Hiya everyone,
Thanks to everyone who responded with words of encouragement to my last post. I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond directly but the computer I wrote that post on died a horrible non-flamey death-by-virut and I can't find the post any more to reply to. Anyway, thanks. I'm encouraged. I'm not 'better', but I'm not sinking any more right now, and I'm looking to fix some things that should make things 'better' soon.
AMONG THOSE THINGS -- I gotta get out of Asheville, NC. I've been here about five years and I just... don't belong. The locals are very patriarchal, for one thing, which does not foster a lot of understanding for anyone wishing to join the 'weaker', objectified, dominated sex. Basically anyone who would be seen as male by this society -- a transwoman or a gay man -- who displays any signs of femininity is shunned for being grotesque and offensive. The city boasts a very high-profile gay scene but that scene is predominantly butch, soft-butch, or leaning-towards-ftm. Femme lesbians are practically invisible, and transwomen do not exist (aside from the performers.)
SO -- time to leave. Need to find somewhere where I can find some community, a more tolerant place to find work, and a place where I can finish transition and hopefully come out of this tunnel with a bit of my youth bank left to spend.
I'm moving to California. Made the decision at work today after a bunch of ->-bleeped-<-ty customers treated me like... well, yes. My Significant Other is attending graduate school in Fresno and wants me to come along and stay at their new apartment until I can get a job of my own and a place of my own. We're not quite ready to 'live together' just yet, the plan was for us to both move to Cali - them to Fresno and me to San Fran - and see how things went for a while, but my finances are just not coming together with the pittance I make at this job and the rising cost of everything around here, so I'm going to tuck in under their wing and live in Fresno for a bit, I suppose.
I currently work at Burger King. I'm supposed to be a team leader but it was never made official and I was never given a raise for the extra work I've been doing. Soooo... not sure whether I'll be able to transfer this position or not. Although I'm supposed to be able to transfer my job to any Burger King anywhere, they have to A) be hiring, and B) want me, a transwoman who never officially got promoted.
If that doesnt happen I'll be looking for work from here until August when we move and until I find a job. BUT, even if the position does transfer, I'm sick of what I do at work, and the way drive through customers treat me makes me miserable and destroys my self-esteem, so I'd be looking for a new job IMMEDIATELY.
My questions to you -- hopefully someone can point me in the right direction -- is where should I start looking for new jobs, new places to live, and a community to reach out to? I have to admit, I do not really 'grok' the community aspect of the GLBT world. I may have a bit of anti-social in me, but I've just never really understood how to connect with a community, and despite my best efforts I can't find any 'Transgender in Fresno!' homepages online.
Aside from Craigslist, the obvious first choice, and Roommates.com, does anyone know of a good local or national trans-support/GLBT-support forum/website where I can try to connect with people out in Fresno or the SF/LA/Cali area to find possible roommate or community situations, maybe make some friends?
Also, does anyone know of an alternative to Craigslist when it comes for job-hunting as a transperson online or at a great distance away?
Finally -- I dont suppose anyone happens to know what the local atmosphere in Fresno is for transwomen...? I couldnt find anything online.
Any help would be appreciated. Thanks everyone!
California in general is far different then Ashville. Fresno is not that large a place, but it would be miles ahead. You might want to look around the San Jose area but anywhere in the bay is a good place to live. Down side, is it's expensive to live in the bay, Lots O traffic too. but lots of things to see and do too. You might check SFVoice.org they might be able to point you in the right direction.
I found the north bay pretty friendly too.
Beni
Fresno isn't exactly a place I hear people excited to move to very often. In fact, there isnt much there. Living in California is expensive, and you cannot support yourself by working at BK, unless you happen to be running the place. Get a substantial bankroll before you move.
My advice is to think of a different state to move to. A lot of people are trying to get out of California, and for good reason. It is a wonderful place...until you factor in the people, smog, government, traffic, and so on. And you will be taxed like you've never been taxed before. I am only in California because I was born here. It's familiar.
I don't know about Fresno, its kind of 'the other California' as it were (and there are several). Sure, everyone knows about SF and all that, and LA and movies, but California is the number one agricultural state in the US also, and you're going to be in the heart of that - at times you're going to think your living in Iowa and not the land of movie stars, sailboats and surfboards. Upside, you're real close to the mountains, downside perhaps, Fresno is largely Hispanic and if you thought that folk down South were patriarchal, well, you ain't seen nothing yet.
But in LA and SF, well lots of people want to live there for various reasons, and are willing to put up with a lot to do it. Competition for jobs is FIERCE and few people can really survive in the Bay Area with any sort of standard of living above poverty without a college degree (or several) anymore. Upside, if you have skills, and can find a job, it does pay a lot more than the national average.
Rent is as high in SF as it is in Manhattan, for the same reasons. But let's just say that when I moved back here from Iowa it was the difference between paying $350 a month for a 3 bedroom house in Iowa, and $800 for a small (really small) studio in a rather marginal area.
Pretty much I love the people in the Bay Area, and we don't have smog, but the taxes are high (10% sales tax just to start with), jobs are hard to find, rent (and just about everything else) are more expensive then you are used to.
On the downside, driving sucks, the upside is at least in the Bay Area you don't need a car if you use public transit with a bike (and almost all public transit has options to carry a bike).
Well this is all encouraging. :(
My SO is moving to Fresno and taking me along. This is the only viable option I have for leaving this place where I am looked down upon and discriminated against up one side and down the other (Bible-Belt.) SO I ~am~ going. Telling me how I don't wanna go there because it's such a bad place to live isn't actually helpful at this point.
And for reference, in Asheville the typical rent for a 1 bedroom apartment is around 600-800 a month, so it doesnt differ from Fresno in any way I can decipher there. Also, in Asheville unemployment is well above 10%. *shrug* No, I don't have a college degree, but I've always believed anyone who can't find work isn't looking hard enough. I have multiple skills and a past in management. I'll find something.
What I'm looking for is a way to meet people in Fresno, a way to get in touch with the trans community out there, and a way to look for work online that doesn't involve craigslist, like a local job search.
Two areas not yet mentioned, the San Fernando Valley area or the Palmdale area. San Fernando valley has the North Hollywood area which is a mix of too expensive but with some very good and inexpensive deals tucked here and there. The area is very accepting, and has gay and lesbian neighborhoods who have their ->-bleeped-<- spots too. Most of the aforementioned are accepting of "T"s and there are jobs in the support fields of the entertainment industry which may not be too regular, but enough so that you won't starve. There are also jobs in the service area such as you now have and they do fill jobs with Trans folks going both ways. There is a new, good public transportation corridor out there that makes commuting less expensive than driving. The area is one of my hangouts when I am in girl mode.
The Palmdale area is frankly desert, but it is getting the folks who are tired of the "urban" freakiness in the L.A basin. Again, a good place for service type jobs including new hotels and food places. Plenty of Burger King type employment, only problem with it is that the college degree types think they are too good for them. The drawback is that you either freeze or burn there, but the people who have moved there are generally ones with some social intelligence. I have trans friends who live there, although they are in late 50's.
When you get to Fresno, which is about 180 miles north of both of these areas, it is easy enough to get Greyhound bus service to these areas for job hunting purposes. They are not the first choice of the affluent, but good people live in both of those areas. You may not get as much for your $$$ in house size as you do elsewhere, but here in SO CALIF, you're not home much!! :icon_lol: :icon_wink:
Hey forewarned is forearmed.
The social climate in Fresno is a little bit Cali, but also a little bit agricultural, with the oil patch to the South, so a bit of Texas in there too. Its not the LA of Jim Morrison, or the SF of Jerry Garcia, but closer to Bakersfield, the home of Buck Owens and Merle Haggard.
But it does have a uni, and there is a web site for Gay Fresno at:
http://www.gayfresno.com/ (http://www.gayfresno.com/)
Your about 200 miles from either SF or LA, but in Cali that not a huge drive.
Sorry, but I gotta be the one to advise you against moving to California. Unless you've got massive bucks to spend and an even bigger savings, it's an incredibly risky move. I tried for 2 years to live there, and due to the economic downturn, high employment rate, and high cost of living, I was forced to move back in with my parents, without my wife. It's a very tough place to live, even in cities like Bakersfield or Sacramento, which tend to have the lowest costs.
But hey, if you have the means and motive to move to such an awesome place as Los Angeles or San Francisco, and keep yourself going there, more power to you. If it ends badly, however, never say you weren't warned in advance.
SD
QuoteTelling me how I don't wanna go there because it's such a bad place to live isn't actually helpful at this point.
Sorry, but you asked for advice. People are giving you plenty of positive info about CA and advising you to have deep pockets before you move. CA's been expensive and a hard place to live for a long time and this opinion transcends Susan's. Reference Woody Guthrie's Do Re Mi, for example.
So Cal girl chiming in:
Everything's expensive here. Your rent in the 600 to 800 range sounds typical for NC, maybe for Fresno. If you're thinking about a more metropolitan area, prepare for your rent to double and your square footage to shrink. A lot.
Try something like Monster for jobs. You might be able to find an office-type job that pays well (it's how I got through college without working fast food), and possibly have some room for advancement. It can happen.
If you're limited to food and retail, see if there's a shopping mall nearby in Fresno (I'm sure there is), find the website for it, look up the directory of the mall online and start applying online to every store in the mall with a website (Macys frex).
Or, for other local jobs, try looking at an online version of a local Fresno paper. No idea what it might be, but I'm sure there's something.
Taxes, etc are all high, like everyone said, and Fresno isn't exactly the center of activity. If you want to go somewhere, you'll be driving. California's a big state, it's a good six to eight hour drive from LA to SF (IIRC) when you factor in traffic.
Best of luck!
Might I recommend you looking at unemployment rates, and ask a few from the area how many are applying for ANY job they can get at the moment. Northern California is one of the hardest hit in the country in terms of employment.
You working at Burger means you probably don't have a high education or job skill which puts you at the bottom of a VERY VERY long line of people looking for jobs.
If you are determined to do this, take a week off, fly out and see if you have even a nibble about a job. Booked in advance you can fly out there pretty cheap.
What hasn't someone already said? It's a bad idea. California is overcrowded, polluted, ridiculously expensive, and more importantly than anything else, California's employment rates are DISMAL. People come to California with the intention of making money and end up spending their savings just to survive. People aren't going out there to spend money (especially with the recession), so of course the economy is particularly miserable.
DO NOT fool yourself. DO NOT say "Oh, it'll all work out! California's a sunny paradise! I'll find something!" Because the odds are you won't. Other states, you might - but probably not CA. California's not all LGBT parades and coffee shops - and those areas that are definitely aren't hiring. Your bank account will be dry in six months.
So yes, it is an absolutely terrible idea. I myself am not very opposed to the carrying out of terrible ideas - I will be moving to the Bay Area in August. However, I have a guranteed job for the year with an organization which just got a major boost from the federal stimulus. You will have a bank-sucking rent to pay and most likely no job. Jobs are terribly important things. They get you food, and a roof.
You 'should' stay where you are or go to a state that isn't California. What will you actually do?
Fresno is not the California people think of, I was born and raised in California and while I never lived in Fresno I visited often. It is cheaper than places like SF and LA but getting a job may be hard. I think you should just check out rents before you move and make sure you have saved enough funds to cover yourself for three months while you look for a job. Check craigslist for rental prices, not sure you will find a trans friendly place anywhere, maybe gay friendly if you can find a local gay publication. If you are set on moving there just make sure you don't get stuck and the best way to do that is safe a bit before you leave. Don't think Fresno is the most excepting place for trans people but hey you may find a small pocket there that is fine with it. My friends who lived there were biologists and did testing at manufacturers for food safety, the others were students.
I say if you want to go and know you are looking at a high unemployment rate and higher than you are used to in rent then just be prepare (money in the bank).
Good Luck
Myles
OK, fine. I tried to inject some realism, just a modicum of rational thought - but hey, it Cali, and we don't do that here. So, let me lay it out.
If you can live here, and if you would chose to live anywhere else - save NYC or possibly Aruba or Hawaii - then you need to get to a brain doctor 'cause it ain't working for you. There is no better place to live in the world. You can surf at dawn, and ski at sunset if you can drive fast enough. Some 30 miles outside of Fresno lays the most spectacular mountain wilderness you can ever imagine. Makes that entire mountain deal outside of Ashville look like a mighty small penis next to like, oh, say, John Holmes.
It's the most progressive, most liberal (at least in some places) and one of the richest places in the world. And, even living in poverty here is better than most middle class lives in other places.
It's diverse beyond diverse. From real cowboys to space cowboys, from skiing to surfing, from roses to redwoods, from wilderness to the very heart of the modern world. Hell, we invented the future as most of you know it - and are living it day in and day out years before you'll ever even hear of it.
It's not just a state, its a state of mind.* (*from the official state map of the state, by the State.)
The official moto of the State is "Eureka" meaning "I have found it" but the real motto is 'Keep me here and keep me high" and we don't even care what get's you high.
You can walk down the street and buy pot, smoke it in public, and no one cares. Same with your BF/GF or whatever you feel like dating.
Hell, our economy is so huge that if we were a county, we'd be in the G-8. And we could care less about the welfare states, the Southern states (remind me again why the fark we even wanted them back?) or anyone else. We are the future, and we know it. The rest of you. Not so much.
However, given that. It is very competitive. Its not a place for wallflowers, or shy people (try the Midwest for that useless crap) or people not willing to really (and I mean, really) work to make it.
You know why Sebastian couldn't make it here? Its in his siggy and title line. Somebody please give me a chance to be somebody. Well, you know no one is going to GIVE you a chance. You got to take it, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE CHANCE - that what the ski slopes, the surf waves, the studios, the bands, the clubs, and all that are all about. Make it or not, we don't fraking care. Your effort, your gain, your loss, so what.
And then, THEN I get this. Every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around. NO. Every passing moment is a missed chance to take it and make it yours. Seize the day. Make it yours. Take the chance, the risk, make the effort (rather than pining for someone, anyone, to do it for you) to live the life you want, do what you want, be who you want.
I was forced to move back in with my parents Hell, I would have rather died, but instead I lived on the streets, slept out in the urban canyon, did every one of my friends floors and did a lot of nights sleeping on stage risers waiting for the next show to show up (and that, with a PhD) because I wanted to be HERE more than anywhere else.
If you can make it here, like NYC, you can make it anywhere. But its all about you, you, and only you.
That is both the good and bad side - depends on who you are.
I can vouch for Asheville. Its a very nice city to live in and for the most part very tolerant. There is a TG support group that meets bi-monthly and there are a lot of resources for the TG community. Rent isn't terrible. It does require that you have a job(like any place would) and I can't speak to the unemployment numbers as I am a student who works on campus and has 0 time for a additional part time job on top of my classes and campus job. I can however speak to the rents here because I was looking for a place to rent until my summer plans down here fell through and I'll be living back home but they're reasonable but not cheap either. Also if you just go outside of Asheville to Buncome county(aka Swannanoa and other towns) you'll have an easier job finding a manageable rent. It might mean a 20-45 minute commute depending on where you choose, but if you're living in S. California you might have that regardless. The cost of living is in general pretty cheap here when it comes to necessities like food and utilities. It gets hotter than hell here though during the summer, hell its April here and we're burning up already(hooray for dorms without a/c).
I'm just throwing out the info on Asheville because you mentioned it earlier and its been a really good environment for me. Its not going to be as hard to get a foothold in Asheville as S. California but its still going to take some effort and planing. If you put the time into finding a good place, it will more than pay off in the end.
I say go for it, girl. you have already decided that you are moving here, so just do it. if you are working at burger king where you are now, you can't really do any worse in california - even if it means a job a local burger king or one of it's competitors. taxes are higher than some places, but they aren't all doom and gloom like people are saying. wages are typically higher in california to attract skilled workers, so in the end people that complain about the high taxes are making more than they would in the same field on average.
prices are higher though, no arguing that, but you can still do it. and like tekla said, it's california for chissakes! it's worth paying a premium to live here!
besides, this might be the change that kicks you into high gear. when you aren't in a comfort zone, your instincts to survive kick in and you might find yourself better than when you started.
and hey, if nothing else, there is no place i'd rather be homeless than in california ;)
I'm out here in socal on business, and i'd have to say that this is one expensive place to live. If you have taken that into consideration and have made plans for it then maybe california is the place for you. I know that I couldn't afford to live here. Good luck with whatever you decide to do 8)
It all depends on where you go. If you don't mind sharing a place with people, then you can get some good pricing, especially in Northern California. My My rent is just over $300 for a 4 person townhouse (totalling to a little over $1200), but it's big-- over 1500 square feet. Then again, I do live in Chico. It doesn't have the 'pristine' beaches California is known for.
That said, I'm looking to move to Oregon after I graduate, but that's not to say California isn't a nice place to live. Yes, it's more expensive, but if you can procure a job you'll be getting paid more to hold onto a place. There are some absolutely gorgeous places here, but you need to do a lot of research on which ones. California is a HUGE and varied place, so you're gonna find a lot of options.
Yeah, but Chico is nice too. Bidwell Park, not far to Lassen. Real close to the Emerald Triangle.
What shocks me is all the negativity.
Me: "I'm getting out of the absolute hellhole I live in and moving to a place where acceptance and a real life might be more than just a pipe dream. Can you suggest places to look to meet people/look for work/get my feet wet?"
Response: "California is awesome, but you're A) Poor, B) Probably stupid and under-qualified because you are, as mentioned previously, poor, C) better off anywhere else, ANYWHERE else, because you being stupid, under-qualified, and poor means you'll never find work."
Me: "Well, I AM moving to Cali, so disregarding all that (besides which Asheville is really no better), can you suggest any of the things I asked about -- ways to meet people, introduce myself to the area, or look for friendly jobs before moving?"
Response: "Well, okay, we tried to be nice, but if you want to be stupid we'll put it into small words for you. You're not awesome enough for the awesome of Cali, go away."
I mean, really. What is the negativity about? A lot of the responses sound ANGRY that I'm not running screaming away from the idea of moving to Cali. That or Angry that I'm not bowing to the superior wisdom of everyone else. I mean, hi, have you met me? I'm trans. I'm not known for bowing to 'superior wisdom' types...
As to the one response I got re: Asheville -- yes, if you can be a student in Asheville, Asheville's student/youth scene is awesome. Students generally get most of the expenses paid and downtown Asheville (near the college) is fairly tolerant of anyone and any thing. Freak Capital of the US, an actual city nickname.
But that's about 20% of the population of 80,000.
Rent in the suburban areas of Asheville, where I live now, starts at 500$ and goes up to 800 for a one or two bedroom location. Downtown, in the tolerant area of town, it can be DOUBLE that. Asheville is home to some of the wealthiest and most affluent snowbirds in the country, and the real estate values are through the roof. I have friends who share a 2 bedroom house three ways AND put up someone living on the couch because rent is so obscene. Simply put -- I cannot afford an apartment (of my own) in any part of the town that is within walking distance or 1 bus trip of downtown. Fresno is not in any way shape or form different.
And as for the acceptance factor and Trans-people... Omaha, where I came out and went full time, was more accepting by a factor of 2 or 3. In Omaha people who truly accepted me treated me as I presented -- a normal young woman. People who didn't understand but tolerated me for one reason or another did the same. People who didn't accept me simply said nothing one way or another. In Omaha the trans-scene was dynamic, open, OUT. My first night 'out' a bunch of girls and I went dancing with some of the local femme lesbians and had a nice time. A few days later on my birthday we went out again. I was still uncertain of how the law regarded trans people at the time and was worried about getting into trouble, so on the night I came out, while en femme, I chickened out and ducked into the men's room when I thought no one was around (there was a long line at the women's, and I was sure everyone could read me blah blah) I chickened out. I was surprised to find a BUNCH of guys in there, and I went and made a bee line for the stall and tried to be as dignified and quiet and in and out as I could but a couple of guys at the sinks stopped talking to look at me as I was walking in and said 'hey, sweetie, -- use the ladies' room, you're much too pretty to be in here.'
In Omaha I had a life. I was normal to anyone who couldn't read me and to most of the people who could.
Then I moved to Asheville, the supposed city of tolerance, freak capital of the world, and my life went in the crapper. I did manage to secure a decent job when I first moved here and it was prosperous. The work I was doing, however, did not leave me very happy with myself or my life, I felt like the work my company did was at best dishonest and at worst downright shameful, so I left, confident that my high-flying resume and educational background would land me another job, because I had never had a problem finding one before.
Yes, to the sneering comment from before, as a matter of fact I DO have a fine educational background, I am a published author, I have been a store manager, an assistant manager, a department head, and I have been promoted (within a month or two if not sooner) at every job I have ever worked at -- until I came here. I have more qualifications for a person my age than most of my colleagues did at twice my age.
So I quit my job and lived on my savings looking for another one. And it took 18 months. For 18 months I walked all up and down every street of this town and papered the local businesses with my resume, my applications. I tried work I was familiar with at first -- management positions, department heads for retail chains, pizza and fast food management, customer service supervisors, IT technical supervision, etc. Everywhere I went I was called back and offered an interview by someone who had received my application or resume and was interested in meeting. I went to over a dozen interviews in the first month alone.
Not one of them would take my calls after the interview. And I know I interview well. All my life I've been told (before Asheville, including in Omaha while I was presenting full time as a woman) that I interview very well, that I come across as very confident and articulate and intelligent, a natural leader and full of self-motivation. I would call these people, leave messages, call again, leave another message, e-mail, visit their offices, call again ... NOTHING. A couple people would drop me a discreet e-mail and apologize, explain that the position was filled. At first I questioned my interviews, then I questioned my resume and applications (had I made some glaring error, or was one of my references sabotaging me?), then I started wondering -- is Asheville not as accepting as it claims to be?
It started fairly slow, I started pinning down people trying to find out why I wasn't being hired for positions that I was told over the phone that I was a shoe-in for. Finally, a couple of hiring managers told me they were unable to hire me because I was overqualified or because their supervisors had selected another candidate, and that's when I knew something was up. It took a while but I managed to get a few more honest answers -- one executive staffing firm flat out refused to hire me because they had previously had a bad experience 'with someone like me.' Another hiring manager explained how she had tried to pitch my employment to her supervisors but they weren't willing to accept that a 'guy who looked like a woman' would be using the women's bathroom. A couple of jobs hired me on for a brief period of time until an HR official noticed me (and the as-yet-incomplete nature of my surgeries, as relayed by my Gender Marker on my ID) and had me dismissed for -- in one case, 'improper dress' (not pertaining to the MALE dress code, which does not permit men to wear female clothing.)...
18 months. FINALLY, nearly shaking in absolutely nervous fear, beyond broke, having moved into a tiny trailer with holes in the walls, holes in the floors, no heating or cooling, no bed, having sold all of my possessions, no water heater in the trailer -- I convinced a Burger King manager to take a chance on me. I think he pitied me, actually, because I'm sure I probably looked nervous as all get out. He was going on about how overqualified I was and how they could never offer me what I was used to making and I pretty much begged him for a job.
I no longer own any clothes that aren't work clothes. I had to sell them all to raise rent money. My water doesn't run any more, so I buy bottled water. In the winter I have to buy two space heaters and pay twice as much for the power as I do for the rent. I have a computer and that concludes my list of personal amenities. I don't have a car, a bike, or even a set of skates. I have one pair of shoes. How many women have just ONE pair of shoes? I make minimum wage plus a few cents and by mid-July the one raise I was able to eek out of this place for never going home early, never skipping work, never refusing to work overtime, and being the perfect super employee, will vanish when the government raises the minimum wage. The store has confirmed they will not adjust my salary to reflect having been given a raise before the government increases minimum wage for the grubby high school boys who call out every other week, go home early, and do nothing while they're here.
So yes, I am the lowest of the lowest. I have been lucky so far not to be homeless again (As I was briefly after my parents kicked me out in Iowa, just before I went full time.) Yes, there is a trans-support group here in Asheville, but it HIDES. There are no outings, no joyful gatherings at a public place, the group is so hidden and so guarded that you have to petition for access to KNOWING when they'll meet again. There is no openness here, no acceptance of MtFs. MtFs are regarded as freaks to the freaks who call this city their home. Either you pass and you're lucky, or you don't pass and you hide.
On the street I can pass. With my hair down, softening the lines of my face, and real people clothing on (which I don't own anymore), I pass well enough for straight men to flirt with me and ask for my number FIVE times before I have to tell them to just leave me alone. But when I'm at work, in the drive through, wearing clothing that is intentionally designed to hide sex and gender, pulling my hair back (which highlights all the unfeminine bits of my facial bone structure) and my voice starts to scratch and tire out after 3 days in a row of 9 hours of 'how can I help you today?' a day... I don't pass very well, or for very long. And people will spit on me. Literally. People will figure it out while I'm all smiles and helpfulness and throw their drink in my face, or complain (LOUDLY) to the manager about indecency and how offended they are. Or they'll make lewd sexual jokes about my dick. Even my co-workers, who are supposed to operate under a no-harrassment rule, are the same way. There is NO acceptance here, not for people like me. If you're FtM, sure, you'll fit right into the hyper-masculine culture, even if they do clock you. Half the cisgendered women who run around here look more butch and male than FtMs after transition.
This is not life. This is a hole which I managed to dig myself into. I don't have the money to move ANYWHERE. I barely (and not all the time) make enough money to keep power, phone, and rent paid up. I buy bottled water to wash with and walk two miles carrying my laundry so that I can clean it.
So is California -- where I have a BED to sleep on instead of a broken mattress, where minimum wage is more than I will make AFTER the government raises it in July, where people can talk about how parts of the area are not as accepting as others, where rent is exactly the same -- an improvement over my current situation?
Yes. Unquestionably. I'm being offered the chance to get my life back. I'm being offered room and board for as long as it takes me to find a job and a living situation of my own? How often does a second chance like that come along? My SO took pity on me and instead of making me pay my own way out west is taking me with them. Is this the ideal way to do it? No. But is it better than this? YES.
So I came here to ask for help finding work (3 months before I even move) and meeting the local community. And instead people go on about how stupid this is and how under-qualified and unemployable I must be if I work at Burger King. This forum is generally considered a SUPPORT group place, right? Not a 'step on you for daring to try something new' place.
I grant that it's late and this post has a lot of vitriol in it that comes from being treated like human refuse all night at work. And some of the responses to my post have been genuinely trying to help, even if only to warn me off of what they see as a dangerous mistake, and I thank you for that. But reading comments about how I must be without job skills and uneducated because I work at Burger (Btw, Snob much? You didnt even put 'King' in after 'Burger'. Pot, meet Kettle. Kettle is black...) and how stupid and 'unrealistic' I must be for refusing to 'see reason' ... seriously ticked me off.
I assume the majority of the people who post here are transgender in one way or another. What part of risking much in hope of achieving more is unknown or new to you?
But rest assured, all my naysaying 'thee be stupid' commentators. You have achieved one result by all of your negativity. You have ensured I will never come here for advice, support, or questions about anything again.
Let me explain my perspective so you can get a better idea of where I'm coming from. I am currently employed by a non-profit that serves homeless and marginally housed youth. It is my job to sit and listen to their stories- they come here from all across the continent because they think they can make it here. They know someone who will let them crash, they think they're going to find a job in a week, etc. Their stories very much echo yours. They range anywhere from high school drop outs to college grads, foster kids who ran out of time in the system to throwaway kids whose parents didn't want them around since they came out as queer. These young people show up here, ready to hit the pavement and make it. Before long, they end up at organizations like mine because they need help- because CA is much harder than they thought it would be. People come from all over the planet to make it here and they'll stomp on your throat to get a step beyond you.
I am fortunate to live in a state that has great protection for trans people, but like all laws, they are not necessarily enforced. As for Tekla's mention of jobs being hard to come by, it's true. I moved here 1.5yrs ago a very well-qualified candidate and applied for the union (as everything is out here) that covered my previous career. In 1.5 years, I have moved ten spots up the waiting list, so i had to get creative. Every day, on my walk to work, I walk past the numerous TS sex workers in the city. The saddest part for me is that I know most of the young ones- they were once seeking services through my job, couldn't find something legit and are now selling themselves in alleys or dumpsters to stay fed.
All that being said, moving to California's one of the best things I've done. If you've got the fortitude to survive out here, do it. It's not easy.
hey bella,
I'm a socal girl, so I can't give too much advice for jobs and support groups/meeting people north of santa barbara. if you wanna chat about stuff, I am usually on instant message (in my profile).
california is pretty accepting for the most part, and you shouldn't have any trouble meeting people and making friends. california law protects TG people in teh workplace, but that only goes so far I suppose.
all of the schools out here have GLBT centers and probably have groups that meet as well. they may also have a bulliten board that posts some TG friendly employment oporatunities from time to time.
there are lots of conventions/meetings/like minded people think tanks that meet out here. pick up the local paper and see if you can find any meetings on topics that interest you. I find that is a good way to meet like minded individuals no matter who you are. also, it never hurts to donate your time into a cause. perhaps mister is looking for some volunteers or you can look into usaservice.org and find a place near by to pick up trash on the beach or feed the homeless or read to young kids. those are all ways to make a difference and meet people at the same time.
I dunno, just thinking outloud... there are so many types of people in california that I dont even think about how to meet people, it just sorta happens.
I thought that my long post was very pro Cali, hell, it belongs to the California Exceptionalism Hall of Fame.
So, as many, many people in this state will attest (and as people who know us will shake their heads about) - there is California, and there is everywhere else. The difference between Cali and everywhere else is that everywhere else sucks and this is paradise, this is nirvana, this is the New World.
Hell, I'm not alone in basically refusing to tour anymore outside of Cali because the rest of the US has got far too weird, I work with several people like that.
And there are times when I realize that all that vaunted 'tolerance' isn't really tolerance, it's just people too busy to care. If they even speak your language in the first place - and a solid 20-50% of the population does not, no matter what that language is. It's not so much "Oh how swell you are what you are and who you are" its far closer to "whatever" and "your misfortune and none of my own."
But, being here for any amount of time you realize that the Incredible Super-fantastic better-than anywhere else hyperbole of the California Myth Making Machine, is not a universal reality. That the State is, in fact, right (at least about this, but not much else) that its not just a state, its a state of mind. And what that means is its not Cali, its really about you.
And, as several of us have said, there is not one Cali, not a California Uber Alles, but a bunch of them. From the mansions of the Hollywood Hills to the hard streets of Compton and South Central that you can see from there. Sure, there are the beautiful people out there in Palm Springs and Beth's Coachella (where they hold the music festival because the Polo Fields go on forever, I mean, how many places have one polo field, much less 8?) to the meth communities on the Salton Sea a short drive from there, but light years away in realities. There are strait-forward agricultural areas, like Fresno, the less obvious (but non-the less agricultural) Napa and Sonoma areas, and then there is the Emerald Triangle to the north up in and around Humbolt because even given these HUGE agricultural productions, the number one cash crop in the state is pot. (Keep me here and keep me high)
Sure, its the home of the Beats, of the Hippies, of the Esalen Institute, the Human Potential Movement and all that peace and love stuff. But, its also where the Crips, Bloods, and Hell's Angels all began, so perhaps not everyone is sitting in hot tubs, reading Fritz Perls and sending out groovy love bombs and contemplating their navels.
And we're just trying to tell you some of the truth as we know it and see it. To make sure you come in eyes wide open as it were.
Mister is right, lots of people on the streets. Lots living under bridges, out in the park and the huge step up into an SRO is sometimes not much better. Lots of TS sex workers. Yeesh, lots of sex workers, sex is just one more commodity here, one more thing to buy and sell. I walk down Haight Street and the white kids with dreadlocks who haven't bathed in days (if not weeks, or months) are sitting there like so many lost Wookies begging spare change and its all I can do not to scream at them to get the ->-bleeped-<- back to Ohio, or Vermont, or wherever the hell they came from in the first place. It seems sometimes its where little lost people come to die, and I don't really like that.
Getting into unions (and its a big union state) is hard except through the old tried and true method - have your parents in the union first. How many people come out to work in the movies? Legions. How many get to? Only a few. If you're not SAG, IATSE, Teamsters, ScreenWriters Guild, then the only way you're getting close to those sets it to take a tour. Of course, there is always porn.
I said somewhere else that one of my gigs is the single lowest paying IATSE contract in the world. You'd think that they would have a hard time finding people to do it. Or that it would be the entry level gig for the younger people in the union. Nah, when there are five of us there (the usual number) there is 150 years of rock show touring experience on that stage. Even really, really cheep, its still The Fillmore, and its a legend, and people want to work there real, real bad. They want to work there - even for only a little money - because it's The Fillmore. And also, to a much smaller degree, but still a valid reason, because working with us is like a graduate school seminar in running a rock show. But in order to get in the door, you have to be one of those people who's been working together for ten, twenty or thirty years - or, be one of our kids, or one of our friends kids.
And its not negativity, its realism. I think its good to know what your getting into.
Just be realistic. And given what you've said, it would be hard to get worse. Just realize that making it here on almost any level requires a lot of work. It only seems like play to outsiders.
I think People here just want to give you both sides to life in Cali. Everything people offered is pretty much spot on about CA. It is a wonderful state to live and work in. But it's also a state where to make it requires lots of drive and will. Not all jobs or even very good paying jobs are union. But the higher end jobs require one or more degrees or bejezzers of experence or both.
It will be FAR more accepting then the southeast US (I'm from the deep south) , Even Fresno or Napa ( I worked in Napa for a few years and never had a problem).
So come on out, try it out and see how it goes.
As to traffic, Well compared to O town (Been there) Rush hour across the Missouri in Omaha is about the same as 101 or 880 (Major Bay area HW's) at midnight, too put it all into perspective. Though traffic in Fresno is not too bad.
But with all that said, I live in CA and would not live anywhere else (and I've lived all over the country too prior). Nice weather, Lots of things to do and see, OK Great Shopping, YES!.
A long drive across country though. Best of luck to ya
Beni
Oh and the Fillmore Rocks! It is a landmark that's totally SF.
I'm not quite sure what California Tekla is talking about, but...
I grew up in Los Angeles, and I've lived in Merced and Santa Cruz, as well.
Santa Cruz is lovely, though incredibly expensive. I dislike Los Angeles for a myriad of reasons - you cannot get around without a car, it is insanely expensive, etc. Merced was AWFUL. The worst 9 months of my life in some respects. It wasn't liberal - not a bunch of pot smoking ->-bleeped-<- dykes, sorry to break it to you. I received death threats (multiple) for some LGBT activism I did.
It's like any other state in the country, only it has this reputation.
Ya know, I just love getting dumped on by people who know NOTHING about me. Tekla, take your crap elsewhere, and don't attack someone just for expressing his opinion. I certainly never did the same to you.
SD