Hi :)
I have a question that I feel silly but that it is important to me.
What gender are you in your dreams?
I do not always remember my dreams, but mostly I am a man. Rarely I am a woman, but when it happens when I wake I feel much less depressed.
Gived the dislike I have for the body I live into, I am used to think that in my dreams I should be mostly a woman, not a man. And this situation is for me an additional source of doubts.
Can you help me let me know your own experience?
Thanks a lot!
Hi Grazia...
Throughout my dreams, I have been both Male and Female.
I always appear as an elegant lady from times past and have a re-ocurring dream set in the deep South during the American civil War (very Gone with the Wind), which being English always amazes me. Perhaps I was there as Buffy O'Hara?.... mind it involves having sex over a kitchen table with a Union Captain and... ( OK Cold shower time Buffy!!!!).... :o
In another dream I appear as a Male Footballer (Soccer for our American Cousins) and score the winning goal in the Worl Cup Final...I have also been an astronaut on a deep space mission...
It is the same in films, I always identified with the lead Female characters rather than the Male lead, although I like strong, resilient and almost Masuculine (In their traits) women such as Uma Thurman (Kill Bill), Angelina Jolie (Lara Croft) etc...But then again I particularly hadthe hots for Viggo Mortenson as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings .. :icon_2gun:
We all dream subconsciously, I guess my dreams reflect what I am interested in in life and the things I enjoy. I don't think it is a reflection in any kind of what our actual gender is (or should be).
Buffy....
Who only needs a man to go with her Kitchen table (and dreams then come reality)
::) ::) ::) ::)
Pre-transition, I was mostly male in my dreams except when it was a vulnerability dream (have an exam haven't studied for, have to find the bathroom and can't). In those dreams I was female. Then just at the beginning of transition I was transitioning in my dreams. Now I'm just me.
Dennis
I don't really have a gender in my dreams. I'm just me. I look like whatever I happen to look like in real life at the time of the dream. But, gender plays no factor in my dreams. Maybe I really am genderqueer, yet want a female identity and female body. It's hard to say.
Melissa
Mine vary from dream to dream....
Some I am male. However in these I'm almost always shirtless for some reason and trying to cover up my breasts (even in male mode I have female breasts in this dream) so people don't look at me weird....all through the dream I'm a "normal" male other than that. Well, other than that and I still think of myself as female even being male in the dream if that makes sense.
Some I am female. I like these one's the best. There is never any vestiges of my former male self in these.
Some I am kind of androgenous like Tink mentioned.....I move through the dream without any real identifying physical characteristics.
Very good question by the way....I've often wondered how other TG people saw themselves in thier dreams.
Hi Grazia!
I have dreamt that I was a woman as well as a man at times.
The dreams where I am female are always the best and make me feel alive when I awake from them. :)
Julie
Like Melissa, I am mostly genderless in my dreams, but when I do dream of being in a gender it is almost always female. Years ago, when I was younger, I dreamed about 50% of the time that I was male.
Steph
I mean I don't recall EVER having a gender in my dreams. Weird. :-\
Melissa
oddly I/ve never once had a dream that wasnt in first person. I'm just always me in my dreams, and since most of my dreams dont involve interaction with other people, I'm just me. basically, no gender, but the few times I was anything, I was male.
I always dream I'm a man. Every once in a while when the dream turns sexual (as they seem to do a lot) i'll turn into a woman though. like the normal dream part is always male, but then if I start to get it on, sometimes I can't stay male and it's really frustrating even though it's physically pleasurable. Which definitely sounds like it would interest a shrink.
I've only had a few dreams in which I could say I was definitely male or female. Otherwise, I was just me. I guess maybe that's occurred because in my life, I never really identified as female, but I was afraid to identify as male because of the social repercussions it might incur. Lately, though, I've been having many dreams as either a male or as a transman.
Rafe
I find lately that in my dreams I'm usually in transition, presenting as female (and passing). Essentially just me, but with a specific presentation, just like in real life - and with me too it's always in the first person. Used to be I'd dream without reference to my own gender, or be female but not realize it as such, or be hiding behind my usual phony male facade - again just like waking life. Come to think of it, these are all ways that I have perceived myself while awake!
Interesting food for thought. :)
So it looks like othersw are percieving themselves the sameway I am. Just me living a transsexual life in the middle of transition. I do remember a couple of dreams where it was like that. Usually my dreams are first person or as a genderless observer.
Melissa
Interesting topic.
I'd say that before transition I was also mostly genderless. Of the ones where I was a gender, it seems to be evenly split -- sometimes I was a boy and sometimes I was a girl. The 'boy' dreams just had a vague, fuzzy sense of maleness, but the girl dreams were vividly anatomically correct. One dream I remember combined the two -- I was dating a girl, and then realized it was the female me from other dreams, and my awareness flashed into the girl body and the male was no longer there.
Since transition started, I'm having a lot of transition dreams. One I had last night had me trying to deal with a dress I was unfamiliar with, my shoe kept getting caught in the hem, and I was trying to adjust it to stop that from happening...
On a side note, I've been taking the suppliment DMAE for several years now. One of the things it does is promote strong dreams, and lucid dreaming (where you're consciously aware you're dreaming and can even guide and control the dream,) becomes more common. I suggest the wikipedia article for starters...
Karen
I forgot to add that sometimes while waking up, I'll find that I feel genderless, then all of a sudden something kicks in and the feeling of femaleness is in full force. Odd. I suspect that during most of my dreams my gender identity is asleep.
Quote from: Karen on September 09, 2006, 12:04:48 PMI was dating a girl, and then realized it was the female me from other dreams, and my awareness flashed into the girl body and the male was no longer there.
Very interesting! I don't think I've ever had third person dreams, so it's hard to imagine what that kind of shift would be like. :D
i have been both in my dreams, though mostly male i think, but usually my dreams focus on something else entirely and i often never see or feel myself o_O (third person movie camera stylie!)
first thing I am aware of is my high heels and nail polish in my toenails and then the dress and the breasts
.. lucid dreaming
sheila18
Hi all, there was another more recent thread on dreams, but I wasn't able to find it.
This was a two part dream on two different nights that I thought you might be interested in.
It began two nights ago, I was invited to a ballet at this ancient medieval castle. Nicely groomed courtyard complete with bushes containing blooms of many different types and colors. There was a thick forest all around. The only other building I could see was what appeared to be an old disused mill of sorts, built of stones and mortar. I was wearing a long gown, the style of the medieval days, and I was being escorted by this lovely prince charming-type gentleman.
We entered the main ballroom and all about there milled every type of person you would expect for the day, mainly merchants, entertainers, princes and princesses and other gentleman along with their lady escorts. All were making their way toward the dining area.
The dining area consisted of several large tables with ornate wooden chairs. At both ends of the table sat two huge golden candlelabra containing large, burning wax candles. Servants were abuzz going back and forth setting up the china and silverware while others ushered in the aromatic platters of steaming food to be set on the tables.
My escort pulled a chair back for me to sit. I sat, then he nodded politely and pulled a chair back next to me to sit, then he sat. A clanging sound rang out and the crowd that now sat at the table fell quiet while the bell-ringer set the bell on the table, then sat.
An elderly gentleman got up and made a speech about one of the ladies and her escort who sat across the table from me. When the elder gentleman sat, the lady got up and recited a short speech, then she sat down. She was the princess of some neighboring kingdom and was to be wedded to the gentleman sitting beside her at some time later in the evening.
No sooner had supper begun than a disturbance broke out at another table behind me. I heard two men shouting at each other, then musket fire, after which all hell broke loose and the whole place was bedlam.
My escort took my hand and told me to follow, and to not dawdle, for it could cost us our lives. We ran across the terrrace and the courtyard. Still holding my hand my escort pointed to the old mill I had spotted upon arrival. By then I could hear many voices behind us, women screaming, swords clattering, and men bellowing out in pain. I did not dare stop to look back. I gathered my skirts about me and kept running toward the vacant mill.
Once in the mill my escort stopped abruptly, still holding onto my hand. I nearly lost my balance with the sudden stop. He was desperately looking around the jumbled room we stood in. He spotted a set of stone stairs among the shambles across the room and resumed moving forward, stepping around the rubble left from years of disuse. We began climbing the stairs two at a time where possible then stopping momentarily to move some debris that had fallen across the stairs through the years, then continuing to climb until we were on the second level. We momentarily stopped to listen. Below us we could hear the muffled sound of many voices.
My escort again looked wildly around the room then darted forward again toward another set of stone stairs to the third level. We went up and then up once more on another set of stairs to the roof of the ancient mill.
He walked over to the edge of the roof where he looked down. When I looked down I felt like my heart had skipped a beat and my face must have blanched in fear. Then he ordered me to take off all the clothes I could as he proceeded to take his own clothes off. He stopped momentarily in mid-stride of taking his trousers off and said, "Just take the gown off. I need it to make some type of rope to climb down. I beleive once we get down to the forest below we will be safe. The king's men will not enter the Black Forest."
Tying the make shift rope to one of the parapets on the roof of the ancient mill he let it fall towards the forest floor. It came about 15 feet short of the ground. "With some luck we may make the jump the rest of the way without breaking anything," he informed me. I remember thinking, "How did I ever get into this? How did I get here to begin with?"
So we beagn to climb down the rope and everything was fine until about half-way down. I heard what I thought was a ripping sound then a snapping and I am finding myself free-falling towards the forest floor! I closed my eyes and spread my arms out then I felt the wind against my face and my hair fluttering behind me.
When I opened my eyes I saw the long sleeves of my silk undershirt fluttering behind my arms. They had the appearance of white wings. I looked below and I saw the tops of the trees of the Black Forest moving below me like I was flying. "I am flying!" I thought to myself aloud.
I came to the edge of a cliff then I began to lose altitude but gradually and slowly descended until I landed on top of a tree that had fallen against the cliff. It lay at about a forty-five degree angle. I remember the rough bark under me after I landed. I sat upon the tree trunk then shinnied down the rest of the way to the ground. I could hear a river not far away.
I walked toward the sound and came out to a clearing. There was a wide gravelly shoreline on both sides of the blue river that rippled and gurgled its way around some stones and waterlogged sunken logs and other debris. The sky was a deep blue and dotted with a few white clouds and all was silent outside of a few birds and the gurgling of the river and the whispering of the breeze at the top of the giant trees that lined both sides to the river banks.
I stood knee deep in the cool clean river water with the breeze fluttering the long sleeves of my undershirt as I raised my arms then closed my eyes once more as though in preparation to take flight once more.
Cindy
End of part One
Mostly female, but some genderless.
The only dreams I had where I was male were shortly after transition/SRS but those were more like "night terrors" where I dreamed that it had all been a dream and I was actually male! Fortunately those only happened a couple of times. More common (in the early days) was being female and railing against intrusions of maleness in women's world.
Most of my dreams were also as though I was disembodied, like I was there in spirit and not in the physical, those kind of dreams are surreal and one knows they are dreaming. The one above was more like reality, I believe those are visions.
Like I could feel and hear the wind going past my ears and could hear an feel my hair flutering behind me. I could smell the fragrance of the forest bellow and the roughness of the bark from that tree against my nearly naked body when I landed on it.
Dreaming my having long hair is common to me, since I have always have had long hair since my early teens, long like you see in my avatar. But to actually dream as myself being a woman as vividly as in that vision as you say didn't really start until after SRS.
I had some short dreams of being a girl before on and off through the past years, but I think that was more from longing to be a girl more then anything else, but so agonizingly few. but these visions have only began in the past few years. I have another episode to follow the one above I will put together later today. Actually the second one is of a time, some years before the first one. Anyone here interpret dreams? I think it would be interesting to have a few ideas. :D
Cindy
Part two
I find myself walking across the courtyard of the same castle, I am carrying a fairly large basket of eatable goods in my right hand and a bag of flour over my left shoulder and my sisters three children following at my side. Looking down I look at the blue worn and faded dress I was wearing, then remembered that pretty gown in that store window then turned away to go to the market place to purchase a few items of food for my sisters children and for the other girls whom had pooled resources together to buy the food. We all resided in a large subterranean chamber under the old mill. I made my way down the passageway and down some stone stairs that lead to the chambers below.
The passage was lit by dim electrical light bulbs and wires which were just strung from one concrete spike to another which had been haphazardly pounded into the concrete, the wires drooped the distance between spikes. I remembered myself over time buying what I could and if there were no other means I stole what I could of the wires, the lights, and fixtures from a local hardware shop in another near by village. Much of the electrical wiring and fixtures in the main chamber had been strung up by me along with the help of a few of the girls.
I knocked three rapid times on the heavy wooden door then heard the rusty ancient hinges screeching as the door opened slowly. It was Beth and she was obviously looking both anxiously and excitedly at me, she nodded, smiling hugely then hastily pulled the heavy door open the rest of the way. Dianna and Jade ran up to me Jade relieved me of the heavy basket and Beth took the bag while Dianna was incessantly enquiring about the latest happenings down at the village, especially if I had seen her cousin Doreen and what she had been up to.
Jade set the basket on a heavy ancient wooden table and Beth set the bag along side of it. Soon after a meal was mustered up hastily and set on the table every one eagerly pulled up a chair and the feast began. I looked around the table at the rag tag bunch of girls whom I had become quite fond of after a few years of banding together we had become like a tight knit family. We had all come here a few years back to escape from the rough shod abusive treatment that girls such as we were quite susceptible and likely to end up with such would be male masters. Regretfully to many young homeless girls fell victim to this type.
I and some of the other girls had jury rigged a furnace in the main chamber which helped to keep the dampness down and kept the temperature fairly comfortable. There was also a boiler attached so the furnace and we had hot water for baths and cooking. We had also restored an ancient stone fire place where the girls could sit around the open flames and share their day with each other, some busied themselves sewing garments and others did quilt work and other crafts from different pieces of cloth and what ever other baubles they could scavenge, barter for, or if no other recourse steal on their occasional visits in the village.
None of the girls were older then their late teens, myself being one of the oldest at 19 years old. One place was off limits by mutual agreement by all of us, and that was none of us would ever even contemplate, let alone dare to venture out anywheres within sight of the castle, including myself. For the exception of maybe watching from a safe distance on the mill's roof top which was four floors above ground level. It would be almost impossible for anyone to enter the old mill since all entrances had been blocked off by debris that the girls had built up through the years. Unless someone knew where the week points were it would be a nearly impenetrable fortress.
A pathway had been cleared through the years through the Black Forest which meandered it's way around the castles grounds to come out just outside the village. The village was a risky enough place to go but it was necessary for the existence and survival of the band of girls of which I was part of. The girls bartered, sold arts and crafts, or did any odd jobs around the village, and if necessary, steal what they needed for the sustenance and survival of the band of girls who lived under the mill.
One night I was awoken by a loud crash and a babble of men's voices, A light suddenly lit up the room. my sister three children had begun to whimper and rubbing their eyes having been rudely awakened. I ushered them under the bed and was in the process of crawling under myself when I felt something tighten around my leg at this very instant I heard all the other girls screaming, glass being broken then silence. The other girls had been made to stand against the wall while another man picked up the kids and began to walk away with them, I moved forward and was stopped by one of those infidel pigs holding a knife to my throat.
No one else had been taken all were accounted for except my sisters three kid. I knew this wasn't the work of the village folks, it was from the castle where my sister had been held by the resident priest who had claimed my sister unclean because she was living alone with three children and no husband. She was being held to atone for her sins. I also knew that someone now had the knowledge of the main entrance to our safe place, the one and only week point. An informant. So now there may no longer be safety even among us, I began to cry at this thought.
The next day I found Dennise shaking me awake. I sat up as she said in an urgent loud frantic voice, "You must come, you need to come right now!" We came out unto the path in the Black Forest and I began to walk towards the path but Dennise pulled me back and pointed around the side of the mill. We came out on the other side of the mill unto the open grounds that led towards the castle. Two men stood there holding a woman between them.
They pushed the woman and she stumbled forward then ran right towards me and began to beat me on the shoulders crying and cursing that I had let them get her children. After she calmed down some I told her what had happened the she feigned crying on my shoulder then whispered to me in my ear, beggingly "Please help me escape the priests custody and help me get my children back. I responded, whispering back that I would do what ever I could.
I sat at the table that night, pondering, I stared at the flickering flames and the snaping of the wood burning in the fire place. I though about the maze of tunnels that ran between different areas of the castle and the mill all that would be needed is a rough map of the layout of the different parts of the castle.
Later that night I stood on the roof of the mill watching the lights slowly going out here and there in the windows of the castle. When all was in darkness except for a few faint lights I spread my arms and the veil at my back appeared to miraculously manifest into wings and I flew over the grounds and over the castle.
The next day I sat at the table studiously poring over the make shift map of the different roughly drawn floor plans of the castle. Dianna brought over a coffe for me and queried as to what I was planning, and I pointed out to her my plans on how to get my sister away from the priests custody. Dianna informed me that if I were to execute this plan that I would need at least a couple of helpers to stand watch for her at the very least. She then added, "shortly after wards we will be in readiness to evacuate the mill."
I am fully aware that no amount of barricades now will keep us safe, and all the girls put together with what few weapons they have would not sufice to keep us safe from the Kings men from the castle after this rescue mission whether succesful or not." "How do you propose to get the kids out?" she asked. I informed her that I knew where the kids were located and that they would be the easier part of the rescue mission. Dianna then asked me if I had any plans after the rescue has been acomplished? "And I do pray it is all a successful rescue she added." A sharp twinge of pain went through me and a tear formed at the corner of my right eye. I only responded in a low soft voice, I will go where ever you wish for me to go my sister. She embraced me and only said one word very softly, "sister."
The following night the resident priest never knew what hit him. I flew as quietly as a ghost and struck the priest on the back of the head with his own heavily ornamented Bible. I took the keys that I had watched him use the night before to unlock the cell to my sister was held in Dianna and Jade both watching opposite ends of the halfway, both motioned that all was clear then I proceeded to unlock my sisters cell and when the cell door opened and the hallway light streamed into the cell I could see my sister about to let out a blood curdling scream. I rushed forward her and put my hand on her mouth just in time, all that could be heard was a loud Mmmmmmph!
At the ground level floor I drifted through a window into this apartment then gathered the three children in my arms and flew back out through the window. I knew the flight would be short with the extra weight I carried, but as I had known, Betty had already opened the front gate for us to walk out. To the left and right lay two unconscious guards, I just marveled at Beth's work and just said, you do know how to handle that little weapon don't you? A bag filed with musket balls. That was as far as the dream went.
Cindy