Ok I know this is a really strange question, but it's been bothering me for a long time... :icon_redface:
I am... sexually aroused about the thought of males being able to turn into a female, but it feels so wrong! One side of me says "You want to be a girl" but logically, it seems like it's just a fetish. So I've been conflicting over this, whether or not it's just some sort of fetish or if I should really go and transition. I can feel confident that I should change one day, and then I get aroused and I feel like I'm like... just a perverted guy. It's killing me :(. Why the heck would a girl get aroused when she puts on a dress?
I do like acting like a girl. I do genuinely like passing as one. But as soon as I do the nasty while crossdressing I feel like a sicko.
The old joke is the guy goes to the doctor and says:
"Hey Doc, it hurts when I do this."
And the doctor says: "So, don't do that."
If it bothers you, stop. Though, like so many things in life, the more you do it, the less exciting it is. My dressing was like that when I was young. But since I dress partway most of the time I'm not at work, for the last few decades, it's stopped being a factor. Sad though that is sometimes. Ahh youth.
I felt a lot like that, except for the fact that I didn't dress. I always felt sick after I masturbated to those thoughts, and I worried that is was some kind of fetish for the longest time. It didn't help when I started HRT and my transgender feelings died down - I thought that was confirmation that I was just a guy with weird sexual urges.
But...
After a couple false starts on HRT, I finally cracked and decided I'd do what made me feel good, regardless. I've been steady with the hormones for a while now, and I have *no* doubts that I'm a girl. None. Zero. My mind is 100% female, and all the sexual knots just seem to be unraveling on their own as I transition.
I'd say that you should do what makes you happy, and not worry about what it makes you. You'd be surprised where that will take you.
There's nothing unusual about feeling guilty or ashamed after touching yourself to a transformation fantasy. Lots of people feel guilty after masturbating to all sorts of fantasy. It's part the shame masturbation gets in this society.
There's no reason you can't be a girl and also be turned on by those fantasies.
As a child I was very turned on sexually dressing in female attire. Now I get very turned on thinking about guys. All my fantasies are in how a guy would relate to me, kiss me, take me out, make love to me. I do fantasise sometimes how great I would look in a particular dress or shoes or what lingere I would wear for a date.
Pretty normal female really.
Don't fret yourself and place labels, just explore your feelings until you find your comfort place.
Cindy James
There is definitely a lot of shame placed on masturbation in general, and then also on cross-dressing, and then also on wanting to change your sex, etc., so when you put it all together it's just one giant wallop of shame. I used to feel a tremendous amount of shame about masturbation in general, constantly trying to 'swear it off' -- and I'm not even Catholic! (ha ha.)
Not only is there the shame, but at least, if you're biologically male, there's usually an inherent anti-sex reaction to orgasm. It happens, and then the whole idea of sexual-anything becomes BLAH (cue the joke about the guy falling alseep right away). But in the case of cross-dressing, this happens -- and then you open your eyes and you've still got some women's clothes on (maybe?) or makeup (maybe?), and it seems pretty perverse.
Anyway, if you're on the track to transition, you probably are already seeing a therapist, so this is one of the things that is good to talk to them about.