How do you know for sure that you're trans?
People always say do what feels right, but I don't know what that is.
I'm almost certain that I'm not female. Never have been. Male clothes, appearance, hobbies, interests, toys, friends, etc. I've never felt female. But then I don't know if I'm male either.
One thing that someone from here asked me is "can you imagine yourself as a 30yr old woman?" and dear lord, I cannot.
And I know I shouldn't really compare myself to others, but all the FTMs I've talked to/read about/watched videos of on YouTube are extremely uncomfortable in their bodies.
I'm really not that bothered about mine. I'd prefer a male body, but I'm not overly upset about what I've got now.
Although, saying that, my chest has been annoying me recently as I've been passing pretty much 100% and I don't wanna look like a dude with tits lol. (I bind most of the time, but sometimes it's just painful and I cba)
Over the past 6 months or so, I've been doing stuff to become more masculine (haircut, using mens toilets. Stuff like that) and everytime I do stuff like that and pass, I find myself absolutely buzzing for the rest of the day. It's great.
I'm just really full of doubt and don't trust my own judgement about stuff. Just need someone to say "Yep, you're 100% trans.", so I can just know who I am and just get on with my life. But I know that won't happen :D
I'm in the process of getting counselling. I've just gotten through the assessment thing and should be getting another appointment eventually. NHS are slooooow.
So yeah, cheers. Just wanted to get that all out somewhere :)
You don't.
And wouldn't it be funner to be a fat guy in your mid 50s with a potbelly, lounging on your porch with a beer in your hand and your wife/husband yelling at you to get off your ass and do something?
;D
Haha, that's totally not the answer I was looking for :laugh:
But yes, definitely!
Well nobody's going to go YUP YOU'RE TRANS NOW GO OUT AND GET YOUR TESTOSTERONE YE MANLY DOG YOU.
Another alternative to "Do what feels right" is "Do what you're doing until it feels wrong."
Just for reference.
Nah, I know. I just wish someone would do that. Would make ->-bleeped-<- a whole lot easier!
That's a good one though actually. I suppose I'm pretty much doing that now :)
I suppose, but then how would you know to trust that person's judgment, especially if one day you were absolutely convinced they were wrong? And what gives them the authority to be able to decide? blahblahblah on and on. Hah.
Yeah, it's what most of us do, since nobody can -really- be sure.
Yeah. But then what about if you always had that little bit of doubt, then got on T, had surgery...and then a few years later realise that you'd done wrong.
Then you'd be well and truly f-ed!
The other thing I'm worried about is people, relationships and daily situations.
Is it really worth going through such a huge transition and then be open to discrimination and a smaller acceptance group (don't know how else to put that)? Plus I imagine that finding relationships would be really difficult too.
Not really. Then you'd just turn into a MtF, and do the whole process again. And it is highly unlikely that anyone will get that far into transition and then have serious second thoughts.
Once you can pass, that kills discrimination from anyone new you meet, unless of course they're your boss or something and were able to find out you were born female. Once you've changed all your paperwork, that kills discrimination from everyone except potential partners. I'm not really sure how difficult it is finding a partner, since I was lucky to find someone completely accepting a few weeks before I came out. I would assume it is difficult, but nothing much you can do about that anyways. I imagine not transitioning and then finding a partner would be worse, since you'd always feel like you were hiding something huge from them, or having to do things that put you in uncomfortable positions.
I wonder if there is anyone that has actually done that? Like gender re-reassingment.
Yeah, see, I pass about 99.9% of the time. So that's okay. But it's the name.
I dread going to the jobcentre for example, cause they always shout out as loud as possible "MISS LOWE". And everyone just turns around and stares lol. Ugh.
Although, I guess if you do find someone willing to put up with trans issues and everything, then you know that they're in it for real. Or that they're just a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-.
Well a gender therapist can help you figure this out, but they wont flat out tell you. It would be better if the minute you injected T you had an allergic reaction or something then you could say well I guess I was wrong. I guess that is the advantage of doing therapy first at least you have gone through that process so one more sort of check off the list. I know some people think it's one more person standing in your way from transition but it's great if your not sure.
Myles
Yeah, I'm totally for therapy.
Although none of the counsellors/psychs in my area have never come across trans issues.
I'll be having a max of 12 weeks with my current counsellor and after that, I'll probably ask to be referred to a gender clinic or something to either properly start my transition, or just try to figure things out with someone who knows what they're on about.
Sounds like you are doing well. You have a good attitude, self accepting, asking for help when you feel you need it, exploring. Keep doing what your doing.
Ok, I'll say it:
YUP YOU'RE TRANS NOW GO OUT AND GET YOUR TESTOSTERONE YE MANLY DOG YOU.
better?
Right then! Of for testosterone I go! ;D
Thanks though :)
Quote
People always say do what feels right, but I don't know what that is.
Then don't do anything at all.
Post Merge: April 28, 2009, 06:57:44 PM
Quote from: Gizzy on April 28, 2009, 06:13:32 PM
I wonder if there is anyone that has actually done that? Like gender re-reassingment.
People have absolutely done this. I know a woman who woke up from top surgery, cried, and asked the surgeon to "put them back." She eventually had her facial hair removed, got a BA and resumed living her life as female. While my personal opinion is that informed consent is superior to SOC, there are clearly people for whom those roadblocks could stop from incorrectly transitioning.
Yeah, counselling will help you figure out where you want to go with this. The only advice I have is don't do anything until you're totally sure, because most of testosterone's physical effects don't reverse when you go off it, and you don't want to be six months into it with a broken voice and stubble and suddenly decide hey, I'm a woman.
I'm not yet sure myself, so I'm not the push you're asking for, sorry.. but cautiousness is called for in transition issues, I think.
Good luck Gizzy :)
Gizzy I was on here for 2 years before I started my transition. Some people know right away and go for it others take longer no right or wrong. Everyone just has different steps to go through until they have the "for sure" moment of feeling to move forward.
Myles
How do you know for sure that you're trans?
Wow! What a simple yet complicated question that not only entails sleepless nights, but years of mental anguish just to come up with more questions instead of an answer.
I've spent enough hours and time on this question. I've polled, scanned, sought, seeked, searched, read, emailed, cried, crawled, paid money to those with supposed answers, and typed blogs over that question.
I've eaten pills, injected estrogen, applied patches, shaved, grown out hair, shaved head, joined army, gone out en femme, kissed boys and girls, and still have no answer.
I'm 40 and cannot figure it out. The only thing I have not tried is a full on full fledged transition. It is all that is left. I've covered all the bases. I've created bases to cover just in case. I've had several GID therapists agree with me that I was in fact TS. I've self medicated and I've been to professional doctors for help. I've told I don't remember how many people.
I guess the only true way to know is to transition and see if you are able to find happiness. Either you will be right or you will be wrong.
Everyone is different... Some people are unable to find an answer to the question of whether they are truly transsexual or not, whereas other people seem to have the answer from the time they're a little child. As for me, I'm young... But I know who I am. I haven't always – as a child, I spent a lot of time yearning to be a boy, trying to pee out of funnel cups over toilets, dreaming of it and yet, waking up in the morning and being disappointed. I used to talk with my only friend about how I'd grow up, get a sex change, and live my life as a man. I used to tell my little brother, when he was too young to understand, that I was a boy and had merely been in an "accident". It suffices to say that it was right in front of my face for a long time, but I did not look the beat in the eyes (so to speak) until the past few years...
Everything has just fallen in place for me. My sexuality, my gender, my passions, everything... I just know who I am, and if I could start transitioning tomorrow, I would, and without a glance backwards.
It's our own, individual journey...
Just be opened to new possibilities and be ready to embrace yourself regardless, that's all I can say. If you do that, finding the "true you" will be easier, too.
I wish you luck!
I'm in the same situation.
Me too, I'm sure I'm not male but I'm unsure if I really want to start transition. I'm in therapy right now, if I could I'd start T just now, but I'm not sure if I really want to go to the end. And, as Lindsey told, I'm a little afraid of the permanent effect of the testosterone... What if I discover that's not right and I change idea? :-\
Well, just to say that you're not alone. I'm sorry I can help you more. :)
No worries. It's always good to know that you're not alone :)
One of the things that really helped me to figure it out was meeting other trans guys and talking to them. Counselling was also useful (Gizzy, I can put you in touch with a very good trans specialist counsellor in Manchester if you want), but in the end, it was really just that I couldn't continue being mistaken for a female all the time, and that when I did pass it just felt right.
Although there are a number of cases of people who have untransitioned, there's not many. As Mister said, the gate-keeping model of care prevents a lot of this - the ones I know of in the UK (all MTFTMs not FTMTFs) all went privately and so by-passed the NHS system which is very strong on gate-keeping. Whether I agree with the gate-keeping system rather than the informed consent model is, of course, another question entirely! ;)
:)
I guess I should have clarified I knew then it was a matter of if I was actually going to do anything about it.
Myles
Quote from: Flameboy on April 29, 2009, 01:05:25 PM
(Gizzy, I can put you in touch with a very good trans specialist counsellor in Manchester if you want)
That'd be great! Although, keep in mind that I'm considerably poor :P
keep in mind that I'm considerably poor
Allbeit with a very expensive camera.
It wasn't actually that expensive. It's the Fuji Finepix S9500. Just a bridge camera.
Plus it's not really mine, it's my dad's. He just doesn't use it anymore so I kinda stole it :)
Quote from: Gizzy on April 29, 2009, 01:17:50 PM
That'd be great! Although, keep in mind that I'm considerably poor :P
She is private, but she operates a sliding scale dependent on your income at least she did, so I presume she still does) - and she's very flexible about how often you go and all that sort of thing.
I'll PM you :)
My income is like £43 a week or something as I'm unemployed.
So yeah...
Quote from: Gizzy on April 29, 2009, 01:30:41 PM
My income is like £43 a week or something as I'm unemployed.
So yeah...
On the sliding scale that she did operate (as I say, I've no idea if it's still the same), that would mean that you'd pay approximately £2.20 per session I think...
:)
I'd like to thank Dave as I've actually just gotten an appointment with that counsellor!
Just thought I'd let you all know.
congrats, you're on your way.
and don't let anyone pressure you into anything. just be you. how you figure that out? one day it just clicks. you'll know if it feels wrong. that's why many therapists insist on hormones first. that can be stopped easily.
Quote from: Asher on April 28, 2009, 05:39:05 PM
YUP YOU'RE TRANS NOW GO OUT AND GET YOUR TESTOSTERONE YE MANLY DOG YOU.
Asher, you're KILLING me.
Gee Am I trans. I would say no, I'm just a girl. It's more that, gee well for me anyway, that Life was easier. Much easier being the Girl inside then to act like the guy everyone else saw. Trans is a label. I'm just me.
Sort of like going to the eye doctor, It this better or worst then before. If it's better then continue on, if it's not or there is any question, then take a step back and think about the direction your heading.
HA and yes you could end up as a fat balding old guy with a beer belly by the time your 45-50...Be afraid, be very afraid. Or OK your could look like Brad P.
Beni
That "can you imagine yourself as a thirty-year-old woman", absolutely brilliant question, and one of the reasons I realised I was probably trans - I figured seeing yourself as a thirty-year-old man when you're physically a woman can't be the "normal" thing women do when planning their futures... ;D
Ah, the reason I've been hesitating about going for counselling and coming out to my younger brother about it is because I just don't know for sure. I often think that I'm wrong, that I can't be trans because sometimes I don't feel particularly masculine (I never feel like a "manly" man), but then realise that I probably am trans, because while I don't necessarily always 24/7 want to be a man, I can't stand looking like a woman. Even now, I went to write "while I don't necessarily want to be a man, I can't stand being a woman" and couldn't do it, 'cause I'm not a woman, I just look like one, and can't bear the thought of being one when I'm 30 (8 years' time). I think that no, I'm not trans, I'm just a very confused woman - but then why do I spend *every* night, and significant portions of every day, too, having trouble sleeping/concentrating because all I can think about is the pain of not physically being a man, or not-a-woman at the very least?
But then, as I think you said Gizzy, there's the fear of transitioning over time with family and friends watching. If there were a pill that made everything "right" instantaneously, I wouldn't hesitate, but the thought of everyone watching "their little girl" changing is really disconcerting. I know you should live for yourself and not other people, but the fear is still there. :-\
As is that fear of not being right about it, waking up after the operation and regretting it. When I can bring myself to do it I'm going to go to a therapist, but even just that first step is scary. :embarrassed:
Gah, sooooooooooooooooooo many questions!!! :icon_headache: :icon_bored: :icon_anger: :eusa_wall: :icon_sadblinky:
Sorry, I also can't give any answers, but I can certainly empathise.
Will xox
Quote from: William on April 30, 2009, 01:02:25 AM
If there were a pill that made everything "right" instantaneously, I wouldn't hesitate, but the thought of everyone watching "their little girl" changing is really disconcerting. I know you should live for yourself and not other people, but the fear is still there.
Actually, I think the slowness of the transition can help parents, friends and family to come to terms with it - it's less of a shock that way. They can watch as you masculinise, hear your voice break, see the hair starting to grow - and it just seems like every other male puberty. If it was a case of take a pill, go to sleep and wake up the next day with a full beard, deep voice etc, it would be much harder for most people to cope with. It's a bit like aging - you don't get shocked by how old someone you've known well for 10 years is looking because you've seen it happen gradually, a tiny bit each day. It's only when you look at old photos that you can really see the difference. Now imagine how muchc of a shsock to the system it would be if they'd looked exactly the same for 10 years, and then overnight suddenly looked 10 years older!
:)
Ah, true, very true... It's just that after I came out to my parents as trans I'd catch them watching me, like they were trying to see if I was changing/had changed at all, and I think the fact that they'd be looking for changes while I transitioned would get to me. I'm a very self-conscious person (though I suspect a large proportion of the Susan's population is...), and the thought of being scrutinised for hairgrowth or whatever scares me, a lot. :embarrassed: It probably shouldn't, but it does.
That said, I do understand the logic of the slow transition. :)
Quote from: William on April 30, 2009, 01:02:25 AM
That "can you imagine yourself as a thirty-year-old woman", absolutely brilliant question, and one of the reasons I realised I was probably trans - I figured seeing yourself as a thirty-year-old man when you're physically a woman can't be the "normal" thing women do when planning their futures... ;D
xox
i'm not the only one?! :D awesome.
You too?! Yay for being not alone!!! ;D
Quote from: William on April 30, 2009, 11:52:09 AM
I'm a very self-conscious person (though I suspect a large proportion of the Susan's population is...), and the thought of being scrutinised for hairgrowth or whatever scares me, a lot.
Trust me; the amount of scrutinising for hair growth you'll give yourself will make anyone else's scrutinising pale into insignificance - well, if you're anything like every other FTM I've ever known anyway ;)