I'm going insane...I know I'm going to choke up and not be able to say a word to them...they're coming to see me and my therapist to talk about Kody...not Keisha, but Kody...and I have this horrible feeling that things are going to go the wrong direction and I'm not going to be able to say a single word...they come on Friday...that's sooooo close...only three days...and I'm already freaking out...what am I going to do???what am I going to sayy???what if things get out of hand???my mom has a past for flying off the handle...and then she forces my dad to fly off the handle...then I get all upset and fly off the handle...HELP...PLEASE...
If you're all in the room together (you, parents and therapist) then hopefully the parents will be a little calmer - most folks don't like to reveal their own temperament flaws in front of a therapist!
For you - talk to the therapist if it gets tough, by which I mean maintain eye contact with them - not your parents, so that you don't get unsettled by a glare from the parents.
Take a deep breath, let it out slowly and keep telling yourself that this is *your* journey, it won't always be a smooth road but it's taking you to where *you* want to be.
Good luck!
Hugs,
J.
Telling your parents has got to be one of the hardest parts. I did it recently myself (well, my mother, anyway... my father is a rightwing neo-nazi guy and I don't care to know of his opinion yet).
The therapist should serve as a good mediator, and keep the discussion productive and on track. They are unlikely to let it degenerate into a "flying off the handle shootout" without stepping in.
Perhaps it would help to write down some of the things you would like to say beforehand, as it's likely you are going to be given a chance to speak up uninterrupted in a mediated environment.
I know it's hard, but just try to tell them how *you* feel. Be honest. Prepare statements beforehand if need be.
They will have a lot of questions and concerns. It'd be adventagous to try to predict these and work on your answers.
Parents don't *try* to freak out - it just happens. It's a lot of new information to absorb.
They've just found out someone closest to them, someone they gave birth to, is not who they thought they were - it's a hell of a shock (or so my mother said). They have an image of you, and a future for you all planned in their head, and it's all about to dissappear in a puff of logic.
Above all, they're probably afraid for you - they think you're trading a normal life for the life of a "freak", and it's up to you to tell them the truth - that that isn't the case.
Don't expect them to understand 100% of everything, or accept it all right away. You've had much longer to get used to the information.
The most important thing is that everyone remains as calm as possible, and keeps talking. Keep the communication flowing. Starting to talk about it is the hardest part. Breathe, swallow once, look away and BLURT IT OUT! :) Once you're going, it's easier to keep talking.
Good luck!
The therapist should act like the mediator I am sure that he or she has already done this before maybe not about trans issues but other matters.
Just keep your cool, either write down what you want to say so you can get it all across without stumbling and to get it all off your chest. So your parents can understand fully.
Jay
thanks guys...my therapist and I made up a list of my goals of want I want to be able to tell my parents...and we've been focusing on the whole "you can't control how other people react" bit...I think I'm ready, but I know that it's going to be tough...
Good luck for tomorrow and let us know how it goes please :)
Jay
Hey Kody, I'm just reading this.
How did your talk with your parents go? I hope no one flew off the handle, during the talk or afterwards.