So I've left Lex to his own devices. It was really... hard but alot went down... He had sex with me last monday... and I'm at as much fault as he was... but he cheated on his girlfriend with me... this girl also still believes him to be female.. and he is not going to tell her. He's not going to tell her anything.
So I got all my stuff from his house, and it got really nasty. He tore up the only pictures of us... in front of my face, implied that being intimate with me never meant anything, that this new girlfriend was more important to him than I ever was, and his last words to me, my goodbye, was "->-bleeped-<- you."
I was wearing sunglasses, so whenever he looked me "in the eyes" he never saw how I looked away.... He never saw the tears when he did what he did. It hurts so much.
He thinks I'm abandoning him, but damnit, I'm not some dirty little secret, I'm not a dog, and I'm not some toy. He is the one who broke up with me and broke his promises to me, He's the one who kept me hanging on but chose her and STILL asked me to stay around. and I did! Because I loved him and because I PROMISED i wouldn't but if he can break his, why hold onto mine? Because I love him? Look where that got me.
I miss him guys. I miss him alot and I know I've lost him forever. He'll never forgive me for acting cold towards him and "breaking my promise." But I had to. I can't take the pain anymore. and this hurts alot, to feel so alone and used.
He still told me he loved me. He still asked me to be around. He still kissed me. All of it. and I played into it... and w I look like the pathetic clingy ex, BUT I TRIED TO LEAVE MORE THAN ONCE. I wanted to let him go for him. I mean I have now, but damnit, now I look like I just wouldnt give up BUT HE KEPT ASKING ME TO STAY! How was I supposed to ssay no? I never stopped loving him.
I feel like I got the very short end of the stick. I'm sorry I am venting to you guys, but I'm just really hurt and I dont really have lots of people to go to.
So sorry honey,
I presume Lex is MtF?
Doesn't matter. The lack of trust and commitment really leaves you no option.
Sorry
:'(
Cindy
I'm sorry to see you suffering, KCBB. This sort of pain can cut very deeply and hurt the most.
Unfortunately, the only cure is time. I realize I'm only getting a one sided view of Lex from your posts but frankly, I'm not warming to Lex's personality as portrayed...so I think you're well out of that relationship even if it hurts right now.
I'm so sorry he hurt you again. He's throwing away someone who truly cares about him, and I'm sure he'll regret it someday. I keep wondering if he's really not ready to transition and pushes you away because you know and he's not ready to deal with it. This other girl is "safe" because she doesn't know about him, so he can go into denial. Doesn't make him any less of a jerk for treating you the way he has been.
*hugs*
Well this really, really, stinks. I am so sorry you are in the middle of something so very painful. What happened was obviously wrong. But I see a lot of wrong out there, so playing the blame game will not help this one. We do and say things in the heat of anger we would never believer we could do. And once they leave our mouths we really cannot ever take them back. Now is not the time to make rash judgments about what did and did not happen. You need some time to get some perspective.
I do know that he is a fool for allowing such a beautiful, sensitive, warm, intelligent girl to be out of his life.
Please take care and let us know we how we can help.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc01.deviantart.com%2Ffs10%2Fi%2F2006%2F084%2F9%2F5%2F_cheer_up_hug__by_darkmoon3636.gif&hash=ea85d72e46ed47429564359faf86d30bed420dad)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
It is always bad when the fights begin and the cheating starts. Lex was lucky to have you. It is his lose, not yours. You will find someone else in time.
We all have had those kinds of relationships and survived. You will too. Your just too cute to remain alone long.
Janet
I am so sorry to hear about this, I hope things get better... :icon_hug: :icon_bunch:
i hope things start looking up :-\
*lots of love and hugs*
Please if you get time tell us how things pan out if you think you can... Im really interested to find out.....
So new developments on the stupid story.
Lex messaged me on aim after I called his mom about a few forgotten items (including a gift from my grandmother) I called her and asked her to just keep it between us, and of course she lets him know (lex is FTM btw ^^)
So he messages me on aim. I remain distant and don't try to react to things. It gets to him telling me about how he was banned from seeing his new GF and how her parents called him up and called him a stupid bitch /lesbian dyke radda radda. WHAT MAKES HIM THINK I WANTED TO HEAR ANY OF THIS? But I figured it was him searching for some reaction from me so I just wrote things like "mhmm" and "ok" or "oh, thats unfortunate. I'm sorry" ect. I told him how I am signing up for the airforce (My MEPS appointment is next wednesday... By thurday, my behind belongs to the US military) and he was all "Well I support whatever you want to do, whatever you choose" and then logged off.
He got back on and we were talking again and I figured if he'll still support my decisions, I'll support his so I was all "If you want I'll use my debit card to get your FTM needs while I'm still around. You just have to get me the money." and he ended up flipping out on me. He was really mean so I went out of line and said something I regretted saying as soon as I pressed send and signout.
"Sometimes I wish you were a girl so maybe you'd make sense and actually have a heart."
Now I KNOW very well that THAT was out of line and just wrong. (Feel free to flog me -.-;;; )
well i threw my cellphone across my room and lost it till the next afternoon. I pick it up and I had 5 texts messages. 3 from unknown numbers calling me a slut/clingy pathetic bitch/ "YOU'RE the HEARTLESS whore" and two messages from numbers I didn't know rubbing Lex's relationship in my face saying stuff like "Oh you're just mad that so and so makes lex truely happy and that lex feels comfortable with her" or something along those lines. Not as harshly worded, but just as cruel.
I texted lex and asked him to tell his friends to lay off. and I texted the two numbers back telling them to stop texting me. Stuff between me and lex doesn't concern them when they don't have the entire story.
They replied back that "She brought us into it so now it IS our business" and that got me thinking... This is a NEW CELLPHONE NUMBER. The only people I gave it to are in my contacts list. LEX GAVE THEM MY NUMBER.
And then I got a text from lex saying "Karma sucks when you get what you deserve."
and I texted back "This isn't karma. This is BS. I want your friends to stop harassing me Lex."
From there is was just more BS from them and Lex.
I got so fed up with it. I finally texted "You know what. If lex is so happy with so and so why is SHE THE ONE BEGGING ME TO STAY AROUND and why did she cheat on so and so last monday" (None of them know he is FTM they all still think of him as their "Butch Lesbian friend" Hes )
and they wanted proof. I said "Ask Lex." They did. He told them I was a crazy liar.
That was fuct up. He said if he were ever actually asked about it, he'd own up to it. Whatever.
I got so fed up with it and so fed up with the crying and shaking that I went to my mom and we had girl time watching weeds in the living room on DVD (I love that show. Its horribly hilarious) We were there for 2 1/2 hours. During that time, my cell was in my room. Aparently lex ended up coming to my house and texting for me to come outside.
I got it over and hour late. I'm glad I missed it. I got mad that he brought his friends (because they HAD TO DRIVE HIM. He doesn't have his license) because if they do any pranks or anything to this house it's on his head. Not many people know where I live because harassment and crap like that likes to happen to me. AND HE KNOWS THIS. I texted him that if anything happens to my house its on him. he texted back that if he pisses me off so much that I just need to stop talking to him. I never replied.
I haven't spoken to him since.
i'm just so sick of all of this. I'm going into the airforce as a means of running... I need to get away ^^ Four years sounds good.
On a side note, I'm moving on nicely. I'm back to flirting and actually finding people OTHER THAN LEX attractive. Which is a nice thing. I just don't think intimacey is going to happen... Lex was my virginity lover... So there is still alot ofemotional attachment. ugh. It kinda sucks. Oh worse part. When he cheated on so and so last monday... I faked it. Silver Lining I suppose.... but then again it just shows me none of this was worth it.
Fun Update huh.... >.< Thanks for all the niceness guys... Not sure I deserve it anymore.... But thanks...
What you don't deserve is the way he's treated you. Do these friends know about him? If not, does he realize that they might very well turn on him if they did. Any bad karma will be on him, not you. You're doing the right thing by getting on with your life. You will eventually find someone else. Time is a wonderful healer even if it feels like it's taking forever. :icon_hug:
Yeah you're young, but its never too early to learn that in the immortal words of Clare Booth Luce NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED. Always good to keep in mind. Not that it should stop you from doing them, but just know as many people do, that when you do them you should not stand there expecting Laural leaves and palm branches, but you best be prepared to duck the flying bricks and bats. So it goes.
Just know that nothing screams "useless and pathetic" like having to enlist other people to do what you can't.
Now, join the AF, and get the F out of there and have a real life. I'll bet when you come back in 4 years or whatever, this drama will still be playing out.
Honey, you should NOT be treated that way. If there is anything left in the house, put it out for the trash and let Rex know he has a short time to come pick it up. Then immediately change your cell number.
Sorry you feel like you have to run to the air force. I would think that through very very carefully. Rent Private Benjin.
You are one beautiful girl. Don't let anyone or anything tell you differently.
Kristi
I agree with the others. Lex is totally out of line in bringing in outsiders. As Tekla noted, that is pathetic.
Going to the AF is something you have wanted to do? If so enjoy and I hope your life and relationships are marvelous. You are far too much a nice person for this to happen. And yes change your cell phone number.
Keep in touch :-*
Cindy
Sounds like Lex has some serious issues! I would be terrified to even be near him. Perhaps this is where you are supposed to run to the exit?
As a commercial here says, "Just because it isn't physical, does not mean it isn't abuse". I know you will be leaving for Air Force, but if it continues, get a TRO.
And stay safe, girl.
Janet
Actually, she had mentioned the Air Force before, even going so far as to say she wanted to do languages at the Institute down in Monterey. She is out of HS, and in the Midwest, if you don't get out soon after that, you ain't getting out at all.
Quote from: tekla on June 19, 2009, 09:16:14 AM
I'll bet when you come back in 4 years or whatever, this drama will still be playing out.
And I'd bet you're right, Kat. Nothing like small town lesbian-circle bs to go on and on.
KCBB, tekla's right. Get yourself out and don't worry about running, blah, blah.
Go to Monterey if you can, you'll love it. It's about as far from military life as you can get while still in the military and the language instructors are top-notch.
For the phone harrassment report the calls to your provider and request that they block the numbers from calling you. Or, actually, depending on your phone, you can block them all. If they get into property-destruction then the local police will be the way to go.
Hardball deserves a good bat. :)