. I always envied the guys with tons of girl friends. I never had that, even as a so-called girl.
Quote from: Loving_kindness_4_all on April 16, 2009, 05:31:15 PM
Yes ... the only exception is if I am openly having a sexual relationship with a girl, then I just barely tolerate it.
Naturally, it is wise not to ever fall into the nice guy trap to begin with, but if you ever do fall into that trap you are pretty much forced to either stop being one and actually start seducing the girls or to be confrontational to get yourself out of it. Note that being confrontational actually makes you look desperate and while it is a sure way to stop being a nice guy, it also makes you lose. It is possible to turn girl friends into more if you start doing things a bit differently.
I think I use to fall into the trap a little when I was younger, and was friend with some girls. Being friends with girls in a way that a 'nice guy' is described is pretty much akin to hating ones self. When you really love yourself, you won't let yourself fall into that trap. And when you really love others, you start doing things the right way. That is my take on it.
But that's exactly what I mean -- some guys just fall into the nice guy trap, but some of us just honestly want to be friends with girls without all the dumb aggressive sexuality stuff making things awkward.
Well, I am not sure what this means 100% but I will say some people come to me (mostly female) about their problems or issues.
I have not been going out as much earlier but now that I have been getting out more, more people are kind of asking me or help.
On the other hand I do not like being known as a guy but I am as of right now physically seen as the "nice" and "sensitive" guy.
I just have sympathy for others and they come to me more.
I suppose it would depend on your personal interpretation of what nice is :P
Hum. Well never had guy friends at all. still working on that one. So all my friends were girls and yes It was hard being a good guy as it became hard to have just friends. Still working on that but it's easier now. I'm still nice. ( it costs nothing to be nice after all)..But I'm just a bit too different for most to be anything but friends with.
Beni
I keep all relationships on a "just friends" basis at this time
Quote from: Miniar on April 16, 2009, 02:55:34 PM
I've always had more male friend than female ones, but never the less been seen as the "nice guy".
While the ratio of male/female friends seems to fluctuate for me, I'm generally the nice guy too...I don't (usually) mind.
I guess I could be seen as a nice guy. I've had several female friends though there is usually some sort of flirting or attraction which sometimes leads to relationships. So I don't feel like I have no chance when it comes to relationships. I have just as good a shot as anybody. *shrugs*
I have had a lot of friends, male, female, and not really sure. I'm nice most of the time, and a bitch/prick when I need to be. For sure, no one ever asks me 'do these pants make my butt look big' if they don't want an honest answer, which tends to be "I don't think you can blame the pants."
Quote from: tekla on April 17, 2009, 12:19:51 AM
"I don't think you can blame the pants."
:laugh: >:-) :laugh: >:-) :laugh: >:-) :laugh: and an extra Ha Ha
Oh God,
Apparently I'm a nice girl? Its a complete lie. I feel like I am a bitch more than I am nice, and yet I've still got this title. One of my friends from high school called me her "bestest girlfriend"...makes me wonder if she knew something I didn't at the time. Part of it was that when I was back in HS I still identified as gay and not transgender so I was "that guy" that you could talk about boys with and would listen to your incessant bitching when it was "that time of month". *shrug* I've also got the "good girl curls" going right now so its really all a front. I'm a bitch through and through!
I am nice really, and I think everyone else knows that.
I say sarcastic and cynical things, but only in jest, I'm never bitchy or try to genuinely upset people.
I would be very nice to a partner, if I had one. :P
For some reason, if you're a feminine guy (or even not so much feminine, as not macho), people assume you're nice. Definately not true. I even have an example of a nasty feminine guy in mind, but everybody has figured out that he is a bitch. Example: he asked out a friend of a friend, who said no because he's straight, then not-straight boy [Jon, let's say] starts stalking him and other boy is creeped out and told him to leave him alone, then later Jon randomly pushed him into the lockers. The other boy tried to leave, but Jon had him trapped and was trying to beat him up (he failed miserably, and ran away crying with a bloody nose; even though it's his fault I felt kind of sorry for him). Now, what was the relevance of that story to this topic. Oh yeah, none. It wasn't even very interesting if you don't know the people involved.
I was always a nice guy, and inevitably wound up in the "friend" bucket with girls. That's ok though, because I was patient, and when I met my wife she appreciated me for who I am. Been married a long, long time now.
It's funny, I hear women complaining about not being able to find a "nice" guy. Back in my dating years I knew of quite a few girls that would not date a nice guy (too boring), or they put nice guys into the "friend" bucket. They wanted the boys that would not treat them well, and wanted to go out and party. Meanwhile, us nice guys were settling down with nice girls LOL......
It's a conundrum.
I see that Urban Dictionary definition as a "trap" of sorts. That is, the definition of a "nice guy" that such people use as an excuse to be insecure and angry instead of realizing what self-worth they do have and building on it. When I used to term to refer to myself about seven years ago, a female online friend referred me to this (http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml) article.
. . .It kind of hurt a bit to read, but it certainly made me more aware of myself.
Looking back at my teens and early 20s now, the ease and comfort with which women would interact with me should have been a clear clue to who I really am. :laugh:
Quote from: MasterAsh on April 18, 2009, 03:45:26 PM
I see that Urban Dictionary definition as a "trap" of sorts. That is, the definition of a "nice guy" that such people use as an excuse to be insecure and angry instead of realizing what self-worth they do have and building on it. When I used to term to refer to myself about seven years ago, a female online friend referred me to this (http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml) article.
. . .It kind of hurt a bit to read, but it certainly made me more aware of myself.
Looking back at my teens and early 20s now, the ease and comfort with which women would interact with me should have been a clear clue to who I really am. :laugh:
That article describes a clingy/stalker/extreme kind of person.
I will agree that a certain level of confidence is key to attracting someone, but a guy can be both confident and nice, and still have a hard time getting a date. It goes back to what I was saying before about what women seem to look for at a younger age. It doesn't seem to be niceness.
If a guy is acting in a manner similar to what that article portrays then it's no wonder he cannot attract anyone.
I fall into this category perfectly. All my life I have been the friend. I have always had more girl friends than guy friends but not many relationships. However none of my girl friends never seemed to mind talking to me about anything and everything. I think it has screwed me up in my forming of adult relationships and whenever I see teens who seem to be the "Nice Guy" I always feel sorry for them cause I know what they are going to go through.
Since coming out to myself I feel like I've been moving more into that role.
Yup thats me the nice guy :-\
Used to have a lot of male friends when I was growning up but gained more female friends. To be honest I think I prefer female's to male's :)
Jay
Me too, I find men boring to talk to.
Quote from: imaz on April 22, 2009, 05:08:36 AM
Me too, I find men boring to talk to.
Not boring just, talk about the same rubbish all the time.. plus I would like to get on my soap box ;)
Jay
Quote from: Jay on April 22, 2009, 05:15:10 AM
Not boring just, talk about the same rubbish all the time.. plus I would like to get on my soap box ;)
Jay
It's that talking about things. My own son drives me insane when he starts talking about IT stuff!
Oh god, yes. One good friend of mine to whom I'm outed as a lesbian (and is superhot and supersweet and an ideal girlfriend) said once to me: I would so totally fall in love with you, if you were a guy!
This was such a hard kick in my non-existing balls I almost started crying in front of her :-\
During secondary school I only had like 1 male friend the other two guys were complete nutjobs but they were bullied to crap aswell so we stuck together kind of I stopped talking to the other two.
After I wento college and made more friends, most female but some male 80/20 split however the friends I'm closest too and trust the most are still male. I dunno why it's like that... O_o Just begin able to talk to them easier I guess.
I think I'm a nice person. I'll do anything for a friend or someone who asks nicely. I'm the one who's always giving people rides, giving up my seat, carrying other people's heavy stuff, helping people through hard times, letting people borrow stuff. I don't let people walk all over me, though. I try to be fair and take about as much as I give.
In terms of relationships, I don't buy into the "nice guy who can't get laid because he's too nice" concept that seems to be so popular right now. I think it's usually an excuse used by guys who are nice but have something else working against them that they don't want to acknowledge. Worse, it's an excuse for guys to treat girls like crap because it goes with the idea that women dislike guys who are nice to them and do like a**holes.
I'm always the one my guy friends come to with the cry of "why am I always in the friendzone baawwww"
If a girl doesn't like a guy in that way, that isn't her problem. It baffles me how many guys will be "friends" with a girl and cry about there being no sex. If you want to be a friend, be a friend. If you don't, don't just follow her around like a lapdog with the hopes of someday getting in her pants, it doesn't work like that.
My best friend is a girl and some of my guy friends meet her and then "befriend" her while all the while hoping they are going to get some action. I have ended up getting involved with some of the more extreme stalker like cases and then they throw it back in my face that I'm her friend and doing the same thing. I'm bloody not, she's my FRIEND, not some chick I keep around for the sole reason of one day bedding her.
I've only ever been the "nice guy" but then I never tried to be anything else. In high school I was the shoulder to cry on for a lot of girls who had nobody else to talk to. I have no idea what I'm going to be once I go full time... but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the "nice girl" as well. It's just not in me to be a jerk to people.