Had a little talk with my mother. I have a place in another part of the country, when I am there I dress up pretty much 24/7. But don't do when I am at home, my mother have known all these years that I do. But she dont like it, we never talked about it. Have no idea what she really thinks about this-maybe that I am just silly-bit brain damaged or something
Well, it is more serious for me then that.
So decided to make her say something...
4 days ago I washed a a bag I had brought with me, and hung them up in the roof all along the room, tops, dresses, underware. You know. All normal chic's garments, that is what I use.
A few times these days she has entered the room while I sleep, and obviously see all these clothes hanging in the roof. Then just say her message from the door.
But today she asked out of the blue(not quite, she got a bit angry on me for doing something with the food, and I said she could calm down the emotional outbrake-no crises-then she said-oh-how pretty words I was using.
And then....How I was going to make it through those 3 days, without making my self pretty(laughing/sarcastic-not sure, couldnt tell the difference). I said..what?(caught of guard). She said, i know perfectly well what you are doing down there(i'm reading-but nevermind). I said-That is a good point, guess I'll just have to set the tent up in the forest. ..a bit later I decided to go further, finding courage, i said- That is why I have considered going to see a psychologist(i said this some days before, then she replied, yeah, we could all use that). Because I think this is where all my social problems come from, and lack of motivation. Then she said. I have no idea what you are talking about. Then started talking about food, what I was to bring with me.
....I think I was quite clear this time.
Hi Lisa,
I'm glad you and your mother are getting closer to talking about what is so important to you. It can be very hard to talk with a family member - especially a mother - because you have developed ways to talk to and around each other over many years. In my experience, open and honest communication is very helpful, but if you don't have the habit of speaking that way with your mother then it can be exceedingly difficult.
What I'm trying to say is that there is a difference between referring to something and talking about it. Instead of hanging your girl clothes on the roof, how about: Mom, I love you and I'm sorry if this hurts you, but I need to live and act as a woman because that's what I really am down deep in my heart.
Direct communication can be painful but is usually more effective. I wish I could be there to hold your hand when you finally do this.
*hugs*
Kate