I am a married male who loes to dress in womens clothes and i have been doing it off and on for about 35 years. My wife does not know of my pleasure and we have discussed it in a round about way. She definitely would not be happy if she knew. My question, and I think I know at least some of the answer, is how do I continue dressing, should I let her know, how do I buy and store items and is there anyone else out there with the same problem and how are they dealing with it. I love this site and all the wonderful ladies and friends here. Thanks :)
If you are happy the way things are and are meeting your own needs then perhaps you don't need to tell her? Just continue on as you have. But I get the feeling that you don't feel like all your needs are being meet, am I right?
If you do want to tell your wife I think it would be benificial to find a good gender therapist. They can help you come out to your wife with the best chances of everything going well. Chances are she won't be happy at first, but many people adapt. I've read that the longer a couple has been together the more likely they are to stay together after such a revelation. Often partners will feel betrayed because you have hidden something for so long. It an't easy. But there are some rich rewards to be had if it all works out.
Best of luck to you
In marriage, women and (even many transwomen) expect and want emotional honesty. The purpose of a marriage is to provide a place where you can share emotions with another person without personal fear, and they are not afraid or repulsed by the emotions you share. You need to find out what your own emotional depth on your transgender issues is. If they will affect your emotional health in the long term, that is one thing. If they are only an escape from your daily grind on the short term, the situation is different. In the first case the two of you MUST be involved if the marriage has any chance of survival, in the second case, its not as necessary for deep sharing, but you may have chilly nights on the couch if your spouse finds out via the grape vine about your feminine displays.
A good book to get and read before you share it with your spouse is "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd and its sequel, "She's Not The Man I Married". I have bought three copies of each, and have none of them any more because I gave them to friends in your situation.
If you dress at home, or keep your feminine attire there, your wife will find out sooner or later. It is much better for you to tell her than for her to find out by herself. Honesty is the basis of any lasting relationship. You know your wife better than any of us. What is she concerned about? Does she have religious objections? Is she afraid family and neighbors will find out? Would she think you want to have a sex change? Or that you do not love her? Sense her concerns and address them honestly and calmly. Some wives do not react well to finding out that they are married to a crossdresser, but many wives adjust to this. I have been married for forty years. For thirty of those years I hid this from my wife. Ten years ago I told her. There were some painful times but these have been the best ten years of our marriage.