???
My grown daughter said she is having a hard time shifting pronouns because she thinks of me as her father (he) or Papa (he). She wants to come up with a more feminine name for me so that she'll be able to use "she" more easily. She calls her mother Mama and has thought about calling me Mama Kate but somehow hasn't taken to that. I will accept just about anything she decides on, but I can't think of what to suggest.
If you are MtF, what do your children call you?
- Kate
I wanted to be called a variation of Mother but my ex put the kaibosch on that real quick so my kids use "Dee Dee" which seems to be a common solution to the problem I gather.
My kids call me Janet. I don't think that they can quite come to grips that I am really transitioning.
My middle son does still call me Dad and that is fine. He is Mormon and I think that he is having trouble with me and his faith.
Janet
I may not be mtf, but I do have a daughter, and you know, I think I'll be cool if she calls me mom for the rest of my life, transition or no transition. Nothing will ever change the fact that I'm her mother.
In my country, 'ahpa' means dad, and 'uhmma' or 'mama' means 'mommy' in English.
My little daughter occasionally calls me 'uhmma' when I look very feminine, but she is still learning basic language, and sometimes uses wrong words.
She sometimes scolds me for sitting with my legs crossed like a lady, but also sometimes applies lipstick to my lip. She is frolic, and likes making fun of me. When I wear leggings, she also wears her tights or asks her mom to buy one for her. She is preoccupied with fashion as much as me.
Her two elder brothers, my two sons, never called me as mom. Always dad or 'ahpa'.
Barbie~~
This is actually not too different from being a step-parent.
Maybe there is already a "Mom" somewhere, so that name is taken.
You can go with your given name, a nickname, a made-up name, an incorrect relational name (Auntie) or a relational name in another language.
This goes for grandchildren too.
I'm actually trying to think about this from a different perspective. I don't have children myself, but I started thinking "If my dad decided to transition and become a woman, what would I start calling him?" Frankly, I haven't a clue. The most promising thing seems like using an alternate language for it. Like, I already call my mother "mum" (not entirely sure how that habit started, I'm not English), and I'm really fond of Japanese, so I'd probably start calling my dad "Okaasan" (mother in Japanese) in that situation.
Another way I'm looking at it is I'm a lesbian, but I would also love to settle down with a woman and raise children together someday. We would both be "Mother," so we'd need to have similar, yet different terms for our children to call us. Again, my personal fascination with Japanese would lead me to choose the alternate language term for myself and be called Okaasan.
wow talk about timing. My daughter has been putting things together on her own for a while now. I wasn't ready to tell her yet (she's only 7 and it's been hard trying to figure out how to tell her that she would understand), but she had made a comment the other day about how I was like a girl. I replied without thinking that one day I will be. OOPS. Anyway, getting back on topic, she asked about it tonight at bedtime right in front of my estranged wife, and we told her that yes daddy is going to become a girl. I tried to explain it to her but I don't think she quite understands.
However I told her that no matter what I will look like I will still be her daddy. Time will tell I guess
Quote from: sylvie on June 10, 2009, 08:13:58 PM
wow talk about timing. My daughter has been putting things together on her own for a while now. I wasn't ready to tell her yet (she's only 7 and it's been hard trying to figure out how to tell her that she would understand), but she had made a comment the other day about how I was like a girl. I replied without thinking that one day I will be. OOPS. Anyway, getting back on topic, she asked about it tonight at bedtime right in front of my estranged wife, and we told her that yes daddy is going to become a girl. I tried to explain it to her but I don't think she quite understands.
However I told her that no matter what I will look like I will still be her daddy. Time will tell I guess
Hi Syvie,
Kids only want to know so much. As adults we try to give them a full explanation, but as kids they don't need all that. Your story reminded me of the time my daughter, at 3 or 4, asked me "what's sex?" As I was trying to figure out what to say, her mother piped up: You're a girl, I'm a girl, your father is a boy - that's sex. My daughter was satified with that answer.
Probably your daughter only wanted to be reassured that you will still be her father. Kids are funny. They can take a lot of change if the core is secure.
BTW, I got an email from my daughter this morning addressed to Maddy.
- Kate
Quote from: Wendy1974 on June 07, 2009, 07:23:25 PM
I wanted to be called a variation of Mother but my ex put the kaibosch on that real quick so my kids use "Dee Dee" which seems to be a common solution to the problem I gather.
My daughter also calls me "Dee Dee," (
Dad-
Dora).
I was going to suggest Maddy. :)
The first I'd heard the term was in one of Jenny Boylan's books. Her kids call her that-- I think her youngest came up with it.
I think the important thing is that everyone be happy. Some people are okay with being called Dad during and after transition. My wife still refers to me as her husband, at least occasionally. The label matters less to me than the relationship that we have, so I'm okay with it.