Much is made of transitioning early, and I understood that it is preferable to later transitioning in a lot of ways. Not the least of which is fewer years of pain and torture and better HRT outcomes, but many of us didn't get to transition or were in denial past age 25.
So for those of us mid to late transitioners, are there any benefits to having lived a life as the wrong sex?
I have my own, which I might share later.
I'd say there are some. I am emotionally more stable than I was when I was younger. I was more able to withstand the stress of transition. I had many years of independence so, although I cared what family thought, it wasn't gonna make or break me.
I'm also much more self-confident than I was when I was younger, so I don't care as much what people think of me.
I'm also financially more independent, so nobody can use that as a weapon against me.
I have years of proving myself to be stable and someone who makes good choices, so people didn't question whether I'd made the right decision (except my mother, who still questions whether I'm wearing a warm enough coat for the weather).
I'm sure there are more, but those are what come to mind immediately.
Dennis
Post Merge: May 29, 2009, 01:41:42 PM
Oh, there's one more. I had the money saved, so I could have surgery as soon as I wanted it.
In my case the benefit was more life experience.
I could have transitioned back at 18ish, but I was afraid, and didn't know myself well enough to make such a decision.
College, and better time on the internet researching was all the difference when it came to understanding that I wasn't "bad" for having the "condition".
I was also in the closet socially, something I'm still working on, I'm not sure if I did start back then it would have made any difference there, but college helped me to be me.
I can't think of much more so I'll click Post now
Basically what Dennis said.
It's weird, but now that I'm 10 months on T, and post top and hysto, I find that I've forgotten what it's like to be a woman.
My daughter left evidence of her period in the bathroom and I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot about those! And I didn't realize just how much women talk...and talk...and talk...LOL.
People say, yeah, you understand women because you were one. Um, no. I never really WAS one, just looked like one.
Jay
I third what Dennis said. I think the confidence is a big one, a mature confidence of this is who I am and wow I like it and if you don't guess i won't be seeing you anymore. The confidence to stand on ones own regardless of who chooses to walk away from you.
Myles
Hmmm Dennis you and I keep getting on differnet sides of the fence, could it be that your a man and I'm a woman :) I can't think of one reason why trasitioning late would be benificial, although you bring valid points non of them apply to me..........
The job of the teenager is to learn to know him/herself and settling on an identity.
Some don't figure out "who" they are 'till they're past the age of 20 and so us older folks (since you set the bar at 25 I'm counting myself :P) are more settled into our self-identity, and thus more emotionally prepared.
Sometimes I see youngins (15-20 yr olds) that seem to think this will solve all their problems.. that seems almost nonexistent amongst folks over 25
so..
Maturity, Realism, Confidence,..
and us adults can have a place of our own, a solid job, etc.. so...
financial preparedness, less chance to be kicked out of house and home,..
And we've had more time to find good friends and perhaps partners who're willing and able to support us emotionally through this difficult journey..
That's all I can think of just now, but those are all very good things.
From a physical standpoint, transitioning earlier means that the body will better accept cross hormone therapy. So in that case transitioning earlier is good.
However, as has been mentioned, transitioning later gives a better perspective on life, and perhaps more financial security. So from that point of view transitioning later is advantageous.
For me, were I to have transitioned earlier, I would not have my daughters (and now granddaughters). And for that, I would not trade for the world. I'm closer to them now that I ever was before when I had so much to hide from them. So for me, I would, and have, chosen late transitioning as the best way to go.
-Sandy
Quote from: Miniar on May 29, 2009, 03:35:39 PM
The job of the teenager is to learn to know him/herself and settling on an identity.
Some don't figure out "who" they are 'till they're past the age of 20 and so us older folks (since you set the bar at 25 I'm counting myself :P) are more settled into our self-identity, and thus more emotionally prepared.
Sometimes I see youngins (15-20 yr olds) that seem to think this will solve all their problems.. that seems almost nonexistent amongst folks over 25
so..
Maturity, Realism, Confidence,..
and us adults can have a place of our own, a solid job, etc.. so...
financial preparedness, less chance to be kicked out of house and home,..
And we've had more time to find good friends and perhaps partners who're willing and able to support us emotionally through this difficult journey..
That's all I can think of just now, but those are all very good things.
Hmm. Yeah 25 is still ridiculously young. Probably should've said late 20s/early 30s for later transitions. But you're right - there is a lot of difference for the younger peeps. I am glad I passed over that awkward posturing stage a lot of young guys go through.
Quote from: Sandy on May 29, 2009, 03:47:24 PM
From a physical standpoint, transitioning earlier means that the body will better accept cross hormone therapy. So in that case transitioning earlier is good.
However, as has been mentioned, transitioning later gives a better perspective on life, and perhaps more financial security. So from that point of view transitioning later is advantageous.
For me, were I to have transitioned earlier, I would not have my daughters (and now granddaughters). And for that, I would not trade for the world. I'm closer to them now that I ever was before when I had so much to hide from them. So for me, I would, and have, chosen late transitioning as the best way to go.
-Sandy
I'm very similiar to you Sandy. Although I spent a lifetime of heartache, financially, I would have never been in the position I am now, and my family, including my wife (now sister/best friend), children and 2 grandsons are such a blessing. We also appreciate the fact that we can finally live as we were intended. Looking back with regrets only brings heartaches. Moving forward and enjoying who we are and what we have is it's own reward. (I better stop babbling/lol)
I'm actually happy that I hadn't moved forward with my transition when I'd originally wanted to. Because in waiting I've done so much more research and found that had I jumped into things when I'd planned I'd have missed some golden opportunities to get the most out of my transition.
Now I'm cementing a game plan so that when I get the resources I know what I need to do and where I wanna go.
I'm also more secure in who I am which I think will help when I get into those drastic physical changes.
Very good point Osiris. We transition when the time is right for us, whether it be financially, when the desire overcomes the fear, or whatever the circumstance.
Its funny, because I wish I had transitioned 20+ years ago when I was detached from my family and didnt have much in the way to lose. But realistically, I was in no mental or emotional shape to do so. I was on a destructive collision course, and I probably would have made a very attractive female... corpse.
Now I am older and more stable. I have a lot more to lose now... Ive reconciled with my family, have a teenage son and a business I built... but truthfully, I have finally come to accept who I am and will now be able to fully appreciate my life going forward.
I wish I knew then what I know now... but hindsight is always 20/20...
Stable, Matured, Life Experienced. Yes, but I still wish I had done my transition 25 Years ago when the dreaded T had not done it's damage.
Janet
I would think it's somewhat easier to get people to take you seriously if you start later in life, whether or not they're okay with it. As already stated, when you're younger you're still finding your own identity, and people know this and it can be harder to convince them that you really and truly are transgendered. I think that's a stumbling point with a lot of transgender kids (under 18), especially.
Exactly what Dennis said, plus what others added. I am more stable, emotionally and financially. I have many more friends, who've been wonderful. I am a respected member of the community, which gives me more leeway than a younger person gets.
When I went to my family physician to ask for hormones, he prescribed them for me because we've worked together for years and he knows me to be a stable, reasonable, thoughtful person.
I seriously looked into transitioning 25 years ago :o but knew I wasn't ready - very few friends, little money, no support, would lose my job, still very confused. This time I went from denial to full time Katherine in less than 3 months. I guess I was ready. ;D
- Kate
Dennis and Kate covered much of what I feel too. I wouldn't give up my kids or grandkids for anything,....but it might have been nice to do it younger. I do know I am more sure of what I want and don't have to rely on family for validation of my feelings anymore, as I did when I was younger and miserable.
While I would have loved to have transistioned 25 years ago, that was not going to fly in southern georgia way back when. But Ditto what all the mature guys and girls have said. I'm far more stable with job and family now then in my early 20's.
Beni
The finances justification is bunk. I had the cash in the bank and probably because I don't have a lot of those mid-life expenses. No house, no kids... just me and my fish.
I see two big ones: children and financial stability while transitioning.
It's sort of sad... nevermind,
very sad when I think I'll never know what my own children may have turned out like, what they may have looked like, what kind of personalities they would have had. I envy that more than anything in late transitioners and bio females alike. I know there is banking, but I've been on hormones for 7 months so it's probably too late, and further I simply can't afford it being already stretched to the limit paying for transition costs (hence the other benefit).
Quote from: Beni on June 01, 2009, 09:40:11 PM
While I would have loved to have transistioned 25 years ago, that was not going to fly in southern georgia way back when. But Ditto what all the mature guys and girls have said. I'm far more stable with job and family now then in my early 20's.
Beni
I'm also from southern Georgia... and it still doesn't fly around here. :-\
The best one can hope for in the Bible Belt is that they pass... and well. Sigh.
For me, the biggest benefit to transitioning "late" was that I had the strength to do it.
I got to have "normal", whatever the hell that mythical ideal might be. The loving wife, the five kids, the million dollars business.
Feh.
Now I can use everything I ever learned from a place that's even better to use it.
QuoteI'm also much more self-confident than I was when I was younger, so I don't care as much what people think of me.
hear hear...definately i don't give a hoot what other people think of me but when I was younger itould have bothered me much more (I'm 29 now)
still i wish i had had the info and knowledge at 13/14 that I do now so that I might have found the strength to transition sooner....
I think the drugs are better now than they were 25 years ago, arent they? I believe finasteride and dutasteride both are only like 10 years old if that, as well as the techniques for micronizing progesterone and estradiol. Not to mention more doctors and therapists available who take us seriously, and the huge advances in the various surgeries.