the truth about femmes...or we f*** with misogyny so it's just easier to ignore us
Feministing, by Fatima, 4/21/09
http://community.feministing.com/2009/04/the-truth-about-femmesor-we-fu.html (http://community.feministing.com/2009/04/the-truth-about-femmesor-we-fu.html)
on any given night, approximately 293584577432 hot queer women of all shapes and sizes, races, ethnicities, ages, religions, abilities venture into their local queer bars in search of a good flirt, <not allowed>, or maybe even someone to fall in love with. they wear dresses, lipstick, long hair, and heels. they are outgoing and shy, the most dominant of tops and the most submissive of bottoms. they are funny, brilliant, and friendly. one thing is for sure and that is that they are HOT. and yet so many complain that no one approached them, that no one even saw them, and that everyone assumed they were straight. because queer femmes are largely ignored by the 'mainstream' queer community. the fact that they are even separate from the 'mainstream' just shows how ->-bleeped-<-ed the whole thing is anyways. because that means that they are the 'other' and that the 'mainstream' are the people who look stereotypically gay.
okay so i like to wear lacey bras and undies. i live in dresses. hot pink lipstick makes my lips look amazing. and i wear eyeshadow. i like to knit and i want to learn how to sew. when i have time, baking and cooking are actually fun for me. all this and i love women. everything about them is beautiful to me. they make me excited about life and love and sex. i am femme and i am queer. if people can't see both of those things as being complementary to each other then it shows nothing more than their FEAR of the gender that i have chosen for myself.
I identify so much with this. Hypatia and I went to see Julia Serrano at a talk she gave about her book, Whipping Girl, which addresses this issue. I've always been very feminine, but I've only recently realized I was lesbian, so I haven't really experienced discrimination against femmes in the gay community yet.
I have definitely experienced hostility against my femininity in the straight world though, whether from feminists or not. People take one look at me and assume I'm weak because I look like a stereotypical throwback to pre-feminism days: quiet and gentle, wearing dresses. >:( I am a feminist. I am strong. I also happen to be girly. So what?
I'm glad other women are starting to speak out about this.
Quote from: Starr on April 23, 2009, 03:50:38 PM
I identify so much with this. Hypatia and I went to see Julia Serrano at a talk she gave about her book, Whipping Girl, which addresses this issue. I've always been very feminine, but I've only recently realized I was lesbian, so I haven't really experienced discrimination against femmes in the gay community yet.
I have definitely experienced hostility against my femininity in the straight world though, whether from feminists or not. People take one look at me and assume I'm weak because I look like a stereotypical throwback to pre-feminism days: quiet and gentle, wearing dresses. >:( I am a feminist. I am strong. I also happen to be girly. So what?
I'm glad other women are starting to speak out about this.
O, I think we have been speaking out about it for about 30 years or more. I often believe it's due to what Serano implies is the "degradation of the feminine" that's made it seem as if we haven't been. Ya know, that ability to dismiss when someone isn't displaying what have been culturally "male" attributes" like slagging anyone who speaks against your opinion and deciding that a skirt somehow means "ignorant, stupid, man-trolling, and weak." How droll, no? :)
Nichole
Quote from: Nichole on April 23, 2009, 04:05:31 PM
O, I think we have been speaking out about it for about 30 years or more.
I need to get out more. ??? :D
I loved the article.
This is so right on. It fills me with joy and queer pride to see someone speaking out on this.
And I'm deliriously in love with my beautiful Starr, the only woman I know who is femmer than me. 8)